20. KATE
20
KATE
N ico’s footsteps thump up the stairs, and I collect the rest of my sketches, sliding the loose sheets back into sketchbooks and piling them on the desk.
I can’t believe he walked away . He didn’t even wait for me to choose when he asked if he should stop touching me.
He decided. He decided everything . He always has.
Maybe this time, I get to decide.
I follow him upstairs. I’m not clear on exactly what I intend to say to him, but my body is on a mission I’m powerless to redirect.
When I reach his room, I grip the door handle, take a deep breath, and push the door open. I’m immediately struck by the decor. What must Nico think of this place? The carpet is worn and moth-eaten in patches and the soft furnishings are all chintz fabric from the early nineties. My sketch lies discarded in the middle of the bed, but there’s no sign of him.
A noise comes from the bathroom. The door to the ensuite is wide open. What if he’s taking a piss and I’m marching in here uninvited? I’ll leave before he sees me.
“Kate.”
Too late.
But the way he said my name… it was almost a groan. Guttural. Desperate. Does he know I’m here? Has he seen me? Maybe he’s as confused as I am. Maybe he wants to talk about what just happened.
I freeze, wondering what to do when he says my name again. Crap . He definitely knows I’m here. No point running away now.
I step towards the bathroom, and he looms into view. His back is to me, and he’s braced against the sink, the muscles of his shoulders rippling beneath the fabric of his shirt. But his trousers hang halfway down his thighs, the tail of his shirt half-covering a perfectly muscled arse.
It takes me a moment to realise that what I can’t see from behind, I can see clearly reflected in the mirror.
Fuck .
He’s pumping his hips, fisting his cock, driving it so hard into his hand that it looks painful. But pain isn’t what I see on his face; he’s approaching ecstatic bliss, and it’s the sexiest goddamn thing I’ve ever seen.
Another deep groan rumbles from his perfect mouth, and heat pools between my legs. Nico Hawkston is about to come, and I have a front-row seat.
He grits another sound through his teeth, low and harsh with arousal. I shouldn’t be here. This is a private moment. I need to get out. I need to leave.
But I can’t move, because I’m tethered to Nico. Wave after wave of heady desire spills through me, so intense my entire body throbs with it. I need to witness his climax like I need my next breath.
I’ve got seconds to break this spell. To back away. To get the fuck out—
Nico’s eyes pop open, meeting mine in the mirror.
Oh, shit .
He doesn’t stop, his hand continuing to move up and down his shaft. Once, twice more, before cum spills over his fist. His mouth is wide, his jaw and throat tense as he silences his pleasure, but he doesn’t look away from me for a second.
Heaviness settles between my legs, pulsing and tingling, bringing me closer to orgasm than I’ve ever been without being touched.
Nico breathes heavily but continues to stare, the heat in his eyes enough to give me third-degree burns.
And then something snaps—some sliver of shame ruptures my trance—and I’m free, stumbling backwards, tripping over my own feet. “Gosh. Sorry. Shit, sorry.” I bump into the side of the bed and the jolt lets me break eye contact with him. My limbs feel hollow and weak. “I didn’t mean to—”
“Stay and watch?” he rasps, as he turns on the tap and rinses his hands. He reaches for the towel to dry his hands before tugging up his trousers and flicking the belt in place. “I’m pretty sure you did.”
How the hell is he so composed right now? My cheeks are so hot I know they’re flaming red; my skin is damp all over.
“You said my name. Twice.”
I can’t believe I said that out loud.
He holds my eye in the mirror. “I did. Is that a problem?”
His collected confidence unnerves me. “No. Not at all.”
A hint of a smile tugs at his lips. “Good. Next time we can do this the other way round.”
Too many words. I can’t make sense of them, and don’t dare believe he means what I think he does. “What?”
He rubs two fingers over his full lips. “Do you need me to explain?”
“Yes.” What the fuck am I doing ?
“Next time, I get to watch you.”
My heart stops for at least a second. Maybe longer. But the pulse in my clit is fierce and strong, never skipping a fucking beat, and from the look on Nico’s face, he knows it.
My brain immediately begins processing how or why or when such a thing might happen, but before I can offer to do it for him right now , which is exactly what will happen if I stay here, I’m backing out of the room as fast as I can and closing the door behind me.
My head feels like it’s exploding as I run down the hall. Nico Hawkston is attracted to me. I turn him on… me . He didn’t even deny it. His dick was stiff in his hand at the time. The pleasure on his face as his orgasm spilled out… it’s an image I won’t ever forget.
I burst into my room and kick the door shut behind me.
“Fuck,” I moan, throwing my arms into the air, thrashing them like I’m swatting at an invisible swarm of bees. There’s so much energy sizzling in my body that I can’t stand still. I march to one side of the room, then the other. “Fuck,” I repeat.
I’m so turned on that I’m half-tempted to bring myself off right here in the middle of my bedroom. The blood pulsing to my clit is aching for sweet relief. But what would that achieve? I need more than an orgasm to sort this out, and the nervous skittering of my heart takes precedent.
I need to talk to someone.
Hands shaking, I grab my phone from where I left it on the dresser and call Elly. She answers on the second ring, and, in a rapid hushed whisper, I tell her everything that happened.
She listens, squealing occasionally, but it’s only when I’ve finished that she goes completely silent. I check my phone in case we’ve been cut off. We haven’t.
“Elly?” I whisper.
“Shit, Kate,” she replies. “I think I’m turned on. Does this count as phone sex? Are we having phone sex right now?”
I giggle. “Please don’t tease.”
Elly laughs. “Sorry. But I genuinely don’t know what to say.”
“Me neither.” I let out a groan. “He’s messing with my head. He was completely composed when he noticed me staring at him. Totally calm. Not embarrassed at all. Whereas I feel like I’ve melted. He’s probably downstairs sipping a scotch as if nothing happened.”
Elly makes a hmm noise down the phone. “Do you want him to… you know… watch you wank?”
I clap my free hand over my mouth, give a muffled squeal, then release it. “I can’t believe you just asked me that.”
“You rang me. I’m trying to help.” Elly’s voice is high-pitched, and she gasps as though she’s stifling laughter before she collects herself. “He’s staying at your mum’s tonight, isn’t he?”
“Yeah.”
“Go to his room.”
Immediately, I imagine myself climbing into his bed, feeling him next to me. Touching me. Kissing me. His dick hard and—
Fuck . I’m like a dog in heat over here. Maybe this is phone sex. Focus . “What? No. I couldn’t do that.”
“You could. Put on that underwear you packed. Come on, this is a sign from the universe. Take it by the balls.”
I rub my temples. “I feel like a teenager.”
“Of course you do. You’re in your family home. Scene of the bikini hot tub gate. You need to break free from the past. Teenage Kate might have run away in shame, but present day you doesn’t have to.
“Go to his bedroom and outright ask him what he’s playing at. You’ve got to do it. Think of it as healing old trauma.” She lets out a little burst of laughter. “For what it’s worth, I think you should go for it. He’s gorgeous. I mean… swoon.”
“Are you joking right now? I don’t have the brain capacity to work out if you’re serious or not.”
“Deadly,” she confirms. “He’s into you. Do it, do it, do it. Go to his room. You won’t humiliate yourself. You might even end up having hot sex and loving it.” She laughs again.
“I hate how funny you’re finding this.”
“I might be laughing, but I’m jealous. Believe me. Look, I’ve got a gig to get to. Let me know how it goes. Love you.”
I check the time on my phone. It’s three thirty in the morning. I’ve tossed and turned, sleep eluding me. Damn Elly for putting this idea of corridor-creeping into my head.
I’m not going to do it. No. Definitely not. I just happen to be wearing my only set of matching lingerie because it’s a warm night, and I have nothing else to sleep in. I wasn’t at my most effective when I was packing.
The bra is under-wired and push-up, and my breasts spill just a little over the top of the lace cups. The matching knickers are red lace, and at the back they ride up revealing the curve of my butt cheeks. It’s a killer lingerie set, but who am I kidding? It’s not for sleeping in.
It very clearly states, ‘ I want sex ’.
My heart is racing, my palms are sweaty. Every creak the house makes—every potential footstep on the floorboards—sends my heart rate into overdrive. Because maybe, just maybe , one of those noises is him making his way to my room…
This is ridiculous. I can’t relax enough to sleep.
I throw the covers off and stand, my body vibrating with anticipation, even though my mind is holding me back.
Don’t do this. You’ll make a fool of yourself.
But I’m done listening to that frightened voice in my head. This is my I want sex underwear, and I’m wearing it because I do want to have sex with Nico, and I’m done pretending I don’t.
Before I know it, my hand is on the doorhandle and I’m pushing it open, slipping into the corridor.
Moonlight streaks through the window at the end of the hall.
This is crazy. But I keep going, one foot in front of the other. Closer and closer to the room he’s staying in.
And then it hits me just how stupid this really is. What am I going to do? Knock on the door and present myself like an offering?
I’m not doing it. Elly can stuff her stupid, crazy ideas up her bum. I spin one-eighty and head back to my room, but I barely make it a step before the door opens behind me.
It’s him. I know it is. The back of my neck tingles under the weight of his gaze, my skin buzzing at his proximity.
I turn towards the noise.
Nico stands, broad shoulders silhouetted in the moonlight from the window behind. He’s fully dressed in chinos and a shirt, overnight bag in one hand. Unless he was planning on moving into my room, he definitely wasn’t coming to see me.
Is he leaving?
But as Nico’s unwavering focus latches onto my body, it renders the question insignificant. He’s not going anywhere.
His eyes roam my legs, my hips, trailing more slowly over my breasts. Beneath his predatory glare, my skin is aflame, humming with anticipation that’s dangerously close to fear. For a few seconds he continues drinking me in, gaze snagging on my lips before finally reaching my eyes.
“Is this for me?” His voice is full of gravel.
A pulse beats between my legs, slickness gathering there, seeking to welcome his touch.
Nico drops his bag and steps into my space, so close that we’re breathing in each other’s exhalations.
“What do you want?” he whispers, and the sound sends a ripple of liquid desire through me. “Did you like what you saw earlier? How much I want you? How fucking hard you make me?”
Yes . I want to scream it, but my mouth won’t form the word. I put one hand against his chest, feeling the firmness of his pecs beneath. I don’t know if I mean to push him away or draw him closer, but the raw masculinity that radiates off him sets up a flame of need within me.
I step back so I’m pressed against the wall and he follows me, caging me in with his arms. Every nerve ending sparks like I'm a box of matches and Nico's lit the entire thing at once. I never imagined it would feel like this . It’s all I can do to resist the urge to tear at his clothes.
That someone could open a door and find us at any second only increases my sense of urgency as fear mingles with lust.
“Do you want me to fuck you? Is that what this is?” He lifts the bra strap at my shoulder, slowly running his finger under it. “You’re Jack’s little sister. And my employee. I shouldn’t touch you at all.”
“No,” I whisper. “You shouldn’t.” My breathing is embarrassingly loud, embarrassingly desperate . I haven’t had sex in years, and even then it was perfunctory and unsatisfying. Right now I’m so turned on I’m almost delirious.
“Touch yourself then,” he growls, shifting closer to me.
His words have desire unfurling within me just as the length of his cock presses against my thigh. I gasp and bite my lip to muffle the sound. He feels huge . A thrill fires through me at the idea that I make him hard. My fingers itch to reach out and touch him, but panic freezes me in place.
“Let me see you come,” he commands. “I’d say that’s only fair.”
A choked affirmative sounds in my throat, and Nico’s eyes smoulder with desire. It’s ten times the expression I saw in the study. “Do I make you wet?” His voice is a soft, seductive stroke in the darkness.
On cue, a gush of moisture floods between my legs. “Mmm,” I murmur, but I might as well be screaming yes, yes, yes , because the meaning of my moan is just as clear.
“I want to hear it. I want to hear how wet you are for me.”
Did he just say that? The hall is quiet, other than the sound of our breathing, which to my ears blasts loud enough to wake the dead. This is insane . Maybe I am dreaming…
Nico presses his forehead to mine. “You’ve seen what you do to me. It’s your turn. Show me. Show me how much you want me.”
Even if he didn’t have me pinned against the wall, the coil of latent pleasure waiting to unravel in my core wouldn’t let me walk away. I hold his gaze as I slide my hand into the lace of my underwear. I hesitate, my hand brushing the top of the fabric. “I’ve never done this… for anyone.”
A deep noise rumbles in Nico’s throat. “Then let me be the first.” He runs his hand over the bare skin of my hip, his touch like fire as he slides my underwear down my thighs, giving me more access. I wriggle, allowing my panties to fall to the floor. I kick them to the side before Nico nudges my legs apart with his foot.
How was it this easy for him to get me here?
“God, I hate you,” I hiss under my breath.
The warm breath of a chuckle hits my cheek. “Keep telling yourself that.”
His confidence only increases his appeal, making me more eager to do as he asks. I edge my fingers lower, sliding them along my slit. I’m soaked. As I move my hand, the sound of my arousal fills the space, exposing my need.
Panicking, I cease the movement. This is too much. I can’t do it.
“Don’t stop,” he murmurs, his thigh sliding between mine to spread me wider. “I want to see you come. I want to hear you moan my name.”
And just like that, I’m lost once more to the thrill of his words, his voice, the intoxicating desire that pulses beneath the sound. They’re all the encouragement I need, my body aching for friction, the building pressure in my clit desperate for relief.
“That’s it,” he coaxes as I move my fingers, sliding one inside, then another, wishing it was him doing it. His fingers, his hand, his touch. I arch my hips towards him to find some purchase against his body, but he tuts and shifts just out of reach.
“Look at me,” he instructs, and I can’t help but obey.
I meet his gaze as I drag my fingers forward, pulling wetness up to my clit, making circular motions over it with slick fingers. I grab his shoulder with my other hand, digging my nails into the soft cotton of his shirt, desperate for something to anchor me. A small moan leaks from my mouth as the pressure builds.
“Good girl.” He grabs my thigh, bringing it to rest up on his hip. “Faster now.”
“Please,” I mutter between moans, “touch me.”
He shakes his head and murmurs, “Not this time.”
I’m nearly out of my mind with pleasure, but I cling to his words. Not this time. Will there be another time? Will I have Nico Hawkston like this again?
My grip on his shoulder is so hard the tips of my fingers feel numb. My forehead falls against his chest. “I’m close, so close.”
His fingers dig into my hip, and he speaks through clenched teeth. “Say my name, Kate. Say my fucking name.”
I let out a sound more animal than human; husky, dripping with desire. I don’t recognise myself.
“My name,” he growls.
Tingles at the base of my spine explode like gunpowder. “Nico. Oh, fuck . Nico. I’m coming.”
He swears against my neck, his arms encircling me as my orgasm rocks through my body, fizzing in every cell, giving me the most intense release I’ve ever had. He supports me through every last tremor of pleasure until my trembling legs are so weak that I sink down onto his thigh.
Beneath me, his leg is solid, and he bears my weight easily. My wet pussy rests on the fabric of his perfectly pressed chinos, my arousal soaking through.
His breathing is as ragged as mine, and we stay tangled in one another’s arms until our breaths return to normal.
“Fuck, Kate.”
Kate .
The sensual tone of his voice spreading over those four letters of my full name sends another wave of arousal skittering through my overly sensitive nerve endings.
He brushes a strand of my hair off my face. “You’re so beautiful. And when you come, you’re exquisite.”
Fire burns through me at his words. I’ve given him so much tonight, and we haven’t even kissed yet.
Making sure I’m stable on my feet, he edges himself from between my legs and takes a step back. His shirt is a little crumpled, and there’s a dark patch on his thigh, but otherwise he looks pristine. He picks up his bag and looks at me for longer than is decent. There’s so much emotion in his eyes, I don’t know what to take from it.
I notice the bulge at his crotch. “Do you want me—”
“I have to go. Something’s come up.”
He lets the statement linger without moving, as if waiting to see if I’ll ask him to stay, or ask what’s so urgent that he has to leave in the middle of the night. Instead, I nod at the erection straining beneath his trousers.
“I can see that.”
He smiles, pinning his bottom lip in place with his teeth as he shakes his head the tiniest bit. It’s so sexy that a breath stalls in my chest.
“Goodnight, Kate. Sleep well.”
He brushes past me, striding towards the stairs. The air is full of his scent, wrapping itself around me like regret.
My heart thumps with every strike of his shoes on the steps. Hoping, hoping , he’ll turn back.
Come back, you bastard .
I don’t move until the front door clicks open and closed, and he crunches across the gravel. The car door slams, and the engine rumbles.
And then he drives away.