34. Bay
THIRTY-FOUR
bay
Staying out of the house was the plan, but Cairo was adamant about speaking with Reeve about my being pregnant.
A pregnancy that still hovers in the air like a nightmare that won’t fuck all the way off.
I can’t explain all my emotions in a few words other than I’m shocked, relieved, and pissed.
It all boils down to fear, really.
How I didn’t know if I was going to see him again and if he’d come back unharmed. It took everything in me to keep him from my mind, and that was me just going through the motions of what happened over the last weeks and how much shit has changed.
But everything has.
It’s the reality of it.
I knew I’d have to see Reeve eventually, and I knew it was going to be rough. As predicted, he’s still pissed at me. And I would say rightfully so, however, we have bigger issues to discuss that don’t include a Titan seat, Emilio, or anyone else.
Just a thing we created. I have enough respect for him to speak about it since I was forced to with Torin. Leaving Reeve out, I would think, could be a slap to the face and give the impression I don’t care.
I do care.
I care too much.
So much so I ate the turkey sandwich Cairo made me and forced myself to swallow each and every single bite. He claims things are going to be okay, but I’m having a really hard time believing that right now.
Especially since, after seeing each other for the first time, Reeve can barely be in the same room as me for longer than two minutes.
Cairo steps away for a few to take a phone call, leaving me to my own demise mentally when Reeve stomps through the family room an hour later from his first appearance, completely in his own world as he makes his way to the door.
He’s on a mission, and I have a funny feeling what that shit is.
“Where are you going?” I ask as I slide off my stool.
Reeve halts on a dime, turning his body to face me and looking so beyond himself my heart can’t help but tightly squeeze at my lost boy with a kind heart and a mellow soul. “What are you still doing here?”
Such a shitty and expected question, but I’m so past keeping my feelings in check that I’m just going to lay some of them on the line.
“I came to make sure you were okay.”
He quirks an eyebrow, instantly irritating me because it’s just like before. He’s fucking upset with me and my decision-making, which led us here.
To where I lost him, and I’m afraid I’m never going to get him back.
“I’m not okay,” he ventures deep in his chest. “But I will be in the next thirty minutes.”
Reeve rakes his fingers through his hair, lifting his arm to do so. I noticed earlier his left arm was fully tatted, but I haven’t gotten to observe what kind of crazy shit he put there when he was fucked up.
“You can’t go back there,” I continue through my racing heart. “You can’t go back to doing lines and drinking. You’re needed here.”
Reeve hits me with an irritated glare. “Says who? I’m not looking for your approval or your guidance, Bay. Go the fuck home and stay there until one of these assholes calls for you.”
Calls for me.
A small scoff ejects from my lips, and obviously someone forgot who I was when they were on a bender.
Reeve points at me, his hazel eyes scanning down me again, and I feel uneasy under his gaze. “Is it mine?”
“No, it’s someone else’s,” I retort, defensive as fuck. “I am the South Shore slut after all.”
He eases forward, still keeping a well-kept distance between us. Plus, there’s furniture in the way, a coffee table, and a La-Z-Boy. “I’m not in the mood for your constant bullshit, so just answer the fuckin’ question.”
“Would it make a difference?”
Reeve’s ringed nostrils flare. “Guess not.”
“Good. Then the next part of what I was going to say won’t make you feel any sort of way.” His face lifts, illuminating his curiosity and my petty positions and swings with my next words. “I’m not keeping it.”
Now I’ve got him.
His whole face transforms from annoyance to downright murderous as he rounds the sectional and eats up the space between us.
I step back. “Nah, fuck you. Don’t start telling me you’ve had a change of heart that quickly.”
“I don’t know what kind of sick shit you think you’re playing, McQueen, but I can assure you that you’re not getting rid of my fucking kid.”
“ Your kid? You gave up those rights an hour ago. Deadbeat dad, right? Plus, it’s not even?—”
“Say it’s not mine,” he sneers, baring his teeth at me and inching closer without any means to stop. “Say…it’s…not mine… one more time. I fucked you raw and hard. I made sure to mark you every time I got inside that pretty pussy, and I was intent on making you mine forever.” His hazel eyes fall to my belly. “Looks like I fucking did.”
“You don’t know shit, Reeve.”
“Oh, I definitely fucking know what I did. My whole goal was knocking you up, McQueen. I was going to marry you, put a whole squad of kids in you, and then I was going to die worshipping you every moment of every single day.”
All past tense.
All broken dreams that never came to pass, except one.
And I can’t keep a child in this world the way it is right now. I yearn for a mother figure in my life, and there’s none to guide or talk this out with.
“It’s my body, my choice.”
“It’s my body, my fucking kid,” he claims, just as shitty as me. “You scared, McQueen? You pussying out on me?”
“Like you did?” I retort back. “I didn’t know you had a weak bitch inside you, but apparently, I was wrong. The moment we had a fight, you fucked off.”
“I wouldn’t call that a fight,” Reeve leers. “More like a breakup and your loyalty being tested.”
“I did what I had to do.”
“And you chose wrong. ” He lifts his shoulders. “Get over it, McQueen.”
“Right,” I scoff. “Because that’s all you’ve been doing. And I’m supposed to do what, exactly? Give birth to a kid you just said you weren’t dealing with? Color me confused, but I read that as you not claiming it.”
“Well, then I’ll just pull a you and change my mind at the last second. You married Oz, and then you realized how much of a fuckin’ mess he is and realized you fucked up. Does he not fuck you like I used to? Is that why you moved to Cairo? Last time I checked, you and Torin were still on the outs. And I know Cairo can’t do it like me.” He inches closer, towering over me with his surfer vibes and not-so-subtly animosity. “Did you miss me, McQueen? Do you lay down at night and think about everything we used to be and why we can’t anymore?”
“Says you.”
“Yeah…says me.” His hazels fall to my lips, sending a cool shudder down my arms. “I don’t make the same mistake twice. And that’s what we are. We both know that. I might be the cool guy, but I fucked my sister, and that’s not something you’d want to father your child.”
Honestly, that’s a distant memory for me but obviously not for him.
I never lived that reality.
I’m sure it haunts him as much as it does the way I can’t take back what I did to him that day in Levi’s garage.
“I never said that,” I convey as calmly as I can. “Don’t put words in my mouth.”
“I’m saving you from having to do that. You don’t ever have to mention it. And consider that my last kindness.”
My lips curl into a shitty-ass smirk. “You can shove it up your ass. I know you like that.”
Reeve mocks my expression, his eyes brightening with each passing second and threatening my resolve. He’s probably fucked more people in the last month or so than I have my whole life.
He moved on quickly and without looking back.
“I know you don’t listen to everything I say,” he returns slowly. “But hear me when I fuckin’ say you won’t be giving up that baby for any bullshit reason. If you want Torin to be the dad, fine. But you don’t get rid of it because you got your feelings hurt. I’ll never forgive you for that. Especially after my sister took that away from me too.”
My mouth opens, but no words come out.
Checkmate.
“We on the same page?”
Not really.
However, the pressure he’s putting on me is heavy. It’s like his foot is on my chest, and he’s shoving it harder into me to make me comply with what he says.
We’re not on the same page.
I will not be a good mother.
This is like a sick joke.
Things with Levi are weird and changing, and I have no clue where we’re at. Cairo is supportive as fuck, and I think he’s on some sort of drugs half the time with how nice he’s being about it.
And fuck Torin.
Ozzy hasn’t come to see me since I mentioned my pregnancy, and I’m not entirely sure how to go about that conversation.
And then there’s me.
This is why you don’t fuck around and find out with more than one guy. This is why you don’t whore around.
This is why I should’ve listened to Levi and stayed the hell away.
Nonetheless, despite the havoc, I can’t imagine not having each of them in my life at one point or another. It’s like different pieces of me came together and made me whole.
What a stupid ass way to think.
“Maybe you need to think about it,” Reeve grumbles when I don’t answer. “But I’ve made my stance clear. If I hear one more fucking word about you offing the kid, you can consider you and I buried. And you can consider us dead, just like Rosie is.”
Then he pivots, leaving me with another gaping hole in my heart and an option to take something else away from him.
It’s not fair.
But it is.
Torin and Reeve have a right to want this child. I just believe they underestimate my ability to pull it off.