28. Caleb
TWENTY-EIGHT
Caleb
“Do you want to come inside?” Willow asked, her fingers running over my arm. “There was some stuff left over from the last time I was here. I can make you breakfast?”
She opened the door to Nell’s cabin, and I saw a throw from a sofa or somewhere, lying on the floor, poorly covering the crimson stain of Willow’s blood. “You slept in here with that reminder of what I did to you on the ground?”
Willow turned to look. “It’s just blood. I got more”—she squeezed my hand—“thanks to you.”
“Why do you accept me so readily?” I asked her in wonder.
“Everyone has faults, Caleb. Some people’s just make you sit up and take notice more than others.”
“I gutted you like a hook knife through a fish’s belly,” I blurted, wincing at my crass wording. “How can you tell me that’s a fault?”
“I told you before, I knew it wasn’t your choice to do so.” Her eyes were clouded as she looked up at me. “That night, I could almost hear the shadows whispering to you too. I know how strong the influence was over you.” She smoothed a hand over her belly where her scars lay hidden from my sight. “You may have scarred me, but you also saved me.”
“I think we both know you saved me.”
Willow rolled her eyes and mock vomited. “If you’re going to make it cheesy, you can leave,” she said with a light laugh.
“Okay.” I stepped back. “We need to get you out of Nell’s place. You may be mature enough to be okay with it, but I can’t sit and eat breakfast with your blood staining the floor.” Looking over my shoulder, I scanned the cabins. “Eamon in one of them?”
“No, he took care of those bodies and then said he would be warmer as his wolf.” She peered past me. “I haven’t seen him this morning.”
My conscience nudged me. “I need to go speak to him,” I told her. “See if he’s been in another cabin, found one you can move to.”
“Okay.” Willow headed to the stove and the beat-up old kettle of Nell’s. “I’m making a pot of tea. Don’t be long you need to sleep.”
“Keep the door closed, you need to be warm,” I reminded her.
The early morning light filtered through the trees as I made my way to find Eamon. I didn’t know where he was, but I suspected, and as I made my way to the edge of the clearing, I saw Eamon sitting, staring at the community hall.
He didn’t look up as I approached, probably knowing I’d seek him out when I was ready. I hadn’t been ready, not until now. Willow’s calm presence this morning and her unflinching strength had eased something in me.
Enough to face my past—and Eamon.
He didn’t glance at me as I sat down beside him, ignoring the wet snow seeping through my pants. Looking over at him, I saw the tension in his jaw, the way his gaze sharpened as he waited for me to speak. I had known I was an alpha from as young as I’d been able to understand what an alpha was. Eamon had been marked to be my beta for as long as I could remember. He’d been beside me every step of the way. Right up to the morning I had left our post and raced back to a pack I was too late to defend.
We’d both suffered, and those losses bound us tighter than I had credited. Grief had created gaps in our relationship that I wasn’t sure we could bridge.
“It looks gloomy as fuck,” he drawled, his tone light, but his gaze remained fixed on the hall. “Was it always so fucking depressing looking?”
I snorted out a laugh. “Yeah, it was.”
“Huh.” We sat in silence for a few moments. “So, you finally decided there’s something worth living for?” I saw his signature smirk as he spoke.
“Guess you could say that.” I leaned back, my hands protesting at the sharp sting of snow, and he turned to face me, and I met his gaze head-on. “You followed me?” I didn’t need his nod to know he had. “You’ve been keeping close watch over the years, haven’t you?”
His smirk faltered, and for a brief second, something raw flickered across his face. “Somebody had to.” He paused, gaze steady but edged with challenge. “I wasn’t about to let you disappear from here. Not again.”
Sitting up, I nodded, his words settling heavier than I’d like to admit. “You’ve never been one to pull punches.”
“You’ve never needed me to hold your hand,” he shot back, his eyes narrowing. “I don’t think you deserve her,” he told me bluntly. “But that woman loves you too much to be dissuaded. Goddess knows I tried.”
“I appreciate you failing,” I quipped.
He snorted, his eyes back on the hall. “Asshole.”
“Why did you keep tabs on me for ten years?”
Eamon gave a half shrug. “Truthfully? Habit?” He stood suddenly, brushing the snow off his pants. “As time went on, I thought you’d find your way back. But you kept drifting farther.” He stood back as I got to my feet. “And then, as the years passed, I guess I accepted you died that day too.”
The truth in his words made me flinch, and I took a breath, letting the weight of them settle. “After I was done killing Jonah, and knowing what I had done to them all…it was easier to push everyone away than to face it. Face anyone.”
Eamon’s expression softened, just a hint. “Loss does that to a man. But we all lost something that day. You weren’t the only one grieving. Or left with the scars that a loss of that magnitude does to you.”
“I know.” I met his gaze, the memory of everything we’d been through flashing between us. Eamon hadn’t just been a beta; he’d been one of my closest friends, my brother in arms. And in my grief, I’d shut him out, just like I’d shut out everyone else.
He exhaled, finally letting his arms drop to his sides. “And now?”
“Now…” I hesitated, then took a step closer. “Now, I’ve found something worth holding on to again. And I’m done hiding.” My chest felt tight, but I pushed on. “I shouldn’t have exacted the justice to them that I did. I should have waited for you. For the others. I should have let you all grieve. I took your revenge from you, from them, and I owe you an apology.”
He nodded, sucking his teeth. “And Jonah?”
A rueful laugh left me. “I should have listened to you when you told me he was a backstabbing bastard.”
“Cunt.” Eamon didn’t flinch. “I told you he was a backstabbing cunt. I told you when we were sixteen, I reminded you when we were eighteen, and I told you the night you found him balls deep in Kelly after you asked her to the Luna Ball. Friends don’t do that to friends. I hope whatever you did to him was drawn out and painful.”
“It was,” I confirmed, my mind racing. “I forgot all about Kelly,” I mused.
“She’s in a pack in northern Canada. Got three kids and a husband that strays too far from home if you’re interested.”
“I’m not,” I said with a tight smile. “Her family was never settled here. It was better when they left.”
“So…what’s the point of this? You purging your soul or some shit?” Eamon folded his arms across his chest. He jerked his head towards the cabins in the trees. “She’s human.”
I mirrored his pose. “You have a problem with that?” I knew some shifters would. I would deal with them just like I would any other hater. Swiftly and painfully.
“No.” He snorted. “Not when I see you together. There’s more than just attraction. Have you seen what she draws?” When I nodded, he turned serious. “She’s Luna-touched,” he said, his voice low. “Right? Has to be.”
“I did something,” I blurted. Seeing his eyebrows shoot to his hairline, I hurried on before he could speak. “I hurt her, gouged out her insides when I was deep in the darkness.” Eamon was glaring at me as I spoke. “I used blood magic to bring her back.”
His jaw dropped. “Blood… Are you fucking insane ?” he hissed, stepping closer. “That old mumbo jumbo your gran used to spout?” He was seething with rage.
When I nodded, his punch landed me flat on my ass in the snow.
“You reckless, selfish bastard!” He stood over me, his fists clenched at his sides. “She could have died? Have you not got enough blood on your hands?”
“Fuck you,” I growled, pushing myself to my feet. “She was dying!”
“So you bound her to you with blood magic?” he asked me incredulously. “Did you even know if it was going to work?”
“We’re already bound by Luna!” I defended myself, but I think Eamon knew I was riddled with guilt.
“Goddess, Caleb, she isn’t your mate. She can never be your mate!” he growled at me.
“Then tell me why I can feel her inside me? Tell me why I know what she’s thinking, feeling. I can feel her through the bond.”
“Or you can feel what you want to feel because you are a fucked-up, crazy dick.”
I was going to argue. Instead, I sighed. “Or I’m a fucked-up, crazy dick.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Or…Luna found my mate?”
“A human mate?” He gave me a flat look. “Insanity.”
“You just reminded me I’m crazy…”
Eamon’s lips twitched. “Does she know?”
“Not all of it.”
His look was one of exasperation. “You are in so much shit.” He turned away from me, his attention back on the hall. “Here was me thinking you’d turned a corner.”
“I have.” I came and stood beside him, and we stayed like that, both staring at the hall as I thought about all of the things that had led me here. “I’m having a crazy thought,” I said, breaking the silence quietly.
“That you need to tell her what you’ve done? I agree,” he snapped. When he saw that wasn’t what I meant, his head tilted to the side. “Do I need to run for cover?” he asked me with a slight touch of familiar lightness.
“No.” Turning towards him, I waited until he looked at me. “Let’s burn it.”
Eamon’s eyes widened. “The community hall?” He looked between me and it. “Your father’s father’s something-or-other father built this.”
“My great-great-grandfather, you mean?” I asked him dryly. “So? Let’s burn it.”
“Why?”
“I want to purge my packlands of the death here,” I told him honestly. “This…” I shook my head. “I thought it was a memorial to the dead.” Licking my lips, I chose my words carefully. “It is, but it’s not a memorial to our dead.” I considered the imposing structure. “It’s always been gloomy. Now, looking at it reminds me of what I did, and I don’t need a cabin to remind me of that. I carry that with me, I always will.” I looked back at Eamon. “You in?”
He considered me for a long moment, and then a wide grin spread across his face. “Hell yeah.”
Willow found us a few hours later, sitting in the middle of the clearing, the snow melted from the burning blaze that lit the afternoon sky.
“Oh my God, what have you done?” she exclaimed, eyes wide.
“We’re saying goodbye to the past,” I told her, pulling her into my side and planting a kiss on the top of her head. “You’re cold,” I murmured. “We’ll move closer to keep you warm.”
“Won’t you get into trouble?”
Eamon laughed, taking a pull from a bottle of whiskey he found in a cabin. “He’s the alpha, this is his packland, and no one can stop him.”
She looked up at me, and I nodded. “This is still my territory. If I want to burn it all to the ground, I can.” Eamon handed me the bottle, and I took a drink. I held it out to Willow, who looked between me, the bottle, and Eamon.
“Are you both drunk?”
“Nah.”
“Maybe.”
Eamon rolled his eyes at my maybe . “Never could hold your booze,” he muttered.
“I’m making you both food,” Willow scolded us. “Burning buildings is not how we move on with our grief.” When we both just looked at each other and swapped the bottle between us, she stormed off, muttering about men being idiots.
“I like her.” Eamon didn’t look at me as he spoke. “She’s got spunk for someone so skinny.”
“I love her,” I told him smugly, laughing when he snatched the bottle from my hand. I watched the flames climb higher into the sky.
“Now, if you can keep that woman of yours from knocking sense into you before I do, maybe we’ll all finally find some peace.”
His tone was flippant, but I heard the seriousness underneath. I felt it too. It had been ten years since we last felt at peace.
The crackling wood drew my attention back to the hall. It felt good seeing it burn. It felt right. I could feel the chains of the past burning from me, no longer tying me down.
A flare of fire whooshed up and Eamon and I both jumped back. “Maybe we should have made sure it was contained,” Eamon murmured.
I shook my head. “No, this is a cleansing fire. Luna is watching over it.”
“No more whiskey for you,” he said under his breath, but I still saw him lift his eyes to the sky and dip his head.
“Eamon?”
“Mm-hmm?”
Emotion once more had me in its clutches. “Will you help me clear out the cabins?” I reached blindly for the bottle. “I haven’t been… I can’t go inside them. Not again. Not alone.”
His hand clasped my shoulder. “I’m here.” His hand dropped away. “We’ll do it together.”
“Thank you.” With a deep inhale, my nose filled with the smell of burning wood. “Today, we cleanse the packlands.”
“And tomorrow?”
“We rebuild.” Looking over at him, I raised an eyebrow. “You with me? Or do you want to go? Your choice, I won’t force you.”
“Force me? Try asking me,” he said, taking a drink and realizing we’d finished the bottle. He stepped back and threw it into the flames.
“Will you stay?” I asked, unsure of his answer.
“Willow’s right, you are an idiot.” He walked past me, turning away from the hall and heading to the cabins. “You never needed to ask, Alpha. I’ve been here all along. You’re just finally ready to see it.”
I stood there for a moment, my heart too full to move. The flames danced in front of me, as they burned the tomb of my sins away. I felt a tug on the bond, knowing it was Willow and she was still irked at our behavior. It made me smile. She wasn’t really pissed. I could feel her sense of relief that I was okay too.
Then I felt another tug. Fainter. Slighter. I hadn’t felt that kind of pull in a long time.
Pack.
Eamon disappeared into the tree line, but I knew exactly where he was. Tears filled my eyes as my knees went weak, and emotion threatened to overwhelm me. “Holy shit,” I breathed out, dashing tears away before they had a chance to fall. “Luna…thank you for this gift,” I told her solemnly.
“You better not be standing still back there,” Eamon shouted through the trees. “I’m not doing all the work alone!”
“I’m coming!” I yelled back, sending another prayer of thanks to the sky as I hurried to catch up to him.
“What are we doing?” Willow’s voice sounded from across the way.
“Cleansing the cabins,” Eamon shouted back.
“I can help!” She sounded closer. “I heated up some stew I found in the freezer. Should I bring it?”
“Obviously!” Eamon called back. “I’m starving.”
My smile turned to a grin as I jogged across the clearing towards something I never thought I’d get.
A second chance.