Chapter Nine No Man’s Land #2
“If we’re going off to uni or whatever, I didn’t want to be the only one who hadn’t done it.” Nathan picked up a stone and chucked it into the sea. It skipped once. Sank.
“At least tell me she was good at it.”
Nathan looked at him. Dead. Eyes blank.
“Jesus.” Freddie glanced away.
“She was all mouth. Tongue everywhere. Like, trying to clean my molars. Felt less like a snog and more like one of those hook-a-duck games at the fair. Only I was the duck, and she was fishing for my tonsils.”
Freddie let out a laugh.
Nathan narrowed his eyes. “So I got it over with, Avoiding her mouth.”
Freddie snorted.
“Is that what it’s like for you?”
“No.”
Nathan searched his face in the dark. “Who’ve you been with?”
“Plenty, thanks. All while you weren’t looking.”
Nathan looked away. Couldn’t place the stab to his chest, so he stood. Blew out a breath. Which trembled and caught.
“Ever had a decent snog?” Freddie asked, the question slicing through the night like a spark catching tinder.
Nathan startled, blinking at him. Then he let out a breathy laugh, more nervous than amused. He shrugged rather than answered.
Freddie inhaled deeply, as if drawing courage straight from the sea air. And when he spoke, it came out quiet, cautious. “Want one?”
Nathan didn’t answer. Not out loud. But his silence buzzed loud enough. Yes . Please. From you . But the words caught somewhere in his throat, stuck behind years of pretending and posturing and never, ever daring to ask .
He was pretty sure Freddie was gay. Ninety-nine percent sure.
Not that he’d said it. Not out loud. But Nathan noticed things.
Freddie had zero interest in girls. He was good-looking, sure, and the girls at school knew it.
Lucy Regan had once asked Nathan to put in a good word for her, cheeks blooming red every time Freddie looked her way.
But Freddie had turned her down with a shrug and a smile, and that was that.
Nathan had also used Freddie’s computer once.
Well, more than once. For homework mostly.
Freddie’s mum was always trying out new schemes, and they’d ended up with a battered Dell desktop she’d got in some ‘home office starter bundle’ convinced it would launch her into millionaire mumpreneur territory.
It hadn’t, but it meant Freddie had a computer, and he didn’t.
He hadn’t meant to snoop. Not really. But one night, while Freddie was shouting at his sister about who used up all the hot water again, Nathan had clicked into the wrong folder.
He’d found images. Nothing dodgy, just… pictures.
Male models, some shirtless. Actors Nathan recognised.
A few footballers mid-celebration, shirts off and muscles flexing. Nothing explicit. But it was enough.
And, buried deep in a subfolder, he found another one.
It was all Nathan.
Candid shots. Him at the skate park, laughing. Mucking about at the beach, jeans soaked from the tide. Sitting on Freddie’s bed, half-asleep with crisps in his lap and a textbook balanced on his stomach. Stupid, soft, unguarded pictures that made Nathan’s heart thump.
He’d closed the folder.
Said nothing.
But he’d never looked at Freddie the same way again.
No. He looked at him differently.
With eyes wide open .
Freddie leant in closer. Slowly. Cautiously.
As if he still wasn’t sure. And he grazed his eyes over Nathan’s face as if he was afraid to spook him.
Then he tilted his neck to avoid the bill of his cap hitting him and his lips met his with the gentlest touch.
Soft. Testing. But the moment it happened, Nathan’s heart punched his ribs and a rush of heat pooled low, waking the part of him hollowed out only half an hour earlier.
He didn’t move. Didn’t push away. And Freddie, emboldened, brought his hand to the nape of Nathan’s neck, curling his fingers into Nathan’s hair, drawing him closer. Nathan parted his lips without thinking, and Freddie took it for what it was. Permission .
The kiss deepened. Searching. No rush. No pressure. Just the delicious, achingly tender slide of mouth on mouth, with the cautious touch of Freddie’s tongue tracing the curve of Nathan’s bottom lip. It made Nathan gasp, quiet and surprised, the sound swallowed in the warmth between them.
It was nothing like Katie Brewer. Nor Mandy. There was no chaos. No mess. No mouths like a washing machine trying to devour him whole. This wasn’t a performance. It wasn’t about being watched or cheered on by a crowd of lads who didn’t know the first thing about real connection.
This was Freddie. And him. Finally .
The sea lapped at the shore behind them, stones shifting under Freddie’s worn-out All Stars as he stumbled closer, their bodies almost touching. Nathan slid one hand along Freddie’s waist, the other he used to cradle the back of his neck, afraid he might disappear if he let go.
He didn’t want to let go.
When they broke apart, breath mingling in the cool night air, neither of them said a word .
Nathan looked at him, wide-eyed and winded, as if the ground had opened beneath his feet and he’d fallen right into the abyss.
Then Nathan snatched Freddie’s cap right off his head, spinning it in his fingers before jamming it onto his own, the peak twisted backward down back of his neck. He grinned—wild, reckless—then grabbed Freddie by the front of his jacket, dragging him in and crashing their mouths together again.
This kiss was different.
Hungrier.
Certain .
No hesitation, no second-guessing. Heat and want and the fierce, unshakable feeling that this, this , was what it was supposed to feel like.
He fisted his hand in the denim of Freddie’s jacket, dragging him closer until there was no air between them and swept his tongue along Freddie’s in a quiet desperation.
A faint whimper in Freddie’s throat spurred him on and they stumbled on the pebbles, Freddie laughing into the kiss, clinging to him.
Nathan held on as if it meant everything.
Because it did.
When Nathan finally pulled back, chest rising and falling, lips kiss-bitten and eyes locked on Freddie’s, he smiled. “Alright. That… that was decent.”
Freddie huffed a laugh. Breathless. Gorgeous . “Was alright.”
Nathan narrowed his eyes, a hint of challenge in them. “Just alright?”
Freddie grinned, cocking his head, eyes skimming to Nathan’s mouth again. “You need a bit more practice before I can let you loose on anyone else.”
“That right? ”
“Yeah.” Freddie cupped Nathan’s jaw, tracing his thumb over the rough stubble, dragging across the curve of his mouth as if he had every right to.
“From now on, this—” he brushed his thumb over Nathan’s lips again, “—this is mine. Until further notice. Until I can trust you not to go out there and ruin kissing for some poor, unsuspecting girl who thinks she knows what she’s doing. ”
Then he kissed him again.
And Nathan, fuck , he was absolutely fine with that.
He melted into it, dragging Freddie closer, grounding himself in the warmth of it, the truth of it. He didn’t care about the world beyond that quiet cove under the pier. Didn’t care about expectations, regrets, or how much of himself he hadn’t figured out yet.
Because there, with Freddie’s lips on his, Nathan was right where he wanted to be.