24. ARIES
24
ARIES
H is cum is still leaking down my thigh when the door closes. I lie with my hands on the desktop for a few moments before I can bring myself to move. I’m like a rag doll, slumped naked across the desk, the cool air touching the wet warmth of my empty pussy.
I can’t process what’s happened. All I know is the bliss of the orgasm he ripped from me has well and truly faded, leaving a quiet ache in its place that’s threatening to break into something far more painful. If this relationship was just sex, surely I wouldn’t feel like something inside me is dying?
I asked for this… I know I did, but it still feels terrible now that he’s gone. I grab another handful of tissues and clean myself up some more, although I know I won’t get it all. More of him will seep from my pussy until I shower and go to bed. It’s brutal, like pus seeping from a wound that won’t heal.
I will myself to hold it together. I can’t afford to fall apart over this. I need this job. I pull my t-shirt over my head, covering up that spot he kissed on my back, which still burns from the touch of his lips as though he branded me with his goodbye. Of all the places he’s kissed me and touched me tonight, that one hurts the most.
It’s faster to gather my clothes than my thoughts, and I’m dressed and leaving the room before I’ve made head or tail of what’s going on or what happens next. I take one step into the darkened hallway.
“What are you doing in my dad’s study?”
I jump, spinning to find Charlie standing in the hall, hands on his hips, staring at me like he’s caught me in the middle of a robbery. I blink for a second, desperately hoping he didn’t see Matt leave. Holy hell, maybe Matt’s right. We can’t do this. Shouldn’t have done this. Talking to his teenage son who thinks I’m ‘just the nanny’, while Matt’s cum is leaking, warm and sticky, down my thigh, feels wrong. So horribly, horribly wrong.
A rampage of thoughts battle through my mind as I stand in the beam of Charlie’s accusatory glare. I filter through them, hoping to hook onto something that will suffice as a viable excuse.
I slide my hands into the back pocket of my jeans, touching the brochure I slipped in there earlier. I pull it out and flash it at him.
“Summer camp,” I tell him. “I’m going to book you in.”
His eyes narrow a fraction before he nods.
“Welcome home, Charlie.”
“Thanks,” he mutters, before pushing past me towards the lift.
The heat scorches as we stand beside the boat on a narrow strip of concrete in Valletta. The sky is bright blue and cloudless, and the air so hot the warmth spreads up my nose when I inhale. There’s a whole group of us—me, Matt, the kids, Matt’s brothers and Kate—and even though I’m trying my hardest to avoid looking at Matt, I’m failing. It’s only been a couple of days since he bent me over his desk and I came so hard I saw stars, but I’m finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that it’s over between us. I’m in agony. My body is wracked with pain, and all I want to do is crawl into a ball and hide. To make matters worse, Matt’s brothers keep giving me weird, assessing looks, which makes me wonder what he’s told them. Not that it matters now he’s ended our arrangement.
I try to tell myself it’s okay… that this was only ever meant to be a casual thing, which is exactly how I like it. Better that it ends now before I get more attached.
Bullshit.
This wasn’t casual, and there’s something unbearably cruel about being here with him, so close I could reach out and touch him, and yet knowing I can’t. Might never get to again. And traveling together, making small talk, discussing the details of the journey all while my heart feels shredded, is a challenge I hadn’t foreseen.
To make matters worse, I can still feel the sexual tension fizzing off him, sparking at my skin like unearthed wiring every time I accidentally catch his eye. He might have made a decision with his brain, but his dick is not on board. You can cancel an arrangement, but you cannot cancel sexual attraction. Not like this. It doesn’t go away that easily.
But it’s not just about sex, is it?
I shift my thoughts away from the pain of this ridiculous scenario and take in the sight before me. I don’t know anything about boats, but this one is something special. It's absolutely huge. There are uniformed staff waiting for us to board, and the railing along the bow is so highly polished it looks like no one’s ever touched it. The whole thing is beautiful; it looks brand new.
It's hard to process displays of wealth like this. My mind was already blown after the private jet we took. It had bedrooms and bathrooms and the largest, plushest leather seats I'd ever seen. I’ve been containing gasps of shock all day, whereas everyone else takes it completely for granted. It’s normal for them. Even Lucie and Charlie are completely at ease with the extreme luxury.
“Ready?”
I stiffen at the sound of Matt’s voice so close to me, but when I look round, he’s staring at Lucie, holding out his hand for her to take. She grabs it eagerly, and only when he’s about to lead her onto the boat does he glance at me. The heat in his casual stare is undeniable. I’m sure it’s unintentional, but it blindsides me and I miscalculate my next step.
“Need a hand there?” Matt’s brother, Seb, takes hold of my elbow to steady my reeling.
I like him the most because his manner is more open and friendly. Nico’s a tad uptight by comparison, but I’m delighted to see his girlfriend, Kate, again. We might not have spoken much, but because she was there after Lucie fell in the river, I feel a kind of bond with her. It’s almost like having a friend here, which I know is deluded.
The guys are all ridiculously handsome. It makes me wonder what their parents look like. Matt and Nico look the most similar, with their dark hair and eyes, whereas Seb is softer somehow. Lighter hair, blue eyes. A warmth to his resting expression that the others lack. He’s more carefree… at least it seems that way.
“Thanks,” I say. “Getting dizzy staring up at this enormous yacht.”
“Yup. Big boat. Matt picked it out to compensate for his small dick.”
I frown. “He doesn’t—”
“Gotcha,” he says, a dimple appearing on his cheek as he smiles at me. Embarrassment flares through me, and I press a hand to my face, knowing I’m turning red. Pain crashes in behind the humiliation. It doesn’t matter how big his dick is, because I’ll never see it again.
I pull my sunglasses down to cover my eyes, and Seb breaks out into a loud laugh. Were he anyone else, I’d feel teased and mocked, but somehow I don’t. His laughter is friendly, even if I am dying inside. He doesn’t know that.
“What’s so funny?” Charlie asks, coming up beside us.
Seb’s handsome features fall into neutral. “I was making a bad joke,” he says, with a little bow of the head. “Sorry, Aries. Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
I shrug. “You didn’t.” Not much, anyway.
We file onto the boat, welcomed by the crew, one of whom leads me to my cabin. She’s an athletic-looking woman in her mid-thirties, dressed in a white uniform of a polo shirt and trousers.
I follow her down a series of steps and corridors, and she points out other rooms as we pass. My cabin is nowhere near the others. It’s even a walk around the deck to get to the kids’ room from mine. And it’s tiny.
“Spacious,” I joke, poking my head in to take a look around.
“This is luxury. You’ve got your own room. We’re all in together,” says the woman. “Do you want me to unpack for you?”
“What? Er, no. Thank you.”
“Thought I’d check. We do it for all the other guests and I have time before things really kick off.”
“That’s okay. Thanks.”
She leaves and I sit down on the small bed, stroking my hand over the sheets.
There’s a knock on the door. “Aries?”
My heart is in my throat. It’s Matt. Hope swirls like a whirlwind through my entire body. A moment alone with him would be enough to soothe the awful ache in my chest that being separated from him has caused. The strain of pretending everything’s fine is twisting my insides into a knot.
I stand, brushing down my dress, fluffing my hair, trying to look as casual as possible. I open the door and every fluttering hope in my chest is crushed. It’s not Matt at all. It’s Charlie, holding Lucie’s hand.
I try to conceal my disappointment, but Charlie’s eyebrow quirks up. I’m not about to explain that I thought he was his dad, so I crouch and focus on Lucie. “Hey sweetie, what’s up?”
“We want to show you around, don’t we, Charlie?”
Charlie shrugs as if he had no part in this plan.
“There’s a hot-tub,” Lucie announces. “And I can see the sea out of my window. Oh, and the swimming pool.”
“There’s a pool on the boat ?” I ask, half in shock.
“Yes. At the back. We’re going for a swim. You have to come, because I can‘t swim.” She stares up at me with her little hands on her hips. “Not without my armpits.”
I try to contain my laughter when I repeat, “Armpits?”
“Armbands,” Charlie explains. “She means armbands.”
I smile widely. “Okay, let me get changed. Wait here.”
I close the door, rip open my suitcase and pull out a bikini and a cover-up. I grab a hat and a bottle of factor 50, and then I’m ready to go.
The boat is insane. It’s like a floating hotel. The carpets are as lush as the ones in the London house. There’s a cinema room here too. A full dining room, both inside and outside— there’s a deck with an outdoor dining table. Lucie’s bedroom is a luxury suite, and I’m wondering why my bedroom is so small, when every other part of this boat is spectacular. I’m just the nanny, I guess, but somehow, after Matt breaking things off, my separation from everyone else hurts even more. I breathe out the anguish and focus on how grateful I am to be here. I'm so lucky. I mentally repeat the words, hoping they'll break through my heartbreak and shift my mood. After all, it really is amazing. The pool is the best bit though. It’s an infinity pool on the back of the boat, surrounded by loungers, and the water sparkles under the hot sun.
We’re already sailing out to sea by the time Lucie demands to get in. I slip off my cover-up and help her into the water.
There’s noise from above; the sound of men talking and laughing. I glance up to see all three Hawkston brothers on the terrace above the pool with beers in hand.
My gaze lingers on Matt, and like he senses it, he turns to me. His attention hits like a missile launched right into my chest. The impact would take me down if I wasn’t holding his daughter in the pool already.
His eyes scoop down my neck, taking in my full breasts in the bikini top. He still wants me. He looks away, staring so intently into his beer you’d think there was something growing in the bottom of it.
It’s strange, knowing that someone’s full attention is occupied by you, even when they aren’t looking. That’s how I feel right now, and every one of my movements becomes laden and thick, my limbs heavy. How the hell am I going to survive ten days out here, when one glance is burning me up and I get no release?
I glance back up, only now it’s Nico and Seb staring down at the pool, not Matt. Seb smiles, and gives me a little salute.
“Look, Lucie, your uncles and daddy are up there,” I say, pointing. I turn her in the water so she can see, and she looks up and waves. All three of them return the gesture, and Lucie goes back to kicking her feet in the water while I hold her under the arms.
Charlie stays on the lounger. He changed into trunks and a rash vest with full sleeves. It’ll protect him from the sun, but he must be boiling in it.
He doesn’t get in the water. He's too busy focusing on his Kindle. God knows what he’s reading, but it’s obviously preferable to socialising with me or his little sister. Or anyone else, for that matter.
“Hi.” Kate is standing at the side of the pool, shielding her eyes with her hand, despite the fact she’s also wearing an enormous floppy-brimmed hat. “Can I join you?”
“Of course,” I say, wondering why she’s even asking.
“Auntie Kit-Kat,” Lucy squeals, splashing excitedly in her attempt to swim over to Kate.
“Not quite an auntie yet,” Kate replies. “But if you want to speak to your uncle Nico about making me one…” She breaks off her conspiratorial whisper and laughs, winking at me, and in turn I break into a smile too, aware that I feel a warm kinship with her. While the sensation is flowing through me, I get the oddest flash of a life where she has Nico and I have Matt, and we’re equals… friends , even. It’s so vivid, so intense, that I frown and blink.
“Is it the sun?” she asks, querying my facial expression, although her tone suggests she suspects it’s not the sun at all. What she thinks it might be, I have no idea. “It’s bright. Did you bring sunglasses? I can lend you some if not.”
“No, I’m fine. Thank you,” I reply, indicating where I’ve left mine on the nearby lounger.
“Oh,” Kate muses, and I can tell she’s wondering what she missed. “If there is anything you’ve forgotten to bring, ask me. Nico made me pack more than I could ever wear on one holiday.”
I thank her for the kind offer, but I know I’ll never take her up on it. It feels like a transgression of boundaries I can’t make. Kate on one side, and me the other, and no amount of kindness or generosity will bring us closer together, although I’m grateful for the effort.