2. Willow
TWO
Willow
My hands were shaking as I lifted the cover off my body, pushing it slowly down my body, revealing the thick white swathes of gauze that covered my wounds. “I saw my wounds,” I told them both, my voice no more than a whisper. “It made me almost vomit.” I looked up at Doc. “Remember?” When he nodded, I felt myself nod in response. Good, I hadn’t imagined that. “So…what are you saying?”
Standing, he gently helped me peel back the layer, the look in his eye telling me to look at my stomach. Bracing myself, I looked down, expecting the worst. I looked up at them in shock from the sight of my almost healed skin.
“Doc!” Fear gripped me as I clutched his arm. “What the hell is happening? I’m still… Oh my God, am I still human?” Because there was no way on God’s green earth that I should be looking at my life-threatening wounds of one week ago and now seeing they were almost healed completely. “Cannon?” I looked up at the alpha, who was also studying my wounds with a frown. “Did I become something else?”
“You’re still human,” he assured me with a quick smile.
Doc covered me gently. “Definitely still human,” he confirmed. “Caleb’s blood didn’t change that. It’s just… Well, it’s just his blood did something , and I’m not quite sure what.”
“He forced his blood into me, not knowing if it would heal me?” I asked as my mind reeled, struggling to process the enormity of what they were saying.
“An act of desperation,” Cannon murmured, and I couldn’t tell if he meant to say it out loud.
“He only wanted to save you,” Doc confirmed with a sharp look at his alpha.
“Has this been done before?” I asked them both.
“Yes,” Cannon spoke clearly. “And failed every time. We don’t know why it would work on you when it’s never worked before.” He saw my look, and the corner of his mouth hooked up slyly. “You think our ancestors haven’t experimented?” he asked me. “How do you think we know so much about ourselves? Only the Goddess gives us the magic to heal quicker and heal completely through the shift.”
“Only two full-blooded shifters can make full shifters,” Doc reminded me, and I heard the resigned bitterness in his voice.
“Is Caleb in danger?” They both looked confused by the question. “Is there some, I dunno, pack law that prohibits him from doing this?”
“There will be consequences,” Cannon told me sagely. “But his actions and behavior were heading that way anyway.”
“Where is he?” I’d really tried not to ask after the first time when I’d been met with such suffocating silence I hadn’t asked again. “Do you have him? Is he here?”
“He’s gone, Willow.” Doc looked at me with sympathy. “He left after…after he thought you were dead.”
I felt my eyes widen as I looked at him incredulously. “He thinks I’m dead ?”
“He didn’t stick around to find out,” Cannon growled, his eyes flashing with anger.
“We need to find him!” I tried to sit up but flinched with pain. “Why am I so sore if I’m practically healed?” I demanded of Doc.
“Because your body is in conflict with itself,” he told me, but I saw his hesitancy.
“You have no idea, do you?”
Doc shook his head. “I don’t,” he admitted. “Not fully. The fact you’re alive at all, I can’t even explain that. But I saw it. I witnessed it with my own eyes. Your body started to heal, the skin knitted together and then it just stopped as suddenly as it started.”
“And now?” I heard the tremor in my voice, and I knew I was going to freak out.
“Now, I think your mind is trying to catch up.” He shared a look with Cannon. “The damage that was done is almost healed, but it’s like your brain never got the memo, so it’s still processing the pain you would have felt, not realizing that you’re healing has bypassed it.”
My chest felt tight. The weight of it all, and Caleb thinking I was dead, was too much. “I don’t think I can handle this,” I told them both. “It’s too much.”
“It is a lot,” Cannon agreed. “I’ve reached out to the shaman. Hopefully, he’ll know more.”
My attention was on Doc, whose head was down. “I’m a medical marvel?” I tried to joke—God knows why, none of it was funny.
He looked up and offered a weak smile. “You understand why Lily can’t stay?”
Because my near-death experience had been fast-forwarded several months to almost being right as rain? Yeah, I got it.
“Tell her I got an infection,” I repeated what I said earlier. “Tell her I must be quarantined. Open wounds and things, they freak her out. It’s why she’s so good at leaving when you check the bandages.” Leaning my head back on the pillow, I closed my eyes. “Use lots of medical terms. She’s not stupid, but it’ll remind her you’re the professional.”
“The fact you protect our secret is appreciated by us all,” Cannon told me as he stood, and I saw he meant it. “Don’t underestimate the gratitude we have to you for that.”
“There’s no need,” I murmured, embarrassed. “It’s never been my secret to tell.” My body itched. “The itching?” I asked Doc, eager to change the subject. “It’s his blood, isn’t it?”
He nodded slowly. “I think so. But…I don’t really know.”
There was a lot they didn’t know. That I didn’t know. Did the shaman? Did Caleb? He must have known something before he did such a thing as shove his blood down my throat. Shouldn’t he have?
Or was it an act of a desperate man?
My hands curled into fists, and the ache in my body flared as I struggled to make any sense of it.
And once more, I was left with more questions than answers.
Lily was not happy about going, but she didn’t protest too much. She understood the severity of the situation, and when they told her I would be transferred as soon as it was safe to do so, she quieted down.
Of course, I was “infected,” so she couldn’t come and see me to say goodbye, which sucked. Doc told me he gave her all the medical jargon to convince her to go, and Cannon had added that I was stressing out about my business. Which was only true when he mentioned it to me. I’d forgotten all about my store.
How? This was my livelihood; how had I been so quick to forget it for a guy? I mean, was I really that shallow? Or was Caleb really just that thought-consuming? I hated that it was probably the latter.
I watched the door more than I should have. With Lily gone, the days had gotten lonelier. Doc was in and out, but he was clearly uncomfortable when he sat down to “spend time with me.” It didn’t help that my brain still thought I was in excruciating pain when I wasn’t. My blood and Caleb’s blood were mixing, and from the feel of it, it wasn’t blending well. The itch was still there and still getting on my very last nerve.
However, Doc’s company was better than no company. Alone with my thoughts may be worse. The silence was becoming oppressive, thick, and suffocating. I knew I should be relieved. I knew that being alive and breathing and not hanging to life by a thread were all things to be grateful for, but…I couldn’t lose the knot of anxiety that twisted tighter and tighter in my chest.
He was gone. Again.
The idea he was out there thinking I was dead? Fear filled me at the thought of how lost he would feel. My hands trembled as I pulled the covers up and around my shoulders, the cold of the room seeping into my bones. He always said that shifters ran hot. Why didn’t I get that perk as his blood coursed through me?
His blood. I still couldn’t fully wrap my head around it all.
He had to know something about giving humans blood before he tried it. It was such a desperate act for someone like him. He was so steadfast and stern. They were being tight-lipped about it, but I was pretty confident that blood sharing was not something the pack law allowed.
The whole thing was a nightmare. Something that couldn’t possibly be real. But the ache in my body was very real, and so was the lingering itch beneath my skin, reminding me with every moment that I was no longer the same.
Not entirely.
Tentatively I ran my fingers over the bandages that still protected my wounds from the what? Air? Elements? I was in a place where there were no diseases, well, not infectious ones. Were the bandages for show? So my poor human brain didn’t freak out completely?
I wanted Caleb. I wanted him here. I wanted to ask him what the hell he was thinking, and I wanted him to know I was okay.
I thought I knew him. I did know him. He was the man who’d stood beside me, protected me, and cared for me, even when his own demons threatened to tear him apart.
Swallowing hard, I blinked away the sting of tears. I hated this. The not knowing. The constant push and pull of my emotions warring inside me wasn’t helping. It kept my head spinning. Caught between thankful and confused, I was close to losing it altogether.
Puffing out my cheeks, I exhaled slowly. I needed to stop dwelling. This was what it was, the actions were done, and I had to learn to live with the consequences, if there were any. I was still human, people got blood transfusions every day, and I was no different. Moving in the bed to get more comfortable, I couldn’t ignore the slight hum under my skin. It was subtle, lying under the not-so-subtle itch, and when I concentrated on it, I felt…something familiar.
Something that felt a lot like a connection to Caleb.
It was familiar yet alien. Was I manifesting an awareness of Caleb, desperate for a connection to a man who was no longer here? Or was I actually connected to him? All I knew was I couldn’t put it into words, but it was there.
And Caleb wasn’t.
The ache in my chest wasn’t just physical, it felt deeper. It felt raw . If I closed my eyes, I could still feel his arms around me that night. I could still hear him beg me to stay with him, his cry to Luna that she save me.
Had she listened?
I was here, wasn’t I? But why would she listen?
I wanted to ask Caleb, but he had left. Doc said that he walked in on him, but why would Caleb flee? Was he scared of the consequences? Or had he thought I was gone and didn’t want to stay where another person he cared for died?
That made more sense. Shadowridge Peak held so much heartache for him—was my “death” the last straw? I remember telling him that I didn’t blame him. But Caleb would feel guilty. I knew he would. How many times had he pushed me away, believing he wasn’t good enough, that he was too broken? For him to be the one who caused the hurt, he would be suffering more under his own hand than anyone else.
I needed someone to find him and tell him I was okay. I hadn’t lied to him, I didn’t blame him, I wasn’t angry. But I was hurt that he left. Deeply. But he had saved me, and as I felt the hum under my skin, I was beginning to think he’d left more than his blood with me.
The fact he had left pissed me off, but I was content to scream at him when he stood in front of me once more. Plus, I wanted to ask him if he felt this weird connection too. It was more than when I drew him, this was constant.
Always present.
Unlike him.
“What have you done?” I whispered into the empty room. “Can you feel it, too?”
The link between us had been there from the start, but I knew now it was something more. Something I needed someone to explain to me. Would it always be there? Would it cause the connection to get stronger? Would it haunt me, always pulling me back to him? And him, me? Could he feel it? And if he could, did that mean he knew I was alive, and was staying away anyway?
Because that would really piss me off.
What annoyed me off even more was how much I missed him. I kept expecting him to walk through the door and tell me that it would be okay. But that would probably be just another of his lies.
“I’m exhausted,” I told the empty room. “I close my eyes, and I see you. I hear your fear. I can’t escape this pain, this phantom pain because I’m practically healed. What did you do? Do you even care?”
The sound of the door opening snapped me out of my misery. My breath caught as I waited to see who was coming into my room.
But it wasn’t Caleb.
Ned grinned at me when he saw I was awake. He crossed the room in a few strides, taking a seat as if he belonged there. “I’m getting déjà vu. Me in a seat, and you in a hospital bed.”
“I’m predictable, right?” I joked, pleased to see someone new.
“You being in a hospital bed shouldn’t be so familiar,” he admonished. “You good for me to sit awhile?”
“Definitely, I could use the company.”
Ned settled into the chair, his manspread unencumbered. “You making yourself miserable?”
“You know me too well,” I muttered and saw his wide grin. “Shut up.”
“I want to tell you he ain’t worth worrying about, but I won’t waste my breath.”
I knew I looked surprised because Ned laughed. “It’s complicated,” I argued.
“No, it isn’t.” Ned kicked his feet up onto my bed, ignoring the fact his boots were dirty and my legs were in the way. “He hurt you, freaked out, and disappeared. Leaving you dying. You’re lucky Doc decided to turn back.”
Which was all true, but he’d also healed me. Did Ned know that? I wasn’t sure, and I wasn’t going to be the one to tell him if Cannon hadn’t.
“Have you been to Shadowridge Peak?” I asked instead. “Have you been one of the ones to look for him?”
“Nope.” He met my look. “Let his ghosts have him, I say.”
“Ned!”
“What? The guy’s a mess. You have enough to worry about without worrying about a lost shifter.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Why?”
We were in a stare-off and although Ned was challenging me, he wasn’t being aggressive about it. His eyebrow quirked the longer I stayed quiet, and I rolled my eyes at him.
“I don’t know what to do,” I confessed.
Ned studied me for a long moment and then sighed loudly. “Do you want me to go after him?”
“If he doesn’t want to be found, it will make no difference.” I couldn’t meet his gaze. “Did they tell you what he did?”
“Fucked you up and then decided to give you a blood donation.”
I winced at the bluntness. “Wasn’t sure you knew the last bit.”
“Cannon told me. He is not happy with your guy.”
“I know.” Plucking at a thread on my bedsheet, I avoided the harsh truth of Ned.
“Well, if you’re worried he’s affected you, don’t.” Ned stretched back in the chair. “You’re still agonizing over every little detail; you’re definitely still you.”
I laughed, I couldn’t help it. Ned grinned at me, and I felt better. “You’re a bad friend,” I scolded.
“Bullshit. I’m the friend you need to tell you, in no uncertain terms, you’re wasting your time on him.”
“Am I?”
Ned frowned but said nothing,
“If you went to look for him, you could punch him…for me.”
Ned gave me a look of appraisal. “For real?”
“Totally, you could say I specifically requested it.”
“You want me to punch him?”
I laughed again. “Punch him? I want you to kick his ass right off that mountain.”
Ned stood in one fluid motion. “Now there’s the girl I know.” Leaning forward, he placed a hand on my arm, his touch gentle, as he looked into my eyes. “Willow, I will gladly go and find your man and beat the shit out of him. For you.” His eyes danced with laughter, and I couldn’t hold back my grin.
“You’re going to enjoy it, aren’t you?”
“I’m going to love it,” he told me as he walked to the door. “He deserves it. You don’t. And I am quite happy to be the one to tell him.” At the door, he looked at me. “You’re still you, nothing’s changed.” With a wink, he left me.
I wanted to believe that. I really did. But deep down, there was a part of me that wasn’t so sure anymore.