20. She said, “You chose her.”
20
She said, “You chose her.”
Eden
I shouldn’t have said yes.
I did anyway.
Conflicted, my heart twisting in my chest but the rest of my body needing—demanding—Zach to smother all my senses until there was nothing in the world except him, I captured his mouth in another kiss.
My hands slipped under his T-shirt. I was desperate to feel every bit of his skin that my greedy fingers could find—the warm, rugged ridges of his back, his chest, the patch of crinkly hair on his abdomen leading down… I sighed. Yeah, I knew where that led, and I wanted my hands there, too. I yanked at his belt.
“Eden, that’s not—” He tore his lips off mine. “Slow down.”
“Do you really want that?” I whispered the question as I rocked my hips, rough denim rubbing against delicate lace.
Zach groaned into my neck. Tension coiled tight in his muscles, his back rigid, but he didn’t want to slow down. He jerked me closer, a possessive hand weaving into my hair, fingertips pressing into my neck. No, slowing down wasn’t what he wanted at all. A shiver rippled down my spine, the world blurring with the graze of his teeth down sensitive skin and every insistent squeeze of his hand on my thigh. But the sensation muddled. Memories collided from all directions.
My hand went limp on his belt. I screwed my eyes closed. No, it wasn’t just my eyes that shut. My entire body shut down. The words I’d always begged him to whisper when we’d replayed my favourite fantasy echoed in my head.
I don’t fuck just anyone. I’m selective.
“Eden?”
Zach’s voice was cautious, but my response stayed glued to my tongue. I couldn’t speak. My heartbeat pounded in an erratic drumbeat, my fingers trembling on the cold belt buckle. There’d be no sweet relief of running away from my problems this time.
“You chose her,” I whispered.
Zach’s body went very still. The gentle pressure on my neck released. His hand disappeared from my thighs. “Michaela?”
My head bobbed. “You’re selective, right? Isn’t that what you always told me? You chose her . ”
“It wasn’t like that.”
I pushed away from him. “Stop lying to me!” Suddenly feeling too exposed, I shoved down my dress.
“Okay. Okay.” Zach held up his palms and stepped back. “If you want the truth, we need to have a proper talk about what happened with Michaela.”
Cold wood disappeared from under my thighs. Strong arms wrapped around me. A few steps, and I was sinking into cream suede. Zach dragged the throw off the arm of the sofa, bundled me up in it, and booped me on the nose with a sad smile.
“Michaela and I are—” He paused like he was searching for the right word. “I don’t want to say we’re friends because we’re not.” He hunched beside me, his chin in his hand.
“She was your girlfriend,” I said flatly.
“No. I never thought of Michaela like that. We went to university together and had a few mutual friends, but we never dated. Our families are from totally different worlds. She comes from money and was driving around in a brand-new car, and I took the bus for years until I scrounged together enough money to buy an old beater my dad fixed up.” He sighed. “She still gives me shit about that car.”
“Can I interrupt to say one thing?”
“Please.”
“What a bitch. Sorry, but what the hell? I’d tell her where she can shove those sorts of comments.”
“I’ve called her out on it, although…maybe not quite as colourfully.” He smirked.
‘Colourful’ was probably exactly what that viper needed. “Sometimes, you need to be blunt,” I said. “It’s the only way you get heard.” I fought to keep the anger out of my voice. I hated he’d been treated that way, but I didn’t want him to clamp his mouth shut and stop talking now. I needed to understand what happened if we were to have any hope of moving on. “Is that why you slept with her? You were searching for some kind of acceptance?”
“No.” Zach took a deep breath but mainly spoke to the creamy tufts of the sofa he plucked at with his fingers. “When Mum was sick, I didn’t handle it. Honestly, that’s sugarcoating it. I was a mess. I was up for partnership and trying to slog through the same hours I do now, but somehow, I had to help my parents. Dad would be on his knees in the bathroom taking care of her while I tried to hold the rest of their life together. What the fuck do I know about hospitals and running a household? Turns out, fuck all.”
I scooted closer to him and bundled him under the blanket with me. “I’m sure they appreciated your help,” I said softly.
His chin dipped in a nod. “No matter what happened, I’m glad my work suffered and not my parents.”
“Your boss didn’t support you?”
“Hell no. Work got ugly. I…” He shook his head. Shame washed over him, his shoulders slumping even lower into the sofa. We were back to the roadblock I’d seen at my place and here in his kitchen. “I, um…” His hand was trembling when he pulled it through his hair.
“It’s okay. Don’t go there.” I curled my arm around his waist and held him close. “Skip that bit. Tell me what happened after.”
He nodded. “Chris put me on forced leave and told me to see a therapist to sort out my shit or to not bother coming back.”
“Zach, that’s—”
“Just the way it is at Worley. Personal lives stay personal.”
I sat in stunned silence, but outrage burned a fiery trail through my veins. If one of my team was going through anything close to what Zach did, I’d be there helping, not telling them to fix it themselves. His boss sounded like an absolute bastard.
“The first night I was back, Chris took the team out for drinks to celebrate,” Zach said. “Mum hadn’t gotten the all-clear yet, though. What the hell was there to celebrate? I was so lost. I drank too much. Michaela sat with me, and she said we should get out of there…go back to her place…” His head bowed. “I said yes.”
“You didn’t want to?”
“I just wanted… someone . I felt so alone but had no one to talk to. Michaela said she didn’t want anything serious, and honestly, I never wanted a relationship with her. I’m not even sure I respect her anymore. Sleeping with her was a mistake. I felt like garbage every time it was over, just so goddamn empty, and I vowed I’d never do it again. Somehow, she’d always convince me back for one more night. After the fourth time…work got busy for a few weeks and gave me an excuse to avoid her…and then…” His shoulder bumped into mine.
“Then?”
“This incredible woman floated into Brew HaHa, and I was a goner. Wonder who that could be?”
I beamed. “Me!”
He nodded. “Michaela still wanted to meet up, but I always turned her down after I saw you. She didn’t take it well. Got kinda aggressive about it and said some ugly shit in meetings. She tried rubbing my face in the fact she’d moved on to Chris, but I literally didn’t care. I was glad to shut the door on that part of my life.” A shy smile pushed at his cheeks. “The day I first talked to you at Clovelly, the reason I was out there was because Dad had called to let me know Mum was in remission. I hadn’t been to the beach in months, but for the first time in ages, it felt like there was space to be—I dunno—okay? And then you were there. It was one of the best days of my life. Officially a fresh start. Michaela wasn’t a part of my life then. She still isn’t. Not in any way that matters.”
I wanted to smile back, but flickers of anger swirled in my chest. If I hadn’t hated the viper woman before, I certainly did now. “She took advantage of you,” I said. “You were dealing with so much. She should’ve been supporting you and making you feel good in all ways, not playing stupid games and only being there when she wanted to bounce around on your, um…” I flashed a sheepish smile. “You know what I mean. And I say this as a master at avoiding problems with some bedroom action.”
“Like what you were trying to do before?” Zach’s tone was soothing, but the words arrowed right into my chest.
“I—I don’t know what you mean.”
“Adorable little liar. Why do you think I sometimes ask you to slow down?”
“You prefer long, torturous sex that lasts for hours?”
He laughed. “Yeah, sometimes, but also because I want you to think a bit longer about what you really want. If sex is really the answer. Tonight…is it?”
Dropping my gaze, I shook my head. “I don’t think I’m as ready as I thought,” I admitted.
“There’s no rush. Let’s take sex out of the equation until you’re ready. Really ready.”
I hated to admit it, but Zach was right. We needed to solve some of our issues—and keep my vulva out of the conversation, like Andie had said. I sighed. Everyone was so much better at grown-up relationships than me.
“If we wait…” I said. “What about hugs?”
Zach smiled. “Nah, sorry, I need hugs. We can’t skip those.”
“What about kisses?”
“You can have as many kisses as you want.”
To prove his point, he bent over to peck a kiss on my cheek, but I whipped around to capture his lips instead. His eyes popped wide before fluttering closed, his hand finding my cheek and his mouth devouring mine.
Zach groaned and pulled back. “Okay, maybe not too many of those kisses. A man only has so much self-restraint.”
I grinned wickedly.
A hint of laughter edged his next groan. “Please take a little pity on me. I am making you a nice dinner, after all.”
“Pity is only for men who know how to make delicious desserts.”
“Oh, there’s dessert,” he drawled, then sat bolt upright. “And, ah…not in a dirty way. I’m actually making a dessert.”
“What is it?” I bounced up and down, clapping my hands. “Tell me! Tell me!”
“Tiramisu.”
“That’s my favourite!”
Zach kissed my forehead. “I know.”