Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
MELODY
“Traeger wants you to have dinner with him,” Renee tells me as we jog around the lake together.
I’ve started running every day again, and invited Renee to join me anytime she wanted.
She’d eagerly agreed and I’m actually glad to have the company.
Me and Jonah and Mull used to run together, constantly pushing each other to go faster and having (mostly) friendly competitions.
God, I miss them so much still that it physically hurts, a constant dull ache in my chest. I wonder what they’re doing, if they’re alright and if Traeger has kept his promise.
“Why?” I ask, reeling back and nearly stumbling.
Renee hikes her shoulder. “When will you figure out that it isn’t my place to question him?”
We stop to rest at the far end of the lake, waving to Wynn who’s on duty in the nearest tower, before plopping down in the grass. Renee leans back on her hands and kicks her legs out in front of her. I glance at her sidelong and after a few minutes, decide to just go for it.
“Can I ask you something and you give me the honest answer?"
“Sure,” Renee says easily.
“Did he do that to you?” I nod towards her scar. “Is that why you obey him without question? Out of fear?” She straightens and gapes.
“No! God, no. He’s never hurt me.” She exhales roughly and turns to stare out over the lake.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m just…trying to understand this place, to understand him. Nothing’s the way it’s supposed to be. Which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s just…confusing.”
“It’s alright. I know that it can be disconcerting at first, to try to reconcile the rumors and what you think you know with the reality of it all.
” She pulls out a thick blade of grass and begins peeling it into tiny strips.
I wait, having a feeling that she wants to talk, but just needs a little time.
Sure enough, after a few minutes, she says, “I owe him my life. That’s why I obey and trust him without question.
But it isn’t out of obligation, like a debt he expects me to pay.
I do it because I want to, because I respect him and believe in him and care about him in a way that I can’t really explain.
Not like that,” she adds quickly as she glances at me, “but it’s a really important way. ”
She takes a deep breath and throws the pieces of grass away. Her entire body tenses and I react in kind, preparing myself for whatever Renee is about to tell me. I know that it isn’t going to be anything good.
“He found me two years ago not too far north of here. I’d been with a small group, but we ran into a herd and I was the only one to make it out alive.
I was on my own for a week or so, barely surviving—I wasn’t built for this world, not to be out there alone, at least,” she says with a small self-deprecating smile, but it fades quickly.
“I ran into two men and they…they…” She swallows hard and I lay a hand on her shoulder, offering support.
I already know that this story is the dark and painful kind.
Renee gives me a grateful look and reaches up to put her hand over mine, squeezing gently.
“They attacked me. Tied me up and kept me in an old storage shed in the woods for days while they...” She squeezes her eyes shut and fury tears through me.
Renee doesn’t have to say the words. I know exactly what those men did to her.
There are a few surefire ways to make my cold, unforgiving dark side come out in full force.
One is hurting—even threatening to hurt—the people I love.
The other is forcing anything on anyone who isn’t willing.
Tell me Traeger punished them. Tell me he made it slow.
“I tried to fight back and one of them did this.” She points to the long scar on her face.
“I stopped fighting after that,” she adds quietly.
She turns to face me again. “Then Traeger came. He heard them talking about me, joking about what they were doing, when they were in the nearby town getting supplies. He followed them back to the shed and subdued them both. When he opened the door and found me, the rage I felt radiating from him terrified me. At first I thought he was just like them, that he was going to pick up where they left off or just kill me. I struggled, screaming against the gag they’d shoved in my mouth.
He held his hands up and told me it was alright, that he wasn’t going to hurt me.
Something in his eyes made me believe him.
He was so gentle as he took off the gag and cut the rope from my wrists.
He looked at the crusted blood and the burns the rope had left on my skin, and that quiet rage poured out of him again.
He helped me stand and eased me out of the shed.
He asked if I wanted to kill them, or watch him do it, or turn away, but no matter what I picked, they were going to die.
There was no other option in his mind. I couldn’t do it myself, even after everything…
but I watched.” She swallows hard but lifts her chin.
“And I didn’t feel bad at all as he executed them both. ”
“Good,” I say, my body practically vibrating with rage and wanting to take matters into my own hands, even knowing that justice has already been served.
For a moment, I have nothing but respect and appreciation for Traeger.
If he responded like that to Renee’s situation, I can’t imagine that he would ever force anyone himself.
So, yet another thing we had so fucking wrong.
Renee laughs lightly and sniffles, wiping tears from her eyes.
“I know his hands aren’t clean, but I also know that the things he’s done are always for the right reasons and that most people only see what he wants them to see.
He’s no angel, but he does what has to be done to keep everyone safe.
Not just here, but in all the settlements.
The world isn’t black and white anymore. It is all gray.”
“Fifty shades of it by what I hear each night from my room,” I say with a small smile.
Renee laughs out loud, throwing her head back. “Oh my God. Ok, that was a good one.” She scrunches her nose. “Can you really hear him?”
“Ohhh yes. More so the girls than him, but yeah. Natasha is the worst. She literally sounds like a cat in heat.” I shudder and Renee snorts, slapping a hand over her mouth.
“You are terrible,” she hisses.
“I never claimed to be otherwise.” I shrug. I bump her leg with mine. “Hey, thank you for sharing your story with me. It…helps me understand things a bit better.”
Renee smiles. “You’re welcome. Maybe now you’ll share some of your story with me. Not right this second,” she adds quickly, “but…some day.”
“I will, I promise.” I glance at the setting sun and sigh. “I guess we should get back so I can get ready for dinner.”
“I want you as part of the security team,” Traeger says when I sit down for dinner in his room.
His green eyes had flared with heat for a moment when I’d first walked in.
I’d gone with cut-off shorts and a tank top, deciding that being as casual as possible made it feel less like a weird date.
But he’d raked his gaze up my bare legs and over my chest, lingering for a long moment on my hair, which I’d let dry in loose waves, and with the way he looked at me, I didn’t feel casual at all.
My stomach clenched at that look, heat spreading through my chest.
It's obvious that he’s attracted to me, so why had he turned me down that first night? Was it truly because he’s a…decent human being after all? More and more evidence is pointing me in that direction, it’s true, but I still can’t quite make myself just accept it.
I quirk a brow. “Seriously?”
“You’re obviously extremely skilled in that department, and I like to surround myself with the best of the best.”
“You’re going to let me just waltz around with a loaded gun?”
“Eventually, yes. You mentioned previously that you were smart enough not to do anything stupid. I’m assuming you still stand by that statement?
” I roll my eyes and his lips quirk up on one side.
“So, yes. Eventually, you’ll get to just waltz around with a loaded gun.
For now, you’ll just…observe. That’s across the board, mind you.
No one gets a weapon at first. There’s a probationary period for all new members on security detail. ”
I eye him critically as I sip my water, keeping my expression passive. I’m excited to be back in some type of guard or security role, dying to do more and use my skills, but I don’t want to let him know just how eager I am for this.
“I guess that makes sense,” I finally allow. “I’ll observe for now.” He nods and takes a drink, watching me over the rim of his glass. I pick up my knife and spin it slowly in my right hand. “You know, rumor has it I tried to stab you and that’s why I’m here.”
He watches the knife with amused interest.
“Is that what they’re saying?”
I nod. I could throw the knife now and end him in seconds if I wanted, and he has no idea…but as if reading my thoughts, he leans back in his chair and throws his arms out wide.
“If you want to try, be my guest.” His green eyes darken as they meet mine, that subtle challenge in his voice again. I arch a brow, as if considering it, but then hike a shoulder.
“Nah, this is too easy. When I kill you, it’ll be more…sporting.” He snorts and my lips curl at the corners. “When do I start?”
“Tomorrow.”