Chapter 21 #2
Sebastian swivels to sit on the ground in front of me, then grabs my hands to lay on his shoulders.
I can feel the tension, and I wonder if my touch is helping to ground him.
“I figure I had two options. One was to keep everyone in the dark, then only tell you afterward if needed. Since I assumed at least one of Isabella’s brothers would take offense to that —”
Alex interrupts him. “We all would.”
Sebastian chuckles. “My other option was to get everyone together and explain it all. I’d rather tell everyone at once, where I give the facts, instead of playing a messed up game of telephone where details get muddled in translation.
Do I think you are all in danger? No. But I’d rather you all be prepared, be aware of your surroundings, and who you’re with, so you can be ready. ”
“It’s not like we don’t know everyone in this town. A newbie comes in, we can basically smell them at the edge of town,” Kate says with a laugh.
“That’s where you’re sort of wrong,” I state, my voice trembling.
“What? Why?” Kate asks.
Sebastian speaks up. “The guy who broke into Isabella’s apartment has a girlfriend.
She came to book club, and I thought she looked familiar, so I had a friend tail her out of town.
She said her name was Jenna, but it’s actually Berkley.
Berkley St. James. It’s not about being untouchable in this town, thinking that your last name protects you, because it doesn’t.
” I watch as every female’s face pales dramatically.
Sebastian’s hand covers mine on his shoulder, and I grab it, squeezing it tightly. I need the grounding.
“They might have stayed at the hotel, or purchased pastries from me. Stone, they could have gotten a haircut from you, or done a tour of Travis’s ambulance and the fire station.
We have no idea how deep they’ve already dug into our family.
” My voice is quiet but resolute. Looking back in hindsight, I have no idea how often I’d possibly interacted with someone associated with Rick or the cartel.
If I can’t recognize a threat, how would my family?
The mood in the room noticeably shifts. I don’t mean to put fear into my family, but just like with Camila, I have to protect them. If something happens to anyone because of me, I won’t forgive myself.
But if something happens to Sebastian … I won’t be able to survive that.
We’re all quiet on the way home, lost to our own thoughts. Camila chats about all her new friends, who she explains she knows will be family once I’m finally her mom, and asks when we can have more fun adventures with them.
Sebastian takes Camila up for a bath, and I take a moment on the covered patio.
Nights are becoming cooler, and there’s a crisp scent in the air that tells me autumn, and snow, aren’t too much further away.
The Colorado mountains can get snow virtually any month of the year, but ours usually happens at the beginning of October.
“Isabella.” I jolt, looking over to find Sebastian’s father. Julian Garcia is a striking man. He’s an older version of Sebastian with salt-and-pepper hair, and deeper smile lines around his eyes and mouth. “Are you alright?”
I nod, but I know it lacks enthusiasm and believability. “I’ll be fine.”
He sits on a large swing, motioning for me to take a seat. “You don’t have to lie. I can understand lying to your own family, but with us, I’d prefer the truth.”
I let out a long exhale, trying to formulate my response.
“I’m petrified. I feel like my life is finally getting started.
I’m confident in my own skin, and I have a man I love that I know truly loves me, and now it’s in jeopardy.
There’s a beautiful little girl in there that only sees the good in things, and I’m scared to death that something might happen, to change her outlook.
Scarring her for life. But if something happens to her … ”
“I know,” Julian says quietly.
“And if something happens to him , I won’t come back from that,” I confess, the words whispered so lightly I’m not sure if Julian hears them. But I needed to say them out loud.
“There aren’t many men in the world who I trust with my life, but my son and MC men are some of them. You are absolutely in the safest place you could be, and he will not let anything happen to you.”
I don’t respond. Julian and Sebastian can say those things, but they can’t predict the future. If a girl could easily infiltrate my silly underground book club, what else could these people do?
A wave of nausea overtakes me as I realize they’ve probably already scoped out the Clubhouse.
“There were two prospects that creeped me out. I’ve only been to the Clubhouse a couple of times, and was there once with these two guys.
It’s the first time Sebastian sort of ‘claimed’ me,” I use air quotes, “and then explained why he wanted everyone to know I was spoken for. What if they’ve already gotten cameras or devices in there, listening to everything? ”
“Then my son will handle it. Honestly, these degenerates are coming after the wrong group of guys. Every single man in RMRRMC has at least five years of military experience. Some of them finished their full twenty years. They’ve got SEALs, Army Rangers, Intel, and combat veterans.
I have no doubt your four brothers will be involved in Sebastian’s plan, and I’m not too proud to admit that your brother Leo scares me a little bit,” Julian says with a wry chuckle, making me smile.
“I think he scares most of my family, actually,” I answer.
“He’s a bit intense. I know he was injured overseas, and those experiences change people. Coming back to civilian life, when you’re physically and mentally not the same person as when you left, is undoubtedly incredibly challenging. Has he confided in anyone about what happened?”
I shake my head. “Certainly not me. I don’t think he’s told his twin, my sister Gianna, either.
If anyone could get it out of him, it would be our oldest brother, Alex.
Their shared military experience is probably why.
But Leo has always kept his thoughts and feelings close to his chest. Him internalizing things isn’t something new, but there’s an air of anger and frustration I’ve never seen with him before. ”
“Sebastian is going to get him to join the Range Riders,” Julian says nonchalantly.
“How? I thought you had to ride. Leo doesn’t, or at least he didn’t. Now I’m not sure if he can .”
“It’s not a requirement. Studies have shown that men establish bonds over shared likes or activities, but for Leo, it’s more important for him to have an outlet with other veterans who know what he’s been through, or men that can at least understand the risks of a deployment.”
“That’s true,” I murmur. It could be so good for Leo to find a support group who empathize with him.
Dom recommended a therapist when Leo first came home, and Dom was lucky to walk away unscathed.
I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Leo so pissed off.
We have a lot of big personalities in our family, but I always felt like Leo and I were cut from the same cloth.
However, that last deployment really changed him.
Now he’s been medically retired, and I think he’s quite lost. He’s living in Natalie’s old studio apartment while doing odd jobs around Everlasting to help out the family.
I hear the sliding door open, and I turn to find Sebastian and his mom. They’re talking softly as they approach us, but Seb smiles at me when our eyes meet. Julian and I stand to greet them, and Seb slides an arm around my waist.
“Is Abuela still in the car?” Sebastian asks.
I nod. “She said she wasn’t getting out until it was time to leave.”
“Stubborn woman,” Sebastian’s mom, Gabriela, mutters. “We’ll talk tomorrow. You have a lovely family, Isabella. I’m familiar with your mother and grandmother, but it was fun to meet your siblings and their families. I imagine we’ll have many more Garcia-Santo events in the future. ”
Once they leave, Sebastian motions for me to sit back down on the swing, and he sits beside me, slinging an arm over my shoulders and pulling me into his side. “How are you feeling?”
“Overwhelmed,” I say with a sigh. “I don’t exactly regret messing up Rick’s apartment, but if I knew then what I know now, I never would have gone anywhere close to his space.”
“I know,” he murmurs, placing a soft kiss against my temple. “Is there anything else you have questions about? How can I help ease some of your anxiety?”
Turning, I stare at him. “Promise me you won’t do anything dumb.”
“What?” he says with a chuckle.
“I’m serious. Promise me you won’t be an idiot and sacrifice yourself to try and save me.”
The smile dies on his face. “Isabella, I —”
I interrupt. “No. Don’t try to justify anything you might do.
I just told you I’m in love with you. But what I haven’t said, and what I think is imperative for you to know, is that I know I won’t survive if something happens to you.
It isn’t about me being heartbroken. It’s that I will be completely broken and incapable of moving on.
Maybe I’ve always known I’d fall so damn hard that it would destroy me, and that’s why I haven’t trusted my heart to anyone.
Until you. But I also know you, I feel your heart, and I can see you sacrificing yourself to save me. ”
The tortured expression on Sebastian’s face will haunt me.
“What am I supposed to do, then, if it’s you or me?
How the fuck am I supposed to move on if I know you were hurt or died because of me?
I can’t live with that guilt. I can’t fucking live without you, mi Reina .
My queen. I call you my fucking queen, Isabella, because my entire kingdom will cease to exist if you’re not in it. ”
“What about Camila?” I whisper, and he closes his eyes, torment evident in how he slumps against the back of the swing. “ She can’t lose you, Sebastian. Sure, she has grandparents. But it isn’t the same as having you in her life. You can’t do that to her.”
“How am I supposed to pick between you? How can I pick between the one who lives in my heart, and the woman who feeds my soul? My daughter is desperate for you to be her mother. What will I tell her if something happens to you?”
I throw a leg over Sebastian’s thighs, straddling him, so I can grab his face. “Something might happen to me tomorrow, Seb.”
“Don’t you even suggest that. Don’t put that shit out into the universe,” he growls, his eyes suddenly heated and volatile.
“But it’s true. Something could happen to you as well. We can’t predict the future. All I’m asking is for you not to go out of your way to stack the deck for my benefit.”
Pain slashes across his face as he reluctantly nods. “I don’t like talking about this. I don’t like the ‘what if’ game.”
“Typically, I’m the one playing the ‘what if’ game, and you’re the one being the glass-half-full guy, with never-ending optimism about the future.
This is an interesting turn of events,” I tease, and he manages to give me a half smile.
“I can’t spend however long it is before the guys are caught, thinking about you getting hurt.
My anxiety is high enough as it is, but focusing on the negatives will make it skyrocket.
I’m trusting that you and your men have things under control.
And what you can’t do, the authorities will cover just fine. ”
“Do you struggle with anxiety?” he asks.
“Occasionally. Arianna has it much more often, but since she married Stone, her anxiety has settled down as well.” I’m not surprised that Arianna struggled with anxiety.
Her health history would be hard for anyone.
But Stone has given her such peace, and he’s so accepting of her.
I’ve seen a new level of contentment in Arianna I could have never imagined for her.
“Will you tell me if you get anxious? So I know?” Sebastian whispers, a raw and uncertain look on his beautiful face.
I nod, unable to form words. Just when I think I know everything about this man, he reveals a new layer to me.
He is my own orange, the other half of my soul, showing me the deepest parts of him that only I get to see.
“I’m anxious now,” I tell him. I need him to make me see only him. Make me feel surrounded by him.
“You are? How can I help?”
“Make me forget everything but you.”