Chapter 13
CHAPTER
THIRTEEN
ASPEN
My therapist says I need to start going out on my own more. I told her it makes me nervous, but she says that if I don’t do it now, I may never do it. It’s important to start facing my fears instead of living in them.
So I decided I would take a baby step. I’m going out on my own, but it’s to somewhere I know Asher will be.
He told me this morning, before he left for the day, that he was working at the bar again. They are doing everything they can to get it back up and running so they can stop using the clubhouse for parties.
I’ll be appreciative of that as well.
After my session with the therapist, I rode back to the clubhouse with Maggie, a plan formulating in my head.
I could take Asher lunch. It would be a good way to spend some time with him while also getting out of the house.
Mind made up, I packed some sandwiches and pasta salad along with a few bottles of water and two large slices of the lemon bar Kim dropped off earlier this week. I noticed Asher seemed to really enjoy it, and I want to show him I am paying attention.
After getting everything into the car, I take a deep breath and head out. At the gate, Trout waves at me with a smile. I wave back before following the directions Maggie gave me to get back to the bar.
That’s the problem with being a passenger princess. I almost never remember how to get anywhere.
At first, it’s not so bad.
That is, until the first car comes up behind me.
I’m doing the speed limit, but the car seems to keep getting closer.
My breathing speeds up, wondering if it is someone after me.
My hands tighten on the steering wheel as they ride close to me for several miles.
As soon as the coast is clear, the car hops over and passes me, making me feel relieved.
The drive is only twenty minutes, but each time a car approaches, I feel that same fear. Each time they pass me, I wonder why I am being so paranoid.
By the time I get to the bar, my nerves are shot. The need to see Asher rides me hard. I know as soon as I do, I will calm down.
Without a second thought, I leave everything in the car and sprint toward the door. I stop and take a quick breath, trying to pull myself together before I push on the door.
It doesn’t move.
I push again, but again it stays closed.
I knock, panic starting to set in.
No one answers.
A car drives by, and I realize how out in the open I am. No one is around. The bar is on a piece of land with no other businesses surrounding it.
This would be the perfect spot to kidnap someone.
Stumbling, I rush back to the car and lock the door. I can’t get myself to start the engine, though. All I can do is try to control my breathing.
The roar of motorcycles hits my ears, but it’s not relief I feel.
It’s debilitating fear.
The number of times I heard the same thing only for it to be the men who taunted me overrides the safety I feel at the clubhouse. Changing my environment changes how that one sound affects me.
I hate how it has me in a stranglehold.
When the bikes pull into the parking lot, I finally suck in a breath.
It’s not them.
The sound cuts off, but I still don’t move. I keep looking forward, trying not to embarrass myself.
Then there is a knock at my window, startling me.
“Aspen, baby. Open the door.” Asher’s voice pulls me out of my head.
I open the door without question and almost fall out of the car in my haste to get to him. He catches me, pulling me into his arms.
“Hey. It’s okay. I’m here. You’re safe,” he whispers.
“Get a room!” Yak yells out.
I tense, hating that anyone else is seeing me like this.
“Shut the fuck up, Yak,” Asher calls back. “We will be right back.”
He keeps his arm around me, pulling me around the side of the building.
I don’t miss Yak’s last words, though.
“Don’t forget the woody hoodie or you’ll have a bun in the oven.”
I start to laugh at his words. I laugh so hard that I start to hiccup. Asher pushes me against the wall before holding me to him as I lose it.
When I finally get myself together, I pull my head from his chest to look up at Asher.
He wipes the tears away from my eyes before kissing my nose.
“Whatcha doing here?” he asks in a light tone.
“I missed you. I thought we could have lunch together,” I tell him.
“You should have called. I would have waited for you here instead of running with the guys to the hardware store.”
That makes my heart soar. He is always so considerate of me. Always putting me first.
I love that about him.
Love.
Such a weird thing. I never thought I would ever feel it. I mean, how could anyone love me when my own mother couldn’t?
Yet here I stand, looking up into the most gorgeous hazel eyes as his concern for me shines through.
I think I could love this man.
The idea hits me like a boulder, but I like how it makes me feel.
I feel different.
Good.
Right.
“What happened?” he whispers.
“I panicked. I feel so out of control.”
“How can I help you?” he asks me, his hand cupping my face.
“Be my anchor. Ground me.”
His forehead falls to mine. “How do I do that?”
“You already are.”
I push up on my toes, pressing my lips to his.
This is where I want to be.
ASHER
Her lips are on mine, and it feels amazing, but my concern for her overshadows it.
She wasn’t here mentally when we pulled in.
When I first saw the car, I wondered who it could be. Then I saw the blonde hair and knew. I was excited.
When I got closer, though, I knew something was wrong. It was like she was here physically, but her mind was elsewhere.
Seeing her like that had both panic and rage flooding my system. I was panicked because I didn’t know how I was going to help her. The rage is for everything she went through that could have caused it.
Then she responded to my voice. She stumbled out of the car into my arms, and I felt her relax a little.
Well, up until Yak opened his big mouth.
I could have smacked him, but he did make her laugh.
I think it helped break her free from whatever hell she was in, so I will give him a pass this time, even if he was insinuating that we were coming over here to do something inappropriate.
I held her for several minutes. I would have held her for a lifetime if that is what she needed. When she finally gave me those bright green eyes, I swear it took my breath away. I could still see the panic there, but there was something else. Something that looked a lot like adoration.
I was at a loss for words for a moment as I wiped away the remnants of her tears. She is such a strong woman. Kind and smart, and here she is looking at me like that.
Then she said I was her anchor. I am what grounds her.
Nothing can make a man feel bigger than knowing his woman looks to him for stability and that she depends on him to keep her anchored in this world.
That’s what she is. She is my woman, whether she likes it or not.
I continue to kiss her slowly, keeping it PG since we are technically in public. When she finally pulls back, she nuzzles into my neck.
I feel whole with her in my arms. As long as she kept clinging to me like this, I could survive anything.
“Are you okay now?” I whisper.
“I am. Thank you for being my anchor.”
“Always, baby. I will always be your anchor, just like you will always be my songbird,” I promise her.
“Can you take a break for a little bit?” she asks, pulling back to look up in my eyes.
“As long as you need.”
She smiles. “I brought lunch.”
“You did? You wanted to come have lunch with me?” I tease her, kissing her cheek. “I think you might like me.”
She rolls her eyes. “Don’t get a big head. I might be a little fond of you, but that could change.”
I chuckle. “You can’t fool me, baby. I’m your anchor. That means you’re stuck with me for life.”
She tries to glare at me, but a smile sneaks through. “You are insufferable.”
“You like that about me too. Let’s go get some food. I want to see what you made me.”
She laughs. “It’s nothing special.”
“I disagree. You made it so it is very special.”
She blushes as she pushes me back before she twines our hands together. I let her lead the way back to the car.
“You borrowed Maggie’s car?” I ask.
“Yeah. I don’t have one of my own yet.”
I make a mental note to get her a car. Panther made me keep more money from the last run. I could take a real cut on the next one and buy her a decent car. I don’t know a lot about them, but Yak seems to, so I will have him show me how to look it over to make sure it’s safe.
The plan is formed in my head by the time she pulls the bags from the car.
I take them from her and lead her inside.
The boys catcall for a moment before getting back to work. I wave them off before taking one of the tables in the corner.
I help her unload everything onto the table before I take the seat across from her.
“This looks good,” I tell her honestly.
“To be fair, all I did was put meat, cheese, and veggies on bread. The pasta salad Kim dropped by yesterday. Oh, and the lemon bars too.” She looks away shyly. “I noticed you liked them.”
I reach across the table, taking her hand in mine as I pull it to my lips.
“I love that you noticed. I take in a lot about you too,” I admit.
“Like what?” she asks, pulling back to take a bite of her sandwich.
“You love the scent of lavender. I think it calms you. You enjoy tea more than coffee, but you will drink coffee if everyone else does. You like fruity candy, not chocolate, and your favorite color is blue. Your eyes light up when you hear a funny joke or something delights you. You attempt to fit in because you never felt like there was somewhere you belonged, but I think that’s changing.
You are starting to show more of who you are instead of who you think everyone else wants or needs you to be.
” I stop after that last bit, hoping it wasn’t too much.
She looks shocked.
“No one has ever noticed that about me. I’ve been a chameleon since I was a kid.
Maggie told me when I came back that she thought a lot of my behavior was because I didn’t like to share.
The truth is, she knew a different Aspen than Rain and Calloway knew.
That’s why I kept them apart. I didn’t want to be caught,” she admits.
“Did you think they wouldn’t like the real you?”
“Honestly?” she asks. “I didn’t think anyone could like the real me.
How could they? I grew up jumping from foster family to foster family.
When I finally ended up with Calloway, he made sure I would stay there until I was eighteen.
He doesn’t think I know, but he paid the Alvez family on the side to keep me there.
I don’t think they had planned to send me back, but he made sure I would have that stability.
Then, for a graduation present, he gave me the money to change my last name to Alstone to match his.
That way, I knew I would never be alone.
He and Maggie are the only constants in my life, but I had already been so determined to be who they wanted me to be that I was scared to show them who I really was.
What if they left me? I couldn’t handle that. ”
“They love you. I know that doesn’t matter for the past, but I hope you know that now,” I tell her.
“I do. Or I am starting to. It is going to take me some time to retrain my brain to trust all these new feelings, but I want to trust them. I know they are real. Maggie and Calloway didn’t need to prove anything to me, but they did.
They showed me that they are going to be here for me no matter what. I’m grateful for them.”
I smile. “I am too. I’m glad you have them at your side.”
“I’m grateful for you too, you know. For more than saving me. For coming and joining the MC and being here for me. You are my safe place. I don’t want you to go anywhere either,” she admits softly.
“I won’t. Feel free to be whoever you want to be. Change as many times as you want. As long as you are happy with who you are, then I am too. I will still be here.”
Her eyes tear up a little before she smiles. “I think I’m starting to believe that too.”
“You should.”
She clears her throat. “Enough about that. You need to eat, and then I want to know all about you.”
That’s how we spend the next hour, trading stories from our childhoods. It all seems surface-level, but I know that we broke down another wall today.
One day soon, I will be in the center with her so that she no longer will need any walls.
She will have me to keep all the bad away.