Chapter Fourteen Repetition #2
Freddie shoved him, light and playful, but Nathan caught him by the belt loops, hauled him in, and kissed him before pressing him back onto the Peugeot, where Freddie wrapped his arms around Nathan’s neck, deepening it.
Jude’s stomach twisted. Not with jealousy exactly, but with something heavier.
The ache of watching two people touch because they wanted to.
Not because one of them needed to prove they could.
That kiss wasn’t about control or winning.
It was… easy. Mutual. And all Jude could think about was Warren.
How Warren had kissed him like that for all of a millisecond before stopping it.
“Fuck sake, Dad!” Alfie’s voice cut through it all as he emerged from the back office.
Nathan let Freddie go, stepping back with a quick swipe of his mouth. “You…er, finished your homework?”
“Yeah. And when we move to the house, this shit’s gonna stop right?” He gestured a hand between Nathan and Freddie, then glanced up to Jude, noticing him before the others did. “Alright, sir. Did I do something wrong on the trip?”
Jude hovered closer. “Uh…no, Alfie. Perfect behaviour. Came to collect the car.”
Alfie nodded then wandered off back to the office part of the garage.
Nathan tossed the cloth onto the bench “I’ll go grab your keys and the paperwork then she’s yours. Parked her out there for ya.” He nodded to the forecourt where his Alfa Romeo pointed towards the exit.
To freedom.
“Thanks.” Jude smiled as Nathan ran off to the back office, leaving him there with Freddie.
“So he was good, was he?” Freddie jerked his chin to where Alfie had retreated.
“Yeah.” Jude tucked his hands into his pockets. “One of the better behaved.”
“Kudos to you, mate. Taking thirty kids on a trip overnight deserves a medal.”
“It’s easy enough when you perfect the teacher voice.”
“Would rather chase after hardened crims than that.”
Jude snorted, though the remark stung.
Freddie waited a beat, then, “Met that new PE teacher the other day. Came in the gym.”
Jude glanced away, trying not to let Freddie see what was behind his gaze. “Yeah. Mr Bailey. Kids seem to like him. Guess it’s easier to like the teacher who helps you score goals rather than the one who makes you read more.”
Freddie chuckled. “S’pose. I certainly did.” He tilted his head to get in Jude’s line of sight. “You like him?”
Jude turned back to Freddie. “Alfie?”
“The PE teacher.”
Jude shrugged. “Seems okay so far.” He glanced over to his car. Desperate to get in it.
Freddie edged closer, as if sensing something. “You…okay?”
Jude blinked. “Hmm?”
“You’ve been quiet lately. We ain’t seen you out. We were at the pub quiz the other night and the teacher lot were there. They said you quit the team.”
“Oh, yeah. I…got a bit going on and…” Jude was cut off as Nathan came back handing him his car keys and an envelope.
“There you go. Paperwork for the part’s in there if you need it.
She’ll be alright for a while but, to be honest with you, mate, it might be worth getting rid.
Romeos are notorious for being temperamental.
Electrical faults, oil leaks, timing belt failures…
parts have to be ordered from Europe meaning these long garage stays. ”
Jude took the keys. “Yeah. Thanks. I’ll… think about it. How much?”
“On the house, mate.” Nathan stood shoulder to shoulder with Freddie, an easy solidarity in the way they took up space together. “As long as you’re here, you’ll never pay for a car repair again. You got Alfie out, that’s worth more than a fan belt.”
Jude’s throat tightened. He looked at them.
Two men who laughed without malice, teased without cruelty, who stood as though they’d always been on the same side.
For a fleeting moment, he let himself feel it.
How far he’d come in two years. That he had…
people, of sorts. People who asked if he was alright.
Who fixed his car for free. Who cared, even if they didn’t know the half of it.
He thought about telling them. Explaining.
Letting it pour out before he lost the nerve.
He thought about asking for help.
But he couldn’t.
Because once they knew, they’d look at him differently. Not as the man who ran into a burning building. But as the reason the fire was lit in the first place.
So he smiled, knowing it didn’t touch his eyes, and said, “Thanks. Good luck with the move.”
He then slid into the Romeo, turned the key.
Freddie knocked on the glass by his head.
Jude rolled the window down. “Did I forget something?”
“No.” Freddie took a breath. “Why don’t you come out with us one night? Get a beer? No pub quiz. Just…us and a chat.”
Jude blinked the sudden wetness forming in his eyes and swallowed. The gesture was nice. It was. And he was grateful for it. But, fuck, if it didn’t sting.
“It’s not good to stay in all the time.” Freddie crouched to the window.
Jude took a breath. “No offense, Freddie, but if it’s all the same to you, I’m not really up for socialising with the first man I let myself think I could have something with after a really fucking long time—” he peered up in the wing mirror to where Nathan was putting away tools, “—and the man who took him from me.”
Freddie hung his head, gripping the door.
“I’m happy for you, Freddie. I am. You and Nate make a great couple.
Nathan is solid and you deserve him. I see how happy you are.
And I see the effect it’s had on Alfie and you have no idea how much it means to know Alfie has you both so he doesn’t stray to where we all thought he might.
I can’t tell you how relieved that makes me.
But getting over how I almost had you? That’ll take some time.
Not that we would have worked, anyway. We probably wouldn’t.
Not once you knew. But I liked to pretend for a while.
” He tilted his head to show no malice. “Don’t worry, I’ve survived worse.
Much worse. Worse than a silly break up with someone who barely got past the doorstep and a fire that didn’t kill me.
I’ll get over this. Just…let me not be okay about it all for a while, yeah? ”
Freddie said nothing. What could he say? So he nodded.
And Jude smiled. And whilst he hated himself for putting that wedge there between someone he’d believed he could have a friendship with, it was necessary. To stop any more prying. The last thing he needed was Freddie to find out about his past.
So he drove.
Not home. Around town, out along the coastal road, until he found himself under a canopy of trees near the beach. He killed the engine. Sat there, staring at the dark stretch of sea, the hiss of waves carrying through the cracked window. The worst kind of torture.
Close enough to touch, but too far to reach.
Like everything he wanted.
Including Warren.