7. MATT
7
MATT
“ T ime to get up, Daddy.”
I roll over to find Lucie grinning at me. She looks wide awake, which is impressive, considering she was up in the middle of the night on account of the bed-wetting. I rub my eyes and stretch, as images from last night pour into my head, free-flowing like wine. Aries in those tiny little pyjama shorts, red hair all loose around her shoulders, her eyes wide at the sight of me in only my boxers. I might have been preoccupied with Lucie, but I didn’t miss the way she looked at me. She definitely liked what she saw.
I yawn and fling the sheets back, determined to put Aries out of mind. She’s an employee. That’s it. That’s all it can ever be. Lucie watches me as I get out of bed.
“What are we doing today?” she says, all innocent charm and smiles.
“I have to work. Aries is looking after you.” I try to keep my voice neutral, but I’m groggy after last night. I hate having my sleep disturbed.
Lucie looks disappointed, but only for a second. “I really like her.”
A tightening sensation corkscrews in my gut. It’s going to be impossible not to think about Aries if Lucie is going to keep on like this. “I’m glad.”
“I want her to be my mummy.”
I freeze as pins and needles pervade my entire body. It reminds me of how I felt when I got caught breaking the rules at school. This is bad . As much as I hate Gemma, I can’t encourage this.
I sit on the end of the bed and tap the covers to indicate Lucie should sit beside me. She crawls down the bed and sits cross-legged at my side. “Aries can’t be your mummy, Lucie. You already have a mummy.”
“Yes, but Aries is nicer. And she lives here. Mummy doesn’t live here. And Aries loves me.”
Oh, fuck. “Did she say that?”
Lucie ponders this. “No. But I can tell she does. She has nice eyes. I like her eyes. She looks right at me with them. And I love her.”
I scrub a hand over my face as pity for my daughter creates a great gaping vacuum, emptying me out. How the fuck am I supposed to handle this? What if she gets attached to Aries, and then Aries doesn’t stay? Or Aries goes home after the summer, leaving me with a broken-hearted four-year-old?
I’m catastrophizing. Projecting a future that hasn’t happened yet, and might not happen at all. I shift gear and focus on the positives. It’s wonderful that Lucie likes the new nanny. It really is great. Isn’t it?
“I’m going to have a shower. Can you go upstairs and get dressed?”
She pouts. “I can’t get my clothes on by my own.”
“Aries can help you.”
Lucie does a happy little shrug as if this is the best solution ever. “I said she could wear some of my sparkly shoes.”
The image of Aries’ bare feet slides through my mind. Even her feet are sensual. Delicate bones. Fuck’s sake. “I don’t think they’d fit.”
“They would. Aries said she liked them so much, she’d cut her toes off to wear them.”
I chuckle. “She did, did she? Can you tell her not to make a mess of the carpet when she does it?”
Lucie hops off the bed. “Yup. I’ll tell her. I’m going to tell her I want her to be my mummy too. Bye, Daddy.”
“Wait—”
But Lucie is already racing through my suite and out into the hall. I can’t let her ask Aries that. The woman has only been here a couple of days. And more importantly, Lucie needs to know what she can expect from a nanny. I don’t want her to be disappointed. They aren’t mothers…
I race after her, dodging awkwardly between the end of the bed and the ottoman, clumsy in my attempt to stop her. I burst into the hall, and Lucie looks over her shoulder, eyes lighting up when she sees I’m chasing her. She thinks this is a game. She runs up the stairs, letting out an adorable cascade of giggles, and something shifts inside me. Why am I panicking? I take the steps two at a time behind her, starting to laugh too. I haven’t messed around with the kids for far too long. When did we last play anything?
“Daddy Monster, Daddy Monster,” Lucie yells.
Fuck it, why not? I curl my fingers into claws and slow down, opening my mouth wide and bellowing like a zombie as I continue to chase Lucie up the stairs. She’s laughing hysterically, stumbling and climbing her way up ahead of me.
I’m half crawling, half lumbering up behind her like a monster from a seventies horror movie, letting out horrendous lowing sounds that echo up the stairwell.
“Help, help. Ahhhhh,” Lucie screams, still looking back at me every so often, nervous laughter exploding out of her mouth. It’s hilarious, and I’m barely managing to hold in my own laughter.
Lucie screams again just as I reach her, using my claw hands to grab at her tiny feet and ankles. She kicks at me and I swipe at her, letting out my best monster sound yet.
“Aries!” Lucie shrieks at the top of her voice. “Save me, Aries.”
A door opens and slams against a wall, then footsteps run across the upper landing. Aries appears at the top of the stairs, only a few steps above us, breathless and panicked-looking, and wearing only a t-shirt and those tiny shorts. No bra. I can tell from the way her breasts move beneath the shirt.
Her eyes move frantically over the scene before her. “What? What’s wrong?” she shouts.
Lucie rolls onto her back and laughs, holding her little belly. I’m still in position, bent over with my claw hands, face contorted and frozen in a zombie roar, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers.
Aries stares at us, total confusion on her face. Her gaze rakes over me, and I feel it against my bare skin as intensely as when she touched my wrist in the dining room.
I slowly straighten up. “Hi.”
Hi? How did I make that one word sound like a come on?
Lucie is still breathlessly laughing at my feet.
“Is everything okay? I thought someone was dying out here,” Aries says, still panting. “What was that noise?”
“What noise?” I ask as if I wasn’t the one lowing like a cow giving birth only a moment ago.
“That dreadful sound. Like a herd of farm animals being slaughtered.”
“Daddy Monster,” Lucie explains, kicking her feet and giggling. “The noise was Daddy.”
“You.” Aries stares at me, a disbelieving smile splitting across her face. “You made that noise?” She starts chuckling. “Wow. You really are a man of many talents.”
I want to laugh. I want to join in and keep playing this stupid game with my daughter, because I’m feeling more connected to her than I’ve felt in months. I’m high off the hilarity and I feel so fucking good that I want to run up the stairs and hug the beautiful nanny that Lucie has already fallen in love with. I want to ask her to play with us, to run around this fucking great mansion and fill the place with love and laughter. I’m pretty sure Aries would be up for it too.
But I don’t do any of that. I fix a solemn expression on my face and say, “Sorry we disturbed you. Can you give Lucie a bath and help her get dressed? I’ve got to get ready for work.”
Aries’ smile falters and her gaze darts between me and Lucie. “Of course. Come on, Lucie.”
Lucie scampers up the last few steps, arriving at Aries’ feet and pushing herself up to standing. She puffs out her chest and grins. “You can wear my shoes today. But Daddy said not to make a mess of the carpet when you cut off your toes.”
Aries’ eyebrows shoot up, and I bite my bottom lip as I watch her maintain this conversation with Lucie with a serious expression on her face. “Did he, indeed?”
“Yes. And also, I love you. I want you to be my mummy.”
I close my eyes and hold my breath. Damn. When I open my eyes, Aries is frowning, fully focused on Lucie.
“I would so love to be your mummy,” she says, her voice utterly sincere. “But I can’t, because you already have one. But we can be friends.”
“We’re already friends.” Lucie’s brow furrows, then relaxes. “Bestest friends?”
“Absolutely. Bestest buds.”
Lucie lets out a tiny squeal, bounces on her toes and claps her hands, and Aries ushers her towards her room with an indulgent smile plastered over her face. I watch them go, willing Aries to look back at me. I don’t even know why. I only know that I want it.
I wait until they’re out of sight, but Aries doesn’t even glance my way, making me feel oddly deflated, as though she’s stuck a pin in me.