Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Donovan
Normally I try to get to know the guests as much as I can on the first night, but nothing about this trip has felt normal so far.
It’s as much Derek’s presence as it is the WanderLove group, whose odd dynamic has put me on edge just like the actor has.
We’ve never had a group like this on a trip before, and their interactions are almost painful to watch.
The girls have been more interested in Derek than they have in their prospective matches, and the guys have been fighting hard for the girls’ attention.
Most of them, anyway. Brody still seems to think there’s potential with me, so when he isn’t watching the girls, he’s watching me, all with that almost hungry gleam in his eyes. I’ve done my best to ignore him and keep myself busy, but the beach is only so big.
Now, with the dishes done and put away and the other guides calling it a night, there isn’t much I can do but sit and wait for darkness to fall.
Though the WanderLove gang are doing some sort of speed dating thing where they rotate chairs every few minutes, and the older half of the guests—the college friends—are content to keep to themselves, I almost feel exposed sitting on my own like this.
It’s a feeling I haven’t felt in a long time.
I’m hoping most of that feeling is because Derek has turned out to be more of a barnacle than I expected.
Making dinner with me was one thing, but then he planted his chair next to mine, directing Hunter to sit on his other side and blocking off everyone else’s access to him while we all ate together in a circle.
He ate his fajitas in silence but started asking questions as soon as he got up to help me clean up after dinner.
He asked about the trips Pops used to do before starting Red Earth, about how many trips I guide every summer, and about the other guides who work for Spencer but aren’t on this trip.
I reluctantly answered every question. With thousands of dollars on the line, even if his questions had nothing to do with rowing, it felt like I didn’t have a choice.
Besides, having him at my side seemed to keep Brody away, which was an unexpected blessing, and it strangely got easier to talk as time went on.
Something about Derek’s calm demeanor makes me forget who he is. I didn’t think that was possible, given who he is.
Derek eventually grew quiet after we sat in our camp chairs again and Hunter went to bed, and he’s been writing in his little notebook ever since, seemingly oblivious to the world around him.
I’m curious about what he’s writing in there—I can’t have given him anything super useful in terms of research—but asking would require starting up a conversation again.
I’m eager for some alone time, where I don’t have to worry I might say something I shouldn’t.
Hopefully everyone will go to bed early after the long day and give me some time to enjoy the night sky in silence. Dusk is my favorite time of day, that moment between day and night when the world seems to pause. When I can pretend my life has always been this peaceful.
“If I ask you a question,” Derek says, pulling me out of my thoughts, “are you going to ignore me?”
I smirk at him, unable to hold it back despite a spark of fear that ignites inside me. “What do you think?”
“I think it depends on the question.” He tucks his notebook and pen into his pocket and shifts his chair so he doesn’t have to twist as much to look at me.
Night is settling in fast, so it’s getting harder to track his expressions, but he looks fairly calm and content.
Like he has most of the day. “You’ve been doing this since you were a teen, right? ”
Tension settles in my shoulders, my heart kicking up a notch. “Yeah. I went down my first river when I was fifteen.” Where’s he going to go with this?
“And it hasn’t gotten old?”
Okay, that’s a question I can answer. “No. I love being out here.”
“You belong in places like this.” He doesn’t say it as a question, which brings a sort of warmth to my chest.
I smile. “It doesn’t always have to be a river—I’m happy anywhere if I can be outside—but there’s something special about places like this.”
“You could do this your whole life? Take people out of their comfort zones and into the wilderness?”
“My Pops was still guiding rivers at eighty before we finally forced him to retire.” I chuckle at the memory, how angry he was when Spencer essentially fired him from his own company.
I think deep down he knew his body couldn’t keep up with his soul, and he misses nights in the canyon like these.
I look up, counting a few dozen twinkling lights overhead.
Soon the whole sky will be filled with them.
“He and I are very similar, and I think our souls are tied to the earth.”
It’s a sad thought; he likely won’t ever be in this canyon again.
I change the subject. “What about you? You have a few good years left before you lose your looks, but movies always need wrinkled old men.”
That gets a laugh out of him that makes the warmth in my chest grow stronger, reminding me that I should be keeping my distance. I’m asking for trouble, but curiosity keeps me rooted in place.
Derek runs a hand through his thick hair, amusement still on his face. “My friends would say you are very good for cutting down my ego, Donovan.”
His humility surprises me. This man has every right to have a massive ego, but I don’t think he does. Still, teasing him is too much fun. “Eventually you need to make room for rising stars and let the next generation take over,” I tell him. “People like Jonah James, you know?”
His jaw drops, almost comically. “Jonah James? Of all the… You know he’s literally the same age as me, right?”
“There’s no way he’s forty-five.”
Derek groans, but he’s smiling. “At this point you’re just being mean.”
Just in case he hasn’t figured out I’m fully messing with him, I put on an exaggerated thinking face and hope he can see it. “You’re what, thirty-nine?”
“Thirty-two. Consider my ego sufficiently bruised.”
“But really.” I bring one of my feet onto the seat of my chair, hugging my knee. “Think you’ll stay in acting?”
“Eh.” He scratches his jaw and looks up at the sky. “Maybe. I like what I do, but it…”
I should keep my mouth shut. “It wears on you?”
He nods as a weight seems to settle on his shoulders, leaving his expression almost mournful. “Not the movies, but the fame, you know? The constant scrutiny. My friends are all just as famous as me, but they’ve found ways to live outside the attention, and I haven’t figured that part out yet.”
I get the feeling this isn’t something he tells people on a regular basis; he looks like he’s confessing to the stars, not to me, and he’s hoping that the stars speak back.
A need to help him rises in my throat like it always does when someone comes on the river in search of answers, whether they know it or not.
I’m a firm believer that nature can be powerful and even change lives, and one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from Pops is that sometimes nature needs a little help.
I’ve lost count of the meaningful conversations I’ve had with guests over the years and the ways those conversations have changed those people, big and small.
But I don’t know how to balance fame and regular life, and I can’t be the one to guide Derek through his journey.
Swallowing my guilt, I fight for a way to lighten his load at the very least.
“Want my opinion?” I ask, leaning a little closer. It prompts him to lean in too, and I find myself smiling. “You’re way more famous than your friends, so you might be out of luck.”
Laughter creaks out of him, like it has to work through a few layers of self-pity before it can escape. “Fair point. But I was hoping for more…”
“More what?”
He shrugs, fixing his stare on me. “No advice for me?”
“About being famous? Clearly you’ve forgotten what I said to you in the office this morning.”
“I remember every word,” he counters, fully serious. “That’s why I want to hear what you really think.”
Surprised, I sit up a bit, unsure how to respond to that.
He’s looking at me so intently that I want to hide, but at the same time his searching gaze stirs a challenge in me.
I’ve been giving him too much power over me since the moment we met, constantly on the defensive and reacting in fear.
But we’re in my world now, and this is about him. Not me.
“Oh, I have advice,” I say, though my thoughts are still forming. “But I’m not sure you’ll listen.”
Derek’s eyes narrow. “Try me.”
“What if, and I can’t believe I’m about to say this, your friends have found their happy places because they’ve all found their person?
” I shudder, hating myself for even suggesting that a romantic entanglement could be useful.
But unfortunately I think I’m right. “Liam Connolly doesn’t get into nearly as much trouble as he used to since he met his wife.
And Bonnie Aiken is thriving now that she has Henry McAllister.
Cole Evanson declared his feelings in front of a sold out arena and couldn’t give a crap what people thought of him. ”
Derek shifts closer, practically tipping his chair to one side.
“Exactly how much do you know about me and my life, Donovan Tate?” His voice has dropped into a low growl full of suspicion.
He seems to have used my last name as a weapon, though he doesn’t need to.
I’m the farthest thing from a threat to a guy like him when I want nothing to do with him.
I sigh. “More than I would like, Derek Riley. Do you have any idea how often people talk about you and your life? I guarantee you would have been a hot conversation topic on this trip even if you weren’t here. The matchmade gang is exactly your demographic.”