21. Taylor
CHAPTER 21
Taylor
“ W hat?” Austin’s eyes grow wide and for a second, I panic.
Oh shit, I shouldn’t have said it out loud. He doesn’t feel the same. It was just a fantasy.
“Say it again,” he says, sitting up while pulling me closer to him.
“I think I’m in love with you.”
“You think?” He smirks, his cock twitching, still inside me.
“Maybe.” I shrug, attempting to start untangling myself from him.
“Don’t you dare.” He tugs me back down onto his lap.
“Oh,” I half groan, half giggle at the sensation. “And what about you, Mr. Harrington?” I hold my breath, as if I don’t already know what he’s going to say.
“I’ve been in love with you since the second I saw you. But you—” He’s kissing me. “You’re in love with me.” He repeats the phrase over and over again while his lips do deliciously naughty things to my neck, breasts, and lips.
“I have a surprise.” I wince as lift myself off him.
“I’m not sure anything can top this.” He leans back, disheveled, undone and looking so completely sexy I want nothing more than to climb on top of him again. But I’m not sure my hips or vagina can handle another vigorous pounding from Austin.
“It’s silly. Maybe I shouldn’t have said surprise.” I grab my phone from my desk, opening it to the social media app that started this entire thing. When I open it, I can already see the dozens of alerts at the bottom. My stomach drops and I suddenly question if this was a good idea.
“What?” He cocks his head curiously as he finishes redressing himself.
“Here.” I hand it to him. He takes my phone, looking down at the screen.
“You posted the kiss.” He smiles. “What made you change your mind?”
I shrug. “I dunno. I guess I just wanted to give the people a happy ending to the story.”
“Ending?” He pulls me next to him, back down on the couch. “This isn’t the end of our story, is it?”
I don’t answer him. Instead, we both read over the comments, laughing, blushing, and even blocking and deleting a few super creepy people.
“So, Friday night…” I look up at him, both of us still lounging on my office couch. “What should we do?”
“You know what I would really like to do?” He tips my chin up. “Take you out on an actual date.”
“ T aylor?”
I lift my head to see Mia standing in my doorway.
“Hey.” I’m surprised to see her here and confused. “What are you doing here?”
My brain is still a jumbled, sex-laden mess after floating through the weekend. Between the date Friday night, lazy mornings in bed after hours of lovemaking, and a late brunch on Sunday, I’m not sure my feet will ever touch the ground again.
“I know this is super random and unexpected, but I wanted to say hi.”
“Yeah, of course.” I stand, motioning for her to come into my office. “Is everything okay?” My stomach flips, all of those panicked thoughts I’ve pushed aside ready to take flight.
“Totally.” She smiles and I feel my shoulders relax. “I just wanted to let you know, I’m a girl’s girl. I would never do anything to make you not trust Austin and I’d certainly never put you in a position to worry.”
“Okaaay, kind of freaking me out here.” I laugh nervously.
“Sorry, I’m making this worse. I just wanted to say that Austin and I never slept together. We never even kissed or came close to it.” She lets out an audible sigh. “Sorry, I know that was blunt. I just didn’t know how to say it and I didn’t want you worried that there was ever anything that you didn’t know about.”
A weight rolls off my shoulders, as much as I didn’t want to admit that thought was lingering in the back of my mind. And I wouldn’t have judged or faulted either of them had they acted on any attraction in the past.
“I appreciate that, like really appreciate you telling me that.” I finally laugh. “I know that what happened between you two was before he and I ever—anything but, I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t be something that would make me uncomfortable to think about.”
“Okay, phew.” She shakes her head. “I’ve been wanting to say that to you, but I also wasn’t sure what was happening between you two, so I didn’t want to volunteer that information and then you freak out because you guys weren’t together or something. I don’t know; this is all a little less than typical.”
We laugh and agree.
“Would you want to grab lunch?” Becca was right, Mia is sweet, and the more I get to know her, the more I realize that she might end up part of our little group after all.
“I would love to sometime but I kind of have plans this afternoon.”
“Oh, no worries.”
Just then Miguel pops his head around the corner of my office. “Oh, hey. I thought I heard your voice in here.” He glances up at me with an awkward smile, then back to Mia.
“Ohhh.” A knowing smile spreads across my face. “You two?”
“Ummm, maybe?” Mia shrugs, looking back at Miguel who’s blushing. “I asked Austin for his number.”
The way they look at each other, the red flush on her cheeks and the grin on his face, tells me everything I need to know.
“Well then.” I smile. “I hope you two have a great lunch… date.”
“Thanks.” She giggles, standing and walking toward the door. “Oh, and when we hang out, I’ll be sure to tell you how on our first date I ended up crying in the bathroom over my ex that I couldn’t stop talking about.” My mouth falls open; that is not how I expected or thought that date was going the night I saw them. “Even better, though, was after I told him I wasn’t over my ex yet and shouldn’t have agreed to the date, he told me not to worry because he was in love with his business partner.”
She offers me a little wave, then walks out of my office, hand in hand with Miguel.
I pull out my phone, watching the video of us kissing over and over again, reading the comments that continue to pour in.
“Oh my God, I hope they get married!”
“If this isn’t real, I’m quitting the internet.”
“Damn, anyone else watch this video for an hour straight?”
The comments only fuel my excitement. Reading them only solidifies my feelings for Austin, further pushing aside the doubt. I grab my purse, deciding to duck out of work early and gather some supplies to surprise Austin with a romantic dinner at home tonight.
Home?
Even that thought, which previously would have scared me, has me questioning if and when we’ll move in together. I’m still finishing out the lease on my two-bedroom apartment that I shared with Noah. The second bedroom that I once thought might end up a nursery, still sits mostly empty with only the few unclaimed boxes of Noah’s things that I have yet to donate.
I make a mental note to drop the items at a homeless shelter this weekend. Then I send a text to Austin as I head out.
Taylor
Had to leave work early. See you at your place for dinner. xoxo
I take my time at the first stop, smelling a dozen artisanal cheeses to find the perfect one to pair with the Syrah I picked out. I settle on a dessert Brie and an aged Manchego that will pair well with the stuffed mushrooms I plan to make.
When I finally make it to the butcher, my hands are so full I’m struggling to carry all of the bags.
“Yes, two, please.” I nod toward the filets behind the counter and wait for the man to wrap them up in parchment paper.
I’m so close to my apartment, I decide it’s easier to stop by so I can change and compile all of my items into one cart so I can head over to Austin’s to start prepping our dinner. I smile, thinking about him coming home to the smell of a home-cooked meal, me in nothing but the sexy apron I found at a boutique today and the new pair of Louboutins I picked up on impulse. They’re going to be the star of the show and I know when I tell him why I bought them, what milestone in my life they represent, they’re going to become his favorites too.
“Whoa, allow me.” Hank swings the door open to my building as I hoist my items in both of my arms.
“Thank you.” I smile, attempting to rush to the elevator before I drop anything, but it’s no use. One of my bags breaks, and cheese, crackers, and olives tumble to the floor, still in their containers thankfully.
“Oh goodness. Let me help,” he says, rushing to gather the items in his hands. “Here.” He takes the bag from me that broke.
We both laugh, trying to combine my items into an easier method to haul them when I hear my name across the lobby.
“Taylor?”
I freeze, looking up to see Noah walking toward me. I don’t say anything, just stand in place as Hank continues to scramble and gather my items, piling them into his hands.
“Okay,” he says, looking up at me, then seeing the expression on my face. “Oh.” He sees Noah, recognizing him. “I’ll hold your things,” he says under his breath. I nod and step toward Noah.
“Why are you here? Did you come for your things?”
He nods toward the door, opening it and waiting for me to follow him outside. My breath catches in my throat. I wasn’t sure what I’d expect when I inevitably ran into him at some point. I knew it might be awkward, even uncomfortable, but I also didn’t expect it to happen when things were this fresh between Austin and me.
“I saw the video,” he says once we’ve stepped back outside, onto the sidewalk.
“Video?”
“Come on.” He shakes his head. “Don’t play stupid. The viral video of you and him, I saw it. I saw all of them actually.”
My stomach drops when I realize what he’s referring to. “Oh, I didn’t think you had social media.”
He scoffs. “Wow, that’s the first thing you say? Typical,” he mutters.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—” I stumble because I don’t know what I meant. I didn’t intend for Noah to see the videos. I hadn’t posted them for that reason. Selfishly, I guess, I never even considered his feelings if he did see them, what he’d think or how he’d feel. I swallow down the lump that has taken over my throat.
“And I don’t have social media but when all of your friends and coworkers are sending you the video of your ex practically fucking her boss on her desk, it’s kind of hard to avoid.”
My stomach drops.
“So, are you with him now?”
“I dunno.” I’m not lying; I really don’t know. We haven’t had that conversation. I had planned on having it tonight. Not because I was scared or needing things to be defined, but because I want Austin to know what he means to me, that he’s the one I want to be with.
“Wow.” The disgust in his voice and on his face only continues to grow. “I always knew you were in love with him, but I didn’t think you’d stoop so low to let him take advantage of that just for some internet fame.”
“That’s not what happened.”
“Right.” He laughs. “Keep telling yourself that, Taylor. The same way you convinced yourself that you actually loved me.”
“I did love you,” I shoot back defensively. “I tried with us. I gave you every part of me.”
“Were you fucking him while we were together?”
“No! I chose you, Noah. You know that. I chose you that night. I came to you. I didn’t kiss him that night and you know it.”
“Your body might have come to me that night, but your heart never did.”
“That’s not fair.” I choke back tears that now threaten to fall. “I did love you.”
“Why’d you choose me?”
“I told you, because I loved y?—”
He shakes his head. “You weren’t in love with me then. We had only gone on two dates.”
I take in a deep breath, not wanting to answer the question.
“Why does it matter? Why now? Because I’ve moved on? Because I’m happy with someone else?”
The look on his face begins to twist and turn into more of a grimace.
“I’m sorry, Noah. I never meant to hurt you, but I did try with us. I was attracted to Austin, yes, I can admit that, but I wanted to build a life with you. I chose you, I committed to you, I fell in love with you.”
“But then you pulled it all back. Once things took off with your firm, it was like he and that company were your world. That’s what you loved. I couldn’t compete with that.”
My chest burns. Is this what anguish feels like?
I hate the look on his face and even more, I hate that I put it there, that I caused all this. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I didn’t ever really give him and me a fair shot.
“I’m sorry,” I repeat as the tears fall. “I thought I was doing the right thing.” I sniff through broken sobs. “I thought…” I cover my face with my hands, unable to finish.
“You might have chosen me, but all you did was keep me on the hook while also keeping me at arm’s length. You never looked at me the way you look at him in those videos. You never kissed me like that.”
I stand on the sidewalk, my tear-stained face probably streaked with mascara as pedestrians bump into me and walk past us like we don’t even exist.
“Why’d you stay?” I wipe frantically at my eyes with the back of my hand. “Why didn’t you leave when it felt like I was trying everything to get close to you and you kept pushing me away?” My voice is frantic. “Why tell me everything I’m doing is wrong? Why pretend like you wanted me back if you didn’t?”
His eyes have grown cold. He looks at me like I too am a stranger on the sidewalk who is just in his way. Then a slow, cynical smile creeps across his face.
“I just didn’t want him to have you.”
His words feel like ice water pouring over my body. I stare at him in disbelief, waiting for him to soften, to say he’s just saying things out of anger, but there isn’t an ounce of the man I thought I knew behind those eyes. He doesn’t say another word; he just steps around me, bumping my shoulder in the process.
I stand there for several more minutes, the sounds of the city muffled by my thoughts.
“Miss Taylor, are you okay?” Hank opens the door, reaching for my elbow and leading me back into the lobby. “Why don’t you let me help you take your stuff upstairs?”
I nod, in a daze. I walk next to him, picking up a few of the bags and stepping into the elevator.
“This is going to be a fantastic dinner.” He smiles, looking down at the steaks, but I just stare forward. “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” he asks one more time after placing the items on my kitchen island.
I nod. “Thank you.”
“Sure thing,” he says, stepping back through my front door and closing it behind him.
I walk to my couch, falling into the fetal position and pulling a blanket up over my head and closing my eyes. Just wanting to shut out the world and my thoughts for a little while.
When I wake, no idea how many hours later, there’s a frantic pounding at my front door.
“Taylor. Taylor, please open up.”
I blink a few times in confusion, pulling the blanket from my head only to realize it’s almost dark out. I grab my phone. There are dozens of missed calls and texts from Austin.
“Baby, please!” I hear him say through the door again and I shoot off the couch. But then the incident with Noah comes rushing back, his cruel words, the way he looked at me. Tears threaten to fall again. I look over at the now spoiled groceries strewn across my island. Finally, I make my way to the door, unlocking the deadbolt and slowly opening the door.
“Jesus Christ.” Austin pushes the door open, his hands on my arms, his eyes studying me in a panic. “Are you okay? What’s going on?” He pulls me into his arms, wrapping me close. “I was so worried. I went home after work and you weren’t there. I kept calling you.”
I don’t respond. I just stand there in a daze. He cups my face, looking at me intently for several more seconds.
“Baby,” he finally says a little more sternly, “what happened?”
“I’m a terrible person.”