Pamela
PAMELA
I feel surprisingly alert as I slide out of bed. The sun has only just started its rise for the day, barely a hint of brightness shining through the windows.
As I stretch out my arms and legs, a smile forms on my face. Morris has no school today, so we get to spend it together for the most part. I still have to go to work, but they never mind when I bring Morris. He’ll have lots to do.
I pad across the apartment to the bathroom, where I start up the shower, brushing my teeth before I get in. Once I’m finished in the shower, I dry off and walk back to my room, where I pick out a pair of jeans and a short sleeve t-shirt.
After doing my hair, I make my way to the kitchen. Usually, a big pot of coffee is the first thing I do, but today, I feel like I don’t even need it.
Instead, I start on breakfast. Morris’s favorite blueberry pancakes. I can already imagine the smile that’ll break out across his face when he wakes up and sees them.
As I walk around the kitchen, grabbing everything I’ll need to make them, I hum softly to myself. Once I have everything in front of me, I start adding ingredients to a mixing bowl.
Next, I turn on one of the burners on the stove and place a pan on top of it. I begin mixing, my mind drifting off as the batter becomes thicker.
I never pictured my life to end up this way, me waking up at the crack of dawn, making breakfast for a kid, excited to spend the day with him. It was never really on my radar. But now that this is my life, I can’t imagine it being any other way.
Ten minutes later, the pancakes are done, and I’ve arranged them on a plate, sprinkling some powdered sugar over them, just the way he likes it. Once I’m satisfied, I walk down the hall and knock on his door.
“Morris, time to wake up! I made us breakfast!”
I hear a noise from inside, and then the sound of his feet hitting the floor. He must’ve already been awake. Maybe the smell woke him.
I walk back to the kitchen, giving him a moment to get ready. As I wait, I set two plates on the table, as well as the one with all the pancakes. Just as I finish, I hear his door creak open, and then the sound of his feet running down the hall.
“It smells just like…”
Morris stops talking, his mouth dropping open as he spots the plate.
“I had a dream that you made these!” he shouts, running towards the table.
“You did?!”
I watch as he moves half of the pancakes onto his plate. He grabs the syrup bottle and starts pouring some onto his plate.
I smile fondly, my hand absentmindedly going to the necklace that rests between my collarbones. It’s a constant reminder of Hannah, but not in a bad way. Yes, it reminds me that she’s not here, but it also reminds me that I’m doing all of this for her.
Taking care of Morris, giving him the best possible life I can, it’s exactly what she would’ve wanted.
“Aren’t you going to have some?” he asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.
I sit on the chair next to him and grab a couple of pancakes for myself.
“Absolutely, I am,” I say, picking up my fork.
Morris is already halfway done with his, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d think he hadn’t eaten in a week.
“So how would you like to come to the community center with me today?”
His face lights up. “Okay!”
“Do you have anything to do there?”
He pauses his eating, thinking for a moment. “I have some homework to do!”
“Perfect! What about when you finish that?”
“I can bring my new drawing book!”
“So you like the new book? What about your new pencils?”
“They’re awesome! I love them,” he says.
“I can’t wait to see your new drawings. You’ll have to show me them later.”
He nods, before diving back into the food.
My heart swells with pride. Morris has always been so passionate about the things he loves, drawing being one of them. I’m just happy that I’m able to provide him the space to enjoy those things. Not everyone gets that.
When both of us have finished eating, I take our plates to the sink.
“Why don’t you go get ready while I wash these? It’s nice out, so I figured we’d walk there,” I tell him.
He disappears and comes back a few minutes later, dressed and ready to go. I pass him, messing with his hair.
“Let me just grab my purse, kiddo.”
It only takes us ten minutes to walk to the community center. I love walking to and from work on days that I don’t have to pick Morris up. There’s just something so nice and calming about it.
As soon as we arrive, one of my coworkers runs up to us.
“Oh my goodness, you didn’t tell me you were bringing him today! Morris, you’ve grown so much since I last saw you!”
Morris smiles at her, but he’s obviously a little shy. He doesn’t particularly love being the center of attention, the complete opposite of his mother.
“He’s been getting so tall this year, isn’t it crazy?” I tell Alyssa. “I don’t know who he got that from, no one in the family is tall.”
“Do you want to hang out in the art room?” she asks him.
He nods, looking at me as if to ask if it’s okay.
“Go ahead!” I tell him. “I’ll come check on you in a little bit, let me just get settled in.”
He leans forward, giving me a surprise hug before walking with Alyssa down the hall. I watch her open the door and point inside, waiting until he goes in before walking back to me.
“He is just adorable,” she gushes.
“He’s a sweetheart. I don’t know what I’ll do if his teenage years change him.”
Alyssa laughs, covering her hand with her mouth. “I’ll be crossing my fingers for you when the time comes.”
“Well he’s twelve, so it won’t be long now. Alright, so what’s going on today? Anything I should know about?”
“Why don’t you take it easy today? Don’t worry about anything, just have yourself a chill day with Morris, you deserve it.”
“Are you sure? You don’t have to do that!”
“Absolutely! Go on, have a little break, you’re always working too hard anyways.”
“Thanks, Alyssa. I really appreciate that. I’ll come out every so often to check on things and see if you need any help. And there’s one thing I wanted to discuss with you later.”
“Sounds good!”
I smile to myself as I walk towards the art room. This day just keeps getting better and better.
I work here as a program coordinator, and I truly do love my job. I never have to dread coming into work, if anything I get excited. But it’s my coworkers that truly make it the best. I don’t know what I’d do without them.
“Hey Mo, you want some help with your homework? I’m just gonna be chilling in here with you most of the day.”
He nods, giving me a look. “I need help with math again.”
I take a seat at the table as he opens his backpack and lifts out a folder. He opens it and takes out a piece of paper, setting it down between us.
“I got stuck here,” he says, pointing to a problem.
I look over the paper, hoping it’s something I still remember.
“Oh okay, I know this stuff. Why don’t you walk me through what you did in the other problems, and then tell me what has you stuck on this one.”
As Morris talks, explaining his homework to me, I realize how calm he is. How the frustration of not getting something right doesn’t seem to get to him. It makes me so proud of him. With an attitude like that, he’s definitely going somewhere one day.
After he’s done explaining, I help him, walking him through each step, writing everything out until he understands. When he does, he beams, excitedly doing the next problem.
He flies through the rest of the worksheet before moving on to the next piece of homework for his language arts class. He barely needs any help with that one, finishing it faster than I expected.
I leave the room a few times to check on things and have a small meeting with Alyssa, but the two of us pretty much spend the rest of the day drawing. When my shift is officially over, we pack up his backpack and start heading outside.
“Today was fun,” Morris says, taking my hand as we start towards the apartment.
It really was. I rarely ever take days off or let myself have a break at work, but today was much needed.
“Why don’t we make it even better? Do you want to take a detour to get some ice cream?”
“Before dinner?”
“Yep! Sometimes, it’s okay to go out of order. It won’t hurt us!”
“Can I get a double scoop?”
“You can get whatever you want,” I tell him, swinging our arms back and forth.
He looks so happy that I promise myself to give him more days like this. These moments are precious, and I don’t ever want to limit them.
It may just be the two of us, but our bond is so strong that it doesn’t even matter.