30. Bay
THIRTY
bay
Dirt and grime plaster to the pads of my fingertips as I wipe the driver’s side rim of Levi’s Malibu clean.
Since I decided to go ape-shit and run Matteo down—possibly causing more collateral damage than intended—I’m keeping his pride and joy in tip-top shape until he comes back.
Whenever the hell that’s supposed to be.
Sitting on the concrete, it reminds me of being in a similar atmosphere with Dad. Working on cars, polishing, waxing, and talking shit with his tunes on.
The good ol’ days.
Now, he’s gone, I’m alone, Ellie and Mae are quiet in the house, and it does nothing to remind me all is not well in Kansas.
It’s desolate and void of any excitement and laughter.
Even Mae is feeling the full effect of Levi’s so-called death and without Dad here…it leaves me.
And I’m barely holding on by a thread.
Levi might still be with us, but I’m currently carrying another predicament in my stomach right now.
Another liability.
As shitty as it sounds, it’s true. Especially in this world with men who want to steal and rise to power.
This Titan shit needs to be eliminated.
However, it does bring a multitude of income to the citizens here. Last night, The Nameless gathered up over a hundred kilos of weed, and I just gaped at Dino like he was high off the shit.
There is so much I don’t know about how South Shore works and all the small moves that aren’t so tiny in the grand scheme of things.
“Miss Astor.”
Craning my neck toward the head of the garage, Shorty is standing there stoically with his arms drawn behind his back, staring at the blank wall.
There are no tools in here, nothing of Dad’s is set up properly. It’s here, but it’s everywhere, and I probably should get it together to give myself something else to do.
“I told you to stop calling me that,” I lightly chide. “It’s just Bay.”
“It’s protocol, ma’am.”
“Okay, that’s worse.”
“That’s how he would’ve wanted it.” His light eyes descend to me. “It’s respect, ma’am.”
Right.
The currency around here.
“Can you call me miss instead? I’m not that old.”
“You’re married.”
Geezus.
“What do you want, Shorty?” I pose exasperatedly, balling my rag in my palm.
His expression buckles from impassive to clearly annoyed. “Cairo Black is trying to get down the street.”
“Down the street?” Levi wasn’t kidding when he said no one would get to me. And I would ask Shorty what he wants, but it’s neither here nor there.
It still leaves me the issue of allowing an enemy to waltz in here—in South Shore—when Levi never allowed it.
Well, until things took a turn, and I became Emilio’s daughter.
I hesitate with my answer, the one Shorty is clearly waiting for, because I don’t want to lose said respect by being a woman with emotions.
Nonetheless, Cairo is here for peace, wants it, and so do I.
If it doesn’t start with us, where does it begin?
“Escort him back to the border,” I order, slowly getting to my feet. “And I’ll meet him there.”
Shorty’s brow tightens, clearly surprised, but he does his soldier thing and straightens himself right up again. “Yes, Miss.”
He promptly turns on his heels when I see Juice stride up the driveway with a smirk and a look of happiness to see me.
Unfortunately, I can’t say the same.
They lied to me about Levi. They led me to believe he was dead. I could’ve killed myself trying to get to Matteo…and it still falls on me.
And Levi.
“Hey, Queenie,” Juice greets me, stopping within a few feet to give me a small bow. “How’s it?—”
“You bow in front of me again and I’m poppin’ you in the nuts, asshole,” I scold with a glower. “Stop it.”
“Not into chivalry, huh?” His smile doesn’t falter as he closes the rest of the space between us. “Can’t say I’m surprised.”
“You’re lucky I’m even speaking to you after the shit you and Hot Rod pulled.”
He frowns then. “Aw, Bay…” He reaches for me, but I bat his hand away. “Don’t be like that.”
“I will be like that because I haven’t gone in on Levi yet. I’m just happy he’s still?—”
“Just followin’ orders, sweet cakes,” he states. “I’m not going to question Rod’s?—”
My face contorts. “You do it all the time.”
“Not with shit like this.” He stretches his arm to get at me again and succeeds when he pulls me into his side. “It wasn’t my proudest moment.”
“I’m never going to forgive you.”
“Bullshit,” he mutters confidently. “We all know I’m your favorite.”
Only because he lets me get away with everything.
I bristle in his hold, but I don’t pull away. “Cairo Black is here.”
“Oh yeah?” His forearm slides against my shoulders as he steps in front of me. “What for?”
“No idea. But I had Shorty escort him back to the border so I can?—”
“Why?” My lips part because I thought I was doing the right thing. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Why not? The guys obviously don’t like him, and we still haven’t made an official alliance?—”
“Don’t worry about that,” he mumbles. “We’ll handle the inner workings of their head.”
“ He didn’t,” I surmise. “Do they…do they know?”
Juice shakes his dome, and I feel like a shithead. “He didn’t want to risk it.”
"We’re all going to hell.”
He smirks again. “I thought we already were.”
We definitely are now.
“I’m sure it’s hard enough to lose their leader,” I reply. “Now they have to answer to a girl who?—”
“A woman who loves South Shore as much as he did.” He sighs and gives me a little shake. “This isn’t like other guys. This is different. This isn’t The Void or the Forsaken Crew. They follow who they trust. And they trusted Levi. So, in turn, they will follow you wherever you want to go.”
I don’t buy it.
I’m not Levi, by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t even know how to do this shit.
Juice and Hot Rod would guide me, but what do we do? Are there monthly meetings? Do I hand out gold stars? Do they know what they’re supposed to do, or did Levi tell them? Is there a to-do list? How many guys are even in The Nameless? I’m not entirely sure if I can speak to a bunch of guys in white masks seriously.
“Shorty!” Juice yells, retrieving his sprinting frame back into the midst of the garage. “Bring Black here.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Geezus,” I mutter. “When did they get so polite?”
“What do you mean?” Juice asks with amusement. “How often have you hung around?”
Touche.
“I’d rather still be outside of the realm of all this. It’s overwhelming.”
“It’s temporary. You have other things to worry about.”
Like being pregnant.
Something no one knows but Cairo…and Ozzy.
When is the right time to bring it up to the guys?
“Hey—um, when do I get to see…” I look up at Juice, aware he’ll fill in the blanks of what I need. We’ve obviously been careful with what we say and who might always be around. I’ve followed their lead with the secrecy, and now I understand why.
“Soon.”
That’s all I need.
Meanwhile, my secret will need to come out, eventually. Unless I decide to abort the baby and go to my grave with it.
I’m not sold either way, but it still lingers in my head like a bitch.
“Bay…” Blinking a few times, Juice’s boyish face comes into view. “What’s wrong?”
“I…”
I miss Dad.
I hate I can’t tell Ellie and Mae that Levi is still alive.
I loathe that I’m pregnant and I’m stupid enough to put myself in this position. Dad would probably kill me right now if he knew.
Well, he does now, doesn’t he?
I’m sure he’s looking down on me and can’t believe I’m a bigger fuck-up than he thought I was when he was alive.
This is a disaster.
I can’t tell Juice before I tell Levi.
If I tell Levi.
If I keep it.
Him, her, whatever. Geezus.
“Just tired,” I surmise with a small shrug. “I’m worried about the girls.”
Juice nods. “I get that.”
“What’s the next move? Is it to get Matteo, and then what? We still have Ramsey, more than likely, but are we even going to deal with that? Is he going to talk to him? How long do I need to do this? I don’t know what he was thinking. It should’ve been you or Hot Rod?—”
“Miss Astor, your visitor is here.”
God bless Shorty.
I’m going to break him of the polite shit, if it’s the last thing I do.
Juice steps away, giving me some space, but it’s not Cairo standing there staring back at me like a mirage.
It’s Pretty Boy.
“Uh, Shorty,” Juice drones with a cluck of his tongue. “You know this ain’t Cairo Black, right?”
“Yes, sir,” Shorty replies evenly. “I just thought Miss Astor would like to handle this herself.”
He spins on his heel then and purposely shoulder-checks Torin.
I see Torin flinch a bit. His jaw tightens as if in pain, but he doesn’t utter a single word to the contrary.
He just waits.
“You got this?” Juice mutters patiently. “I can stay?—”
“Stay close,” I reply. “I’ll yell if I need you.”
He folds in half, bowing to me like an asshole, and I swat at him, but he quickly dodges.
Asshole and a half.
Juice fucks off like it’s his job, whistling on his way out while I deal with my nemesis.
The possible father of my child.
My other half.
He’s in a plain dark red shirt and blue jeans. The stubble along his sharp jawline speaks to his lack of shaving. His hair is longer, but it’s the bulge of his biceps keeping me from calling Juice back in here.
I want to eye-fuck them whenever I want without getting judged.
“I know you didn’t get lost,” I profess through the suffocating silence between us. “But I am insulted that you didn’t think they’d notice you, of all people.”
Torin blankly stares at me. “Just testing the people who are supposed to roll with you now.”
“Mhm.” I take one step forward, exhibiting to him I’m not afraid, when I’m still a bit leery. I can’t talk, Torin has been off the rails lately, too. First, his attempted murder of me, then his real murder of Emilio. He thought I killed Judah and decided to handle it. And Nessa set up Levi, and I handled it for real. “What can I do for you, Pretty Boy? Should you be out of bed?”
“Since when do you give a fuck about my physical health, Wildfire?”
“Icebreaker. If you don’t want to small talk, then cut to the chase and leave.”
His tawny gold eyes narrow on me. “I think it’s you who has something to say to me.”
My neck cranes not-so-curiously to the side as my heartbeat races aggressively. “Like?”
“Is this how it is now?” he hedges blandly. “We don’t tell each other anything anymore.”
“That trust is broken, and I don’t give my enemies my deepest and darkest secrets.”
“I was never your enemy. We both know I could never?—”
“I don’t want to hear it,” I tersely cut in because I’m not ready to face him yet. Nor our problems. Or the fact he’s back, somewhat, in my midst again and doesn’t hate me.
That’s the issue.
Before it was lust, and I could deal with that. Then it was hate, and it was hard.
Real hard.
I felt off-kilter with the way Torin scowled at me as if he couldn’t wait to watch me suffer. He wasn’t a calculated killer but someone who acted off emotions and tempers.
Like me.
But if I knew Levi was still alive, would I have shot Nessa?
The answer is no.
Unless she would have shot Travis, I dunno.
No, we would’ve still shot her ass.
“Since when do you allow a man such power over you?” Pretty Boy suddenly looms closer, and my breathing hitches sharply, sounding like a little animal who just got pounced on by something bigger. “I killed Emilio for you. I’d do it again. If that wasn’t a sign I would do anything to protect you?—”
“And who is going to protect me from you ?”
“No one,” he deadpans, causing a violent shiver to shoot throughout my body. “I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it as many times as I need to. You’ve always been mine. There isn’t anyone who could keep me from you.”
“Even your own brothers?”
“Especially them. I fucked up… I know I need to earn your trust again. I won’t excuse or give you reasons for why I did what I did. They seem minimal and stupid now. But I can promise you I’ll never do it again.”
I slowly shake my head. “I don’t buy it. You said you’d protect me, and you were the one thing?—”
“You’ll need to kill me next time, then. I’m for real.”
I’m not .
I’m beginning to think he’s on a high dosage of pain medication right now. What he’s saying to me…he’s a fucking nut job.
“Is there anything else?” I push to get this conversation over with. “I’m busy.”
“No, you’re not. You’re pissed.” He takes another two steps in my vicinity. “And you’re pregnant with my child.”
My nostrils flare, because I’m going to stab Cairo so many damn times in the chest that he can’t count them all.
Mindlessly, I shift my weight. This wasn’t at all the conversation I wanted to have today.
Not with him.
Not with Reeve.
Not with fucking anybody.
“It’s Reeve’s.”
I’m not entirely sure if that’s accurate, but he doesn’t need to know that.
“It’s mine,” he says again. “How the fuck couldn’t it be?”
He’s got me there because I don’t know.
However, he’s not the only option. And it’d be my luck to spawn another Wildes into this world, wouldn’t it?
“I hope not,” I surmise evenly. “The last thing you and I need is another petty asshole running through this world.”
“So you’re keeping it?”
“I never said that.”
“Then I’m going to need you to.”
I scoff like a bitch. “Go fuck yourself. This isn’t your decision to make.”
Those glimmering golden irises of his, the ones that hold me captive to his stupid ass, keep hidden how this conversation is going to play out and what his endgame is.
He can’t be so fucking stupid to think I’d want this.
His kid .
Even though Torin gives nothing away, I can still read him.
It’s a vibe I can contain and wield, directing where this discussion will lead. The certain words I could use and my tone, us petty assholes need to be spoken to in a specific way given any circumstance.
One little shitty comment and the whole idea of a civil conversation is gone.
“Where is my fearless girl?” He sounds almost heartbroken when he says it as I tuck my chin into my chest because, seriously, fuck him. He acts as though I disappeared and he’ll never find me again, no matter how hard he tries. “Where did she go?”
“She’s not yours anymore,” I grind out, clenching my teeth together to keep me focused on something else.
Anything else.
He broke me, and I hate it.
That I permitted it to happen.
Though all my inner warnings and the way I knew I shouldn’t have let him in, I did it anyway.
I let my enemy inside my head, my chest, my fucking heart, and he tried to kill me.
“What happened out there?”
Fuck this dude.
We’re not about to have a heart-to-heart right now.
Lifting my head, I meet his gaze with steel wrapped around anything he could try to penetrate through. “Where?”
“You know better,” he croons, the lightness to his tone is a contrast to how he’d really be if we weren’t where we are now. “You can’t be out there runnin’ around like you’re invincible.”
“What, like you?” I clip back.
“I can be when I have a whole crew backin’ me up. You went solo.”
“So did you when you tried to drown me in the fucking Atlantic Ocean. ”
“You killed that blonde bitch and I wanna hear why.”
I step away from him because why the hell would that be any business of his? Nonetheless, it may also help me get him away from me. “She betrayed me. She began working with Matteo. She got Levi shot.”
Torin’s demeanor finally breaks, and a full-blown scowl rakes over his features. “Just Wallace, huh? You know, I took a few bullets for that asshole.”
“Not good enough,” I pledge. “Because you’re still here.”
Ouch.
The moment the words leave my lips, I regret them.
Even for me, that was harsh. Wishing something like that on him is unforgivable. I’d never mean it. Regardless of what happened…I may not have asked about him constantly, but Torin isn’t Levi.
He’s the devil’s spawn.
And you can’t kill the devil.
While I believed Levi to be invincible, Torin is godly. He’s too fucking ignorant to die. Too much of an arrogant asshole to accept it.
He’d tell the Reaper to go get fucked before he’d follow him. Because he’d never be done with me until he said so and that’d be that.
Period.
Torin doesn’t move. I don’t think he even breathes as he stands there waiting on maybe an anvil to drop on his head. I wish one would, so he’d go down, and I could step over him already to end this thing.
“Can you leave me alone now?” I solicit evenly. “I think we’re through here.”
“You think I’d leave you alone?” Torin hedges like I’m the biggest dumbass alive. His voice is bleak and empty as a cold chill racks up my spine, causing my nipples to pebble in its wake.
And here we go.
It’s a game to him, and I always play. The pushy, let’s-stab-some-more-buttons-to-see-if-we-can-get-the-other-to-snap game.
It’s dangerous and exhausting. Especially with how persistent he and I are. Except he’s a psycho ass who picked my worst fear to use against me and decided to play off it.
“You might hate me,” he continues. “You might try to keep me out forever, and that’s your prerogative. But you can believe everything you hold near and dear to your fucking heart that I’ll never leave you alone, Bay.” He inches closer, stimulating my heart to beat faster in tandem with his next move. “I’m never giving you up. I’m never leaving you. You can be disgusted and full of hatred when you hear my name but that won’t be a Wildes child in your stomach. It’ll be a Morrison, a fuckin’ Stanton, but not a Wildes.”
“I’m a Wildes, dumbass,” I clap back. “Or did you forget that already?”
“You’re a Ryland. An Astor. You’re anything but a Wildes, Wildfire. As much as he tried to trap you and force that on you, we both know I killed his legacy from ever expanding. He can’t keep you. I already stole you away and took the only thing he had. And I don’t share.”
“You already have.”
“Ah, yes.” He smiles at me. “Well, maybe I do. However, it’s probably because I know what I’m capable of. I know every way to make your breath hitch. I know every time we’re in the same room…you can’t pry your eyes off me, and it kills you inside that I’ve sunken so deep underneath your flesh that I’m part of you. And you’re part of me. If you thought you were going to rid the world of what we’ve created, Bay Astor…I’d advise against it. The ocean was one thing…purposely killing something of mine is another. I might never forgive you for it. But it won’t make me give you up, only try for more of what you could give me.”
Then he ambles on his heels and begins out of the garage, where he leaves his promises with me.
The fucking dick.
If I didn’t want to be in the current situation I am now…I definitely feel it more now.
I never should’ve gotten involved with these boys.
But I can’t picture my existence in its entirety without them.