Chapter 26
26
“We have… how long, exactly?” Saskia asked numbly.
This was the moment to be swift and decisive, she knew, but it was almost impossible to think through the realization that tolled inexorably within her: Everything is falling apart.
Fabian— her Fabian!—was the Archduke she’d hated and feared for most of her life. And now…
“Perhaps twelve hours at the most.” Mirjana looked more haggard than Saskia had ever seen her. Sitting huddled on the couch across the room, she was still wrapped tightly in her travel cloak, despite the warm fire that burned in the hearth of the first-story parlor. Judging by the unhidden shadows beneath her eyes, for once she hadn’t bothered with any cosmetics—or any sleep—before launching into what must have been a desperately uncomfortable carriage journey through the snowy mountain terrain. “We only have that long because the Imperial Corps of Gilded Wizards won’t travel on iron railways and Estarion’s General von Hertzendorff refuses to start the fight without them. Even the Emperor’s high general knows better than to attempt your wall without their aid.”
“The Emperor’s high general… yes, of course.” That would be Gerard de Moireul, the officer who was known across the continent—in honor of his victories and his famously golden hair, as well as his supposed virtue—as the Golden Beacon … and who was the object of Lorelei’s repeated scorn every time he came up in conversation. “How many troops is he bringing in support of Estarion?”
“Too many for us to fight off on our own, even if we can somehow assemble all of our troops in time. The news has gone out to your generals, but in this weather…” Mirjana glanced meaningfully at the flakes of snow that clung to the closest high, dark window.
“Troll warriors aren’t bothered by the snow.” Saskia spoke with only half of her attention; her mind was already racing ahead, forming and discarding plans. Clearly, her first order of business must be to pass the news of this upcoming battle to Lorelei and Ailana, but when it came to her own troops…
“Human soldiers aren’t impervious to it, though. And as none of our neighbors is a committed enough ally to stand by our sides once those mages break your wall…” Mirjana jerked to her feet in a sudden, uncharacteristically graceless moment that brought Saskia’s attention swinging back to her. Holding Saskia’s gaze, she took a ragged breath and then lowered herself, slowly and deliberately, to her knees on the rich red carpet and bowed her head low. “Forgive me, Your Majesty. I have failed you.”
Saskia gaped down at her, dumbstruck.
Mirjana was always confident, always certain in her judgements—but now, her voice weakened with despair. “It was my sworn duty to ensure Kitvaria’s safety in this new world order which I persuaded you into. Yet as your First Minister, after all these months, I’ve formed no alliances solid enough to hold us safe against the Empire’s looming threat. And, more than that…”
She took another gasping breath, then forced herself onwards with what looked like agonized determination. “You were right. Even your librarian, of all people, was right about me! Any decent First Minister would have swayed you by now into using the one great asset we had—your hand in marriage—to cement a strong alliance. I, though… I was so blinded by my own personal hopes and plans, I never even paused to question what might be better for our nation, or grant you the respect of believing what you’d said when you first walked away from me— no. ” She bit herself off with a snap and lifted her head to face Saskia, her eyes bleak. “I have no excuse. My resignation is yours, should you wish it.”
“Mirjana,” Saskia began… and then stopped. Her head was whirling.
Even years ago, when they’d been at their most intimate, she had never been allowed to witness this kind of vulnerability from the other woman. Had Mirjana ever willingly taken blame for anything in their lives or their relationship before?
“No.” Saskia shook her head firmly as she moved forward, reaching out to take her former lover’s hand and pull Mirjana to her feet, to face her as an equal. “ No. You cannot take all the blame. We’ve done this together—and if we’d both been more open with each other, you would already know that Kitvaria has indeed formed solid alliances. Ailana of Nornne and Lorelei of Balravia are only waiting for my call to stand with us against the Empire.”
“But… wait, not them ?” Mirjana shook her head frantically. “Those two may have made you all the promises in the world, but you must know you can’t rely on them! You’ve seen how they behave even in the highest of gatherings. They blatantly flaunt their disregard for social rules! Neither of them cares whom they make into an enemy—”
“But they do care for the security of their nations,” Saskia said. “That’s why they reached out to me to form an alliance—and they’ve proven their loyalty already. Don’t you remember the impact of their display at Winter’s Turning? We have them to thank for the fact that none of our neighbors dared allow Estarion’s troops to use their land as a passageway to invade.”
“But… well, I suppose that could have been the reason. But all the same…” Mirjana stepped forward, one hand held out in supplication. “Saskia, I know I’ve made mistakes, but you must believe me on this: if you publicly commit yourself to those women now, for good, there will be no chance of ever convincing the continent that you are a safe and respectable ruler, the kind the Emperor would never dare to harm for the sake of his own reputation.”
“Then I’ll choose to be a wild and dangerous ruler instead and prove why he should never try again.” Saskia bared her teeth in a fierce grin, gathering magic around her. She could feel her crows assembling in the castle above, pulling themselves away from the last of the festivities (and the last scraps of scavenged food) in answer to her call. With a push, she urged them all towards the library. She would meet them there soon—but first, she had more than one thing to do.
“Rest,” she told Mirjana, “for an hour or two, at least, and eat something substantial, too. I’ll contact Lorelei and Ailana, and I’ll reach out to our generals. There’s nothing needed from you in the meantime, and you’ll want to have all of your wits about you once we make our move.”
Mirjana grimaced. “I would prefer to put myself together first, it’s true.” She started to turn away, then hesitated. “That is… if you truly aren’t asking for my resignation, after all?”
For the first time in years, Saskia reached out to put one hand on Mirjana’s shoulder. All the sparks that she’d once felt were long gone, but the potential for something real and valuable finally shimmered in the air between them. “We’re both learning how to play our new roles,” she said. “Can you bear to give up on making me respectable, if we win this battle and you stay?”
The small, wry curve of Mirjana’s lips was pained… but also the most sincere smile Saskia had seen from her in ages. “I thought respectability would keep our people safe,” she said. “But if you are right and your new alliance saves us… then, yes. For the sake of Kitvaria’s survival, I can learn to bear—and support—a bit of intentional wickedness as well.”
Saskia left Mirjana to ring the bell for Mrs. Haglitz as she strode out the door. She was hurrying towards the closest staircase, ready to contact her fellow queens, when a single crow came shooting out from the stairwell that led to the kitchen, squawking urgently.
“Oskar?” She paused, caught by the panic in the crow’s tone. “Why aren’t you with the others?… Oh.” She let out her breath in a heavy sigh. “Of course.” Fabian— Felix —would still be waiting in her bed with the door closed. No doubt Oskar, as his familiar, must be feeling all of his emotions and be desperate to reach him.
But with this kind of panic as a reaction… Saskia bit her lip. Of all possible moments, this had to be the worst time to allow herself sentimentality.
Still. Even the most devious of dark wizards couldn’t hide his true emotions from a familiar. If Oskar felt that deep an anguish, it couldn’t have been put on as a mere disguise. Felix must be genuinely miserable —not simply disappointed that a clever plan had failed.
And if that was the case…
“Arggh!” With a groan of frustration, Saskia changed her direction, heading for the staircase that led most directly to her own chamber.
She wasn’t postponing the defense of her kingdom; she was being strategic. How could she not include the Archduke of Estarion himself in her calculations?
Felix had told her, hadn’t he, that his initial plan was to offer himself to her as a hostage against Estarion and the Empire as a whole? Saskia’s teeth clenched at the very idea as she swept up her skirts and hurried up the sloping stone steps, ignoring Oskar’s cawing attempts to lead her elsewhere.
She might be a wicked queen, but she wasn’t an actual monster, no matter what her uncle or the rest of the continent might think. The idea that she would ever actually hurt that man, after everything they had shared together in the last few months, not to mention tonight…! Even aside from her promise to Divine Elva, Felix had saved her life when that poisoner had attacked. So…
Wait. She thudded to a halt, catching herself on the closest curving wall.
In all the chaos and emotion of the last hour, that point hadn’t occurred to her before. Why had he saved her life, if he’d been here to undermine her? The Archduke of Estarion had supported her uncle’s assassins for years.
It hadn’t been a move calculated to earn her trust; he’d known she trusted him long beforehand. More than that, no one would have blamed him if she had died from that poison. Morlokk and Mrs. Haglitz had both been adamant in their retellings of the event: Saskia would have had no hope of survival without him. She would have lost her life in her own library if it hadn’t been for his extraordinary efforts in finding the spell that could heal her.
She’d felt for herself the depth of his care as she’d recovered.
None of that made any logical sense at all… unless she remembered those terrible scars on his back and let herself believe. And if she actually believed everything he had told her…
Or if she believed what she’d said herself, earlier tonight, about the gentle, kind-hearted man she’d come to know and— oh, gods, no —to love, just as he’d said he loved her… and if he’d actually meant it…!
A hiccupping sob burst from Saskia’s throat. Horrified, she clapped one hand to her mouth.
Was this what vulnerability felt like, as an adult? Darkness above, this was terrifying! Unbearable. She couldn’t—
Oskar’s desperate caws finally broke through her daze.
“Of course,” she said thickly, “you’re right. There’s no time for nonsense.” Swallowing hard, she dashed her hands across her cheeks.
She wouldn’t be able to hide all evidence of tears—but then, what point was there in erecting a mask now? Felix had already seen into her heart for months.
Scooping her skirts back up, she hurried the rest of the way up the stairs to the closed door to her room, preparing herself for her own moment of truth. She would open the door and say to him…
She would be brave and say…
Oskar’s anguished screech hurt her chest. She pushed the door open, allowing him to fly in first, and then stopped.
Her rumpled bed was empty.
Felix was nowhere to be seen.
Saskia was still standing, open-mouthed, a full minute later when she finally realized that Oskar hadn’t given up. After a quick, exploratory stop at the empty bed, where the disordered sheets and quilt were a raw reminder of its earlier passionate use, he’d flown back, over her shoulder, to the corridor outside and was still calling for her to follow.
Clearly, he wanted to search the castle.
Unfortunately, she knew better. “There’s no point,” she told the crow softly. “He’s left us. You see? He’s run away.”
It was a sensible move. She was the wicked Witch Queen of Kitvaria, after all. When he’d tried to reveal his heart to her, she had refused to believe him. She’d even accused him of being a spy, conspiring against her. Anyone would have advised him to run from her as fast and as far as he could, lest she wreak her revenge in some horrifically gruesome manner.
Saskia had worked hard to build her reputation, and she was proud of it… but somehow, she’d still held out hope that he would know her better.
“ Never mind. ” She whispered the words to herself like a spell to bind her broken heart. There was no time left to give in to devastation.
She had a kingdom to save. She had allies to summon. She could feel all her heartbreak later, in the bleak future that suddenly stretched out before her, devoid of poetry and flirtation, unbending support, and kisses more intoxicating than wine.
Saskia didn’t need gentleness in her life, anyway. She never had.
Lifting her chin, she started in the direction of her study, her back straight and brittle.
Before she could even take the first turn, running footsteps hurtled towards her from the opposite direction. “Queen! Queen! ” Krakk burst into view, panting, his green cheeks flushed nearly brown with overwhelming emotion. “Sinistro—”
“Is gone,” Saskia finished for him. “I’m aware. He was perfectly free to leave, so—”
“No!” he shouted, shaking his head wildly. “Not left. Taken. ”
“ What? ” Suddenly, all the rest of Saskia’s crows were flying towards her, leaving the library behind to prepare for battle. Metal clanging filled the air as the sconces on the walls around her rattled with her fury. “Who would dare invade my castle and—”
“Rainbows, Queen!” Krakk fell to his knees as he blurted, “Rainbows everywhere. All that was left behind after she came for him.”
Oh, Divine Elva … Ice-cold fear flooded Saskia’s veins with her realization.
“Lorelei,” she whispered.
Lorelei knew who Felix really was. That was what had lain behind all of her hints and urgings across the last few months!
What was it, exactly, that she’d said at their last meeting when Saskia had shut her down on that topic? “ I’ll just take care of my own lovely schemes by myself…”
“No!” Saskia turned, not towards her study after all, but towards her laboratory, where all of her most desperate weapons were waiting.
“Tell the others not to worry,” she said over her shoulder. “I’ll be back soon.”
She had less than twelve hours to save her kingdom—but first, she had to save her librarian from her most dangerously unpredictable ally.