Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
MELODY
I drop down beside Jonah and brush his shaggy hair from his forehead to inspect his cheek as Mull kneels on his other side. I don’t think the bone is broken, but there’s a nasty gash.
“This needs stitches,” I sigh.
“I’ll get him to Doc Hastings once he’s done with Traeger…
and Kevin,” Mull says and we both wince, remembering Kevin’s punishment.
But given what happened, he pretty much got a slap on the wrist and everyone should be really fucking thankful.
Mull slings Jonah’s arm over his shoulder and helps him stand.
“How could you be so stupid?” he hisses at Jonah.
“I’m sorry,” Jonah says, leaning heavily into Mulligan’s side.
“I just…reacted.” Mull kisses his temple roughly, muttering something about Jonah being a lovable idiot.
I’ve always been so happy that they’d found each other here, that Jonah found his second chance at happiness, but I’m even more grateful for it now.
Jonah will need him when I’m gone. My eyes water, but I force myself not to cry.
Not yet. If I start now, I’ll never stop and I’ll never be able to do this.
I look to the crowd that’s still standing around looking a little shellshocked.
“Chloe, go get Sandy. Tell her what happened and what’s coming down the pipe for Kevin.
” Chloe was young, maybe seventeen or eighteen, and her eyes are still wide with fear as she stares unblinking at the puddles of blood all over the ground.
Traeger’s, Kevin’s, Jonah’s. So much blood spilled in such a short amount of time.
She’s been at The Cove from the beginning, her family having been one of the first people to move into the neighborhood before the outbreak, so she’s been spared from the worst of the violence of the world.
I don’t want to call her sheltered, but, well…
if the shoe fits. She’s a sweet kid though, always eager to help out around town and watch the kids.
“Chloe” I say again, gently gripping her shoulders and turning her away from the blood, forcing her to focus on me. “It’s ok. Everything is fine, I promise, but Sandy needs your help. Can you help her for me?”
“I…” She shakes herself and swallows hard.
“Yes, yes I can do that. I’ll wait with her until…
until they’re done with him.” She runs off and I head back home with Jonah and Mulligan.
I feel like I’m walking in a dream, like nothing is real.
I’d agreed to leave my home, to leave Jonah, and go live God knew where with Traeger and be subjected to who the hell knew what.
I don’t really remember making it home or up the stairs, but the next thing I know, we’re in my room and I’m packing up my things, feeling numb.
“I won’t let you do this, Mel. I won’t,” Jonah protests from the bed.
We got his cheek closed up with some butterfly bandages for now, but the sooner he gets to Doc, the better.
He needs to take a look at his ribs too.
Fucking, Jett. I grit my teeth and strangle an innocent pair of socks in my hand.
The one good thing about being carted off to FOS will be having ample opportunity to off that bastard.
“It’s already done.”
I put my small wardrobe, spare boots and sneakers, and toiletries into a duffle, tossing in a handful of books and topping it off with Jonah’s hoodie that I always steal.
“I’m taking this,” I say thickly. Jonah lumbers off the bed and wraps me in a tight hug.
I told myself I wouldn’t, but I can’t help it.
I let the tears flow and allow myself a moment to break down.
I clutch onto him like I’ve done so many times in our lives.
I can’t believe that I won’t have him in my life anymore, that I’m actually leaving.
How can I possibly do this without him? I haven’t known a life without Jonah in almost twenty years.
There’s no way I can have one now, it just isn’t possible.
He’s a part of me. And not just any part, the very best parts.
Without him, I’m…I don’t want to think about what I am without him beside me, keeping me afloat and pulling me back when the darkness starts to look too tempting.
But I have to do this. If this keeps him safe—and not just him, but everyone at The Cove—then I’ll do it. I’ll serve my time and survive somehow so long as they’re alright. I pull away and sniffle, patting Jonah’s chest.
“Maybe he’ll let me come visit.”
“Maybe,” Jonah says through tears, giving me a sad smile.
We both know he never will. I’ll never come back to The Cove…
probably never see Jonah again. Hostages never came back again.
Letters could be sent to prove that Traeger was holding up his end of the bargain, but no one was ever allowed to come back again.
My heart feels like it’s breaking in a way I didn’t think was possible.
I know that in this world, anyone can be taken at any moment, but Jonah has been such a fixture in my life for so long, I’ve always had this notion that somehow, that didn’t apply to us.
We defy the odds, transcend them. Our bond is bigger than Traeger or banishment or the entire fucking zombie apocalypse.
I will see him again, I vow, right here, right now. I will fucking see him again.
I fill my canteen with water and put a few more protein bars in my backpack before adding the stuffed dog to the top, as I always do, along with a small photo album, and zipping it tight.
I shoulder the pack and Mulligan grabs my duffle.
I almost laugh at the sight. I’d always been the over-packer on every single trip, cramming three weeks’ worth of clothes into suitcases for a two-day trip, sitting on them while Mitch struggled to get them zipped.
Now, my entire life fits into a single duffle bag and a backpack. Oh how times have changed.
When we reach the front door, two of Traeger’s men are waiting.
I roll my eyes—did he really think needed an escort to the gallows?
—and give them a double barreled salute as we pass by.
One glares, the other chuckles. They trail behind us as we walk to the gate where Traeger’s little cadre is all loaded up and ready to leave.
They’re just waiting for their war prize.
My pulse starts to race as fear trickles in past the walls I’m trying so hard to keep up inside my mind.
I have no idea what I’m walking into here.
There are so many rumors about Traeger and his men, and about their compound—some horrific, some only mildly awful—but there’s no way to know for sure.
I try to mentally prepare myself for what might come.
I’d been trained to withstand much worse than they can dish out.
I had withstood much worse than they can dish out, I’m positive about that.
I absently roll my right shoulder, remembering when it had been pulled from its socket and punched repeatedly.
Fun times. So, I know I can survive whatever’s about to happen, and somehow find my way back to Jonah, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not going to be painful as hell.
When we hear the vehicles, I stop and throw my arms around Mulligan’s neck, squeezing him tightly.
“Take care of him for me, Mull,” I whisper, nose burning with tears again, but I won’t cry now. I had my moment with Jonah back at the house. Now, I need to be strong for him.
Voice rough, he says, “I will. I promise.”
“I’d never be able to leave him if you didn’t love him so much.”
Mulligan squeezes me tighter and shudders, his big body shaking mine.
“You know I love you too, stupid.”
I pull away and pat his bearded cheek, giving him a watery smile.
“I love you back. I mean, Mullody isn’t complete without you.
” We both laugh at the terrible “couple” nickname we’d come up with for ourselves not long after he and Jonah got together, much to Jonah’s chagrin.
Cheap vodka may have been involved in the decision making, but it had stuck like glue.
Mulligan and I become fast friends, feeling as if we’d known each other our whole lives.
He worked his way into my tiny little bubble with Jonah almost instantly, and I’d been all too happy to expand it to encompass the burly man.
My heart splinters as I step away from him, but I know that it’s about to shatter completely because next comes the impossible goodbye.
I don’t know how to do this. I can’t. But…
I have to. I know this was the right decision: this place needs Jonah.
It doesn’t need me. I’ve gotten them secured and safe.
The rest of the security team can handle it now.
I hug him hard despite how much I know his ribs must be killing him.
“Mel, please, we can figure something else out.” His voice breaks and it nearly does me in. I somehow keep the floodgates closed as I pull back enough to kiss his cheek.
“It’s ok, Jonah. I’ll be ok. I can handle this.
” I hold his gaze for an endless moment, memorizing every fleck of gold hidden within the brown of his eyes, the smile lines fanning out beside them, the small scar just above his left brow from a million years ago when he thought an eyebrow ring would look sexy—spoiler alert: it did not and it got super infected.
“Thank you for saving me,” I tell him, putting as much love as I can into the words.
He huffs out a hoarse laugh. “You saved me way more.”
“You know what I mean,” I say. “You pulled me out of the dark place, more than once. I couldn’t have done it on my own. I love you.”
“I love you too, Mel.” He pulls me in for another hug and whispers low in my ear, “I’ll find a way to get you back. I swear.”
I pull back and eye him.
“Don’t you dare do anything stupid, Jonah Cothren. I swear I will kick your ass if you do.” He laughs lightly. “But I will find a way to see you again, J. I promise. This isn’t goodbye, just…see ya later.”
He smiles at me through his tears and tucks a bit of hair behind my ear.
And it’s too much. I can feel the tiny bit of control I have left crumbling away, and I have to turn away before I completely lose it.
I kiss his cheek and turn away, all but running towards the truck where Traeger’s waiting by the open passenger door, assuming that’s my assigned seat for this little road trip to hell.
I can’t look back or I’ll never leave, so I jump in, throwing my pack at my feet and trying desperately to breathe.
My throat feels thick, like it’s closing up, and my heart’s beating way too fast. I close my eyes and squeeze my hands into fists so tightly that my knuckles throb.
Traeger hops into the driver’s seat and it isn’t until we’re nearly to the gate that my eyes fly open.
I don’t care if it destroys me, I have to see him.
Jonah has to be the last thing I see as I leave this place.
I spin and push up to my knees in my seat to stare out of the back window.
I put my hand to the glass and Jonah raises his, as if we can touch.
He leans heavily into Mulligan’s side and I tell myself over and over that he’ll be ok, they both will. They have each other, they’ll make it.
But who do I have now?
Everyone I love is taken from me eventually.
I watch until the gate closes behind us.
I lean my forehead against the cool glass for a long moment before finally turning back around.
I settle into the seat, and though I hate the idea of letting Traeger see me like this, I can’t stop the tears.
I’m not allowing myself to fully feel the enormity of what’s just happened or having a complete breakdown yet, but I let the tears silently fall as I stare out the window, feeling numb and dead and broken.
Jonah is my light. Jonah is what keeps me from falling into the darkness, or when I do start to tumble, he pulls me out again. Can I do this without him?
I really don’t know, but I guess I have no choice but to find out.
To my surprise, Traeger isn’t a dick about it. In fact, he doesn’t even say a word. He silently hands me a box of tissues and lets me say goodbye in peace.