Chapter Four Zoey
“Ibought two tests,” Ruby said when she walked through the door.
I texted her after I had the shocking realization that I could be pregnant. Since she was already coming over, it made sense for her to stop by the drugstore and get what we needed. Besides, she was the only person that knew I was dating Ford.
She had a white plastic bag in her hand, and seeing it made my pulse skitter. This was really happening.
“I can’t believe this,” I said, pacing to the other side of my small living room and back again. I couldn’t seem to stand still. “Maybe I’m wrong about all this. I mean, maybe it was a bad batch of tea. Or maybe I’m getting a cold. That can mess with your sense of taste…”
Ruby raised one eyebrow. “Do you have congestion? A cough? A fever?”
“Don’t go all Nurse Ruby on me. I’m just saying that there are other explanations. I’m on the shot! I’m not supposed to have to worry about this.”
Ruby’s lips twitched, like she was trying not to laugh. “You’re freaking out, and I get it. Unplanned pregnancy is pretty huge. Life-changing even, but-”
“You’re not helping.”
She held up the bag with the tests. “I was going to say that there’s no point in panicking before you’ve even peed on a stick.”
I shook my head, even though I told her to bring the tests.
It was a knee-jerk reaction to the thought that dysgeusia was a pregnancy symptom, a logical next step.
But now that Ruby was here, and it was time to find out if I was actually pregnant, the possibility was suddenly too big, too overwhelming.
I felt like I couldn’t even take a deep breath.
“I can’t be pregnant,” I murmured.
Ruby moved to stand in front of me, stopping my pacing. “Okay, let’s talk this out. Yeah, you’re on the shot, but nothing is one hundred percent effective. Even if you’re never late getting an injection, there’s a chance of getting pregnant. You wouldn’t be the first woman I’ve seen it happen to.”
I knew she was right, but that didn’t make it any easier to wrap my head around this.
“What about other symptoms?” Ruby asked. “Anything come to mind?”
I frowned as I thought about it. I didn’t usually have a period because of the birth control shot. My breasts weren’t tender. I hadn’t been nauseous.
“I’ve been tired,” I said with a shrug. “But I work in the emergency room. That can be exhausting.”
“Growing a human is also exhausting.”
I let out a groan and snatched the bag from her hand. “What kind of best friend won’t even let me live in denial for a while?”
Ruby chuckled. “The good kind. Now, get into that bathroom and let’s find out if I’m going to be an honorary auntie.”
Ten minutes later, I was back in the living room, staring at two positive tests sitting on the coffee table in front of me.
“This wasn’t the plan,” I said weakly. As if it mattered. As if the plan I had for my life had anything to do with the reality of my situation.
Ruby sat beside me on the couch, and she reached over to take my hand. “How do you feel about this?”
I let out a humorless laugh. How do I feel?
“I have no idea how to answer that. I-I feel like an asteroid just hit Earth. Or like I was just hit by a bus. I don’t know…”
“That’s some violent imagery,” Ruby said, squeezing my hand.
“I’m just saying, my entire life just changed.
I’m going to be a mom. Just this morning, I was a nurse in a complicated relationship and a wide-open future full of possibilities.
I didn’t even know if I wanted kids at all.
Now, I’ve got nine months to learn how to be a good parent.
” I let out a shuddering breath. “Fuck, Ruby. How am I supposed to know how to do that? It’s not like I had good examples growing up. ”
“But you won’t be alone. You’ll have me and your brothers to help you. And what about Ford?”
That was a good question. I’d have to tell him, of course, but how would he react to this news?
We hadn’t even talked about a future together because the last six months had been made up of stolen moments and quiet evenings at home.
I always felt as if we were waiting for the promotion to go through, and then we’d discuss where things were going between us.
Despite that, I’d completely fallen for him. I loved the man, and I had for a while, even though I’d never said it.
“I’ll have to talk to him, to see where his head’s at,” I said, placing a hand on my stomach.
I needed to tell him about the baby and about my feelings for him. It was time.
“You guys will figure it out,” Ruby said.
“Thanks for being here. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”
Ruby pulled me into a hug, and I let myself sink into it for a moment. I was lucky to have a friend like her, someone who would rush to my side and hold my hand as my life completely changed.
“Do you want to order takeout and watch a movie?” she asked, and I nodded. I needed a little bit of normal right now.
Ruby recommended rinsing my mouth with warm saltwater before eating, and it helped neutralize the metallic taste enough that I was able to enjoy my food while we laughed at the antics of a couple of enemies falling in love on the TV screen.
My pregnancy lingered in my mind, as well as the worry that came along with it, but I tried to enjoy myself and take comfort in Ruby’s presence.
It was just after eight o’clock when she left my apartment, but I was already thinking about going to bed. Unlike the last couple of weeks, I knew that I wasn’t just tired because of working all day. The child growing inside of me was the reason.
I tried to imagine what it would feel like to hold my child in my arms, but it was impossible to imagine. Other than a brief rotation I did in the labor and delivery unit when I first started at Lakeview, I’d never spent much time around babies.
I wasn’t sure what it said about my ability to be a good parent that I had no desire to stay in that department the way that Ruby did.
Sighing, I picked up my phone to call Ford. Not to tell him about the pregnancy—that was a conversation that needed to happen in person—but because in the last couple of months, we rarely slept apart, and it felt strange to imagine going to bed without him. I wanted to hear his voice.
But as I unlocked my phone, a text came through from Ruby with a picture attached. My heart dropped to the floor as I took in the screenshot she sent me.
It was as photo Delilah had shared on her social media page with no caption. It was taken tonight, I recognized the navy blue shirt and black tie that Ford was wearing as the clothes he had on when I went to his office this afternoon.
The picture was taken in a restaurant and there were several board members present, just like Ford said there would be.
But what he neglected to mention was that Delilah would be there.
I zoomed in on the picture until my phone screen was filled with her face right next to Ford’s.
She was leaning into him, which was easy because she was seated right next to him at the table.
Her hand was on his arm and her head tilted toward him so that, even with six other people at the table, they appeared to be together.
God, they look like a couple.
So far, I hadn’t had any sign of morning sickness, but the sight of this picture made my stomach roil.
I knew it was just a snapshot, a single second in time that might not accurately portray the reality of the situation, but all I could think about was the way he’d seemed uncomfortable and guilty in his office when he told me he couldn’t come over tonight.
Was it because he knew that Delilah would be there, trying to get as close to him as possible, the way she always did?
He never truly set boundaries with her the way he should, and I’d always accepted it as necessary for staying in her dad’s good graces—always thought about it as temporary, just like the secret status of our relationship.
For the first time, I felt doubt about that. For the first time, I wondered if there was more to his decision not to firmly put her behind him.
I didn’t think Ford was truly cheating on me, even emotionally. He wasn’t that kind of man, but maybe there were unresolved feelings that he didn’t want to even admit to himself.
Or maybe my hormones were making me crazy.
All I knew was that I needed to see him. Tonight.
Without stopping to think about it, I shoved my feet into my tennis shoes and grabbed my keys.
The drive to his house only took fifteen minutes. I’d always liked that we lived so close to each other, and it came in handy tonight.
Ford’s house was a newer build in a community with an HOA and neighbors that always waved hello.
It was a nice place to live, and as I pulled into the driveway, I found myself thinking about what it would be like to raise a child in a neighborhood like this for the first time.
Then, I remembered that picture of him cozied up to Delilah.
We needed to talk about a few things before I told him about the baby.
Ford had a doorbell, but I pounded on the door with my fist. His car was parked in the driveway, and the lights were on in his living room window, so I knew he was home.
He answered the door with damp hair and pajama pants on. Nothing else.
His wide chest was on full display, and I’d normally let that distract me, but tonight was different. Our sexual chemistry wasn’t going to gloss over our issues anymore.
“Zoey? What are you doing here?”
Ouch. His less-than-welcoming words hit harder as he frowned at me.
“I need to talk to you,” I said, raising my eyebrows when he didn’t immediately step back to let me into the house.
“Okay, yeah. I just wasn’t expecting you.”
He finally opened the door wider and let me inside, but I didn’t miss the way he made sure there was plenty of space between us as I passed.
Like he didn’t want to touch me.
Frustrated, I took two steps inside and turned to face him with my hands on my hips.
“Ford, what’s going on? You’re acting weird. I can tell that something is suddenly… wrong between us.”