11. Lili #3
I stayed there, watching the next exercise. I saw Cole take down three of the men. The way he moved—all strength and power—was intoxicating. Fluttering sensations filled my belly, and I pressed a hand there. A moment later, they disappeared deeper into the training course.
With a shake of my head, I turned back to the office. I had my own battle to win.
Once the office was tidy, I felt a flush of achievement. I finally opened my laptop and did some bookkeeping work for my clients.
In the kitchenette, I found some coffee, which I prayed wasn’t so old it would be awful, and made a pot. There was some shelf-stable creamer in the cupboard. I sipped my coffee and actually got through a lot of work.
A few times, my mind wandered to Ava-Jane and any other poor women Goodyear was holding captive.
“Cole and his friends will find them,” I murmured. “Hold on, Ava-Jane.” Somehow, someway, I vowed that Chadwick Goodyear would pay for hurting people.
Finally, I heard the voices downstairs change. The sense of urgency was gone, they were laughing. Moments later, I heard vehicles start up.
Boots clanged on the metal steps and Cole appeared. His shirt was dampened with sweat and for a second, I couldn’t breathe.
Why was seeing this guy hot and sweaty turning me on?
He scanned the office, his eyebrows winging up.
I rose and waved a hand. “Ta-da.”
For a moment, he stared, speechless. “Lili, you didn’t need to do this.”
“I wanted to. For once, I got to do something to help you.”
He strode closer and I smelled him—spice and healthy male sweat. I tried not to squirm.
“Sunshine…hell, there was like a years’ worth of mess in here.”
“Eleven months, according to your invoices.”
A small smile crossed his face. “You didn’t need to, but thank you.”
I felt good. “How did your training go?”
“Well. They were a good group. They listen.” His gaze traced my face. “You get some of your own work done?”
“Once I found the desk, I did.”
He smiled again. Ooh, I really liked Cole’s smiles. I liked that he didn’t give them away freely and I had to work for them.
I plucked at the sleeve of his shirt, my fingers brushing his slick skin. “Looks like you worked hard.”
He grunted.
I looked up and saw an unreadable look on his face.
But it looked similar to how he’d been looking at me at breakfast, before we’d kissed. I licked my lips, and his gaze dropped to the movement.
“Cole, this morning…” I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to say.
“When we kissed?” His voice sounded like gravel.
I nodded.
“Shouldn’t have happened.”
Annoyance stung me. “Why?”
“I told you why.”
“And I disagreed with those reasons.” I lifted my chin. “I wanted it. I wanted you.” I shifted closer. “All my life, I’ve rarely gotten what I wanted. My dad made all the decisions, and stopped me from doing the things I really wanted to do.” I shook my head. “I want to change that.”
His mouth flattened. “I told you, I’m not right for you.”
“After we kissed, I thought maybe you didn’t want me as much as I wanted you.”
Something flashed in his eyes.
“Then, I saw you,” I whispered.
He cocked his head.
“I didn’t mean to. It was an accident. I’m not a creeper, I promise. I just went into your bedroom to grab my clothes, and you’d left the bathroom door open.” I was babbling.
Now he stilled, his gaze on me with laser focus.
“I saw you,” I whispered. “In the shower. I heard you.”
He moved forward, fast, startling me. I backed up and my butt hit the desk.
He crowded me and I pressed my hands to his chest. God, he was so hard. Heat poured off him.
“I need to list all those reasons again?” His voice was a growl.
“No. I told you, I think they’re all bogus. I…like you. I mean, look at you, you’re hot.”
He made a sound. “Jesus, Lili. I’m a rough ex-merc and ex-assassin who fights. I’m not handsome or charming.”
“Handsome is overrated.” I pressed my hands into his pecs. So hard. “Handsome has nothing to do with hotness.”
“Shit.” He huffed out a breath. “You’re too good for me.”
“I’m not some delicate flower, Cole.”
He looked over my head, some sort of battle going on in his head.
“No one’s ever thought I was too good before.”
His blue gaze cut back to me.
“At school, I was the awkward girl, with no mom and a boxer for a dad. I wasn’t a cheerleader, I wasn’t a geek, I wasn’t into band or sports. I didn’t fit anywhere.”
His big, calloused hand cupped my jaw. “You’re beautiful, and kind, and hardworking.”
Warmth bloomed in my chest. “No one’s ever thought that.” I laughed. “Not even me.”
He shook his head, and I felt him getting ready to step back. “Look, I think—”
“I’ve never had an orgasm.”
He turned into a statue. His face was unreadable, his eyes boring into mine.
“With a guy. I mean, I have by myself, but I’m not sure if I get it exactly right. I mean, it never seems to be worth all the fuss that I’ve read about. I don’t hear glorious music or feel the need to scream.”
He just kept staring at me, and I started to think I’d misstepped sharing this with him. God, the man doesn’t care about your orgasms, Lili.
I dropped my gaze to the floor. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”
It was time to accept that Cole Black was just another thing on the long list of things I’d never get.