Epilogue
K ate,
Four years later
“Do you have any idea how proud I am of you?” Dominic whispers into my ear, making me shiver. His arms tighten around me when he feels the movement course down my spine. My graduation cap falls from my head, but neither of us move. I needed this hug as much as he did.
Four years passed in the blink of an eye. If I wasn’t with Dominic or the kids, I was in class or studying. At first, I only intended to get my associate’s degree in something child development related, then look for a job working at a daycare, or preschool. But once I began taking classes, I fell in love with the idea of working in special education. I don’t think I’ll plan on getting my license to teach, but I want to be a paraprofessional in an elementary school. I chose to take more classes than necessary, focusing in early childhood studies, because I want to help as many kids as I can who don’t get the services they need at a young age. When people ask me why, I tell them about Carter.
My beautiful stepson was finally diagnosed with autism when he was almost nine years old. Dominic said he had quietly begun the process of an autism assessment well over a year before Carter finally got in to see a specialist, but even before that, the pediatrician blew off Dominic’s concerns because Carter was verbal. Dominic felt extreme guilt for not fighting harder, and worried that Carter would have more difficulty acclimating to added therapies now than he would have years ago. Fortunately, Carter flourished with the addition of occupational therapy, as well as counseling, which helped give him techniques for handling overstimulation, sensory concerns, and redirection.
The five of us added family therapy sessions into our busy schedules as well. It took some time for the kids to talk about their feelings regarding Savannah. Aspen was more concerned with what Savannah did to me, easily moving on, and began calling me mom soon thereafter. Carter had a lot of questions about why. He couldn’t comprehend why Savannah would want to hurt me. His little analytical mind had difficulty understanding that we might never truly know what went on in her mind leading up to our vow renewal. Sienna had the hardest time. Quite the empath, she always sees the good in people, and her mom’s betrayal was incredibly difficult for her. She continued in therapy much longer than her siblings. We even increased her therapy sessions to help her grieve after Savannah died in custody in Montana. We still aren’t sure exactly what happened, but it was a relief for me to know she couldn’t hurt us anymore.
“I have a surprise for you when you get home,” Dominic whispers as he quickly kisses my lips before stepping away.
“Oh yeah? Good surprise, or bad surprise?” He’s learned I have no patience when it comes to surprises.
“Good. Definitely good,” he says, and his eyes become hooded. Oh. That kind of surprise. “Go give everyone a hug so we can get home quicker.”
“We have children, you know,” I point out.
Dominic’s responding grin is feral. “They’re going with my parents tonight.”
“Really?” I perk up. A whole night alone in our house ?
“Yep. Now go.” He swats me on the ass, and I gasp. Shaking my head, I walk to my brothers.
“I really didn’t need to see that, sis,” Matt mutters wryly.
“I’ve seen so much worse with you and Vic,” I comment, giving both of them a blunt look. I had the unfortunate experience of watching them do a naked walk of shame at Everlasting when that stupid marmot who roams around causing a ruckus, Mason, grabbed their clothes while they were having some after-hours fun in the hot springs. I just happened to be covering a late shift at the front desk when they snuck in a side door. Someone else must have caught the performance as well, because blurry pictures of the two of them were on the web within the hour. I don’t think I’ll ever stop enjoying teasing my brother about that weekend.
“What did you see, Aunt Kate?” Matt’s son, Silas, asks, pulling on my graduation gown. He holds his arms up, and I immediately grab him. Now five, he is the spitting image of Matt, and already showing incredible promise in hockey.
“Nothing, Si-Si,” I tell him hastily, as Victoria blushes.
“I’m glad I never look at that stupid website,” my other brother, Zane, says with a chuckle. “Although I can assume what it was, knowing these two.”
“Not entirely our fault,” Matt says defensively. “I couldn’t have predicted the stupid marmot would get involved.”
“That thing is still alive? Are you sure it’s the same one?” Zane asks.
“We’re pretty sure. Short of tagging the little bugger, we can’t be certain,” Dominic says. “One of these days, someone will find his den, and all of the treasures he’s stolen over the years. Some of it is probably worth quite a bit of money.”
“What could be worth money?” I inquire.
“Well, he’s taken some limited edition hockey paraphernalia from multiple people, including Luca,” Dominic explains. “And he’s grabbed some jewelry from women who weren’t paying attention at the hot springs. Somehow he even took off with a hand painted item from the lobby at Everlasting, and we’re still not sure how he managed that.”
“Listen,” Matt says, placing a hand on my shoulder, “I don’t mean to change the subject, but we need to head home. We are so proud of you. You’re going to be amazing with those kiddos, Kate.”
“You are,” Victoria agrees. “I wish you lived closer so I could hire you.”
“Don’t get any ideas,” Dominic interjects, wrapping his arms around me again. “I’m not giving her up.”
“Mom, Dad, can we go, please? I need to get to Nani and Nonno’s house. We’re doing a group FaceTime,” Sienna says. My breath catches as I blink at Dominic. She’s never called me mom before.
“Yeah, sweetheart, go to the car. We’ll be there in a sec,” Dominic answers as my eyes fill with tears. My brothers wave goodbye, and Dominic’s parents corral the kids toward our cars. I try to control my emotions but fail horribly. “Baby, don’t cry.”
He reaches up to wipe my tears away as I gasp for air. “I wasn’t waiting for it, I swear! But I didn’t think it would happen. I was fine if she didn’t call me mom. I know she loves me, okay? Boy, that hit me harder than I thought it would!”
“I know,” Dominic whispers. “She told me she was going to do it, but she wasn’t sure when.”
“Really?”
He nods. “She said she wanted to let the moment speak to her.”
I’m a blubbering mess. “God, I love that girl.”
It was touch-and-go with Sienna for well over a year after Savannah was arrested, and we feared she’d turn into a hellacious teenager. But, so far, she’s been an amazingly calm and well-spoken young woman.
At the car, Sienna waits nervously. When we approach, she runs and throws her arms around me. “Was that okay? I didn’t make you sad, did I? I shouldn’t have said it now. I’m sorry I made you cry.”
“Oh, Tootsie Bell,” I say, then laugh when I realize what I called her. Tootsie Bell. I squeeze her a little tighter, knowing my mom is watching. “These are happy tears. I’m so happy you called me mom.”
“You are, you know that? You’re the only mom I’ve ever known,” Sienna stammers.
“That is the best graduation gift I could have gotten,” I whisper. “I love you so much, Sienna.”
“Love you too, Mom.”
An hour later, Dominic and I arrive at our very quiet home. Unless he takes a day off from work, we’re never home alone, and I hope we get to take full advantage of it.
“You ready for your surprise?” he asks giddily. When I first met my husband, I never thought I’d use his name and giddy in the same sentence. Yet now, so many years later, it’s rare that I find him without a smile. The only times he struggled were when we tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant.
A few months after our discussion about expanding our family, Dominic’s vasectomy was reversed. I wanted to wait a bit, just to be sure that we were on the same page, but I could never get that conversation out of my head. The thought of a little Dominic and Kate hybrid running around was so enticing. We knew it would be tough, with my medical history, but we wanted to try. I just didn’t know how exhausting it would be.
Coming off birth control was too much in its own right. My hormones were out of control, and my cycles made no sense. The brutal periods were back, and Dominic wasn’t prepared for how much pain I’d be in. Previously, I’d managed to keep my pain away from him. He was all too aware this time around, and he hated every second of it.
While we knew the chances were low I’d conceive naturally, we both got our hopes up. When every cycle passed without fail, it drained both of us. I felt like such a failure. It was hard not to compare myself to Savannah, who managed to get herself knocked up whenever she chose to.
“There is no comparison, Katharine,” Dominic told me. “Carrying a child doesn’t make someone a better mother, or a better woman. You will always be leaps and bounds above her.”
While I appreciated the sentiment, I couldn’t stave off the thought that I was less than. After a year of trying, I approached the OBGYN, and he encouraged me to take a break. I was only thirty one, and he thought the stress of trying to conceive was becoming too much. He also encouraged me to go back to the therapist we used after Savannah attacked me, and I agreed.
Therapy was one hell of a breakthrough for me. The family sessions focused much more on the group dynamic, how I came to the family in the first place, and on ensuring the kids didn’t have any trauma moving forward. My individual sessions were all about me, and it enabled me to trauma-dump. Taking care of my dying mother, my father using me, and subsequently going to prison, and my struggle to survive for so many years. When we finally touched on the subject of pregnancy, I broke down. The therapist kept repeating, “It’s not your fault. This is not your fault.” She made me say it over and over, and told me to say it to myself whenever I let the doubts creep in.
Only recently have I broached the subject of trying for a baby with Dominic again. We’ve been incredibly happy. Content. I’d be fine if this was our life, and I know he would too. The thought of tracking cycles, temperatures, charts, and ovulation dates is exhausting. I’ve lived a blissfully ignorant life for a year, never tracking a period, or thinking back to when my last one was.
Which is probably why it’s been twelve weeks, and it just occurred to me last week that the nausea I’ve felt for weeks hasn’t been graduation jitters at all. An emergency appointment, with an ultrasound, confirmed that I am indeed pregnant, and now my graduation jitters have turned into pregnancy announcement jitters.
“I have a surprise for you as well,” I say shyly. I think Dominic will be happy, but I honestly don’t know. He hasn’t mentioned another baby in months. But we screw like bunnies, so he has to know it’s a possibility, right?
“You do? Okay. I need a minute to get yours ready. Wait here?” he says, before kissing me hard and running toward the back door. Two years ago, he began a project building an extension onto the back porch. We spend a tremendous amount of time back there, even in the winter, and Dominic wanted to give us more privacy. He hired a company to install an enclosure, but he insisted on doing everything else himself. The kids and I helped often, especially with adding landscaping. Carter’s most current interest has been with flowers, plants, and ways to use less water in our yard and home. We even added raised beds so Carter can grow his own herbs, fruits, and vegetables.
“You ready, baby?” Dominic shouts. “Come here.”
I giggle as I drop my things off on the kitchen island, discreetly grabbing the ultrasound picture I hid in the side pocket of my bag, and tuck it into my shorts. But when I get to the back door, I completely forget what I was doing.
Fairly lights twinkle down from the ceiling of the porch, giving an ethereal quality to the space as the sun begins to set behind the mountains. Soft music plays, and I notice speakers hidden in the corners of the enclosure. But the best part is a massive swinging bed, with mounds of pillows, waiting behind Dominic.
“How did you do this?” I breathe.
“Alex and Luca set it up while we were at your graduation,” he says simply. He motions for me to come closer, and takes me in his arms when I arrive. “I wanted this to be done for you months ago. I knew you’d love studying out here, but the frame was on backorder. Everything worked out perfectly for today, because now you can do lesson plans out here instead.”
I can’t hold in my tears as I look at him. “I think I’ll enjoy feeding our baby out here more.”
I feel Dominic stiffen in my arms. “What did you just say? ”
I slide a hand behind me to grab the ultrasound picture, then bring it between us. “Dominic, I’m pregnant.”
“Wh — what?” he stammers, his eyes wide as he snatches the image from me. His hands shake as he studies it, before he grabs my face. “You’re pregnant? How?”
“I’m pretty sure you know how, baby,” I joke, making him chuckle. “The doctor said sometimes it just happens for women like me.”
“Wow,” he murmurs as he kisses me, then draws back in alarm. “Wait. How long have you known? And how far along are you? How did you get an ultrasound already? Does anyone else know? Holy shit, the kids are going to freak!”
I giggle as he hits me with all the rapid-fire questions. “I figured it out last week, but had the ultrasound done two days ago to confirm. I’m twelve weeks, and they did an ultrasound because my cycles are so weird, I couldn’t tell them an exact date of my last period. No, no one else knows, and yes, the kids are going to freak.”
“I think your surprise trumps mine, Katharine,” Dominic says with a laugh, before wrapping his arms around me and burying his face in my neck. “I’m so fucking happy, baby. Thank you.”
“I didn’t really do anything,” I protest.
Dominic lifts his head. “Yes you did. You brought me back to life.”
“Dominic,” I whisper, overcome with love and emotion.
“You did. I was surviving. Every ounce of energy went to work and my kids. You showed me how to love, how to have fun, and taught me the kind of husband and father I want to be. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for what you’ve brought to my life,” he says, his voice catching.
“I love you,” I rasp.
“I love you, too,” he says, kissing me deeply. He breaks off the kiss before we both sink into it, and steps back so we can sit on the swinging bed. “How soon until we can find out the gender? Wait, you aren’t going to make me wait, are you? You wouldn’t. You hate surprises. ”
“I may have already researched those early tests, and one should be delivered in a couple days. And yes, I hate surprises,” I tell him. “My gut is telling me it’s a boy, though.”
“Carter would love that,” Dominic murmurs. “I bet Aspen will ask for a little sister, though.”
We quietly did DNA tests on all three kids because Dominic wanted to be prepared in case any men showed up proving they were the biological fathers to any of his children. Even with Savannah telling us in a letter after she was extradited to Montana that all three kids were Dominic’s, he wanted proof. He needed the closure. I doubt I’ll ever forget the look of relief on his face when all three tests came back proving he is their biological father.
“That’s probably why I’m thinking it’s a boy. Then we’d be perfectly even.”
“You don’t think it’s mother’s intuition?”
“Maybe? This is my first go at this, so ask me next time.”
“Next time?” Dominic asks, his eyes sparkling.
“Well, I mean … you know what I’m saying. This is probably my only time, but if it happens again, we’ll see.” I feel my cheeks heat with embarrassment. Already planning on getting knocked up again, and I’m not even a third of the way through this go around.
“You know what they say, right?”
“About what?” I ask as he slowly pushes me back onto the mattress.
“If you want to get pregnant, you gotta practice,” he says huskily as he kisses my collarbone.
“I’m already pregnant,” I comment breathlessly as Dominic slides his hand up my ribcage to cup my breast.
“Practice makes perfect, Katharine.”
I do enjoy practicing.