Chapter 35
Tyler
I thought confessing my feelings to Serena would bring us closer. But it’s been a week since I last saw her after state, and I haven’t heard a word from her. The silence is deafening, and I can’t help but wonder if I’ve messed things up even more. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything else in the parking lot. It’s not like I expect her to confess right away but damn, this radio silence is making me second-guess everything.
Maybe I’ve made things awkward between us. I miss our conversations, the way we’d laugh over our icebreaker answers, even the tutoring sessions that she’d make surprisingly fun. It’s like there’s this void now, and it’s hard not to overthink it. Is she ghosting me? Is she sick? Did something happen? Did I misread our friendship this whole time?
I don’t want to lose what we have. Serena’s more than just a friend to me–so much fucking more–she’s someone I genuinely care about. I wish I could let her know how badly I want us, and how I’m dead set on not messing it up. But right now, all I got is feeling stuck in this limbo of not knowing where we stand .
At the same time, I need to remind myself I should give her space. She deserves space after Beckham’s party, after the rumors, after her cheer competition. Respect her boundaries. But what if that pushes her further away? What if that makes her think I didn’t mean what I said?
Why isn’t there a stupid tutorial guide on navigating catching feelings for a friend?
It’s frustrating. Confessing my feelings was a huge risk, one I thought would be worth taking. Only it feels like I’m left hanging, waiting for a response that might never come.
I wish I was closer to my dad. It’s not that we’re estranged, but we’re just not emotionally available to each other. If we were, maybe then I could get some advice from someone who’s been through it all before. But I know nothing much would come out of it, even if I tried. He’s never been the type to open up about his feelings.
And then there’s my mom. I wish she was here, comforting me with her gentle words and warm hugs. She would know all the right things to say and do. I could hear her practically telling me to buy those pink roses for Serena. But she’s gone, and I feel like there’s practically no one in my radar I could talk to about this.
Jared hates my guts. I don’t even want to look at Beckham for bringing Emilie to the party. Given, he didn’t know, yet I can’t help but try to push the blame to someone else .
I use my last block of the day to hit the student gym on campus since Serena is still MIA. The weight of my confession to Serena lingers in my mind, but for now, I need a distraction. I head straight to the weights area. The sound of my own breathing becomes my focus as I start my workout routine.
With each lift and push, I attempt to push away the uncertainty. And so, the weight bar becomes my anchor, providing a temporary escape. But as much as I try to bury the thoughts, they keep resurfacing.
I increase the intensity of my workout, hoping to sweat out the frustration and confusion. The repetition of the exercises helps clear my head, at least momentarily.
I must be way in my thoughts that I didn’t even notice Elijah finishing up his workout. He approaches me while I switch a weight for another.
Elijah raises both hands in the air like he’s surrendering, “I come in peace.”
“What do you want?” I grit, not in the mood for jokes.
“You good, bro?” he asks with furrowed brows. “You left the party heated and I wanted to check in after…”
“The bullshit gossip online?” I finish for him.
I straighten up my back and run a hand through my hair while the other rests on my hip. He doesn’t leave. He stays perfectly still while his eyebrows raise in search of answers. I avoid his gaze, a worried one I have only recognized before in Jared or Beckham. Elijah and I have never been the type to open up with each other, more like casual what’s up at parties.
I clear my throat, but he seems unfazed by the awkwardness and silence.
“I think I fucked up the best thing to happen to me.” I blurt out.
Elijah’s expression softens, understanding dawning in his eyes. “Serena, huh?”
I nod, feeling a weight lift off my chest as I finally talk about my feelings out loud. “Yeah. I told her how I feel, and now everything’s just... complicated.”
“I get it, man… maybe it’s not too late to fix things.” Elijah’s gaze is steady, his presence surprisingly comforting. “If Serena means that much to you, fight for her.”
“Well, that would be kind of hard when her brother Jared hates my guts.”
“But does she?”
“That’s what I’m not sure about,” I admit and feel my shoulders drop. “I don’t know where we stand.”
Elijah nods thoughtfully. “Maybe you should talk to her. Clear the air, you know? It’s better to know where you stand than to keep second-guessing everything. Say what you want, say how you feel and maybe you both will take a chance with each other.”
His words sink in, and I realize he’s right. “Yeah. Thanks, man.”
“Anytime, dude. I hate to see you down like this, hope it all works out.” Elijah says, giving my shoulder a reassuring pat. “Communication is key, remember that. See ya.”
“See ya.”
We shake hands, then he throws his bag over his shoulder and walks out of the gym.
The doors open again after a few minutes, another person joins me for a workout session. I glance up after I put the weights down to see angry eyes cut my way.
“Jared.”
“Don’t fucking talk to me,” Jared spits out as he heads over to the treadmills.
I haven’t seen Serena in what feels like weeks, months, centuries. I’ve tried calling, texting, and emailing. Nothing. My last resort is adopting a messenger pigeon or owl kind of like what the Harry Potter students have. Or talking to Jared and possibly losing my balls.
I bite the bullet. “Jared, can we talk for a sec? ”
“I’m not in the mood for your crap, Tyler,” he snaps, his eyes fixated on the treadmill controls.
“I get it, you’re mad,” I acknowledge, trying to maintain my composure. “I just need to talk to Serena.”
“I meant what I said, stay away from her.” Jared’s jaw clenches, his hostility palpable. “Besides, why do you even care?”
“Because she’s fucking important to me.” I pause, feeling my heartbeat pulsate through my whole body. “She hasn’t been at school, hasn’t replied to any messages. Either I’m blind and overlooking her everywhere on campus or she’s just really good at avoiding me. Please talk to me, tell me anything.”
He turns back to me and leans against the treadmill. He exhales heavily, locks eyes with me, and I can swear he’s studying every move I make.
“I know she’s important to you.” He finally says.
“Then help me out.”
Jared stills for a moment. He licks his lips and runs a hand through his forehead in hesitance. “Look, man… We don’t want her to get hurt again. She’s had it tough, and disappointment after disappointment only makes it worse. Just leave her to it.”
“No, but, Jared– ”
“Tyler,” he interrupts, shaking his head. “She just… she doesn’t do well with relationships of any sort, especially romantic ones.”
“What do you mean?”
He licks his lips and looks around, making sure no one’s listening. “The last guy she opened up to, may God fucking protect him because this was before my dad married her aunt, fucking dipped on her.”
“Dipped?”
“Alli told me about this guy, Alex. Serena really liked him. But when she opened up to him one day about her mom, he chickened out. Started dating Emilie on her team and they targeted her. Started a smear campaign and it pushed her out of the team.”
“Emilie?”
“Beckham’s date from the party,” Jared says in a way like I’m a child. “She goes to Mooresville. Her mom was the coach. So, it was swept under the rug.”
I run a hand down my tired face. “Fuck.”
Jared’s expression softens as he licks his teeth and shrugs. “I’m gonna be honest with you, Tyler. I don’t know what’s going on with her. She’s been distant like a ghost and claiming she’s sick. ”
Huh. That explains it.
“Look, I’m sorry for almost chopping your balls off that night. I just,” Jared scrutinizes his eyes on me as he takes a deep breath, “I see you care about her. Maybe more than I’d like, because I’m a bit protective of her, I’m sure you understand why.”
“Yes. I do.”
“I’ve been having to cover her shifts at Boba Republic and I just can’t multiply myself to keep an eye on her. And I don’t trust Beckham now that I know the girl he was all over was Serena’s childhood bully.”
I feel a huge wave of relief rush through me, but before I can say anything back, Jared continues, “I heard her on the phone before I left this morning… sounded like she was making plans to see her mom.”