23. LARRY
23
LARRY
It’s weird to be waking up and not having anywhere to go. I mean, I only resigned in as much as I told Kyle I couldn’t do it anymore, so there’s probably more for me to do. I’ll have to formally hand in my resignation, and probably have some kind of exit interview where I tell them why I’ve quit.
“I’m in love with my boss and I can’t handle it.”
That’s probably not an acceptable reason to leave a job, though it seems like the only reason. But I can start over, I know I can start over, I have to start over.
I tried calling Rosemary last night but she wasn’t coming to the phone. There must have been something going on at the bookshop last night, something I’d forgotten about because I’ve not been the best friend to her since getting with Kyle. It’s all become The Larry Show , and I don’t want that. Maybe that’s another reason it’s good it’s all over.
My phone rings and it’s the office, probably wondering where the hell I am. So maybe Kyle hasn’t gone around telling everybody I’ve resigned. I’ll have to do the hard bit myself. I answer it, somewhat surprised to hear Peter’s voice on the other end of the line.
“You okay?” he asks. “Pretty dramatic of you to just storm out of the office yesterday. Is there a reason you’ve not come in?”
“I’m not sure I’m coming back.”
“Ah, we’re sticking with dramatic then, how wonderful,” Peter replies, his voice more than a little bit snarky. “Look, I know you’re not going to want to do this, but if you’re resigning you’ve got to come back here and do it the old-fashioned way. You probably know the drill. We just have to do everything officially and by the book even though you’ve only been here for a month.”
There’s a hesitation on the other end of the line, like Peter is really considering what he’s going to say next.
“Look, I’m not going to try and convince you to stay or anything like that but…” He trails off. “Are you really sure it’s worth throwing this away? I know things have been weird between you and Kyle but… they will get better.”
I wonder how much he knows. I wonder if he’s seen the two of us together, or if maybe Taylor noticed something and that’s why he’s acting like this. Either way, I hate it. I hate to think that Kyle and I have become office gossip. That’s the last thing I want for either one of us.
“I’ll be fine,” I say. “I’ll figure it out.” I take a breath. No point in delaying the inevitable. “I can come in now, if that works for you? See you and HR and all that, get it all done.”
Peter sighs down the phone. “That’ll be fine,” he replies. “Just come in like normal. Until you’re actually off the system there’s no point wasting time waiting for me to come and get you from reception. And I can’t be bothered. See you in a bit.”
I have a quick shower and make my way to the office. I haven’t bothered to put on a suit, not today. I’ve gone with comfort—a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, a jacket. I’m not staying, I just need to do the grown-up thing and cut ties, draw a line under it all, and move on with my life.
When I get there, Maria greets me like normal, maybe giving me a slightly strange look for being there and not looking quite so smart, but not so much that I feel like I’m in some kind of trouble.
I head around to my desk. Peter is there, working away, deeply focussed on something or other. I look into Kyle’s office. The door is open but he doesn’t appear to be in there, and I let out a heavy breath, thinking that maybe I won’t have to deal with him today. If I can just get this done and go, that would feel somewhat miraculous. I just need to put an end to all of this.
Peter looks up. “What time do you call this?” he says, raising an eyebrow. I’m about to respond when he raises his hand to stop me. “I know, I know, you’re quitting, blah blah blah.” He shuffles some papers on his desk before he brings his focus back to me. “Okay, HR are going to have a chat with you in an hour about everything—official stuff, you know how it is. But you just need to head to the copy room quickly and photocopy the stuff that’s on your desk. Then we can get to… well… getting rid of you. Sorry, that sounds harsh.”
“It’s okay,” I reply. “The quicker we can do this the better. I’m not about to start dragging my feet.”
He smiles. “Well, alright then,” he says. “Copy room awaits. You remember where it is?”
I snort. “Yes, of course,” I reply, picking up the file that’s on my desk and making my way to the copy room. There’s a heaviness in my chest. It’s only been a month, but I’ve started to feel comfortable here, like it’s the kind of place I could have spent a much longer portion of my career. But it’s not meant to be. I’ll find something else and that will be the thing I do. This way I’m away from Kyle, and away from that kind of heartache.
I step into the copy room and see a familiar face waiting for me, a small folder in his hand. Kyle. He’s waiting, watching the door like he’s been waiting for me to show up.
“Don’t run away,” he says, because apparently the look on my face is giving full deer-in-headlights and I look like I’m about to bolt. “I have something for you.”
“There a reason you’re not waiting for me at my desk?”
“I figured you’d see me and make a run for it. This way I get to actually talk to you,” he says. “Away from prying eyes. Away from Peter who will obviously be listening in.”
“He does like the gossip.”
“And we’re the hottest gossip in this place,” he replies. I blink, confused as to what exactly he means. “I’ve not been totally honest with you.”
I narrow my eyes. “What do you mean?”
“The day things started getting weird between us I… I had a conversation with Taylor,” he says. “He basically warned me off you. Told me that I couldn’t be messing around with my assistant, that I shouldn’t be putting my career at risk for a boy. And then the exec got involved.”
“Jesus.”
“Well, he didn’t get involved, but that felt like it would be the logical next step,” Kyle says with a smirk. “The exec weren’t too thrilled either. They basically said either you left or we stopped seeing one another.”
“And you decided to just push me away,” I say. “Why didn’t you talk to me about this?”
“Well, I was going to,” he replies. “But then I went to yours and… there was Wesley.”
My blood runs cold. “When did you come to mine?”
“Day before yesterday,” he says. “I came over because I was going to talk to you about all this. I was going to try and figure it out but Wesley was there and… well… that sort of made my decision for me. You didn’t need me at all. You just… you had Wesley. So I let you go.”
“I didn’t want you to let me go,” I say quietly. “That’s the last thing I wanted.”
I can’t imagine how that must have felt for him, to come around to my place in the hope of making amends, or at the very least talking to me about what had happened between us, only to have that rejection thrown in his face. I wish I could have explained it to him, wish I could have saved him that heartache.
“We’re not together,” I say. “He was trying but… he hadn’t changed. He just wanted to have his cake and eat it too. I think things got less exciting for him once I was out of the picture. It was more fun to be a cheater.”
He winces. And that’s how it feels inside to know that’s all I was to Wesley, like I’ve been punched in the stomach again. But this time I’m bouncing back stronger. I know I don’t need him. I was getting along fine without him, and now I need to do the same with Kyle. Right?
“He’s the one who told Taylor,” I say. “It all makes sense now.”
“What?”
“He came to see me, I don’t know why, but he saw us together and then… took matters into his own hands.”
“He really is a piece of work, huh?”
“Yeah, not really sure what I saw in him,” I say. “Or why I put up with him for as long as I did.”
“You deserve better.”
“Okay.”
“You deserve the whole fucking world, Larry,” Kyle says, eyes all wide and sincere, trying to make me believe it and… and there is some part of me that wonders if maybe he could be the one who could do that. It had felt like it was going that way, hadn’t it? Maybe we’d been heading for something good, and now it’s all ruined.
“Well, if I’m quitting my job, that means we don’t have to be over, right?” I say with a light chuckle. I’m half joking. I want him to want me, to fight for me. “I mean, I like you. I like you a lot. More than maybe I should given it’s only been a month, and how we started, but… The days when you were running cold on me and I thought you didn’t want to be with me anymore were some of the worst I’ve ever experienced. I don’t want to go through that again. It’s more fun with you.”
“More fun?”
“Shut up. I just like you,” I reply. “Take it or leave it. Either way, I’m not going to be working here anymore.”
“That’s actually what I want to talk to you about,” he says. “We may have managed to find a way around all of this.”
I blink. “What do you mean?”
“Well, a way that you can keep your job and we can be together and everyone is happy,” he says. “Well, mostly me. And hopefully you.”
I know that I’m holding my breath right now, hoping he’s right, that he’s managed to find a way to keep us together and for me to keep my job, and that it’s not all a dream. Because if it’s a dream, it’s not fair. If it’s a dream, it’s actually a nightmare.
“Go on,” I say. My heart is running so fast in my chest it’s practically humming.
“You’re not my assistant anymore,” he says. “You’re Taylor’s.”
“What?”
“You swap jobs with Peter, pretty much,” he continues. “It sounds so simple, and honestly it sounds too bloody good to be true, but Taylor said it was fine. He just doesn’t want us working together—conflict of interest—and it’s likely we’ll end up making out in the copy room again and making it awkward.”
“That was one time.”
“Well, yes, but once was enough apparently,” he replies. “You can start right away. We can get this moving and… and we can be together. Taylor has it all approved with the exec, and this way the only place I’ll be bossy with you is in the bedroom.”
“Kyle—”
“I won’t even make you call me ‘sir’ at work.”
“Kyle.”
“Unless you want to,” he says, raising an eyebrow at me.
It really does sound too good to be true, almost too simple to be something that would actually work. But what if it did? What if this is all it would take for me to be happy? To get to keep all of this? I get to have my cake and eat it too. And no one gets hurt.
“What are you thinking?” he asks, stepping towards me. “If you don’t want to give us a chance, that’s fine, you can still swap jobs and that way we don’t have to interact with one another at all. I just… I want to give you all the options so you can make a decision.”
I look over at him. He looks nervous, maybe for the first time since I met him, like he’s afraid he might lose me in all of this, all because we didn’t talk to one another, because we didn’t let each other know how the other one was feeling, and it feels so stupid to have let all that get in the way.
“That’s what you want?” I ask.
“I want you to be happy, more than anything in the world,” he says. “Because you’re right, it is more fun with you. I’ve not let anyone in for a long time, Larry, and I think that’s because I was waiting for you to show up.”
“You were not.”
“Maybe not consciously, but I’ve got walls,” he says. “I’ve got walls upon walls that need scaling, and you didn’t climb over them, you knocked through every single one, and the second you came into my life and I let you I realised I could l?—”
He stops himself, and I so don’t want him to stop himself right now, not when he’s on a roll, not when it feels like things are finally going right.
“Say it,” I say. “Please say it.”
“I realised I could love you,” he says. “And I do, Larry. I do love you.”
I step towards him, closing the door to the copy room behind us. I lean up and kiss him softly on the lips, and I feel all those nerves and all that tension fade away.
“I love you too,” I say. Because that’s what this feeling is, isn’t it? That’s what wanting to be around him all the time is. That’s what feeling safe when I’m with him is, it’s love. And I love him, I love him, I love him.
“You really mean it?” he asks.
“Oh yeah,” I reply. “I mean it.”
And I kiss him again. I kiss him and kiss him and kiss him, and I don’t know if I’m ever going to stop.