15. Jess
Dad:
Jessie, you’ll never guess who I had lunch with today.
Jess:
Connor Price!
Dad:
Chris ruins all my surprises.
Jess:
LOL! No, Dad, it was actually Connor who told me. He said he’s going to start running with you, that’s great!
Dad:
He was on his way to Guitar Shop after we left, he told us you had a 5:00 deadline and let’s just say he was taking it seriously.
Jess:
Good!
Dad:
Yeah, I told him it’d be in his best interest to keep you happy.
Jess:
Did you get any of your car talk in?
Dad:
No. ?? Joe and I have a deal, no cars or boardroom discussions over meals.
Jess:
Seems fair. Well I’m shutting down for the day and heading home, but I’ll talk to you soon. Love you! ??
Dad:
Love you, too. Drive safe!
Jess:
You’ve got 5 minutes until your report is due, I hope you’ll impress me!
Connor:
I hope you have PowerPoint on your phone because I’ve got a whole presentation lined up.
Jess:
I’m not actually sure if you’re kidding or not.
Connor:
I don’t joke about PowerPoint.
Jess:
You should know you’ve made my dad very happy with your agreement to join their running group.
Connor:
He made a compelling argument, I couldn’t say no. He might have missed his calling, I think he’d be a great negotiator.
Jess:
No way. One sad look from me and he folds like a house of cards.
Connor:
Well no one wants to be the reason you’re sad, Jess, it’s unnatural to see you like that.
It’s a small comment, but it still makes me feel special that he said it. I force myself to put my phone in my purse as I shut down my computer and turn off my desk lamp. Slipping on my coat, I grab my purse and keys and make my way to the front of the office.
“Hey, Jess!” Sammie’s standing by her desk grinning like the Cheshire Cat, and Kennedi is right next to her with a similar serial killer expression. Ben and Jim are behind them, Ben looking guilty, and Jim looking uncomfortable. My stomach turns; what is this about?
“Heeey…” I say.
Sammie and Kennedi exchange glances and nods, and Kennedi looks back at me. “We want to start off by apologizing. We were trying to fix you up with all these great guys and couldn’t figure out why you kept saying no.”
Great guys? The last man Kennedi sent me was on probation after trying to smuggle a python out of a pet store in his pants.
“But then we realized,” Sammie continues, “That you probably should be able to pick out your own dates.”
How refreshing. “Thank you?” I appreciate the backhanded apology, but something’s still off.
“So, we talked and all four of us agreed…” Kennedi’s lead-in draws my eyes to Jim and Ben; Jim shakes his head and points frantically at the women in front of him and Ben just mouths, I’m so sorry to me. “To chip in and buy you this!” She proudly hands me the sheet of paper she’d been holding in front her.
Against my better judgment, I take it and read it out loud. “A six-month membership to Hearts Unlimited. You…you guys bought me an online dating membership?”
Sammie hops and claps her hands in glee, I think Kennedi might have let out a tiny squeal, Ben looks at his feet in shame, and Jim’s eyes are scanning everything in the room to avoid looking at me directly.
It all hits me at once. They’re going to want to make my profile for me. Have opinions on every man. I’ll actually have to go on the dates, the guilt that they paid for it will make sure of that. Oh god, and they’ll want full details on everything.
For six months?
For six months!
“I can’t!” I yell.
That garners surprised looks from all four of them.
“You have to get your money back,” I shove the paper back at Kennedi like it’s on fire.
She looks genuinely hurt, and it kills me.
“It’s not that I don’t love it,” I backpedal. “I totally do, it’s…you are all…um…it’s really thoughtful. But, uh, the thing is, that, um…”
They mean well, Jess. They just want you to be happy and they believe the only way for you to be happy is if you have a man. They’ll never let it go.
“I met someone,” I finish.
“Wait, you met someone?” Sammie asks. “When?”
“Oh gosh, it’s…it’s new. Super new. Yeah. But…” My mind races. I am such a terrible liar. I need to think of a real man and pretend he’s my boyfriend so I can get out of this conversation and go home. “We actually used to be neighbors. Um, he was, uh, right next door. And we kind of reconnected over Thanksgiving when we were at our parents’ houses.”
Apparently, Connor is my new man candy. I don’t hate that idea.
“You’re lying,” Kennedi accuses. “Just like last time.”
“No, really, I swear I’m not! He is one hundred percent real!” A partial lie doesn’t count in this situation, I decide. “Seriously, we were really good friends when we were kids. We used to play together all the time.”
“That’s so sweet!” Sammie gushes.
“Well, tell us about him! What’s he like? What’s his name? Is he handsome?” Of course, Kennedi launches an interrogation.
“His name is Connor. He’s very handsome,” I supply enthusiastically, relieved to have actual details. “He’s tall but not too tall, you know what I mean?”
Everyone but Jim nods.
“But more than that, he’s so talented. He’s got this crazy intense job, and he’s one of the youngest associates in his firm. But he’s also really dedicated to staying in shape and taking care of himself, so he plays tennis and runs. And, holy crap, you guys, you should hear him sing.”
“He sings, too?” Jim asks. I didn’t even think he’d been listening.
“He’s amazing on stage, I could listen to him sing all day. And he just told me today he’s taking up guitar.”
“Is he in a band?” Sammie asks, practically drooling.
Technically yes, right? I mean, they don’t need to know it’s just Chris and Scott in an occasional basement jam session. “He is! He is in a band!”
At that, Sammie needs to brace herself on her desk to keep from swooning.
“He’s also really funny and super sweet. He makes me feel…I don’t know. He makes me feel like he’s lucky to get to spend time with me and not the other way around.”
Their expressions all change again, and in a move that totally surprises me, they engulf me in a group hug.
“That’s what we wanted,” Kennedi’s muffled voice declares.
“You deserve to feel that way,” Ben agrees.
My throat tightens and I close my eyes. Suddenly, the hug gets even tighter somehow, and I hear Anderson’s voice. “This is great. What are we hugging about?”
“Jess met someone,” Kennedi answers.
“He’s in a band!” Sammie adds.
Everyone pulls apart and Anderson looks from me to the now crumpled up piece of paper in Kennedi’s hands.
“We got her a dating membership,” she explains. “But she said she doesn’t need it anymore.” She clutches the paper to her chest and smiles like a mom watching her child going to his first day of kindergarten.
Anderson’s eyebrows furrow. “A dating membership?” He glances over at me again.
“It’s okay,” I tell him.
“Well, that sounds like an HR nightmare, so I’m glad we don’t need to address it.”
“You’re bringing him to the holiday party then, right?” Ben asks.
Crapsicles.
Kennedi’s face is already morphing back into skepticism, they’ll never believe Connor is real if I don’t agree to this. “Yep! Totally. Wouldn’t miss it.” I keep my nervous smile plastered on tight as I say, “Well, I’ve gotta get home and…text him about my day.” That’s what normal couples do, right?
“Awww!” Sammie and Kennedi’s cheer affirms that normal couples do, indeed, text about their day.
I exchange good nights with everyone and hustle out of the building. I then proceed to spend the entire commute home talking to myself as if I was talking to my coworkers. “He’s just so busy with his job, you know? We weren’t able to make it work. But I’m okay…I know! I was really excited for you to meet him, too!…No, totally, we’re still friends, though, so you never know…”
Mothertrucker, this is never going to fly,I sigh as I pull into my driveway. Once I turn off the ignition, my phone alerts me that Connor had texted me promptly at 5:00 and there is an attached PowerPoint presentation waiting for me.
I sit in my car and stare at my phone, chewing on my lip in thought.
Jess:
This is impressive, I will review everything here shortly. But before that, something kind of came up today and I might need your help.
Connor:
It’s your pantry, isn’t it?
Jess:
Well, yes, but no. Do you remember how I told you about my office trying to set me up?
Connor:
It’s hard to forget.
Jess:
Well they really went above and beyond today and bought me a dating membership. And obviously that’s insane so I kind of lied and I kind of said I already had a new boyfriend and I kind of told them it was you. And then I kind of told them you’d be my date to the holiday party. And before you freak out, I promise it wasn’t planned and I’m not, like, a crazy stalker over here or anything and I swear you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to but hey, maybe you want to add acting to your list of creative endeavors right?
What am I doing? Why did I send him that novel? I immediately start to type out an apology/retraction text when he writes back.
Connor:
Let’s do it.