Chapter 16
Just before noon on Saturday, Jayden and Makayla’s mom steers her van into the community center parking lot to drop us off for Alexander’s competition.
The building sits across from a small park that hugs the shore of Lake Washington, and the lot is already packed, a line of cars circling around to drop people off before heading out in search of parking elsewhere.
When it’s our turn, the van doors slide open and we pile out.
Inside, we follow Jayden, who seems to know exactly where to go, into the center’s huge gymnasium, where a wide stage is set up at one end, the floor filled with people milling around in groups and practicing dance moves in the open spaces.
“There he is!” Jayden exclaims a moment later and changes direction, veering through the crowd to the opposite wall, where Alexander stands tapping away on his phone next to a group of people stretching and talking.
He looks up and breaks into a smile, throwing his arms open as we approach. “You came!”
“Of course,” Jayden says, stopping in front of him. “How are you feeling?”
“Oh my god, terrified,” Alexander says, pulling a face. “I’m definitely the youngest person here.”
“And just as deserving,” says a girl from the group next to him. She’s Asian, wearing big jeans and a baggy shirt.
“Oh my goddddd!” Alexander turns to her, hands pressed to his face. “Thank youuu.” He twirls back to us, gesturing toward the group. “This is my crew.”
A jumble of hellos echoes back and forth, all of the crew members shifting to smile and wave back at us.
Alexander squeals and darts around the three of us, and we turn to see him tackle Stef in a hug, Forrest following behind her.
His eyes find mine, and the corner of his mouth lifts.
I smile without even thinking about it, then feel myself blush, and look away quickly, at the stage.
He’s here, and I’m here, and we’re both here together.
For the whole day. Ohmygodohmygodohmy-god.
This is terrible, and wonderful, and I don’t know what to do about it.
“What’s up?”
I look back, and there Forrest is, right in front of me. He’s traded the hoodie for a dark green parka over a flannel over a T-shirt, and the color of the jacket makes his eyes look like moss, soft and inviting.
“Hey!” I say.
“You excited?” he says, just as the speakers boom to life and everyone in the gym flinches at once. The volume drops instantly and someone calls out an apology through a microphone, to scattered laughs and applause. Forrest and I widen our eyes at each other, smiling.
“Welcome dancers, welcome guests!” the emcee continues.
Forrest winks at me, winks at me, and looks toward the stage.
I half listen to the speaker introducing the event and the first few crews, replaying that wink in my mind.
Why did he wink?! Was it flirtatious? Does he like me back?
Was it just a fun wink, like a hey here we go the event is starting wink?
Did he even know he winked? Do people wink without knowing it?
“Oh my god,” Jayden whispers excitedly, grabbing my arm, yanking me back into the present.
“Aaaaaand representing Seattle . . .” the emcee shouts at the same time, “206 Maverix!”
The crew’s name incorporates the area code for Seattle, showing their pride in their hometown.
They take the stage and we all cheer as they throw their hands up, urging the crowd louder, and Alexander is right there in the middle, posing, clapping, smiling from ear to ear.
206 Maverix are third in the tournament, up against a crew from Tacoma, and they bound back to our station by the wall to watch the competition begin.
Third. That’s an odd number, a safe number, and I relax a little. Everything is going to be fine, I tell myself.
Everything is going to be fine.
Everything is going to be fine.
As the crews battle, my thoughts fade below the boom of the bass, and I’m swept up in the breakers’ flow.
Jayden narrates the dancing from beside me, pointing out different moves, and I start to see how the dancers put them together into unique combinations all their own.
They drop to the floor, legs spinning around their heads as they balance on their hands, then back up, feet moving in patterns I can’t follow, bodies twirling and twisting like tornadoes to the scratch of the DJ’s track.
When it’s time for Alexander’s crew to take the stage, Jayden heads toward the front of the crowd, and Anna takes his place next to me, checking her phone. Forrest is at my other side, where he’s been the whole time, talking to Stef and Makayla.
“This is so cool,” I say over the music, and Forrest half tilts his head to me, grinning, still watching Alexander.
“Right?” he says. “Wait ’til you see him. It’s going to blow your mind.”
I watch the stage as the crews take their positions, waiting for the music as the DJ transitions from the previous track.
I’m glad Jayden has been going to breakdancing club, and it seems like he and Alexander are really good friends.
I just don’t know what that means for our group.
Will Jayden leave us for Forrest’s friends, or will our friend groups merge?
I don’t want to lose Jayden, don’t want us to change, but the other option means hanging out with Forrest all the time.
And if I tell him I like him, and he doesn’t feel the same . . . I squeeze my eyes shut.
A hand touches the small of my back, and my eyes fly open. “You OK?” Forrest murmurs in my ear. His breath makes the skin on my neck prickle.
I shake my head, not daring to look at him. “I’m fine!” His hand is still on my back, right above the waistband of my jeans, and his touch zaps my whole body to life.
“OK,” he says, and pulls his hand away, leaving me buzzing. I stare at the stage and try to focus on what the emcee is saying, on the beat of the music behind his words, on anything but the way my heart is pounding, the way I’m drawn to Forrest like he’s a magnet and I’m helpless metal.
“Look at Jayden,” Anna murmurs in my other ear. I do, and see him standing right in front, eyes fixed on Alexander, rocking back and forth from toe to heel. “They need to just get together already.”
Wait.
What?
I squint at her. “What are you talking about?”
She frowns. “Jayden and Alexander and their massive crushes on each other? Did you not know?”
I turn back to the stage. Jayden’s hands are clasped in front of him, his face tipped upward as if toward the sun, gaze fixed on Alexander, who’s moved out in front of his crew, into position for his battle.
Alexander looks down at Jayden, and even though he was already smiling, now he’s grinning, the expression taking over his whole face as he gives Jayden the tiniest wave.
Anna pokes me gently. “Wait, did you seriously not know? Makayla and I were talking about it at lunch the other day while you were with Forrest, and we just assumed you knew too.”
I’m silent, staring at the stage, but I’m not seeing the competition anymore. All the moments from the last few months flash in front of my eyes: their group project together, Jayden’s new familiarity with Forrest’s group of friends, his sudden interest in breakdancing—
“Halloween,” I say. “His costume. Alexander helped him make it.”
“Are we talking about Jayden and Alexander?” Makayla appears on Anna’s other side. “They started FaceTiming recently. He goes into his room and they talk for hours and when he comes out he’s all glow-y but he still hasn’t told me.”
Anna grabs my arm. “Oh my god, they’re starting!”
Forrest cups his hands around his mouth and whoops. “Here we go!”
Alexander struts toward the center of the stage, the half-circle of his crew behind him, up against a tall Black girl from the other crew.
I watch Jayden watch him, and feel a pit open up underneath me.
I’m standing in the gymnasium, but I’m falling, falling, falling.
How could I not have noticed? Now that I see it, it’s obvious, just like Anna said.
Jayden is the living embodiment of the heart eyes emoji, following Alexander’s every move.
I’m a horrible friend. All I think about is myself.
When Makayla came out, I spiraled, and now Jayden has this crush and I didn’t know, I had no fucking idea, because I’ve been caught up in my own head, in my stupid feelings, in these stupid thoughts.
I’m a horrible friend and they’re all going to leave me and I deserve it, I deserve it—
The crowd cheers and I dig my nails into my arm, as hard as I can.
THAT’S NOT REAL. IT’S NOT HAPPENING.
THAT’S NOT REAL. IT’S NOT HAPPENING.
THAT’S NOT REAL. IT’S NOT HAPPENING.
I breathe out, the pinch of my nails anchoring me, and watch Alexander. His movements are more fluid than other dancers’, and as he glides from a handstand to the floor and back, he incorporates his arms and hands in graceful framing gestures.
“He vogues too,” Forrest says. “It’s part of his style. It’s so fucking cool.”
I’ve seen voguing videos come across my feed, and now I can pick it out in the way Alexander moves, combining breaking and voguing into something entirely new.
The crowd shrieks and gasps as he death-drops and spins his legs to pull himself onto his hands, feet twirling in the air.
As I watch his dancing, the thoughts quiet, and I relax my hand around my upper arm.
I’m OK.
They battle back and forth until finally the DJ calls it in a dramatic wail, drawing out the syllables of the winning crew’s name: “Twoooooooo ohhhhhhh SIX! MAVERIX!”
We all scream, drawing laughs and claps from the crowd nearby as the crews leave the stage.
They’re swarmed by people high-fiving and hugging them, and we rush toward the clump, fighting our way toward Alexander, who’s fielding admiration from several dancers in other crews.
When he sees us, he abandons his fans and zooms over, his face glowing.