17. KATE
17
KATE
N ico storms ahead of me, not pausing to fix himself a drink. Either he forgot he wanted one, or it was an excuse to get away from me. And he still hasn’t given me an unqualified answer. Maybe I need to be clearer next time.
Do you want to fuck me, Nico ? Yes or no ?
I rub my palms over my face and let out a noise halfway between a groan and a sigh. What the hell am I doing, having whispered conversations with Nico in my mother’s darkened hallway? The entire exchange was like a dirty secret and my body vibrates with the aftershocks.
I linger a moment in the kitchen, then follow Nico out to the pool, blinking in the sunlight. Jack’s in the water again, and Mum and Curtis are sitting at the outdoor dining table, shaded beneath a yellow parasol. They’re holding hands, leaning into one another, whispering and laughing like teenagers in love.
Mum’s still wearing her floral summer dress, but Curtis has shed all his clothes except a pair of tiny red Speedos. He’s tanned all over, suggesting he’s regularly exposing himself in his skimpy attire.
His hands skim up Mum’s legs and dance over her upper arms. Long fingers slide around her neck as he pulls her towards him. My stomach clenches and a little bubble of bile rises.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to Mum and her boyfriends, but Curtis strikes me as one of the worst. He’s sleazy, conceited, and seems far too comfortable in this house. Like he already owns the place.
I sit on the edge of a lounger and help myself to a glass of cucumber water from a jug that’s sitting on the side table.
The smell of chlorine mingles with the perfume of the jasmine plants that climb the walls of the pool house. My skin warms beneath the sun, and water rhythmically laps the sides of the pool as Jack swims. I try to imagine I’m on holiday.
The sight of the hot tub taunts me with memories of my disastrous strip tease with Nico all those years ago. It’s bubbling away, but no one’s in it.
As if my thoughts have summoned him, Nico walks out of the pool house wearing swimming trunks and a t-shirt.
Jack’s voice cracks through the air. “Nico, get in.”
Nico flashes a dazzling smile. I haven’t seen him do it much recently. What I wouldn’t give to see him smile like that for me.
I pull my sunglasses down to cover my eyes, thankful for the reflective lenses, just as Nico pulls his shirt over his head and throws it down on the nearest lounger.
My breath hitches.
He’s absolute perfection; skin gently tanned, shoulders broad. The muscles of his chest and the ridges of his abs are beautifully defined. Wow . He’s like a golden bar of chocolate, and I want to eat him up. When does he have time to work out? You don’t get a body like that by sitting at a desk all day. A trail of dark hair runs from his navel and disappears from view beneath his trunks, creating a pathway I desperately want to follow with my fingers… my tongue—
It’s been way too long since I had sex.
Every cell in my body heats as I watch Nico from behind the lenses of my glasses, careful to hold my head so it doesn’t look like I’m staring at him.
There isn’t an inch of fat on him. He’s glorious, built like an athlete. I’m so used to seeing him formally dressed; the only skin ever revealed is his forearms and the triangle at his neck when he isn’t wearing a tie.
Nico tosses his head to flick his hair off his forehead and dives into the water. It’s all so effortless. The muscles in his back and shoulders ripple with the movement as he freestyles the length of the pool. When he reaches the other end, he climbs out and stands, hand on his hip, the other in his hair as he talks to Jack, who’s messing about in the pool.
Jack splashes, deliberately showering Nico with water. It’s so childish, so joyful, that it immediately transports me back in time. How many times have I sat right here and secretly longed for Nico to notice me?
Far too many .
Jack splashes again and yells, “Get back in,” before dipping under the surface.
Nico laughs, then turns, his gaze honing in on me like he knows I haven’t taken my eyes off him. One of his hands is a visor that shields his eyes from the sun and our eyes lock. My heart races until I’m nothing but scorched flesh and pulse.
Neither of us moves, tethered by an invisible force that excludes everyone else. I can’t look away, can’t breathe… but he’s here with me in this. Locked into this storm of unspoken words and denied emotion.
His stare is so intense it strips away layers without my consent, exposing parts of me I wouldn’t want anyone else to see. One truth rises harder and faster than the rest: the old longing is as real and potent as it ever was.
Does he sense it too?
My throat tightens. It doesn’t matter whether Nico returns the sentiment because I can’t have feelings for him. I simply can’t. The guilt would eat me alive. It’s easier to hate him, because he’s still the man who screwed over my father.
And yet, it’s a pull that’s hard to resist.
Nico’s the first to break eye contact. He dives back into the water, leaving me questioning every feeling, every thought I just experienced.
Perhaps I imagined it all.
I get up, still feeling a tad shaken, and make my way to the pool house. Inside, it’s as dowdy as the rest of the place, and I cringe at the idea of Nico getting changed in here.
I failed to remember a swimsuit when I packed, so I open the large plastic box that has held various family members’ swimsuits for years. I rifle through the offerings, hoping to find something suitable, when a white bikini top catches my eye.
It’s the bikini. The same one I wore ten years ago. I pull it out. Amazingly, it looks brand new. I find the matching bottoms, testing the elastic. Miraculously, it hasn’t perished.
Dare I wear it? Will it even mean anything to Nico?
I quickly get changed. It still fits; I do a lot of running, and my body shape hasn’t really changed since I was in my teens.
When I walk back out, Nico and Jack are still in the water. Nico breaks his conversation to follow my movement along the side of the pool. My bare feet hit the hot stone with each step, and I hope to God this bikini looks as good as I think it does. I’m nearly naked and warm summer air scatters over my skin like the gentle brush of Nico’s attention.
I drop to the sun lounger, lie back and close my eyes, listening to the noise of Nico and Jack chatting. Their deep voices and laughter float across the surface of the pool, mingling with the lapping water.
My sun lounger dips. Someone’s sitting on the end. My heart tremors in the hope it’s Nico, but I didn’t hear anyone get out of the pool.
It can’t be him.
I open my eyes and my heart plunges. Curtis is sitting next to my feet in his tiny Speedos. The back of my neck prickles and I glance over at the table where Mum was sitting, only to see she’s disappeared. I scramble to sit up, pulling my legs away from Curtis.
“Nice place you’ve got here,” he says, nodding at the house.
“Yes. We’re very lucky.”
He stares at me, and I really don’t like the look in his eye as he drags his gaze up and down my body. My skin is crawling.
Where the fuck is mum ?
“Bet Debbie looked just like you when she was young,” he continues. “You’re a beauty. Great body too. But you know that, don’t you?”
“Erm…”
“Otherwise you wouldn’t have put on that bikini and laid yourself out like this.” A little oily laugh swills out his mouth. “But you know what they say. If you’ve got it, flaunt it, right?” He gestures to his own body, puffing out his chest. Revulsion swirls in my stomach. His hand flails in the air until he brings it down, rests it on my shin, and strokes his thumb up and down.
My body goes rigid. “Please take your hand off me.”
Curtis laughs as he lifts his hand. “Ooh, sorry. I’ve always been touchy-feely, me. It’s my love language.” He squeezes my big toe.
“It’s not mine.” I pull my feet out of reach, tucking them beneath me. “You can keep your hands to yourself.”
“Ooh. Prickly little thing, aren’t you?”
A shadow falls across the lounger, and Curtis shifts backward, looking up.
“Everything all right over here?” Nico’s voice is firm and powerful, and Curtis almost cowers.
Nico steps closer to me and rests his hand on my shoulder. It’s a small gesture, but so protective, so dominant, that I feel completely safe. It’s such a primal sensation that desire whips through my body from the point of contact.
“I was just saying what a great place this is,” Curtis stammers, standing up and stepping away from my lounger and pointing back at the house.
Nico lets out a low, rumbling sound that’s close to a growl. There’s a force emanating from him; a silent threat. It’s invisible, but most definitely real. He looks at me. “Is that what was going on?”
My eyes flick to Curtis, unsure what to say, but it’s enough of a reaction that Nico’s focus shifts to Curtis, who freezes, half-hunkering under the weight of Nico’s ferocious glare.
“Touch her like that again and I’ll hit you so hard your teeth will meet your brain.” Nico’s voice is full of menace; he means every word. It’s fucking terrifying. Even I cower a little, but in response, Nico’s large, warm hand gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. It’s totally at odds with the violence in his tone, and a knot of tightly coiled fear deep inside me releases slowly.
Curtis frantically nods and shuffles backward. “I’ll…umm… I’ll go and find Debbie.”
Nico nods, pool water dripping down his bare chest, every muscle on his torso shimmering in the sunlight. “You do that.”
Curtis scampers off towards the house in his tiny red trunks, and only then am I able to breathe again.
Nico lifts his hand from my shoulder, and I immediately want the touch of this large, protective man against my skin again.
“You okay?” His voice is deep and gentle now. Warmth spreads through my torso, sinking low in my hips, nestling between my thighs. I’ve never had a man who’s not my brother defend me so overtly.
“Ugh.” I give a shudder, recalling the feel of Curtis’ hand on me. “There’s something deeply off about that man.”
Jack hauls himself out of the water, coming to stand next to Nico. “What was that about?” he asks stiffly. It’s clear he didn’t see the entire exchange between me and Curtis, or hear Nico’s threatening words, because if he had, he’d have more to say about it.
Nico’s brows draw together for a fraction of a second and he glances at me, as if to check what response we’re giving.
“Nothing,” I tell Jack. “Everything’s fine.”
Jack assesses us for a moment. “Sure?”
“Absolutely.”
A muscle in Nico’s jaw feathers like he’s biting down on the truth, but I’m not about to fill Jack in, because I don’t want him going mental about it too. We still have the rest of the weekend to get through, and it’s already going to be awkward now.
“All good,” Nico confirms.
“Great. I’m gonna set up the barbeque,” Jack announces, all casual ease again. “Nico, can you go get the meat from the fridge? Mum can show you where it is. Caterers marinated it all, so it should be ready to go.”
“Sure.”
Jack grabs his towel, roughly dries himself, and heads towards the barbeque, where he tears open a bag of charcoal.
When I turn back to Nico, he’s staring at me, a puzzled look on his face. He takes me in as I lie on the lounger, and his appraisal couldn’t feel more different to Curtis’. I could bask in Nico’s attention forever, relishing the way my nerves dance beneath my skin.
As our eyes meet, his gaze turns heated. He looks away almost immediately, but I sense it’s more than avoidance. Something has drawn his attention.
I follow his gaze.
He’s staring at the hot tub.
When he looks back at me, there’s a little furrow between his brows. He remembers. I know he does .