4. Chapter Four
Chapter Four
Lola
Y ou can almost always feel when someone is staring at you.
Especially when you catch the scent of someone so purely man, and you are right in the middle of a sex scene in your book that is so spicy it’s making your nipples pebble.
And, of course, I just realized I’m not wearing a fucking bra.
Brilliant.
Casually lifting my arm, I drape it across my chest in a way I sincerely hope looks natural before adding my bookmark and closing the book. He still hasn’t spoken, but when my eyes meet his, the look is purely heated. Almost as if he knew what I was reading, what it was doing to me, and that it might also be having some sort of second-hand affect on him.
I mean, it’s not totally out of the realm of possibility for men to read romance or even spicier books. But this guy? He definitely does not come across as a connoisseur of smut. Although, that could simply be due to the cover and title. There’s no way the intermingled bodies and “Goddess of Sex” could be misconstrued as anything other than super spicy romance.
Good thing I have no problem being shameless in my appreciation for written porn.
After a touch longer than comfortable, Beckett finally clears his throat. I can’t help but watch as his Adam’s Apple bobs with the motion. His five o’clock shadow screams for my mouth. His lean neck begs for my tongue. His—
My thoughts are thankfully interrupted by the second clearing of his throat.
“Sorry. Were you looking for Marina?” I quickly blurt out the question. Why does my voice sound so squeaky? And what a dumb fucking question. Of course, he is looking for Marina. What else would he be doing here?
“Actually, I’m here to see you.”
“I’m pretty sure I saw her...” Wait a fucking second. Did he just say he was here for... for me ?
What in the fuzzycocknobber is going on today?
“A what?” Oh shit. I said that out loud, didn’t I? I don’t even have to actually ask because the quizzical expression on his face says it all. I am genuinely bad about vocalizing my thoughts all of the time, but it becomes especially bad when I am in a situation that makes me nervous. And this man? He makes my heart race with nerves just from his presence.
“So you aren’t here for Marina?” I know I sound like a broken record, but it really is hard to switch the brain from reading mind-melting sex to talking with my favorite wet dream. Fuck I hope I didn’t say that part out loud.
He chuckles softly and scrubs his hand down the back of his neck before answering me. “Yeah, I’m here to see you. Is that ok?”
“Yes! I mean... of course. You are welcome to do me if you like.” He shields his mouth as he laughs, and I quickly replay what I just said. Are you fucking kidding me? Why mouth? Why do you have to do me dirty like that?
“ Whatever you like, I mean.” Yeah. Sure. That’s definitely what I meant alright.
“In that case, I’ll have a seat with you if you don’t mind.” I nod, figuring gestures are relatively safer than trying to open my damn mouth right now. He settles down into the oversized armchair to my right with a small sigh. “This is my favorite room in her house. It’s quiet and cozy. And somehow both equally light and dark, making the whole thing just feel… comfortable.”
Something warms inside me at his words making my muscles relax slightly, and my response reflects the camaraderie I feel. He just described exactly how I feel, and I can’t help but smile. “It’s always just the right temperature, too. Never too hot and always just cool enough for a sweater or blanket.”
“Awe. Look at you two getting all nerdy together. I have a separate thermostat for this room, by the way. It’s because I have a few first editions, and while I am not a book nerd per se, I am certainly an antique lover.” Marina stands in the doorway, sporting her signature sundress in a pretty pink. Since it’s cooler, she added a cardigan and some thick white tights. She’s always so damn pretty in the most adorable way.
Marina waggles her eyebrows at me, and I realize too late that she’s caught me staring. “Sugar… if you keep eye-fucking me like that, I might have to reconsider which team I like batting for.” She adds a saucy wink, and I can’t help but roll my eyes at her. While I might be open in my own sexual preferences, Marina is unshakably heterosexual. Not that I would even remotely be interested in altering our friendship like that. She means far too much to me.
“I was just jealous that you can get away with wearing all these cute pastel colors while I am stuck in heavy tones.” Which isn’t a total lie. I’m sure somewhere in the recesses of my mind, that thought had crossed it again. Even though I have grown to find an immense comfort in my darker closet.
“Oh, but darlin… if I tried those dark tones you pull off with ease, I’d look like some poor emo child. All pale, ridiculous, and in desperate need of some serotonin inhibators. No sugar, even your name sets you up to be this gothic chic goddess. Lola .” She says my name with such a deep, husky tone that I lose it completely, laughing until a snort escapes me. I quickly cover my mouth with my hand, but the look on Beckett’s face says I was far too late.
However, instead of looking at me like I’m a complete nutter, he smiles softly in a dreamy sort of way. Wait…
Is Beckett Langford giving me those dreamy eyes?
Marina clears her throat again, but my eyes are transfixed on his.
“Alright, I am heading out. Don’t wait up, sugar.”
“Mhm...” I still can’t seem to drag my gaze from his, and he seems equally content to hold my attention.
“So I’m just going to head out now. Go do some drugs, commit some crimes, maybe get abducted and probed by aliens if I’m lucky.”
“Sounds great, Marina. Have fun.” Somehow, I don’t think I gave her the right response, but Beckett still hasn’t said anything, either.
“Well... I’m going to leave this room before those sparks catch me on fire. Hopefully, you guys remember to blink.”
I vaguely hear Marina’s heels on the hardwood as she walks away and the soft click of the door as she shuts it behind her. Internally, I feel like I am on the verge of a damn panic attack. I mean, I’m in the same room as the man I have been fantasizing about for months now, and he’s within reach.
And we are just sitting here... staring at each other?
Oh Gods, am I broken? Why can’t I move? Or talk? What did Marina just say about blinking, and why can’t I remember how to do it all of a sudden?!
Finally, he breaks the spell by looking away with a chuckle. I notice belatedly that his cheeks are also slightly pinkish. The words that come out of his mouth leave me a bit confused though. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to stare. Your eyes are just so clear.”
“Uhhh... thanks? Are they normally bloodshot?” Shit, should I see a doctor? I don’t have health insurance, so that would be expensive as fuck, but I also don’t want something crazy happening and giving me zombie eyes either.
He blinks as horror crosses his features. “No! I meant the color. They are like this beautifully light shade of livid.”
“Livid? Like... angry?” I know I sound like a moron right now, but I’m having one hell of a time actually focusing on anything he is saying, let alone comprehending his use of strange terminology.
“Oh, sorry. Livid is actually the name of the color, which is sort of a bluish-gray. Like… uhmm… light-washed jeans? It’s one of my favorite colors. I promise I don’t mean to sound so damn confusing.”
“No, you are fine. Livid... I like that. Thank you.” Good goddess he is just as awkward as I am.
“You’re welcome. I did want to apologize though. I didn’t mean to barge in on your reading time. Enjoying that one?” He gestures casually to the cover containing a bare-chested hunk of a man being licked seductively across the abs by a lingerie-clad woman. Yeah... if that doesn’t let you know what I am reading, nothing will. Never one to be ashamed of their smut, and apparently losing all filter around the man of my dreams, I open my mouth and let the word vomit ensue.
“Oh, it’s great! He’s finally done with the cat and mouse game, so he just threw her against the wall and is railing her.” And, of course, that’s what normal people answer with.
Welp. It’s out there. No point in covering my face now, even if it is slightly heated and no doubt turning lovely shades of pink. Although if the heated gaze he rakes across my body is any indication, he doesn’t mind that bit of information, too.
“That’s great!” His voice is far more high-pitched than usual, which betrays the calm facade he is attempting to emulate. The whole situation turns my previous nerves into excitement, and a mischievous smile covers my face.
He clears his throat and tries again.
“Is that what you typically enjoy? Getting railed?”
He said what now?