Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
MELODY
My blood roars in my ears and I feel too cold and too hot all at once.
“What?” I bark. “What happened?” I glance at Traeger. A second ago, I’d felt a connection that I honestly never thought I’d feel again, along with all whole host of other, more carnal things. Now, when I look at him, all I feel is a hot, simmering rage.
“They were out on a run and he was trying to save a family…”
“Was he bitten?” I interrupt, my body going completely numb. Say no. Say no. God, please say no.
“No,” Wynn assures me quickly. “No, he wasn’t bitten. There was a family pinned down in a burned-out building. He fought his way through to them and a beam collapsed.”
I blink rapidly, trying to stay upright. “How bad?” I ask, keeping my voice calm and even, but inside I’m screaming.
“Some broken ribs, broken leg. Doc Hastings thinks maybe a bruised spleen, but they’re monitoring him closely…”
“Mel—”
I whirl on Traeger, fury burning everything else I feel for him away to ash.
“This is your fucking fault,” I hiss, nearly snarling. His jaw clenches and his nostrils flare, but he doesn’t say anything. I know somewhere deep down that, logically, it isn’t actually his fault, but all of the anger and fear whirling inside me has to be directed at something, at someone.
And he’s the fucking winner.
“I’m going,” I say, daring him to tell me no. “Blindfold me, gag me, knock me out—whatever, but I have to see him. I’ll keep all your fucking secrets, but I am going. You’ll have to shoot me to stop me.”
The muscle in his jaw ticks and I can’t read the look in his eyes, or maybe I don’t want to. He looks to Wynn and, after what feels like an entirety, he nods.
“Take her, just the two of you. Go now.” He glances at me and then adds, “Take B route.”
“You sure?” Wynn asks, brows rising. B route? What the fuck does that mean and why does it have Wynn looking so surprised?
Traeger holds my gaze, and without taking his eyes off me, he says to Wynn, “I trust her.”
I refuse to thank him. I feel like this is all my fault somehow, like the universe is punishing me for deciding to try to be happy, for taking things with Traeger somewhere. For falling. This is what I get. This is what I deserve.
The trip doesn’t take nearly as long as it had when I’d first come to FOS, and Wynn explains that they have multiple routes to and from FOS from every other settlement.
It’s how they keep the location a secret.
On the way there initially, we’d taken a route designed to take extra time and get me completely lost. Now I understand why Wynn had been surprised when Traeger told him to take Route B: this is a straight shot from FOS to The Cove.
No backtracking, no detours, no doubts about where, exactly, I am.
I could lead all of Haven directly to Traeger’s front door now if I wanted.
I trust her, he’d said. I try not to think of it, or what had happened in the hallway or the things I’d been feeling.
I try not to think of the flash of defeat I’d seen in his eyes when I’d glared at him, blaming him for Jonah’s injuries, as if he knew in that instant that whatever had been building between us was crashing and burning and leaving him standing in the ashes alone. I try not to think of him at all.
Wynn and I don’t talk much on the drive. It’s taking all of my strength not to lash out and put my fist through the window. We finally get to The Cove and I jump out of the car before it’s even fully stopped. Bret blinks at my sudden appearance.
“Mel?” he says, incredulous.
“Is he at our place or Doc’s?” is all I say. Later, I’ll apologize and give him a proper hug because I’ve missed him, but right now all I can think of is Jonah. I have to see him with my own eyes. I have to make sure he’s ok. I can’t do this again, I can’t lose anyone else, I just can’t.
“Oh, uh, yours,” Bret says, clearly confused as he glances between me and Wynn.
I take off towards the house that had once been mine.
I barely hear Bret ask Wynn if anyone else is coming and if he needed to star rounding up weapons.
I burst through the front door, and Mulligan leaps to his feet from the chair in the living room.
“Mel?” he gasps. He stumbles over and wraps me in a hug.
I clutch at him, squeezing so tightly that I’m sure I’m probably hurting him, but I don’t care.
He doesn’t seem to either, squeezing me right back.
“God, how are you here? I never thought…Fuck, it doesn’t matter.
” He holds me tighter, his body shuddering a little.
I can tell how worried he is, how glad he is to have someone to share this with.
“Where is he? Is he ok?”
“I’m fine,” comes the soothing, familiar voice that’s been my anchor through virtually every storm in my life.
Jonah. Tears sprang to my eyes and I feel like I can breathe for the first time since Wynn said those terrible words in that hallway.
I disentangle myself from Mull and circle around the couch.
Jonah lays there, a blanket up to waist and his flannel shirt open over his bandaged ribs.
He has scrapes and bruises on his face, neck, and arms, but he smiles at me and it lights up his entire face.
“You idiot,” I say before a sob breaks free. I sit on the edge of the couch, and hug him, trying to be careful of his injuries. He wraps his arms around me and strokes my back.
“Shhh, Mel, it’s ok. I’m ok.”
How is he the one consoling me? He’s the one who’s hurt, who had almost died.
It only makes me cry harder. Jonah has always been the one to take care of me and I’ve missed him so fucking much.
I hadn’t let myself really feel the full force of it, but now, it’s like I’m in the middle of the ocean during a hurricane.
Wave after wave of raw emotion rushes over me, dragging me down only to hit me all over again as soon as I surface.
What feels like hours later, I finally pull away and scrub the tears from my eyes.
“Tell me.”
He sighs but tells me the whole story as Mull presses a glass of scotch into my hand. I give him a grateful look, squeezing his forearm before he pulls away, and he smiles at me, looking exhausted but happy.
“I had to, Mel. You would have done the same thing.” I wish I could argue with him, but I can’t and he knows it. The asshole grins at me.
“You’re still an idiot,” I point out, taking another sip of my drink. The worst of the panic and pain is fading now and I’m finally finding my equilibrium.
“Well, you’ve known that for going on two decades,” he jokes.
“Enough about me and all of this,” he says, gesturing to his chest and then waving it away like it isn’t a big deal.
“I’m fine and Doc is checking in every hour to be sure.
So, we’re shifting gears: How are you fucking here, Mel? Are you alright?”
“I’m good, I promise.” I’ll keep my word to Traeger and not give up any of his secrets, but I need to make sure that Jonah knows that I’m really and truly ok, to ease his mind and make sure he doesn’t worry needlessly about me.
He needs to focus on other things, like healing and resting for starters.
“Really, J, I’m fine. I haven’t been beaten or tortured—unless you count harvesting vegetables as torture. ”
“Well, I know how much you hate gardening.”
We both smile and it feels so fucking good, like this is where I’m supposed to be.
A nagging, stupid, annoying voice in the back of my mind tries to argue, to say that somewhere else feels more like home now, that someone else is who I want to be beside right now.
But that isn’t fucking happening, not anymore.
I hadn’t been here with Jonah when he needed me, and I’m placing the blame for that squarely on Traeger’s shoulders—whether he deserves it or not.
“I don’t think I can stay long,” I say.
“The fact that he even let you come at all is a miracle. Even if it’s only for five minutes, I’ll take it.” As if on cue, a soft knock on the door sounds. Mulligan gets up to answer it and I brace myself to be torn away from Jonah already. It’s not nearly enough time. I can’t leave him yet.
“Jonah,” Wynn says, nodding in greeting as he steps inside the living room. “How you doing?”
“I’m alright. Tired of everyone hovering,” he says pointedly at Mulligan, but he smiles. He loves how much Mull loves him. “But I’m ok. Doc thinks nothing bad internally, so just gotta wait for all the broken bones to heal.”
“Good, good, I’m real happy to hear that, man.”
“We have to go?” I ask, tensing.
Wynn shakes his head. “He’s giving you three days.”
Jonah and I both blink in surprise. Is Traeger trying to win me over? Make up for the blame I’m placing at his feet? Well, it won’t fucking work, but I’m sure as shit not going to look this gift horse in the mouth. Mulligan steps forward.
“I’ve been sleeping down here with Jonah, so Mel can have our room and you can take Mel’s,” he offers.
Usually a whole house is prepared for Traeger’s men when they come to visit, but since this was kind of spur of the moment and it’s late, I’m sure Wynn is perfectly happy to just bunk here.
Mulligan meets my gaze and at my look adds, “But I do believe my spot on the couch is being commandeered this evening, so same plan except I’m taking our room I guess.
” I smile at him and he winks. He turns to Wynn.
“I’ll help you with the bags and get you situated. ”
Wynn nods to me, giving me a look that reminds me to keep my promise and tells me that he trusts me to do it.
I nod back, letting him know I won’t do anything stupid or that will put anything at risk.
I know that Jonah and Mulligan wouldn’t tell anyone, that they can be trusted with the secrets too, but it isn’t my place to make that decision.
I hate keeping things from Jonah, but I’ll do it.
The important thing is that he knows that I’m safe.