64. Bay
SIXTY-FOUR
bay
“Bay, I said I was going to get him.”
I continue to stomp toward my bedroom like a petulant child, with Levi’s voice still following me throughout the house.
I need a minute.
I need space.
Cold-cocking my best friend in the face isn’t the right thing to do, but it hasn’t halted the thought from forming in my brain while he drove me home.
This is also for him.
“I wasn’t going to give you up for that shit.”
Don’t care .
What he said was that he was going to grab Torin. He didn’t say he was going to do it after he was dead.
“Astor—” I slam my door in his face, immediately pacing the room for some idea to smack me upside the head.
I promised Cairo I wouldn’t do any crazy shit.
I also promised Levi I wouldn’t go off and act bat-shit crazy, either.
I don’t enjoy the fact I vowed to do anything remotely reckless now that I’m in a position where Pretty Boy’s existence lies in the balance of torture and fuck knows what else at the hands of my crazy ex.
My bedroom door suddenly whips open, not surprising me in the least, lightly bumping against the wall, but I’m saved by Mae’s voice skipping down the hallway before Levi can go in on me.
“I’m hungry.”
Story of my life.
Now he can deal with it.
“Give me a second,” Levi immediately says to my sister. “I need?—”
“I want pizza.”
I can feel his scowl from feet away, even though I don’t acknowledge his existence in my space. “Where’s Juice?”
“Playing games.”
“What games?”
“Call of Poopy.” She giggles at her own little joke, and I wish I could smile and divulge in her innocence. In the simple way she has nothing to worry about.
The way it’s supposed to be.
I’m a ball of anxiety and dread, and I can’t unravel it when Torin isn’t safely within my reach.
Until I know he’s safe.
“Duty,” Levi corrects her. “Go watch him while I?—”
“Can we have cheesy bread?”
“Sure.”
“And can we have pop?”
“No,” Levi and I both mindlessly respond at the same time.
Pop and Mae equal mayhem and too much running around. Something neither of us is in the mood for right now.
“Go on,” Levi urges as I steal a glimpse at him, giving her a gentle shove toward the living room. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
She goes without a fight, aware that to get on Levi’s good side and what she wants, following his orders gets her there.
Meanwhile, if I ask him to fuck off and leave my room, it’s going to spark an argument.
“You can be pissed at me,” he says matter-of-factly, in a tone that barely reaches my ears. “But I just gave up my position for that fucker. Give me that.”
I scoff, expressing how unimpressed I am. “And I told you not to do that. Did getting shot mean it affected your ability to listen?”
He flat-out ignores the question. “De Leon will think twice about what he does to Baby Wildes now. Before, he wouldn’t.”
“You said?—”
“And I meant it. We’ll get him back.”
“You can’t promise me he won’t be dead ,” I grind out, spinning on my heel to continue my pacing. “You can’t give me anything.”
“Girl, I’m the King of South Shore. I get what I want when the fuck I want it.”
Boys and their egos.
Their power.
Dad would’ve never.
He wasn’t a gambler, and Levi pushes lines even I’m afraid to get near.
“Your title means shit-all in the grand scheme of things,” I vouch tersely. “You’re just a boy with too much?—”
Levi whips me around, almost sending me on my ass when his hands ground me with a taut squeeze.
“Man, you’ve got me fucked up,” he growls with pinned eyebrows and even more intense green eyes. “Get out of your feelings, and pay attention.”
I want to.
It would be so much fucking easier.
“Let go of me,” I warn instead. “Or I’m going to show you exactly how in my feelings I am.”
“Cairo has men following Torin right now. I’ll have something from him soon.”
“Will that be before or after Torin’s dea?—”
Levi shakes me once, rough enough to make the last word disappear from my throat altogether.
“ Stop being a Debbie fucking Downer, Astor. Have I ever let you down, yet?”
Short answer, no.
However, that still doesn’t stop everything.
Not the dread boiling in my veins. The sharp twists in my gut tightening with each passing second.
And all the words I never said.
To him.
Torin and I are so unresolved if he doesn’t get through this, it’s always going to bother me. I’m never going to get over it. I can’t say I’d be shocked by the feat. Of any man I’ve ever met in my life, Torin Wildes would be the petty asshole that would haunt me for the rest of my life.
At the time, it was all we had. I wasn’t in a rush to go back and have to meddle through my emotions.
I didn’t have to forgive him.
I didn’t have to punch him.
I didn’t have to do anything.
But now…now everything hangs in the balance, and I don’t like being in this spot. I don’t like being held by a man who hates him and is trying to console me. Who would do anything for me because I want it when he would more than likely let Torin go.
I’m unworthy of such loyalty.
I would love to pretend things weren’t the way they are. That I’m not throwing these boys in some weird-ass group to accept each other because we can’t stay away.
Levi is trying.
I’m breaking.
And neither one of us is going to let this go.
“I need to break my vow,” I force from my lips. “I have to get him back.”
He glowers at me and abruptly releases me, taking a well-needed step back for his own sanity probably. “That’s not going to happen.”
“Levi—”
“Do you love me as much as him to trust me, or no? Let me know so I have the full spectrum of where we stand.”
I shake my head. “It’s not even remotely close to that. It has nothing to do with loving someone more?—”
“If you love me, you’ll trust me. I’m not going to let you down.”
I do trust him.
With everything.
But he can’t control fate and other people’s actions. He can’t give me Torin’s life on a silver platter when he’s not in control of the narrative.
“I love you more than you’ll ever know,” I emit evenly. “Not just as friends but as someone who’s always been mine .”
His lips part with, I’m sure, a retort, but I quickly cut in.
“However, you can’t predict what Matteo is going to do. What he’ll try to accomplish with the only thing he knows I’d give anything for.”
“He’s not ready to sign his death wish just yet, Astor. I’m alive. He knows I’m not going to play around.”
“I’d love to have that ego of yours,” I admit, unable to feel anything but defeated. “But Torin…he was there when Matteo and I were dating. He’s wanted nothing more than to get his hands on him and rip his fucking heart out of his chest.”
“Does he have one?”
I volley over an exasperated glower. “Can you be fuckin’ serious?”
“I am.”
“I need him?—”
“And Cairo will have his whereabouts soon.”
“That’s not soon enough.”
He shrugs. “I don’t know what to tell you, Astor. Everyone is moving as quickly as they possibly can. Without getting caught. You need to be patient.”
I glance over at my dresser because it’s not the answer I want.
But he’s trying and I’m being…myself.
Snappy and curt.
Rude and selfish.
I bow my head, needing to accept everyone is doing everything they can to get Torin back. Why wouldn’t they? Especially Cairo, Ozzy, and Reevie.
Nonetheless, I can’t lose anyone else.
Dad, sort of Levi, the baby…
“Hey, McQueen.”
My head snaps so quickly to the door I think I may have pulled a muscle when I feel an uncomfortable tug at the side of my neck.
But fuck that. It’s my Reevie standing in the doorway of my room.
“Any word from Black?” Levi inquires stoically, definitely unaffected by his presence.
Unlike me.
“Nothing,” Reeve deadpans, keeping his hazel-filled comfort latched on me. “I need to eat.”
How the fuck can he eat during a time like this?
“I’m going to go order the girls pizza,” Levi says, starting for the living room, but I know exactly where I fucked up.
I got all googly-eyed over Reeve in the room, and he noticed.
“Hold up,” I order, stepping forward to stop Levi from escaping. Then I inhale, “Reeve, give us a second?”
“Sure.” He reaches for the doorknob, closing the door behind him but not before giving Levi a smirk, as if he’s happy my bestie is here.
Not me.
With a click and ignoring Reeve’s fucking idiotic bullshit, I turn to face Levi fully and try to figure out how to navigate this.
I would feel awful if I were him.
I wouldn’t feel like a fan favorite either.
“Why don’t you and I go out?” I solicit evenly. “For a ride or something.”
“Why would we do that?”
I lift my shoulders. “I dunno, we can go see Travis. We need a break.”
He stares down at me with a blank expression. “I don’t get breaks.”
“Gonna need to learn how. You have a new girlfriend and all.”
“Do I? I couldn’t tell.”
I snort because who’s being the brat now? “Don’t play that shit.”
“I’m not playing any shit, Astor. Other than getting your boyfriend back.”
His voice whips through the air and cracks alongside my empathy and self-awareness.
He gives me everything.
And I’m asking him for the world. One he’s walking into with several other men who want to stay, too.
“Then maybe Nessa would’ve been a better option for you.”
“Nessa was a needy little snob with sticky hands,” he vouches evenly without a thought. “It was a hard pass for me.”
“Then Carina Black.”
“Yeah?” His expression doesn’t falter at the mention of her name, and that pisses me off. “Do I have your permission, Astor?”
“I didn’t think you needed it.”
“Might be a hard thing to get past her brother, but hey, I’ve done it before.” That cold-cocking thing from earlier is sounding mighty promising. “I do have some pull and protection.”
“You’re going to need it.”
From me, asshole.
“I’m not worried. I’ve snuck out of Lorenzo Black’s house right underneath his nose while Cairo was having dinner with his folks downstairs. He never heard me.”
“Good job.”
“Had to cover her mouth so that she didn’t scream?—”
My fist suddenly connects with his gut, and Levi sucks in a sharp inhale, glaring at me like the dick I am.
“I’m still healing , asshole.”
“Bring Carina over, and let’s see how many seconds she lasts in my town while she tends to you, prick.”
“Got her number? I lost it.”
I feel the stinging sensation along my palm before I realize I slapped Levi across the face.
And the prompt remorse I feel afterward isn’t something I’m looking to add to the night, either.
I am a dick.
He just stares at me like I did nothing at all, and it’s so typical of him to deal.
With me.
With my temper.
With my constant bullshit.
And with that, he leans over, towering over me like the beast of a man he is. “You’re gonna have to hit me a lot harder than that to get your point across. I couldn’t hear you over the memories.”
It’s a cheap shot.
I could almost commend him for being so fucking petty that he’s almost on my level.
“Now you know how I feel,” I mutter, rounding up for my home run in this little argument we’re having. “Thinking Torin could die, and he’d never fuck me again…I’m having a hard time imagining that.”
“Just use your fingers,” Levi replies evenly. “I’m sure it’ll represent his exact dick size.”
That was a good one, and it breaks through some of the tension sizzling between us.
Weirdly enough.
“I’d have to use three.” Levi’s nostrils flare, prompting his first reaction, and I ride on it. “And would it be weird to scream his name afterward?”
“We listen, and we don’t judge.”
I nod. “Great. I’m going to need a minute.” A muscle in Levi’s jaw tics, but he doesn’t move from his spot. “Will you get green peppers on my side of the pizza?” I slap his bicep like a homie. “Thanks.”
“Anything else?”
“No, I think that’ll be it.”
“Good.” He rounds my body and begins for the door. “I’m going out after dinner.”
My gut drops at his words, and it takes everything in me not to stop him and apologize.
However, my pride has choked out any words from leaving my throat, and with each passing second, I know my time is running out to do just that.
Then the door clicks closed with an unforgiving thud.