Chapter 24 #2
He sent me the song “My Mind” by Lincoln Haidel, and I played it on repeat while I cried myself to tatters.
But beyond that, he doesn’t talk to me. He’s left me alone, and that part was also very painful.
Most people expect the person who hurt you to fight for you, but it feels as though, at least to me, that Lincoln didn’t do enough of that.
Why would he?
He had somebody to run back to, clearly.
Outside of everything I see online, which is barely anything about him, I have no idea about his life.
Just like before, Lincoln chooses to keep his personal life private. He could be married and have kids now. It’s only been 2 years since I’ve seen him, but still, a lot can change within that time.
He’s proven that people can change over time even while you’re with them, and it was sad because it seemed as though Lincoln just grew out of love with me. And that’s cool, because I have to learn to love myself.
I must admit, for a while I didn’t know who I was without Lincoln, because my future… well, I never thought of it or entertained any future that didn’t have him in it. I never imagined there would be a day where I would live my life and make decisions minus Lincoln.
By now, my father knows.
That was another very annoying situation, having to read online at the time, just as Lincoln was starting to get popular for his looks, that he has an ex-wife.
Luckily, people didn’t pry any further than some pictures I had up on my social media.
I’m a nobody, unlike Lincoln and Sarah. Unlike the CEO of Helion. I wasn’t interesting enough for them to follow.
I’m completely fine with just being referred to as the ex-wife.
Aside from that and the occasional upset of people making videos throwing shade at Lincoln for dumping me to “upgrade to a white woman”, very hurtful comments, by the way, things pretty much fizzled off real quick. Now it’s all about Lincoln and Sarah, if there’s any romance mentioned at all.
If Lincoln is happy, then good for him. Living life to the fullest is the only thing I care about now.
Several weeks out of the year, I travel the country, and I’ve even gone abroad for a month in Italy.
I had a little fling there with a guy named Alessandro. No strings attached, no feelings involved. My heart only ever belonged fully and totally to one person, and after he broke it, there’s none of it left, and so I was able to cut away from that situation quite easily.
I said goodbye to that guy without even telling him I was leaving back for America the next day.
I’m still working my remote job, but I’ve had to take an extra job at a restaurant.
It’s grueling, but I only work 3 days out of the week for that job. Honestly, moving farther away from the city would be the best bet.
One thing Lincoln was right about is that things would get more expensive. I’m not going to lie, there’s a part of me that regrets divorcing him and not taking more money, because right now I’m struggling.
I’ve helped pay for my dad’s medical bills and surgery for his back from when he had that accident with the guy who torpedoed a truck into the back of his car. Surprisingly, a lot of the worst bills are already covered by some miracle. But the here and there visits still gouge into any savings.
It’s not like Lincoln and I had that much at the time. We didn’t talk about much, and the only other time he probably mentioned something outside of our issue was when he texted me to say that Walnut had passed.
That’s the last time I remember crying about anything related to Lincoln. Poor Walnut. But I had to leave everything behind and just make a clean break away from Lincoln. The lawyers pretty much handled everything, and he and I barely had to speak with each other.
He’s doing well, and that’s good. The gladness I feel is genuine.
Of course Jada now knows everything. Impossible to hide it from anyone, especially with Lincoln being on the TV. Even before that point, Jada had figured it out.
Jada hates Lincoln with a passion, but she’s probably doing that more for my sake.
The woman has tried over and over again to hook me up with this guy and that, until I had to speak up and tell her, for the love of God, to stop, because the last thing I want to do is jump into another full-fledged relationship after having gotten divorced only recently.
The dating market is also sour.
Men are dogs. No more.
Lincoln… was the best of them, at least I thought so, and even he couldn’t be honorable at the end. So then what hope is there?
Nah.
To hell with all of that nonsense.
Romance is a waste of time. Then the man had the audacity to tell me not to be bitter.
I had started out wishing nothing but pain and hurt to befall him, but after the anger and betrayal started to ebb away, all that was left was love and forgiveness, because when you truly love someone, you don’t wish them harm. You want them to succeed, despite how they feel about you.
Kids and parents have the same horrible setup.
Kids are an extension of their parents via their genetics.
The kids can be as horrible as possible to their parents, and yet the parents will still love them.
If the kid comes back crying to Mommy and Daddy for help after cussing them to their face and not having spoken to them for many years, Mommy and Daddy will be right there ready to accept them and help them, because helping their kid brings them satisfaction, because their kid is a part of them.
That’s how Lincoln felt to me. We’re not related by blood, but he became my family. We shared our DNA through our intimacy and our bond. Nobody could tell me different.
But now it’s broken. However, the latent love I still have for him gives me satisfaction through seeing him doing well.
Not Sarah, though.
I hope that bitch chokes on a dick and dies.
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