Chapter 36 – Emerson
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
EMERSON
We forget the memories and just chase the moments.
Those damn words replay in my head over and over. All day. Before I close my eyes at night. When I’m staring out the window at the airfield, waiting for the next class of jumpers to get ready. Even while sitting here in a bar with Desi where I came to try to prove to myself that I don’t care in the least why he hasn’t called or texted me in over five days.
I glance at my phone again sitting on the table next to everyone’s empty glasses and then hate myself for giving in to the temptation to look.
This is why I have rules. They are designed so I don’t end up sitting here like some needy, whiny chick, which is exactly how I feel.
Maybe he’s studying for his test like he should be. You know, he’s doing important things. It explains the silence, since I made certain he knew not to count me as one of those important things.
Maybe I scared him off with my rules and shutting him out the other day.
Maybe I . . . shit, I don’t know. It’s me, so I’m sure I’m the one at fault.
“Earth to Emerson.”
“What?” I snap at Desi, misdirecting my frustration at how I’m acting over Grant at her.
“Thanks for coming, but uh, maybe you can act like you’re actually having fun instead of looking like I forced you to come,” she says.
“You did force me to come.” I groan as I stare at the dance floor, which is full of grinding bodies and alcohol sloshing over cups.
“Oh, quit being such an old lady. Live a little. Dance a lot. Drink something new. Pick a guy just for the night. Whatever floats your boat.”
I glare at her for what feels like the tenth time in the past hour, but it holds no weight because she’s Desi. I let her get away with everything. Case in point, I’m here when I want to be anywhere but.
“What, no guy for the night?” She gives me a double take. “Hottie at two o’clock has had your number since you showed up. He’s just waiting for eye contact to make his move.”
“Whatever. No he has not?—”
Sirens screaming past the bar cut me off, and without thinking, I turn to watch the two squad cars as they navigate through the crowded intersection.
“Uh-huh.”
“What?” I ask, realizing I’ve been caught.
“You do have a thing for uniforms, don’t you? That, or you wish it was Grant.”
“Hottie at two o’clock is all yours,” I say as if she hadn’t spoken at all.
“I know your game, Reeves. Hottie at two o’clock has no interest in me, but you’re saying he does to throw me off so I don’t go over there and play matchmaker. If I did, then you might have to tell him no. And telling him no would inform me, your best friend whom you’re hiding things from, that you might like Grant a little more than you’re letting on.”
This time, the glare I level her with is real. “No one said I didn’t like Grant.” It’s her turn to return the look. “He has skills in the bedroom department, and I sure as hell am not complaining about that . . . but I told you that we have rules and we’re purely enjoying the physical aspect.”
“The physical aspect,” she mimics with a roll of her eyes.
“There are other terms I could use that would be more accurate, but I’m trying to be a lady.” I smile a big, cheesy grin to let her know I’m going out of my way to annoy her.
“A lady.” She snorts. “Well, if there is no commitment, then why aren’t you out on the dance floor living it up?”
“Because I don’t want to.”
“Because you’d rather be with Officer Sexy.”
“No.” Yes . What the hell is wrong with me? “I’ll dance in a bit.”
“Ha.” She scoffs. “You’re such a liar.”
She’s right.
Grant Malone seems to be the only one I’ll allow to upend my world.
First to save me.
And now to show me what it’s like to feel.