Chapter 15
D ominic
Me: Is she there?
Matt: What’s it worth to you?
Me: I want to be sure she’s safe, Matt.
Matt: Should have thought about that before you went all growly Dom on her.
Me: I did not go growly Dom on her.
Me: I don’t think I did.
Me: Is that what she said?
Me: Fuck.
Me: Just tell me if she’s safe. Please.
Me: She won’t answer my texts. Her phone goes straight to voicemail.
Matt: You texted? Jesus, the world must be ending. Honestly, the fact that you’re texting ME is unprecedented.
Me: I was trying to speak her language.
Me: You still haven’t answered me.
Me: Please.
Matt: She’s fine. She’s pissed as hell at you, but she’s fine. Maybe give her some space.
Me: You know I don’t do well with forced situations like that.
Matt: I’m well aware of your inability to let someone else control the situation.
Me: You make me sound like a complete asshole.
Matt: If the overpriced suit fits …
I’ll admit I’m a control freak. I know it. I’ve got anxiety issues up the wazoo that none of my family know about. In fact, not even my lovely wife knows I’m currently in therapy for anxiety. I’m attempting to handle things without medication, but the anxiety keeps getting worse. My therapist said he wants me to try a medication soon.
I hate feeling out of control. Knowing I can’t control my own brain is the worst.
Keeping busy is the quickest way for me to calm my anxiety. It’s why I work as much as possible. But since it’s a Saturday, my options are pretty limited. Which is why I’m cleaning the window wells in the basement. It’s probably good that I do this when Kate isn’t here anyway. I try to clean out the window wells once a year. Wind constantly blows trash and lawn debris into them, and it adds up incredibly fast.
Now I can stand and breathe in her perfume, letting it permeate my veins, and allow myself to think about her in ways I absolutely should not. Ways that would complicate an already complicated situation, which would most likely end with one of us being hurt. I’m not gloating when I say it’s likely to be Kate. My wife wears her heart on her sleeve. She sees the best in everyone. She’d think any sexual connection we have could lead to more. Yeah, I told Alex I thought I wanted a relationship with Kate. But with each passing hour, I’m allowing doubt to creep back into my mind. My main priority has to be my kids.
But I have no intention of putting myself in another relationship where my children could be hurt. I don’t care about my own heart. I’ll survive no matter what. But my kids don’t deserve to have another woman break them. Aspen would probably bounce back. She’s incredibly strong-willed. Carter would inevitably escape into his own world until he was ready to talk about it. But Sienna ... my oldest daughter would be devastated.
Who am I kidding? Whenever this ends — however this ends — people are going to be hurt.
Typically I don’t make rash decisions. I’m detail-oriented, and I think everything through. Ever hear the expression measure twice and cut once? I’m more of a measure five times kind of guy.
But did I think it through when I told Kate we would get married? Nope. Not one iota of thought given. I jumped in, feet first, consequences be damned. Now my wife has left the county, is ignoring all of my messages, and I’m wondering what made her bolt. Yeah, I said some hurtful things. But she’s never left before. Why didn’t she fight back?
Using this as a perfect opportunity to enter Kate’s space with a valid reason, I step into her room and look around. Her bed is unmade, which would normally bug me incessantly, but hers looks welcoming. Lived in. Incredibly comfortable. My eyes close on their own as I imagine what it would be like to wake up next to Kate, my arms around her. Or her head on my chest.
Shit.
I shake my head, attempting to rid it of these ludicrous thoughts, and walk swiftly to the window. I don’t realize how full my trash bag is, after cleaning the other three window wells, and my bag slams into the nightstand next to Kate’s bed, jarring it .
I watch in slow motion as the drawers slide open, and multiple things spill out onto the floor. I might have been able to catch some of the items, but I became completely frozen when I saw what was in there.
Toys.
Multiple.
Things I’d never seen before. Granted, my experience with masturbation apparatuses is pretty limited, but it’s clear Kate knows her way around a toy or two. I recognize a clit stimulator, a normal dildo … and is that a fucking butt plug?
When I notice I’m hard behind my jeans, I ignore the mess and rip open the window blinds. Throwing open the window, I pop the screen out and begin removing all the debris that accumulated all winter. It’s been a few years since I’ve checked the drains in the window wells, and I’m glad I did, because one of the other drains was completely clogged. When I find this one, I determine it is also clogged. As I’m walking into the attached bathroom, determined to not sniff any of Kate’s bath products like a fucking psychopath, I go to fill up a glass of water so I can clear the clog in the drain. I chuckle to myself when I easily locate a glass. I wasn’t lying about her ability to leave glasses and tumblers full of water everywhere, but I exaggerated how angry it made me while talking to Alex.
When my phone jars with a loud ring, I drop the glass and scramble to grab my phone from my pocket. I hope it’s Kate. I hope she’s finally ready to talk, although I don’t have a damn clue what I’m going to say.
It’s odd how disappointed I am when I see it’s Matt calling, but a weird premonition overcomes me. A tingling starts in my spine as I answer the call. He wouldn’t call me unless absolutely necessary.
“What happened?” I demand.
“Shit,” he mutters. “I knew if I called you’d figure out something was wrong.”
“Tell me what’s going on, Matt.”
He sighs. “I told her not to do this, Dom. Really. I told her not to give him one more second of her time.”
“Who?” Whoever the fuck hurt her, I’ll kill them.
“Our dad.”
“Uncle Chris?” I ask in disbelief. “Isn’t he in prison?”
“Yeah. He’s down in Ca?on City. He’s been reaching out to her more often than I realized. She said something in passing about going to see him, but I thought I talked her out of it.”
“How did she get down there, then?”
“She told me she was running to the pharmacy. Something about pain meds for cramps. I figured she couldn’t be lying about that. And maybe she didn’t lie about it, man. Maybe it was a two-for, and she decided to go to see him anyway.”
“Okay,” I say slowly, confusion evident in my tone. “I’m not sure why you’re calling me about this. If you think she’ll listen to me, you’ve got another thing coming. If anything, Katharine will do the exact opposite of what I ask.”
“She called me sobbing. I couldn’t make out everything she said, but I got the gist of it. Dad was horrible to her. I begged her to come back, but she said she was fine. She’s not fine, Dom. I know her, and she’s spiraling. Now she won’t answer any of our calls.”
I’m running up the basement stairs before Matt finishes his explanation. “I can be down to Ca?on City in less than three hours. Any idea of where she might be?”
“Ask Sienna.”
“What?”
“She tracks Kate’s location. I never thought to get her location, but I will now. I assume with how anti-technology you are, you don’t have her location.”
“You are correct.” I won’t add how I’m cursing myself right now about that fact. I know she follows me, but I don’t follow her. That ends now.
“I can meet you down there, or you can pick me up on the way,” Matt offers .
“I think it’s best if I go alone.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” he asks uncertainly.
“I assure you, I do actually know some things about my wife that you don’t,” I snap.
Matt snickers. “I really would love to see you grovel, though.”
I sigh. “I fully intend to grovel. But I don’t think this moment is when I’ll do it. Something tells me Katharine needs me to listen right now, and that’s what I fully intend to do.”
“Keep me updated. And share your fucking location with me so I can at least come get you if she murders you on the side of the road,” he orders.
“I’ll think about it.”
“God dammit, Dom, this is my sis —”
I end the call before he can go Officer Turner on me. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s tried to pull the police card on me, and it probably won’t be the last.
Running out to my car, I call my mom, who has my children for the day. Generally I spend all day Saturday with my kids, but today my mom planned to take them to a performance at the senior center in town. She suggested I get some things done around the house, which I now believe was actually her telling me to find Kate.
“Hi, cucciolo , everything okay? Have you heard from Kate?”
“No, but I have an idea where she is. Can you have Sienna find her location?”
“Why Sienna?”
“Uh, because she tracks Kate’s location?” I answer, confused.
“So do I, cucciolo . Most of our family has each other’s locations. You’re the lone holdout.” I don’t miss the tsk, tsk tone of my mother’s voice.
“I promise I will rectify that this week. Can you tell me Katharine’s location?”
“I will, as soon as you explain why she isn’t sharing it herself.”
I growl impatiently. “We had an argument, I said some shitty things, she went to Matt’s, and then decided to go see her dad. Something went down with her dad, and Matt called me, so now I’m going to go get her.”
Mom gasps. “She went to the prison?”
“Yep. Location, please.”
“Alright. Hold on.”
I hear her murmuring with multiple people in the background, and I assume my father is also being apprised of the situation.
“Dominic? I’ve mirrored the location with our map app, and she’s at a hotel on the main state highway going through Ca?on City. I’ll send you the address. Text me when you get to her, okay? I need to know that you’re both safe,” my mom says fretfully.
“I will, Mom. You alright to keep the kids tonight?”
“Of course. You know I never turn down a movie night with my grandchildren.” After saying goodbye, I send Matt my location and set off. As soon as I hit the outskirts of Eternity Springs, my map app announces a road closure near Colorado Springs, and suggests an alternate route. It adds a full hour to the route, but I don’t have a choice. Curving through the Rocky Mountains, it’s quite the picturesque drive south to Ca?on City, but my mind doesn’t recognize the beauty. I’m wrapped up in thoughts of Kate.
Why did she decide to go visit her dad? Did I somehow push her toward making that decision? What could he have said that traumatized her so much she’d call Matt in tears? I may not have the best relationship with my father, and yeah, he says some hurtful things from time to time, but get along fairly well. I can’t imagine what it must be like for Kate.
A little over four hours later, I arrive in Ca?on City. After confirming with my mom that Kate’s location hasn’t changed, I find her car at a run-down motel on the main highway through town. I grimace, thinking of how down she must feel to get a room here, but realize she probably chose it because of price.
Going into the office, I shouldn’t be surprised when the clerk behind the desk gives me her room number with no issue. I said I was her husband, and the kid spouted off the number. A little scary, in my opinion.
I find her room number directly by her car. I hate motels like this with exterior entrances to rooms. Anyone could try to look in the window, or kick down the door. Knowing my wife is here, all alone, sends my anxiety into overdrive.
I knock quietly on the door, but Kate doesn’t open it. I knock louder, placing my ear to the door, but hear nothing.
“Dominic?”
Whirling around, I find Kate in the middle of the parking lot, a bag of fast food in her hand. Eyes bloodshot and face puffy, but in one piece, and I finally let out a relieved exhale.
“What are you do — doing here?” she stammers.
I would think it was pretty evident, but apparently she needs me to break it down for her. “I came for my wife .”
Kate gasps, a shuddering sound that seems to grow in sound as she throws a hand up to cover her mouth. I expect a verbal beatdown. A time when she will lambaste me with all the reasons why she doesn’t need me in any way. What I don’t expect is for her to burst into tears, drop her food, and jump into my arms. I grunt as her body hits mine, my arms automatically tightening around her and lifting her up. Kate’s legs wrap around my waist as sobs wrack her body. I bend down to grab her bag of food, knowing it would have been incredibly difficult for her to spend any money on fast food, then hug her tighter against me.
“Where’s the key to your room, baby?” I ask quietly, the term of endearment flowing from my mouth easily. Either Kate doesn’t hear it, or she doesn’t care. She lifts an arm from around my neck, showing me the key. Grabbing it from her, I carefully maneuver opening the door. After closing it, I drop the food on the table, then sit on the bed with Kate still wrapped around me.
I don’t speak. Kate doesn’t need that from me right now. I meant what I said to Matt. I’m here to listen, but I’ll grovel if she lets me. Slowly rubbing her spine, up and down exactly as Sienna always liked it, I wait until she’s ready to talk. And again, Kate chooses to throw my expectations out the window, when she falls asleep with her head on my shoulder and her nose buried against my neck.
Scooting back, I carefully unwrap Kate’s legs from my waist and rest against the headboard. Kate burrows even closer against me, one hand wrapping part of my shirt around her fingers as if she’s scared I might leave while she’s asleep. I find myself resting my head against hers, reveling in the scent of her shampoo. I’m acutely aware of how peaceful it feels to have Kate in my arms, and I’m surprised it doesn’t upset me.
Alex was right. I like my wife.
And I’m beginning to wonder if this fake marriage has never been fake to me at all. Just hours ago, I gave myself a mental pep talk. Focus on your kids. You or Kate will most likely be hurt in this. It’s not worth it. Putting stock in a woman, outside of my family, isn’t worth it.
Yet I dropped everything and drove four hours because she needed me. I would have driven double that. Hell, I’d have driven all damn day. Because as soon as I had her in my arms, I knew I couldn’t keep lying to myself.
I like my wife. Now I just have to carefully get her on board with … something. Dating? Can I date my wife? Maybe it would be better to refer to this as courting. We’re already in a relationship. Partnership. Legally bound roommates? I should probably figure out the terminology before I lay all of this on her.
As Kate sighs and rubs her face against my neck, I’m reminded I need to let other people who care for Kate know that I’ve got her. I gingerly pull my phone out of my pocket so I can update my — our — family.
Me: Got the goods.
Matt: Is she okay? What did she say?
Me: Nothing yet. Saw me, burst into tears, and cried herself to sleep.
Matt: Damn. Do you think you’ll head back tonight? You’re welcome here if needed.
Me: I’ll let Katharine make that decision when she wakes up. Shit, I put her food on the table.
Matt: So?
Me: I can’t go get it.
Matt: Why not?
Me: She fell asleep on top of me.
Matt: TMI, Dominic. That’s my sister for fuck’s sake.
Me: It was not meant in any derogatory way. She jumped in my arms crying. I carried her into her room, sat down, and she cried herself to sleep. We’re both completely clothed.
Matt: You’re lucky I believe you, or else there would be hell to pay.
Me: She’s my wife, asshole. You don’t have a leg to stand on.
Matt: You love calling her your wife. Does she call you her husband?
Me: Not that I’ve heard.
Matt: Explains your relationship perfectly.
I choose not to respond to that, instead opening up my texts to my mom. I really despise texting, but I refuse to do anything that might wake Kate up, like make a phone call.
Me: I found her. She cried herself to sleep. I don’t know what happened with her dad yet.
Mom: Okay. I’m relieved you’re there to support Kate in whatever way she needs. Be patient with her, Dominic. No one knows how she feels, having already lost her mother.
Me: I know.
Me: Are there any other family members I should notify?
Mom: I’ll handle it. You rest and be ready for when she wakes up.
Turning the screen off, I quietly place my phone on the nightstand and close my eyes. I find myself leaning down to kiss Kate’s temple and tightening my arms around her slightly, exhaustion finally taking over as I fall asleep to the sound of our hearts beating in sync.
“Dominic?”
“Hmm.”
“What are you doing in my hotel room?”
“Motel.”
“What?”
“This is definitely a motel. No way I’d classify this dump as a hotel.”
A somewhat ladylike growl makes me open one eye. Looking down, I find Kate glaring at me, which makes me smile. My smile in turn makes her growl again.
“Do you really have to argue about everything?” she asks.
“No,” I shrug, “But it’s pretty fun when I know it aggravates you.”
“You never let me be right,” she whispers. I feel one finger absentmindedly trace the pattern on my shirt, and I’m not sure if she realizes she’s doing it. Hell, I don’t think she even knows she’s still in my arms.
Before I can think twice about the ramifications of being honest, I blurt out, “It’s easier to argue with you than admit I have feelings for you.”
Her head pops off my chest. Opening both eyes, I find a shocked gaze staring back at me. “What?”
I can’t help but smile again. “I think you heard me.”
“Stop smiling like that. It’s freaking me out,” she mutters.
“How so?”
“You don’t smile, Dominic. At least not at me. You frown. Grimace. You have a disappointed glare that you’ve perfected. You smile at your kids and your family. But never at me.”
“But you are my family,” I whisper, moving a hand to shove her head back down on my chest.
“What the hell!” she sputters. “Dominic!”
“Nope.” I wrap my arms around her tighter. “You need a hug. And I need to be hugging you.”
I feel her anger dissipate as she melts into my embrace. “I hate needing hugs.”
“I know.” We’re silent for a few moments before I speak again. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
“You — you’re not going to fight me on it?” she asks.
“No. I won’t force you to talk to me. I’d love for you to trust me, and confide in me, but if you’re not ready for that, I’ll wait.” I’ll have to remember to tell my therapist about this conversation. He’s going to be incredibly proud of me. Or he’ll think I’m a lying sack of shit.
Kate snuggles into me, throwing a leg over mine. “He wanted me to smuggle things into the prison.”
I swear under my breath. “And I assume you said no.”
She nods against me. “And then he started yelling at me, and said I was a miserable excuse for a child, and that he wished I’d never found him. He said some other things, but that’s what I really remember.”
“Fuck, baby. I’m so sorry,” I whisper.
“I just — I wanted a family so badly, Dominic. I overlooked so many things because I was desperate to have a parent. I miss my mom so much, and it’s not fair that I got him for a father,” she cries. My hand finds the nape of her neck beneath her hair, rubbing it softly.
“You have Matt and Victoria,” I say quietly. “And you have my family. I know it’s not the same as your mom, but I hope we bring some happiness to your life.”
“I know. I know I sound ungrateful. I’m so thankful for Matt’s family and him introducing me to yours. It could be so much worse. But I hate that I let my dad get to me like this. Matt told me not to visit him, and I should have listened.”
I exhale against her hair. “Sometimes you have to learn things in your own time, even if it means being broken along the way.”
“Is that how you feel about Savanna? About all women?” she whispers.
“No. Well, maybe a little? I don’t think anyone ever told me they thought I was making a mistake, or that she wasn’t a good person. Looking back, I probably ignored signs because I thought I was doing the right thing, especially once she was pregnant with Carter. I knew I wasn’t in love with her, so I don’t think I was that heartbroken when it didn’t work out. If anything, I felt like she proved me right.”
“You don’t believe in love.” Kate says this as a statement, not a question.
“I’d guess which one of my sisters told you that, but it would probably be all of them,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.
“It was your mom, actually,” she whispers. “But you’ve mentioned it a time or two.”
“Oh. Well, that’s not exactly right. I love my family. I love my kids. So I believe in love, obviously. I just don’t believe in soulmates, and this bullshit tendency for people to think they aren’t worthwhile human beings unless they’re in a relationship.”
“I don’t believe in soulmates either.”
“You don’t?” I ask, and I feel Kate shake her head against me. Her hair tickles my neck with the subtle movement.
“You want to talk about bullshit? Thinking there’s only one person on the planet who is perfect for you. What if he was born on the wrong continent? If you don’t speak the same language? There’s no way that’s right.”
“Exactly.”
“I do, however,” she continues, “believe that love is something you can find anywhere, but you have to fight for it. No one is perfect, but there are people out there who will make me want to give it my all.”
“Ahh, that whole fifty-fifty nonsense,” I spit out. I fucking hate that theory.
“Oh, I hate that,” Kate snaps, making me bark out a laugh. “Seriously! You only give half effort, and I’m supposed to be thrilled with that? No! We should give our best to our partner. To our family. And on the days when we can’t give our best, our partner should rise to the occasion and cover the difference. That’s what makes a relationship work. It’s not about being even. It’s about being with the person who meets you where you are and still chooses to love you.”
Jesus. This conversation got deep incredibly quickly.
“Have you ever been in love, Katharine?” I ask quietly.
“No,” she murmurs. Moving her head, she props her chin on my chest, staring up at me with her big brown eyes beseeching me. “I hope I get to experience it, though. And I hope you get to as well, Dominic. You deserve to have a love story. You deserve to get a happy ending that is perfect for you.”
I’m utterly captivated by her eyes, entranced by how open she is in this moment. All walls down. It may be the most honest conversation I’ve ever had with a woman. “You deserve the world, Katharine. ”
“You think so?” she whispers, a hint of a smile gracing her beautiful face.
I nod. “I’d give you everything, if I could.”
I see the flicker of pain in the depths of her eyes a split second before she turns her body away from me, breaking our connection. “I’d like to leave now. You can go home. I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure? I can stay. Or go to Matt’s with you. I haven’t seen them in a few months.”
Kate sits up, dropping her feet to the floor. “It’s okay. I’m sure you have more important things to do. Who has the kids, your parents?”
“They’re having a movie night. My mom was thrilled to have them for the night.”
“Go home, then. Enjoy a night alone in your house.”
“Our house,” I correct.
“Hmm?”
“Our house, Katharine. It’s ours. Not mine.”
“I’m not on the mortgage.”
“I can easily change that.” It’s probably not easy. Thankfully, I never put Savannah on the deed.
“Okay, whatever. Go home, Dominic.”
“Do you not want me here?” I blurt out, horrified at my own insecurity showing. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to go home without her.
What the hell is happening right now?