31. Chapter 31
Chapter 31
Lilli
The next day, once we’re out of the house, I grab Rachel’s arm and force her to stop. She glances away, working her jaw and I hiss, “Where were you last night?”
”Nowhere,” she says, and I shake my head.
“Rae, do you want to end up like me? Or Mir?” I ask and she stiffens before spinning away.
Facing her back, I watch her shoulders heave before she says, “Miriam found love. She’s happy. She’s free. I don’t know what you’re doing, but I’m not going to waste my life in that house when I can be free. I’m taking my chances because I’d rather die than be chained here.”
…Like you.
She doesn’t have to say it, I hear it in her brittle tone, and dropping the subject, I brush her shoulder as I pass and head toward the school.
Her words hit home though. I understand her need because it’s mine too, but I’m not giving in, I’m just waiting it out. Right?
My steps slow and Rachel catches up to me. She slides her arm through mine and says quietly, “I’m sorry.”
Pulling away, I say, “Don’t be.”
The remainder of the week flies by. Since I have to pee every two seconds, I know Rachel was gone three times this week. Where does she go and with whom?
I hope it's some harmless teenage boy but without asking, I’ll never know. Still, I’m upset by her cruel insinuations and haven’t said much to her beyond the obligatory conversation required in front of our parents.
It’s Friday, midnight and I’m sitting on the floor beside my bed, staring at the phone. Apparently, Miriam and Duke are getting married.
I know it’s a risk and I shouldn’t ask but I would really like my sister to be there. It’s at the clubhouse though. Since I don’t know what happened and you won’t tell me, I have no idea if I’m asking too much…I planned it during Mama and Daddy’s scripture time. If you can get away, I’ll send someone to pick you up….
It’s a risk for too many reasons to count. If Mama and Daddy catch wind of this, I’m toast. I’ll have to face Wolf and his distaste which brings me no pleasure, but I have to make a decision.
I can’t stay here forever. I have a new life to consider and no matter what I do, it’s not going to thrive under the Abernathy roof.
At a minimum, I can try to see if Wolf will talk to me. It’s only fair that he knows the truth. If that doesn’t pan out, well, I have a thousand dollars to start.
On Friday evening, I leave Rachel at the “library” and rush home. It’s not ideal but I can’t leave Mercy alone, so I lead her through the park with a weird thrill of both excitement and fear.
Mercy was wary of walking through the woods, no surprise, but when I assured her that we were meeting someone who would be taking us to see Miriam, she readily agreed.
Now as we approach the curb where I first met Duke and Darcy used to pick me up, a swirl of emotions rushes through me. Anticipation. Sadness. Fear.
So much has happened since that long ago night and yet, in some ways, I’m still stuck right where it all began.
I’m not surprised, but I am disappointed when I see Maddox idling at the curb. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes as I usher Mercy into the back seat before sitting beside him. Disapproval rolls off him in waves, and I can’t tell if it's because of what I did with Wolf or bringing Mercy. Either way, I can’t change it now, so I ignore him.
Mercy is practically brimming with excitement, and I smile when we arrive, and she jumps from the vehicle. I’m hoping this isn’t going to be an X-rated party and for the first time I’m uneasy about bringing her, but I’m pleasantly surprised when we enter the picnic area to find it transformed into a proper wedding venue.
A white tent covers the expanse of grass leading to the stage with seating on each side and an aisle for Miriam to walk down.
Flowers overflow pots strategically placed to accentuate the gold bows and matching drapes, shading the sun now beginning its descent in the sky.
I’m graced with a few weird looks that I ignore because I knew we wouldn’t have time to change before we got back and if we happen to be a little late, I can pretend we were out for a walk. All of which will be more believable if we’re in our expected garb.
Still, I feel more the reverend's daughter in my plain black skirt and white button-down shirt as the women parade past in tiny skirts and even tinier shirts.
I spy Toni across the way but freeze when she meets my gaze. For a moment, I forgot about our last encounter, and with a twinge of guilt, I avert my eyes at her cold stare. I guess I have an ever-growing list of haters which brings me no pleasure.
Mercy waltzes around the tent, touching the pretty bows and sniffing the flowers,
Thankfully, this teenage girl amuses the women, and no surprise, she wins them over with her sparkling blue eyes and kind heart. Of all of us, Mercy remains the purest and I suppose that’s because the three of us who came before her, each tried to shield her from reality.
When my neck tingles, I know it’s Wolf. I tilt my head and glance sideways, confirming his presence. His eyes skate over me before he turns away.
Rubbing my aching chest, I wonder if it's worth it to try and tell him about my condition. He must hate me. Maybe he’ll hate this poor baby too.
Thoughts of which make me dizzy, and I collapse into the nearest chair before leaning over my lap. It’s strange to say because I’ve been freaking out about this since I learned of it, but I know to my bones that the love I feel for this baby goes beyond anything I’ve ever felt before.
To think Wolf might not have the same emotions is soul-crushing.
“Lilli?” His deep baritone slides over my skin and I shiver before looking up.
“Yeah?”
Wolf’s eyes flicker and he frowns before saying, “C’mon, your sister wants to see you.”
Nodding, I stand but grab the back of the chair when dizziness assails me. Wolf raises his hand before he clenches his fist and drops it back to his side.
Stepping in front of him, I hide my hurt behind my fist and say, “Mercy.”
She’s unsure about Wolf, I see it in her eyes, but eases some when he says, “C’mon kiddo, let's go see your sister.”
Thankfully, nothing dastardly is happening in the living area and I breathe a sigh of relief as we climb the stairs and stop before Miriam’s door.
The last time I was here, I spotted Hand outside the window and rushed away only to leave altogether to save my sister. I don’t regret it, but I do wish things had worked out differently.
Wolf walks away as soon as Miriam opens the door. She’s alone inside and I push away a pang of sadness that she still hasn’t made any friends before summoning a smile.
”Mir!” Mercy shrieks and Miriam laughs, grabbing her hands. “You look like a princess.”
She does, with her pretty dark hair arranged in braids around her head and the length hanging down her back in curls. Her white satin dress ends at the floor, hugs her precious baby bump, and shows just enough cleavage to be sexy but not overdone.
With minimal makeup and shining eyes, she takes my breath away. Pulling her into a hug, I say through a throat thick with tears, “You’re so beautiful.”
”Thanks, Lil. I’m so glad you’re here.”
”There’s nowhere else I would rather be,” I say, squeezing her hand.
She leads me toward the bed, and I eye the dress laid out. It’s pale pink, strapless with a pretty bow at the waist.
“I want you to be my bridesmaid,” she says. “You too, Mercy.”
Mercy shrieks her joy, and I touch the satin before saying, “What about Mercy?”
I don’t see a dress for her and I’d rather she has the experience. She deserves these moments because they’re so infrequent anymore.
“I’ve got just the thing for Mercy,” Miriam says, pulling her to the closet.
Later, as I stand at the start of the aisle and avoid the hostile stares of Wolf’s brothers, I push aside thoughts of what it would be like to walk down this aisle toward him.
Although a sweet fantasy, his eyes wouldn’t go wide like Duke’s do when Miriam stops behind me. His mouth wouldn’t drop. He wouldn’t mouth I love you and I wouldn’t whisper, as Miriam does, “I love you, too.”
Miriam found a pretty gold dress in her closet. The thin straps give it some modesty while the hem falls a little longer on Mercy’s shorter frame. Still, as she walks down the aisle as though she was made for it, I see the womanly curves beginning to form in her body.
Soon, she‘ll be fighting off the boys and I shudder to think what Mama and Daddy will do when that time comes.
Miriam touches my shoulder, and I snap out of my daze. I’m next. I hate being the center of attention, especially knowing that these people hate me, but this is Miriam’s day and her moment, and I refuse to ruin it for her.
Once I’m at the front with Duke opposite me, I turn to Miriam. A song I’ve never heard before starts and she slowly makes her way down the aisle with eyes only for Duke.
Wolf stands behind Duke and I avoid looking at him when Miriam stops and faces her soon-to-be husband. The words of the preacher bring me back to the present and I glance up confused.
“Dearly badass brothers, ol’ ladies, and friends,” he begins. The man glances at me and winks before turning back to the bride and groom.
I guess I thought they would be married by an ordained someone, but it would seem, they've chosen to speak their vows in front of an MC brother.
With a smile, I bow my head and listen to the oddest wedding ceremony I’ve ever attended.
When my skin tingles, I look up, meeting Wolf’s stare. His eyes bore into mine before he looks away, his mouth curling into a frown.
Ignoring the tension and my bruised heart, I shift on my feet. I’m wearing a pair of Miriam’s heels and as usual, they kill my feet. But I’m also battling the mother of all heartburn, and I’d like to sit down.
“You may kiss your ol’ lady.”
Shouts erupt from the audience and Mercy squeals, clapping her hands. With a laugh, I wrap my arm around her shoulder, warmed through when she hugs me tight.
Miriam turns to me with shining eyes. I hand her the bouquet and Duke lifts her into his arms before carrying her back down the aisle.
Wolf steps up and our arms brush as we follow. Thankfully, Mercy is enough of a distraction that I manage the short walk.
Miriam insists on pictures, and I know our time is ending. I don’t want to leave. I want to celebrate this special day with her, but we can’t risk being late.
Wolf stands stiffly beside me during the pictures with Mercy to Miriam and Duke’s left. Subtly, I breathe in his scent and sigh.
Images dance over my vision. Wolf’s bright eyes as he promised to light the world on fire to keep me. The way his mouth curled in a snarl when he slid inside and took me to heaven for the first time.
My skin tingles and I shiver in the balmy air. I ache for a single touch but come away empty when the guy taking the photos waves us away and Wolf immediately heads for the bar.
“We have to go soon,” I say when Miriam approaches. Her smile fades but she nods, hugging me close.
“Thank you,” she says.
“I love you.”
Sniffling, she twirls Mercy in her arms, and I wish I had a camera to remember the moment. Although it would be dangerous evidence of our insurrection.
This is my last chance to speak to Wolf before we have to change and go. I make excuses about needing the bathroom and search through the crowd.
When that yields nothing, I step inside. It’s quieter here, which is why it’s not hard to spot Wolf in the corner, sitting in a chair with Melanie on his lap.
They’re clothed and she’s writhing around but I know this is a prelude to what’s coming. He knows I have to come through here to change. He’s not hiding a damn thing.
I must make a sound, however small, because he opens his eyes and glances my way. His lips tilt into a frown and his eyes, those icy eyes burn my soul.
The bile I’ve been pushing back for hours makes an appearance and I rush toward the kitchen before leaning over the sink.
Since I haven’t eaten all day, it’s mostly acid that burns a trail up my esophagus and leaves a nasty taste on my tongue.
Shuddering helplessly, I heave into the sink before turning on the water and washing the evidence away.
When I feel a breeze at my back, I stiffen, but when I look up, I’m alone.
I’d like to hide in here forever, but we have to go, which is why I march back into that room militantly and falter because they’re both gone. I have no explanation, but I’m not about to look a gift horse in the mouth and turn when Mercy busts through the door.
Her sad smile is back in place, and I try to explain what she already knows but she stomps past me.
In the room, she won't look at me and I’m too weary to argue.
Miriam is waiting by Maddox’s car to say goodbye.
After another tearful series of hugs, we leave. The closer we get to the park, the more my urgency grows. If our parents stayed until the end, we should be fine, but if they didn’t…
I’m creating excuses in my head when Maddox stops at the curb by the park.
“Thanks,” I say and pull back the seat for Mercy to exit.
She keeps going without waiting and I call out, “Mercy!”
Which she completely ignores. Shoot.
I go to close the door and Maddox says, “Lilli?”
When I lean down and look inside, he holds out an envelope. “What is it?”
”Just take it,” he says, and I grab it from his hand before stuffing it in my bra. I’m uneasy about Mercy walking through the park alone and waving my thanks, I rush after her.
We make it home with plenty of time and I retreat to my room where I’m dumbfounded to find that Maddox gave me an envelope of money. A lot of money.
Wolf
The party is in full swing when I walk away. If I stay any longer, I’ll just be a buzz kill and that’s the last thing I want for Duke’s special day.
When Lilli arrived earlier with Mercy in tow, I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was already a risk allowing Lilli but to bring the youngest Abernathy girl was foolish.
Despite my antipathy toward the lot of them, Mercy with her pretty blue gaze and mischievous smile brought a twinkle to Miriam’s eyes.
I don’t pretend to understand these women, but I acknowledge that there’s is a rough road and sometimes when you have few choices, the ones you make are the worst of all.
For the first time since I met Lilli, the vibrant innocence was gone, and her wide-eyed look of wonder replaced by a weariness that pinched my chest. Further, she looked tired.
Perhaps living the safe, clean life she insisted upon wasn’t all that she hoped for.
On the way back to my room, I grab a bottle of whiskey. At the base of the stairs, I pause when Maddox says, “You’re a real fucking tool. You know that?”
Clenching my jaw, I stare at the wall. Don’t do it. Do not fucking do it.
“Big fucking man taking it out on her. You don’t deserve her, man,” he sneers.
Dropping the bottle, I spin around and shove him back. He smirks, raising his arms wide, and I bark, “Oh? Who does deserve her? You?”
Maddox cocks his head, his brows slam over his eyes and he growls, “Well, it sure as shit ain’t you.”
That’s when I rush him. He grunts when I tackle him and wraps his arms around my waist. We roll on the floor while I pound my fist anywhere, I can make contact. Returning the favor, his fist rebounds off my jaw and I grunt.
If this fucker thinks he can take what’s mine…fuck.
When I rear back, I take another blow to the head before Joker roars, “What the fuck are you doing?”
I roll to the side and push to my feet, ignoring Maddox panting on the floor.
Joker grabs my arm, but I push him off, grab the bottle of whiskey from the floor and go up the stairs, ignoring Maddox as he says, “You’re a fucking coward. A stupid one too.”
As soon as I reach the landing, I see Melanie waiting down the hall beside my door. She’s crossed her arms under her breasts, which emphasizes the milky, fake as fuck globes.
“Hey stranger,” she says, “want some company?”
Visions of Lilli leaning over the kitchen sink, her thin shoulders trembling cross my mind, and I shake my head.
It’s maddening really but Melanie doesn’t make my dick hard. What Lilli saw was a desperate man trying to forget, but all the while, I was painfully limp.
Just as well though, we should believe the lies because anymore, the truth is hard to swallow.
I leave Melanie pouting in the hall and collapse onto the bed in my room before rolling to my back.
How the fuck did I become this pathetic ass creature?