Chapter 14
SEBASTIAN
O ne step forward, a billion steps back. And I just can’t do it anymore. I’m done waiting for Isabella. Praying for her. Wishing she’d let me in. I have to let go and force myself to move on.
I’ve told her so many times that I was patiently waiting. But I think today I reached my breaking point.
I don’t remember the walk from Isabella’s apartment to my truck.
For one fleeting moment, I thought she’d come after me, but I should have known better.
She’s fought me tooth and nail from the beginning, and it’s my own damn fault for thinking I could change her.
Make her fall in love with me. I was so fucking far gone for her that I convinced myself I could persuade her that I was the one.
Shaking my head in both disbelief and bitterness, I pull up Trace’s contact and call him.
“You got her?” he asks, and I can hear the smile in his voice. When I peeled out of my driveway, he gave me a thumbs up. I know he assumed I got to Isabella’s and probably turned her over my lap for her behavior, then fucked her six ways to Sunday.
“No, man. It’s over. I’m done.”
“What?”
“She’s never gonna see … never gonna feel the same … and I just can’t anymore. I’m done trying to convince her to want me,” I admit, and a sob forces me to cover my mouth. Trace can’t hear me cry. I can’t even remember the last time I cried.
“No fucking way. There’s no way, Seb. I’ve seen how she looks at you. She’s right there! You can’t give up when you’re this close to the finish line!” he yells.
“It isn’t a race or a competition. She doesn’t fucking trust me, and she never has.
It’s never going to change, and I can’t live like that.
I need my woman to know I’ll never do anything to disrespect her.
That every decision I make will be for her safety, security, and happiness.
But Isabella doesn’t want to believe that.
” I sniff hard, wiping my face with the bottom seam of my shirt, before putting my seatbelt on.
Putting the truck into drive, I pull away from Isabella’s apartment, refusing to look back.
“Send someone to her place for the night, please. And round-the-clock surveillance until we catch the fuckers who came after her. And please get someone to clear out all of her things right now, at least from my room. I can’t look at them.
You and a few of the guys can take everything back to her apartment tomorrow. ”
“Are you sure? Maybe sleep on it and make decisions in the morning,” Trace says quietly.
“No. It needs to be done now. I’m the dumbass who thought I could make her fall in love with me, and she made it clear from the beginning that she wasn’t interested. It’s my fault. I’m taking the long way home, so you’ve got an hour to make it seem like she was never there.”
“Alright, but if you want my opinion —”
I interrupt him. “I don’t.”
“Well you’re getting it anyway. You’re going to regret this. You had an argument, and you gave up. Bullshit if you ask me. You’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for her to doubt you for even a second, so you could cut ties. Because you, my friend, have more to lose than she does. ”
“How do you figure?” I ask angrily.
“You’re already in love with her, so any ending involves your heart being broken. She isn’t there yet, and you got impatient.”
“It’s not about being impatient!” I shout, my anger and sadness and frustration just exploding out of me.
“She doesn’t fucking trust me! She tells me she does, but obviously that isn’t the case.
She thinks I’d risk her safety, and that I haven’t had her best interests at heart.
She ran back to her apartment because she was mad, and turned off her phone so I couldn’t even contact her.
It was a fucking temper tantrum and I couldn’t find her! What kind of person does that?”
“A scared woman, Seb. That’s the person who did that,” Trace states quietly. “A woman who has no control over her fate, who has to live in someone else’s home because an unknown assailant is after her, and she knows you want her. I bet you told her tonight that you’re in love with her, didn’t you?”
When I don’t answer, he continues. “She’s scared and alone. She probably hasn’t told her parents anything, and her brothers undoubtedly squashed any rumors about things. All she has is that damn cat and the bakery. And she had you, but you just yanked that out from under her.”
“Her parents know,” I state offhandedly. “Her dad came to talk to me. He wanted her to move into the hotel, and I said no.”
“Why?”
“Because our men could do a better job of keeping her safe.”
“Yet now you’re just dropping her back off at her apartment without a thought. Fucked up, if you ask me.”
“I didn’t ask you,” I say irritably.
“What if Isabella follows you home tonight and asks for forgiveness? What will you say?” Trace asks.
“That’s moot, because it’ll never happen.”
“Not what I asked, man. What would you say if it happened?”
“I’d forgive her, I guess. But I’d ask that she trust me to keep her safe, and never to turn off her phone when we have an argument.
And to let me love her as I see fit, because I know what she needs, even when she won’t admit it to herself.
” I always did. I can read Isabella Santo better than anyone, even her family.
I always felt like our souls were tied together, but she couldn’t translate the connection.
“Take the night, Seb. Make decisions in the morning,” Trace says. “Drive safe. I’ll get her things cleared out of your room for the night.”
“Thanks,” I mumble, then end the call.
I drive aimlessly for over an hour, going over every interaction I’ve ever had with Isabella. Wondering where exactly I went wrong. Is Trace right? Was I basically waiting for the first time she pushed back to abandon ship?
Thankful I had the forethought to have Camila spend the night with my parents, I pour myself a double shot of rum as soon as I get home. Taking it upstairs, I walk into my bedroom to find absolutely nothing has changed. “What the fuck, Trace?”
When I’m not surprised his phone goes straight to voicemail, I slam my glass down onto the nightstand with a roar.
Stalking around the room, I grab anything of Isabella’s.
A throw blanket, a pillow, a framed picture of me with her brothers.
A sweatshirt of mine that she wore once last week, and I haven’t wanted to wash yet, because it smells like her.
Walking into the hallway, I chuck it down the stairs. I hear the glass of the picture frame break against the hard floors, but I don’t care. I’ll clean it up in the morning.
I think about taking a shower, but decide against it, because I know all of her bath products are in there, and I’ll probably throw those down the stairs too.
I’m pissed off, but I’m at least enough of a realist to think about how difficult it would be to clean up bubble bath and Epsom salts.
Laying back against my pillows, I throw an arm over my eyes and will sleep to take me into darkness.
I jolt as something soft slams against my cheek. “What the fuck!”
“Did you throw my stuff down the stairs?” Isabella shouts.
I force one eye open, noting a blurry figure standing on the other side of the bed. “My dreams are getting worse and worse.”
“This isn’t a dream, asshole. You broke my picture frame!”
My eyes pop open as I realize she is here. Isabella is in my bedroom. Slow to stand, I take my time turning to face her. “What do you care? You got what you wanted, right? You got me out of your life for good.”
“I never said —” Isabella’s eyes fill with tears as she covers her mouth with her hands.
Still wearing the same clothes she had on earlier, with a streak of flour across the right knee of her black leggings.
“I never said I wanted you gone, Seb. I never said that, and you left so fast I couldn’t even say anything. Why didn’t you let me talk?”
“Because I knew what you were going to say,” I tell her wearily, rubbing my eyes. “It’s the same song and dance. I’ve been trying to get you to fall in love with me for a decade. I should have taken a hint more than once.”
“I didn’t think you were in love with me,” she whispers.
My eyes clear, and I take in her face. Eyes swollen and red, like she’s been crying for some time.
Hair in disarray, and my fingers twitch with a need to smooth them over the strands.
“I assumed it was a challenge to you. A game. I didn’t want to be a conquest, and then have to be around you again.
I knew I couldn’t survive that. It would hurt too much. ”
I stare at her incredulously. “When have I given you the impression that it was just a game to me? ”
Tears fall as her face screws up in pain. “You didn’t. It was in my head. Every man I’ve ever cared for has either cheated on me or lied to me. Or both! And I assumed you’d be the same way.”
“You realized that now? Tonight? That it was in your head?”
She shrugs as she nods. “Yes and no. I called Luca. Went to his house, and Dominic showed up. Then Alex. The three of them read me the riot act about how I’d treated you, and how the entire family knows you’re in love with me.
They lambasted me for not trusting my instincts, and not trusting them, because they’d never agree to me living with you if they didn’t know you’re a stand-up guy.
” Head hanging low, Isabella refuses to look at me as she continues.
“I explained why I was upset, and they agreed you should have told me about the bakery order as soon as I moved in with you.”
“Honestly, I forgot,” I admit. “And then you were finally opening up to me, and I didn’t want to rock the boat. I hoped you’d give me some grace once I told you. I certainly never thought you’d outrun Trace with Speedracer and rack up a couple of felonies in the process.”