5. MATT
5
MATT
I stand beneath the blast of water in the shower. It’s so cold each drop is a shock; like a million needles to my skin. It’s exactly what I need to settle the racing of my mind.
The way Aries looked at me back there was nothing short of carnal. I’d be lying if I hadn’t felt a stirring in response. The way her skin flushed; twin blooms of red on her cheeks… the acute embarrassment that was written so clearly on her face only made the situation worse.
Well, that and the fact that she has the most glorious soft curves I’ve seen on a woman in a long time. Her breasts are so full, so heavy, that I want to prop them up in my palms. And all that red hair… I want to fist my hands in it and pull her right against me.
I’m not sure she’d say no, either.
These thoughts are totally inappropriate.
I squeeze shampoo into my palm, aggressively rubbing it through my hair, scratching my scalp like I can tear the lingering sexual tension off my body. I really don’t want to have to deal with whatever this is between us. How long had she been standing there, watching me? She never answered the question.
I scrub down, turn off the water, and grab a fresh towel. Ordinarily, I’d sit in the sauna after a workout, but I don’t have time if Aries is waiting for me and Lucie’s asleep.
I have everything down here I need, including sweatpants and t-shirts. I run a comb through my hair and check myself in the mirror. I look relaxed, finally. Endorphins are pumping through my system and I feel bloody brilliant. There’s nothing like a hard workout to lift my mood and release the tension of the day.
Moments later, I’m in the cinema room. Aries is sitting on the sofa, stroking a sleeping Lucie’s head. She looks so maternal that it knocks the breath from my lungs. Did Gemma ever do this? I don’t remember. I don’t want to disturb the scene, and an uneasy sensation swirls through me as I realise what I do want. I want to join them. I want to step into the room and take a seat, but that would be as crazy as stepping through the frame of a painting . Impossible.
As though she’s heard my thoughts, or more likely my footsteps, Aries pauses her movement and turns to look at me. Christ. Now I’m the one lingering in doorways and staring, but Aries’ expression isn’t judgmental. She’s been waiting for me, after all.
I approach, and Aries moves aside, letting me scoop up my daughter. Lucie groans but doesn’t wake, and I head out of the room towards the lift. Aries walks behind me, saying nothing.
When we reach the lift, I step in. Aries hesitates, glancing over the small space as though she’s measuring its cubic volume. “I’ll take the stairs.”
“Nonsense.” I shift against the back wall. “There’s enough room.”
A look of consternation crosses her face, and understandably so. My bulk is considerable and the lift carriage is small. She lingers a moment before stepping in next to me, and the doors close behind her.
Aries focuses on the floor, her chest rising and falling with each breath. There’s a rhythmic tremble of her breasts beneath her shirt.
“You’re quiet,” I whisper, keeping my voice down so as not to wake Lucie.
Green eyes meet mine from beneath fair lashes, her head still angled towards the floor. “Isn’t that what you wanted, Mr Hawkston?”
My chest tightens. Maybe it’s that soft Scottish accent that slips around my name, or the intention to please in her demeanor, or the fact that her question is so laden with suggestion I’m surprised it doesn’t fall to the ground with the weight of it. I grunt in response and I swear her lips tilt upwards, as though she’s secretly smiling to herself. Does she know the effect she has on me? Is she teasing me? No, that would be ridiculous. Wouldn’t it?
Tension creeps into the air between us that feels a lot like a precursor to… something . A something that should definitely not happen between the boss and the nanny. I’m barely breathing, as though inhaling near her might infect me with some poison I won’t be able to withstand.
“I didn’t want you to drop your personality like a hot potato,” I grit out.
“A hot potato?” she hisses back at me, a mischief sparkling in her eyes. “I’ll have you know my personality is infinitely superior to a potato, hot or otherwise.”
“Underwear, then.”
My body clenches. How did that pop out of my mouth? Of all the words I could have come up with… why that one?
It lands between us like an unexploded bomb. I grind my back molars, and at the same time, every aspect of Aries’ face widens, her pretty mouth falling open. The image of her on her knees flashes in my mind . I’m losing control here.
Her eyes light up, and her lips shift into a smile that she cuts short by biting into her bottom lip.
I’m certain I’ve just exposed something I didn’t intend to, and judging by how Aries is currently gnawing on that full, pink bottom lip of hers, she knows it. And is rather more amused by it than I’m comfortable with.
Thankfully, at that exact moment, the lift stops and the doors open, allowing the tension to burst out like shaken champagne from the bottle once the cork pops. Aries exits first and I follow, taking my first full breath since I got into the lift.
Lucie’s bedroom is just down the corridor. The carpet is thick and soft beneath my bare feet. Aries’s feet are also bare, and each of her footsteps leaves an imprint on the dense pile. It seems oddly intimate that she’s already walking around my house without her shoes, leaving traces wherever she steps on the carpet.
We reach Lucie’s room and Aries draws the curtains. We’re enclosed in the soft light of the sun, barely penetrating the pink fabric; everything in the room loses its edge. It reminds me of being a child, sent to bed in summer before the sunset. It’s like a comforting cocoon in here.
Aries turns down the duvet and I tuck my daughter into bed, still fully dressed.
God, I messed up today. This was the first day I’d had penciled in for over two weeks that I was going to spend with Lucie. I’ll make it up to her. I kiss her forehead and stare for a few moments. I love her so much that it hurts. It sounds trite, but it’s true. I felt the same about Charlie when he was little. Now that he’s a teenager, he annoys me more than I’d like, and he can’t stand me. But he still owns part of my heart, even if I do want to throttle him more often than not.
I stand and turn towards the door, only to find Aries leaning against the frame, her arms crossed. I don’t know when she moved from my side, but our eyes clash and hold. I have time to take at least two full breaths, which is longer than I usually hold a woman’s gaze. It’s intimate and sensual and it feels like I’m opening a portal, not knowing what the fuck is on the other side.
With one hand, I wave her out into the corridor and follow her out of the room, closing the door softly behind me.
The silence that envelops us begs to be smashed into pieces, exposing unspoken words beneath the surface that hum like the drone of far-distant traffic. I have no idea what they are. I just know that they’re there, right below the surface.
This woman has worked for me for all of two days, and I haven’t been this attracted to anyone in years. Not since before I met Gemma. Standing near her is like being plugged into an electric socket; there’s a power surging through me that has been dormant, and a desire to see how far and how fast I can go throbs beneath my skin. This is definitely not sustainable. We’re heading for a high-speed crash.
Unable to bear the potent silence any longer, I speak. “In the gym, you said you were sorry. About the museum.” I hesitate, unsure exactly what I intend to say, but I forge on anyway. “I’m probably the one who ought to say sorry.”
Why the fuck am I apologizing?
Aries pauses, like my apology is something precious she needs to soak up. When she replies, her voice is soft. “You don’t need to apologise to me. There’s a little girl in that room who needs to hear it much more than I do.”
“I know. Thank you for being there for her.” There’s more I want to say, but, for some reason, it’s hard to admit. The words cling to my throat and I have to cough to release them. “Today… when you spoke to her, and she stopped crying… it was like magic.”
Long red hair curls delicately over Aries’ shoulder. She twists a lock around her finger and I’m mesmerized by the motion. “Not magic. Empathy. You should…” Her voice trails off.
“What?”
She shakes her head like she’s decided, for once, to filter her thoughts, but I’m not satisfied with that. “You were going to insult me.”
She smiles, looking cautious. “I don’t want to overstep.”
“That’s an affirmative then.” We hold eye contact a few moments longer. “If you don’t tell me, I’ll be wondering all evening what you were about to say.”
A tiny laugh tinkles from her lips. “It wouldn’t kill you to be kinder. That’s all.”
My mouth opens and closes. I must look like a fish that someone removed from its tank. I can’t remember the last time an employee called me out. In fact, I’m not sure it has ever happened. Aries smiles, lips closed.
“Good night, Mr Hawkston,” she says. And without waiting for a reply, she turns and paces towards her bedroom. Then, with her hand on the door handle, she pauses and looks right at me. I haven’t moved an inch. “Oh, and just so you know, my personality is fully intact. I haven’t dropped anything. Yet .”