18. He said, “I’d give anything to kiss you.”
18
He said, “I’d give anything to kiss you.”
Zach
The suit was too much.
I glanced around the restaurant. The intimate space was crammed to the ceiling, people talking over the jazz floating in the background, a melting pot of different styles, but a couple of guys were suited up. Okay, I wasn’t overdressed, but I could take it down a notch or two. Keep it more casual. Maybe that would help with the nerves.
Who was I kidding?
Nothing was going to help with the nerves.
I shucked my jacket, yanked down my tie, and folded my sleeves to my elbows. I fumbled open another button on my shirt, and another, and attempted to lounge back in the chair, my ankle propped on my knee. Better. So casual.
But my calm veneer vanished when I spotted Eden at the door. I jumped to my feet, bumping the table, water sloshing out of the glass and snaking along the wood until I sopped up the mess with a napkin.
Eden arrived in front of me with a raised eyebrow.
I laughed nervously, rubbing the back of my neck. “H-Hi.” I cringed even as I said it. I was definitely at risk of screwing up again if that greeting was the best I had to offer.
“At ease, soldier.” Eden’s huge smile eased my nerves…just a bit.
I pulled out her chair and hesitated, stuck on what to do next. Usually, I’d kiss her cheek, but I pulled myself back. We weren’t up to kisses yet. This was our first official date—no, re-date . We weren’t at the beginning. There was even more pressure now—I knew what I was risking if I screwed up.
I settled on saying, “You look crazy beautiful tonight.”
Eden waved away my compliment. “Oh, this old thing.” The edge to her laugh seemed nervous. She sat across from me, smoothing her palms down her thighs to erase the wrinkles in her pink wool dress. I tried to smile at her, but she stared back, not even blinking.
“Should I not have said that?” I touched my hand to her knee under the table.
Eden almost jumped out of her seat. “N-No. It’s, um, nice .” Her eyes lingered on my shirt, her tongue darting out over her lips as her gaze dropped lower.
I touched the spot on the buttons she seemed stuck on and glanced down. Was there a stain, or…?
She grabbed the menu and flicked through the pages. “Did you come from work?”
“Straight out of a settlement and into a taxi,” I said. “What about you?”
She shook her head. “I helped out at the youth centre tonight.”
“The one in Belmore?”
“Yeah, you know it?”
“Sure. I grew up around there. I’m from Campsie, remember? My parents still live there.” I skimmed the menu. French. I couldn’t read a damn word. “I didn’t know you volunteered at the centre until a couple of weeks ago when Mum saw some pics of you. You, um…never mentioned it.”
Eden’s eyes only flitted off the menu for a second. “It’s not something I do to brag about. It’s incredibly personal to me.”
What the hell? We’d lived together. “Obviously.” My tone was sharper than it needed to be. I flipped through the menu, not even reading it, just needing the distraction.
“I—” Eden cleared her throat. “I help there because I feel it’s important to give back to the community that helped me. I didn’t grow up like you, Zach.”
“Poor?” That was how I grew up.
“It doesn’t matter what suburb you live in. No one’s poor when they have a family and a proper home.”
“You didn’t have that?”
“I lived in a house with a man who called himself my father. He didn’t act like one, except when he got the belt out to teach me a lesson or two in manners.” She spoke without any emotion and kept her eyes trained on the menu. “I needed a lot of lessons.”
My heart broke. My family was my haven. They were the people I could count on when I couldn’t rely on anyone else. The people who’d never hurt me. I couldn’t imagine what Eden went through growing up if she didn’t have the same safe space to call home. The way she talked about the abuse was so matter-of-fact. Pain barrelled into my lungs and knocked the breath out of me, but I couldn’t just sit there and say—or do—nothing.
The wooden chair scraped on the floor when I jostled it to sit closer to her. I wanted to hold her. Was I allowed to do that yet? Probably not. Instead, I put my hand back on her knee.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you.” My words seemed meaningless years later. “You…left?”
She nodded. Her fingers curled over my hand, and she squeezed until I thought they might snap off. “I ran away. Andie came too. She’s always right behind.” Eden forced a sad smile. “We lived rough for a couple of years, jumping between different share houses and hostels. It was hard to scrape money together during our apprenticeships, but at least we were living on our own terms. No belts for me. No bigotry for Andie.” She squeezed my hand even tighter. “Anywhere was better than where we came from.”
There had been moments in my life when I’d wanted to lash out, punch a wall, yell, but this was the first time the swirl of so many emotions had paralysed me. That man. Some father. Why hadn’t Eden told me? Another emotion crammed in the fractured gaps. Shame. She hadn’t told me because I’d never listened to the small stuff. A truth like this needed to be heard, never ignored. She hadn’t trusted me…until now.
I dropped my voice to a low whisper. “Is that why you didn’t unpack your boxes? You thought I’d be like your father?”
Tortured eyes lifted to meet mine.
“Is he why you’re too scared to turn all the lights off?”
Eden’s head bobbed up and down, and her chin wobbled.
“Come here, Denny Dee.”
I reached for her, but she was already scrambling off her chair, crawling into my lap, and burying her face in my shirt. I wrapped my arms around her.
“I’m never going to be the reason you’re afraid like that,” I said, trying my hardest to keep my voice low and comforting. “I know I hurt you. I know one day I’m going to slip up, say something dumb, do something stupid ’cause no one’s perfect, but I’ll never hurt you. Not like that.”
“I know.” Her sniffle was muffled.
“Thank you for telling me.”
This woman, she was something else. I hated that Eden had lived through hell, but I was beyond proud of her for surviving. Strong in a way I never could be. Perfect in her imperfection. Familiar words threatened to tumble out of my mouth again.
I love you.
Now wasn’t the right time. That would put too much pressure on Eden when she was only just learning to trust me again. We were only minutes into our first re-date. Shit, and we were going off like a firecracker, too.
I glanced around the restaurant. More than one couple’s eyes quickly dipped back to their dinner plates when I looked up.
“How do you feel about sticking around?” I asked.
Eden’s head lifted off my chest, her smile sheepish. “Wanna grab burgers instead?”
“So,” I said, “for our second re-date—”
Eden’s eyebrows popped up. “Re-date?” She dipped a couple of fries in ketchup and wolfed them down.
“Yeah, that’s what I’m calling my second chance to woo you.” I took a sip of my shake. “It’s in the terms of our agreement.”
“Well, if it’s part of the agreement, please proceed, your grace.”
“Thank you. As I was saying, for our second official re-date, I have somewhere a little less, um, well, actually a lot less fun in mind.”
“Intriguing…continue.”
“I wanted to ask you if you’d go to this boring charity art gallery work thing as my official date. Super official. Name stickers and everything.”
“Boring charity art gallery work thing?” Eden laughed.
I groaned. “You know I hate networking stuff.”
“Try harder to sell it to me before I say yes.”
“Exclusive, strictly black tie so you can get all frocked up, a quartet, French food that we’ll actually stick around to eat this time, and an open bar where they do custom martinis—or so I’m told.”
“Other than mingling with all those boring suits again, it sounds like it might be fun.”
“Fun isn’t the word I’d use. Pretentious? Unbearable?” I grunted. “But I’d love for you to be there experiencing hell with me.”
Eden’s gaze dropped to where her burger sat untouched on the tray. “Will she be there?”
“If you mean Michaela…” And of course she did. “You don’t have to worry. She won’t be there. My boss told her she’d be sitting this one out.”
“Convenient.”
“For Chris, yeah, it was. I think he’s trying to avoid any awkward conversations between his fiancée and his ex-girlfriend about the dubious timing around their respective relationships.”
Eden’s eyebrows rose with interest. “Sounds like quite the office scandal.”
I lifted a shoulder. “None of my business. The less I know about those two, the better.”
“Because you still have feelings—”
“Because I have zero feelings for Michaela, and I’d rather stay on my boss’s good side by avoiding all the damn drama she’s trying to stir up.” My stomach roiled, and I pushed my shake away. “I’ve got some seriously conflicted feelings about how a man I respect has cheated on his fiancée. Everyone else just brushes it off like a joke—Michaela included.” I balled my napkin and pitched it onto the tray.
“Hey.” Eden reached for my hand. “Hey. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. We need to talk about these things, and after what’s happened, you have every right to ask.” I dragged a hand through my hair. “The situation with Chris and Michaela is just something I struggle with, you know?”
“You admire your boss?”
“He’s almost like an older brother to me. He’s been there for me for my entire career, and he’s a damn good lawyer, but…”
She squeezed my hand. “Maybe not a good person?”
“Maybe.” And that knowledge sat in the pit of my stomach like a boulder. “For what it’s worth, I told Michaela about you. I told her how I feel about you and how important you are to me.”
“And what did she say?”
“Honestly? She lost her shit, and I didn’t care. Not one bit. Michaela was never important. I can’t change the fact she works in the same office, but I’m limiting my contact with her and keeping it strictly professional. I swear to you, Eden.”
“Okay.”
That was all she said. Okay. Didn’t she believe me? Uneasy, I took a few bites of my burger, watching as she chewed, thinking over whatever was circling around in her head.
“When is your boring work charity art gallery thing?” Eden asked.
“Next Friday night.”
“Perfect! I’ve got enough time to source an awesome dress to rent.” She grinned, already scheming. “I’m thinking niche Australian designer. Something chic. Black. Definitely silk—”
“Let me buy you a dress.”
She rolled her eyes. “I don’t need you to buy me a dress.”
“I want to. It’s okay if you can’t afford—”
“Zach. Seriously. You’ve seen my salon, right? There’s no mortgage on my space. I own it.”
“Then why are you out there renting dresses?”
She lifted a shoulder. “I love designer clothes, but I’m not wasting three grand on something I’ll only wear once.” She grinned and dipped some more fries in the sauce. “Frugally chic, Yvette calls it.” She happily munched away.
I smiled and dodged the hand she swatted at me when I stole one of her fries. “You like to keep people guessing, huh?”
“Most of the time.” She frowned. “Not you, though. I should’ve been more honest with you about…me…all my mess . I was scared if you knew you’d—” She clamped her mouth shut.
I scooted closer to her in the booth and slipped my arm around her shoulders. “Will you tell me? Whisper it if you want to.”
The returning glance was dubious, but Eden took a big breath. “I was afraid…you’d think…I’m too much.” She admitted it so quietly I strained closer to make sure I didn’t miss any words. “I was afraid if you saw who I truly am, you wouldn’t want me anymore.”
That took some serious courage to admit. “There’s never been a second I didn’t want you,” I reassured her. “The woman I see is confident and caring and maybe, yeah, sometimes a little schemer who keeps me on my toes, but Eden… I’ve seen hints that you were holding something back from the start. It never made me want to walk away. I only ever wanted to bring you in even closer. I’m not always good at doing that, though. I’ve got a lot to learn about relationships.”
Eden snorted. “At least you’ve done this before.”
“A relationship? No, not really. I’m selective about who I sleep with, and I’ve had a couple of longer-term girlfriends, I guess, but I’ve never had what we have with anyone else. I’ve never lived with anyone before. This is all new to me, too. That’s why I can be so confident I’ll do something stupid to stuff this up again.” I rested my chin on her shoulder and absently twirled a wisp of her hair to keep my lips off her cheek. “I’m glad we talked tonight.”
She started nodding, but her bright smile fell away.
“What happened then?” I nudged my nose into the crook of her neck. “Already dreaming up an excuse to get out of the boring work charity art gallery thing for our second re-date?” I wouldn’t blame her. If Chris hadn’t told me I had to go, it certainly wouldn’t be how I chose to spend my Friday night.
“You really don’t want to see me again for a whole week?”
A crack splintered through my chest. “I was trying not to be too pushy,” I admitted softly. “I want to see you every day.”
Every day. Every night. I wanted to bundle Eden up, park her on my lap, and never let her go. I wanted to curve my hand around her big belly when our baby was in there. I wanted to hold her hand when we watched our grandkids playing in our backyard.
I didn’t want much—only everything.
Eden’s eyes skimmed my face. “Zach.” She caught her bottom lip with her teeth. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Cautiously, my finger explored the chunky knit cables crisscrossing her sleeves, gliding over the ridges, wondering how honest I should be. I was standing with my toes curled around the edge of the cliff. Vulnerable. Eden was trying so hard. When she’d already admitted her fears, hurtling over the edge, the least I could do was leap after her.
“I was thinking how much I want to see your face every day of my life,” I said.
Her head swivelled just enough to show me the smile curving her lips. The pretty sight was enough to fuel my thumping heart with more courage. I scooped more of the wisps of hair springing from her ponytail behind her ear.
“Now,” I whispered, “I’m thinking I’m the luckiest bastard in the world to even have a chance of being yours again.”
“You want to be mine?” Eden’s breath was coming quicker.
“Only yours.” I lowered my hand to the curve of her hip, letting it sink into the fluff of pink wool. A new hope urged me to dig my fingers in deeper. “And now…”
“Y-Yeah?”
I leant close enough to smell the strawberry shake hinted on her breath. “I’m thinking I’d give almost anything for you to say I can kiss you.” But not her. I’d never give her up.
“You can,” she whispered.
I scanned the diner from the corner of my eye. “Here?” A teenager was gaming on his laptop in the booth behind us. Two guys at the counter were having a heated discussion about interest rates. Not much of a venue for a sexy kiss.
I didn’t imagine Eden leaning into my grip. “Even a re-date needs a first kiss, right?” She whispered the words huskily along my neck.
Was I dreaming? After everything I’d done, after the torture of the last few months, was this happening?
The tip of my nose bumped hers. I waited for her to change her mind, to push me away, but she didn’t. I pressed my lips to her jaw.
Eden let out a huff of frustration. “You know I like proper kisses.”
“Yeah,” I said, dusting another kiss on her cheek.
“So, what are you waiting for?”
“You.”
A quick kiss landed on my chin. “Your turn.”
I smiled. “Oh, is it? You want something like”—I brushed my lips over hers—“that? Or…”
I breathed through the nerves curling from my toes before sealing my mouth over hers in a soft, sensual kiss. My fingertips pressed into her neck, thumb soothing her cheek, coaxing her closer, tempting her sweet mouth open to slip my tongue in to savour her even more.
Eden responded with as good as she got. She was juicy watermelon lip gloss and urgency. Her fingers clung to my shirt, and as she kissed me back, she pressed the pink wool cables of her dress into my cotton shirt like she wanted to brand the pattern into my skin, barely letting me catch my breath.
I eased back. A smile pinched my cheeks, and laughter rumbled in my chest. I just felt so…so…happy.
“Wow,” I said.
“Old people are so gross,” the kid behind us muttered.
Eden giggled and buried her face in my neck. “Thank you for tonight,” she whispered. “Even with the venue change and all the messy, I had a great time.”
“Me too, Denny Dee.”
And to prove it, I kissed her again.