19. MATT
19
MATT
I tie up the condom and toss it in the bin. I grip the edge of the sink and stare at myself in the mirror.
What the fuck just happened?
I think my world has been blown apart by a woman, and I have no idea what to do now. Should I pretend I’m unmoved? Pretend this was just sex? Pretend she was nothing but a good fuck?
My heart feels raw, like that orgasm stripped layers off it. I can feel the beat of it everywhere; the rush of blood in my ears is deafening. It never felt like this with Gemma.
“Mr Hawkston?” Her voice is soft and there’s a hint of sadness to it. Even after what just happened, she’s not using my name. “Was this a mistake?”
My body heats uncomfortably at the question. I look up and see her in the mirror. She’s standing naked in the bathroom doorway.
“Does it feel that way to you?”
Her brows draw together. “Not at first. It felt right. So right. The most right thing in the world. And then…”
I turn to face her, leaning back against the sink. “Then what?”
“Then it scared me, feeling that way. Being so open to you. I shut down the connection. I didn’t mean to. And then you noticed, and it felt like you thought it was all a mistake. All of it happened in the blink of an eye, and then you walked in here like you were trying to escape.”
I blow out a breath. She saw everything . In seconds, she had me all figured out. This is intense . And also ridiculous, the way we’re both naked, discussing what ought to have been nothing more than a quick and satisfying fuck. And Aries is only making it worse with her talk about connection and openness and all that bullshit. Only it’s not bullshit, because I know exactly what she means...
I did this. I fucked this up, and I don’t know how to unfuck it.
Moments ago, our bodies were so in tune, so perfect together, and now there’s an insurmountable gulf between us.
“Is this a one-time thing?” she asks, her voice full of pain. “Should I leave?”
I rub the heels of my palms against my eyes and let out a frustrated groan. “No. I’m sorry. It’s just… I wasn’t expecting it to be the way it was either. I wasn’t—”
“I know. I get it.”
“You do?”
A tentative smile pulls at her lips. “I was there too, remember?”
I laugh, but without opening my mouth to release the sound. “Shit.”
She takes a step towards me, cautious at first, but then with more confidence. “There’s one thing I really do need to know,” she says, looking at me seriously. “Am I going to get more time with that huge dick of yours? Because if not, you’re going to have to clone it for me.”
I laugh aloud now, unsure what the hell she means, but grateful that she’s making light of whatever just happened. “Huh?”
“Make a model. Turn it into a dildo. So I can fuck myself with it every day.”
This woman is full of surprises . I smile, shaking my head. My dick is hardening again at the thought. She nods knowingly at my growing erection.
I don’t know how she did it, but she dispelled the tension like it was nothing more than morning mist. Maybe she’s the sun. She shakes that mane of red hair and laughs, and for a second my heart stops beating. Definitely the sun.
I step towards her, meeting her in the middle of the bathroom. I wrap my arms around her and kiss the top of her head. “You don’t need a dildo. You can have the real thing. It has to stay attached to me, though.”
Her cheeks fill out as a broad smile splits her face. “Thank you. That’s all I needed to know. We can forget about all the other stuff.”
I lean away from her. “What other stuff?”
“All the stuff you were saying to me with your eyes.”
I purse my lips, giving her my best sceptical look. “You think my eyes were speaking to you?”
“The eyes are the window to the soul. They’re always talking. You can’t hide anything from me, Matt.”
It’s only the second time she’s said my name, and the raw ache of my heart heals a fraction at the intimacy it conveys, as though, right now, I’m not her boss at all. “I don’t know whether to be reassured or disturbed by that idea.”
She tilts her head up, meeting my concern with unflinching directness. “Then don’t think about it. Let’s just fuck again instead.”
I burst out laughing and she wraps her arms around me, pressing her cheek against my chest.
I hold her tight. “You are definitely a dream.”
It’s nearly dawn and we’ve barely slept. Aries is insatiable.
“It’s one of my favourite things.” She’s in the middle of telling me about her penchant for dildos and masturbation. I’m stroking her stomach and breasts with one hand as she lies on the bed next to me, our legs intertwined, and I love the intimacy of it. I’d say I’d missed it, but the truth is, I’ve never known it. Not the way it feels with Aries. “Any time I’m not feeling great, I set aside time for self pleasure. Nothing shakes up your energy system like an orgasm.”
I tilt my head in agreement. I certainly feel thoroughly shaken up.
She rolls onto her side, facing me, propped up on one elbow. “I thought of you, you know. Every time I’ve masturbated since I arrived, I thought of you.”
A wave of heat rolls through me. “You did?”
“Sure.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal. “I figured we’d be sleeping together sooner or later.”
“I don’t believe that for a moment. I didn’t think we would.”
“Why not?” She waggles a finger in my face. “You do that sexy eye thing all the time—”
“Sexy eye thing?”
“Yeah. Do you always think about sex? Because you look like you do. Sex appeal pours out of you. It’s pretty hard to ignore.”
I huff a laugh. “I don’t think about sex all the time. I think about it every time I look at you . There’s a difference.”
“That explains why I always think of sex when you look at me, then. You’ve been sending me telepathic messages.”
I roll my eyes and shift onto my back. “You’re full of shit.”
She slaps my chest, grinning all the while. “It’s true.”
“Maybe you did it,” I say. “Maybe you sent them first.”
She idly flicks my nipple with one finger, and the tip of my dick gives a corresponding throb. “Maybe. Who knows? The point is, we’re in sync.” She sighs heavily, then all the amusement is gone from her eyes. “I don’t want to get in the middle of things with you and your wife.”
“I’m divorced. There’s nothing to get in the middle of.”
“Hmm.” She sounds thoroughly unconvinced. “What happens now, then?”
“We do more of this,” I say. “We enjoy the summer. I’m booking a last minute holiday. I want to take the kids away when school finishes. You’re coming too.”
“It’s my job. I’d expect to.”
“Now you have other duties.” I give her a mock-salacious wink and she laughs. “I’m afraid your workload has increased significantly. Longer hours, more physical labour.”
“Are you going to increase my pay?”
I stiffen. “Seriously?”
“No, stupid.” She sounds affronted. “I’m doing this for free, because I want to. And because you’re the best sex I’ve ever had. I’d like more of it. Lots more, please.”
I can’t wipe the grin off my face. “Thank God. I was worried you were just after money.”
She’s quiet a moment too long, as though whatever she’s thinking needs careful deliberation. “It must be horrid worrying that people only want you for your bank balance.” An uncomfortable tension spreads in the air, but then Aries slides a hand between my legs. “Whereas I only want you for your huge dick.”
Her eyes glint with mirth, but beneath it there’s something far deeper. I understand what she means about our eyes speaking. She’s making light of the situation, but we both know this is more than sex. More than her hand on my dick. The fact that we got here so fast is insane. I’ve never felt a connection like this.
We’re so comfortable, it's like we’ve been together for months, not hours. Laughing, I pull her in for a kiss, relishing the sweetness of her tongue against mine. Our kisses have grown softer, gentler, as the night has gone on. To me, it feels like we’ve known each other forever.
A strange sound comes from somewhere in the room and we break apart. Aries scrambles off the bed, sifting through the heap of discarded clothes we threw off last night.
“What’s that?” I check.
She holds up the video monitor and flashes it at me. “Your daughter.”
Lucie’s waking up. I glance at the time on the alarm clock at the side of the bed. 6.22 am. Shit .
“You had that half of the monitor all night?” I ask.
She nods. “And yes, before you ask, I heard you talking about me.”
“Hmm. That’s a bit invasive.”
She’s pulling on her clothes, dragging her jumper over her head, covering her beautiful full breasts. I feel an ache in my chest. When am I going to see them again?
“It’s my job,” she says. “Don’t feel bad. It’s the reason I came over here when you messaged me. You sounded…” Her words fade and a puzzled look crosses her face.
“What?” I ask.
She looks hesitant before she says, “Lonely.”
I sit up. “Lonely? You slept with me because you thought I sounded lonely?”
She’s got one leg in her trousers and she’s hopping on one foot when she pauses to level a serious stare at me. “Stop fishing. I slept with you because I saw your enormous cock that day outside the sauna and I haven’t stopped thinking about it. That, and I was bored of my dildos. They have a limited repertoire.” She winks and bites her bottom lip; the mixture of cute and sexy is almost too much to handle. “The fact that you sounded lonely was by-the-by.”
I’m already propped up by the pillow, but I put my hands behind my head. “Phew. I was worried I was a pity fuck.”
Her face scrunches. “You worry about a lot of stuff. Let’s have fun. Where are we going on this holiday?”
“The Mediterranean. On the boat.”
“Sounds great.”
She flips her head upside down and ties her long red hair into a ponytail with a hair-band from her wrist. There’s something so sexy about the way she does it, and how it swings down her back when she rights herself, that I’m immediately hard again.
She gives me a suggestive smile, like she knows exactly what I was thinking, but just then, a noise comes again from the monitor. She checks it, then slides it into her pocket. “See you later. I’ve got to get back to my day job.” She blows me a kiss and leaves the room.
She’s officially the sexiest damn woman I’ve ever met. And she lives in my house. To say I’m elated is an understatement.