Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
Donovan
“Well, that was…” Honestly, there’s no good word to describe how I felt while reading that article.
Derek tucks his arm around me, but he’s so tense that the gesture doesn’t feel as supportive as I’m sure he means for it to be. When I look up at him, he looks like it’s taking all of his willpower not to hunt down whoever wrote the article and do some damage.
Where’s a Class V rapid when you need one? Derek would make a flawless run and have the energy to row back upstream to do it again.
“Are you okay?” I ask, drawing out the words because I’m not sure if he can even hear me right now. His jaw is so tight, his eyes stormy and distant.
But the instant he hears my voice, he blinks and lets out a shaky exhale. “Are you okay? That article was…” Clearly he can’t find a word for it either.
That’s when the laughter hits. I’m not usually a giggler, but the laugh that bubbles out of me comes pretty darn close. Derek’s staring at me in utter bewilderment, which only makes me laugh harder, and I have to tuck an arm around my ribs to keep from falling apart as I gasp for air.
“It was complete trash,” I say through my giggles.
“I know,” Derek says forcefully. “But—”
“Even Hot Scoop knows it’s trash!” Finally getting control over myself, I draw a deep breath but quickly slip back into giggling when I see Derek’s face.
He looks like he thinks I’ve lost my mind, and maybe I have.
But it’s only because of that garbage that just assaulted my brain.
When I can breathe again, I plant my palms on Derek’s cheeks and smile at him.
“Honestly, Derek, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone other than Hot Scoop’s writers wrote it.
It didn’t sound anything like their usual stuff. ”
He’s still looking at me like I’m off my rocker. “None of what they said is true,” he says, as if I’m unaware of that fact.
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, so?”
His jaw slides open. “So now everyone is going to think—”
“At what point did I make you believe I care what people think of me?” I tilt my head, daring him to have an answer. I care what I think of me, and that’s it.
He frowns. “You were afraid to read the article, Donovan.”
“I was afraid to confront the realities of my past,” I argue. “That’s not what that was.”
“But they… You…”
Apparently I’ve broken Derek Riley, but I think I might know why he’s so confused. Tucking my good hand behind his neck, I nudge him downward so I can press my forehead to his. “I forgot you don’t have much experience with a tabloid being mean to you.”
Hunter laughs, and I feel inordinately proud of myself for getting that man to loosen up after such a tense morning. Now, if I can just get Derek to relax…
Taking a deep breath, I put all my sincerity into my voice.
“I know who I am, Derek. And maybe if someone on the internet criticized decisions I made as a fully formed adult or said that my parents were in the wrong, I would be a little salty. But making up lies to try to tear me down? If your mother knew me at all, she would know that’s the last thing that would drive me away.
” I tilt my head back to look into his eyes, which are still full of confusion and worry.
“If you’re going to let misconceptions decide who you can or can’t date, let me know now so we can move on with our separate lives. ”
He swallows and clenches his jaw, and I can practically see his thoughts settling behind those pretty blue eyes of his. “That’s exactly what my mom would want,” he mutters, then sighs. “How can I be more like you, Donovan Tate?”
“Spend a significant amount of time in the wilderness. It does wonders.”
A smile slowly spreads across his face, and to my delight, he snakes an arm around my back and pulls me closer. “I just spent a week sleeping on the ground, in case you forgot.”
“You and I have very different definitions of ‘significant,’ Derek Riley.”
Though I’m teasing him, I’m pretty sure his few days on the river changed him more than I could have imagined.
Most people learn something about themselves when they take a trip like that, sparking change and growth that comes over time.
But the Derek holding me close is a different man from the one I met in Chuck’s store a week ago.
That man was guarded and subdued, driven solely by his perfectionism, and I wonder if that version of him would have crumbled under the weight of everything being thrown at him right now.
But this Derek?
I shift one of my hands to his hair, brushing my fingers through the dark waves above his ear as I study his face.
He hasn’t hidden behind a mask with me in days, which means I can see all of his lingering concern, his admiration, his…
Whatever that third emotion is, it makes my heart burn in my chest, and I’m not sure I ever want to look away.
“You’re really okay,” he says almost reverently. Like he can hardly believe anyone could stand by his side in the maelstrom without cowering.
“I’m okay.” I don’t know what I can do about this mess with his mom, but I want to try. If only to give Derek a chance to truly bask in the sun like he deserves.
“Oh!” Janie squeaks. We look over to find her staring at her phone, her face pallid. “She’s here.”
“Who’s here?” Derek and I ask at the same time.
Her eyes go wide when she looks up at Derek, and I’m pretty sure she regrets saying anything because her voice drops to a whisper. “Your mom. She’s down in the lobby.”
“WHAT?” Derek tears away from my hold, stalking toward the door with his hands in fists at his sides.
That’s a bad idea. “Derek!” I shout, racing after him. I grab his wrist, but no matter how strong I might be, he’s stronger, and he just drags me along with him.
Hunter has better luck and blocks the doorway, but he has to ram his shoulder into Derek’s chest to get him to stop.
“Move, Hunt,” Derek growls, and the furious sound sparks fear into my soul. Not for myself, but for anyone who gets in Derek’s way.
“Be logical,” Hunter growls back, sounding even fiercer. He shoves Derek back a step, but I doubt that’s going to be enough to keep him in the room. I’m still gripping Derek’s stiff hand, but there’s only so much I can do to help. “Think this through, Derek!”
“The bane of my existence is downstairs after intentionally hurting my friends and spitting lies about the woman I love, and you want me to be logical?”
I choke on a breath and drop his hand, feeling dizzy. He just said…
Derek immediately loses his ferocity and spins around. “I didn’t mean that.”
He didn’t? The room sways.
Cursing, he pulls his eyebrows low. “That’s a lie. I think I did mean it.”
He’s not helping, and I can barely make a sound as I strangle out, “You think?”
Groaning, Derek looks at Hunter as if hoping for backup, but Hunter is glancing between us, his mouth agape.
Meeting my gaze again, Derek looks slightly sick, and I almost wish he was the unfazed version of himself right now because at least then I could lie to myself and pretend he doesn’t see loving me as a mistake.
“I’ve only known you for a week,” he says, shaking his head. “That’s not enough time to know something like this, especially for me.”
I need to get a grip. This is fine, and I don’t need him to love me anyway. I’ve always been fine on my own. I definitely wasn’t mentally and emotionally preparing myself to dive back into a world I swore to never return to because that’s the only way I can see him after this weekend. This is fine.
I’m a terrible liar, apparently.
I take an unsteady step backward, and Derek’s gaze sharpens as he tracks the movement.
“I’ve only known you for a week,” he says again, “but I can’t convince my heart of that.
I feel like I’ve known you for months, maybe even years.
You came out of nowhere and fit so perfectly with me that it feels like you were always meant to be at my side.
I’m sorry if that’s too much, but it’s the truth. ”
My breath leaves my lungs in a sharp exhale that might have been a laugh if I was in any way capable of processing what he’s saying right now. I knew he liked me. That he was attracted to me. He even inadvertently called me his heart last night. But this is something so much bigger.
“Love,” I breathe, testing the word. It’s so far beyond anything I expected from him, but it fits the feeling in my own chest. “I thought it was just me.”
He runs a hand through his hair. “It sounds crazy, but I…” He stops when my words catch up to him. Words I didn’t mean to say but can’t regret because his whole bearing relaxes. “Wait, do you…”
I shrug, and I’m starting to understand why he fumbled through his explanation after his slipup. I know what I feel, but that doesn’t mean I know how to put it into words. I should try anyway. “I’ve never been in love before. I can’t say for sure if I know what it feels like.”
“You and me both,” he mutters, rubbing the back of his neck. “Donovan, I—”
“It’s my turn to babble,” I complain.
Derek’s lips twist up in a smile. “Sorry. Carry on.”
I can’t help but smile back at him. “I didn’t even want love, especially not from a cocky overachiever with more random skills than can be considered normal.”
“My declaration was a lot nicer,” he says, giving me a playful scowl.
Choosing to ignore him, I continue, “There’s a good chance it was impossible not to fall in love with you this week, Derek.”
His smile wavers. “Because I’m Derek Riley?”
“Because you’re kind,” I counter; he needs to know that his worth has nothing to do with his fame.
“Because you’re curious. Because you protect women from narcissistic creeps and talk to homesick kids in Spanish and take the time to listen before making judgments.
And I feel like I’m still just scratching the surface of the incredible man that you are. ”
He only has to take a single step to cut the distance between us to nothing, and while I expect him to kiss me, he instead wraps me up in an embrace so strong that I feel invincible. Nothing can touch me.
Except maybe Janie’s timid voice saying, “She wants to know what room you’re in. What should I tell her?”
I wait for Derek to tense up again and jump right back into the rage that led to this little dual confession of ours, but he simply releases me and stands up straight, a look of concentration on his face as he tucks my hair behind my ear with gentle fingers.
“I can send her packing,” Hunter offers. Heat blossoms on my face as I realize how close he’s standing to us, which means he likely heard every hushed word we exchanged a second ago.
“Nah. Janie, give her the number.” Derek’s lips twitch, and he gives me a conspiratorial look that makes me nervous. “What do you think about the idea of jumping back into acting?”
My snort of laughter breaks out of me without permission, mostly because he’s not referring to some future project. “What?”
His smile is warm and soft as he reaches out for my hand.
“You can say no. I’ll never make you do anything you’re not comfortable with.
But there are few things in the world I want more than getting a chance to see Nova Tate in action.
” His eyes darken as they trail over me.
“Especially when she now looks like you.”
Gah, I knew Derek was charming, but he just dialed things up to eleven. There’s a good chance I’m going to melt right in front of his eyes. “It’s been a long time since I was Nova Tate,” I remind him. “And don’t you dare say acting is like riding a bike.”
“Okay.”
“It’s not.”
“Sure.”
I groan. “Not everyone is you, Derek! We can’t all nail a scene on the first try, and if your plan is anything like what I think it is, things could go really wrong when I make a mistake.”
Rolling his eyes, he lifts our clasped hands to point at me, then to himself. “You were my idol when we were kids, Tate. You were my idol this week on the oars. You’re my idol when it comes to ignoring public opinion.”
“That’s all well and good,” I say as I start to overheat under his intense gaze and heartwarming words, “but if you think I can face down your diabolical mother and not mess up, then—”
“I’ll love you either way.”
I swear under my breath, those words hitting me like a slap to the face. Then I swear again because he starts grinning like he’s won.
“Come on,” he says, leaning in close enough that his mouth brushes mine. “You’re dying to be in a scene with me, and you know it.” With that, he slowly backs away, letting our hands fall apart as he moves to the couch and sits down.
If he wasn’t absolutely right, I would kiss that smirk right off his pretty face.
Instead, I clench my jaw and stomp over to him, grumbling to myself as I go.
“What’s the plan?” I ask, flopping into the chair farthest from where Derek’s sitting.
“I’m assuming you and I are not madly in love in this ‘scene.’” I use air quotes so he knows I’m annoyed by how easily he convinced me to do this.
He lifts an eyebrow, his smirk shifting into a full-blown grin.
He looks like I just told him he won the Oscar for Best Actor.
Actually, scratch that. I’ve seen Derek win Best Actor, and he didn’t look nearly this excited.
He looks like his inner fifteen-year-old self just got told that he’s starring alongside his longtime crush and can barely contain his excitement.
“Madly?” he repeats with a delighted glint in his eyes.
I narrow my eyes, though my untamed smile contradicts my glare. “I said not madly.”
“You’re madly in love with me.”
Rolling my eyes, I pick up a strawberry and bean him in the head with it, except he catches it before it hits him because he’s Derek Riley. He probably has such excellent reflexes because he played a world-class shortstop in one of his movies. “The scene, Riley.”
Though Janie and Hunter both look nervous, Derek takes a deep and easy breath, looking like he’s never been more ready for something than he is now. “If she really wants me on my own, she’s likely going to try to separate us,” he tells me, dropping his elbows to his knees.
I frown. “Do you want me to let her?”
He winks, which is far more attractive than it should be. “If you think you can live without me.”
“You only wish you—”
Someone knocks on the door, cutting off my sarcastic reply.
It’s like he flips a switch.
One second Derek is the calm and confident man I’ve come to love and admire, and he’s nodding to his bodyguard to open the door.
Then I blink, and in his place is a worn and weary man who seems to be failing to hold his world together.
If he hadn’t been teasing me a second ago, I would almost believe the helpless look on his face was real.
And I can only gape at him, completely wonderstruck.