Chapter 20
Ten minutes left.
Forrest calls on someone. I can feel him looking at me afterward, but all I can hear is the buzzing in my ears.
The paper crumples in my hands.
Everyone is clapping and smiling and there’s something ringing in my ears, ringing in the room, the bell is ringing.
Forrest is standing. I can stand. I stand, grab my backpack, Forrest and Dean, all smiles, turning away to greet Mr. Harrison, I’m turning away and Anna’s in front of me and then she’s not and I’m at the front of the library and I’m in the hall in a bathroom, single stall, door locked.
I was going to fix everything fix myself so my thoughts couldn’t ruin my life but it’s all happening again and there’s nothing I can do to stop it and I’m going to kill myself and I don’t want to my face is hot and wet and my head is pounding and my nose is so clogged I can’t breathe through it.
I gulp air through my mouth in shuddering gasps, scooting across the floor to the toilet paper roll in its holder.
Tearing off a strip, I blow my nose until it’s clear.
The devastation is a forest fire, completely out of control.
It’s ten minutes into sixth period. I don’t want to walk in looking like this. But if I skip, the school will call Mom.
I leave the bathroom.