Chapter Sixteen Under Caution
Chapter sixteen
Under Caution
Nathan watched Freddie disappear into the bedroom, gripping his hoodie to hold himself together.
Christ, it was tempting, so fucking tempting, to follow. To drag Freddie down on his bed, lose himself in his heat, his mouth, in the rightness of it. Freddie would let him. Would pull him under, no hesitation.
But real life wasn’t a fantasy. Responsibilities didn’t vanish because he wanted them to. Nathan hadn’t come here to fuck. No matter how badly he wanted to.
That frantic collision at the door had been pure reckless instinct. Years of buried need ripping free the second Freddie opened the door, half-naked, hair a mess, mouth soft with sleep. But now came the hard part. Now he had to face it.
Dragging a hand through his hair, Nathan forced himself to move, stepping into the open-plan living space .
It was… homey.
Small but full of life. Battered sofa separating the kitchen space to the living area, draped in a wild, hand-knitted blanket in clashing shades of green and pink, so ugly it was almost beautiful.
Probably one of his mum’s creations. The same mum who’d once tried to launch a side hustle selling bespoke spirit cleansing kits from their front porch.
There was even a battered wooden sign on a shelf that read “Positive Vibes Only” in glitter and peeling paint, tucked between potted plants and a leaning stack of true crime novels.
Nathan huffed a breath through his nose. Half a laugh, half a sting.
Freddie didn’t just live here. He’d made it his. Roots dug into the cracked concrete of Worthbridge, stubborn and bright.
Photos lined the walls. Candid, chaotic snapshots of family and stolen moments.
Freddie and Piper, arms slung around each other, grinning at a bonfire night.
Freddie kneeling with a little girl perched on his knee, her hands squishing his cheeks into a ridiculous grin.
Freddie holding a newborn baby, gazing down at it with all the pride of a doting uncle.
Nathan’s stomach twisted.
Not because of the baby picture, or knowing how Freddie had a real family, but because tucked behind it, near the back, less staged or easy to look at, was a different photo.
An old, sun-faded selfie from 2008, snapped on a chunky silver camera, one Nathan remembered Freddie having to twist his wrist to get in frame.
They were eighteen, flushed and windswept under the pier.
Nathan’s T-shirt was soaked from the sea, Freddie’s mound of dark hair was plastered to his forehead, and their cheeks were pressed close, almost touching.
Neither of them looked at the lens. They were too busy looking at each other.
And even then, the moment was written all over their faces. Not posed. Not polished. Real .
Nathan hated himself a little more then. For being the one who’d walked away from that. Who’d let fifteen years rot between them.
Guilt lodged heavy and sour in his chest.
So he glanced at the other frames lining the wall, but it didn’t help, because there were other memories he hadn’t been part of.
A formal portrait. Freddie in full police dress uniform, standing stiff and proud at what must’ve been his passing out parade.
The smile he wore in the picture was tight but bright, the badge gleaming on his chest, hair cut short, posture ramrod straight.
Nathan swallowed hard.
He hadn’t known.
Hadn’t been here to see it happen. To watch the boy he’d kissed in stolen moments grow into a man determined to make something of himself. To protect the town Nathan had long ago given up on. There was pride there. And so much of it hurt.
But something worse too. Regret, heavy and cold.
Because standing there in the clutter of Freddie’s living room, Nathan realised Freddie had built a life.
One with purpose. Roots. A service to something bigger than himself.
While Nathan had spent years drifting between warzones and shadows, trying to outrun ghosts that always managed to keep pace.
And the part that sat like lead in his gut was knowing he might’ve put all that at risk.
That last night hadn’t just put eyes on Alfie.
It had put them on Freddie, too.
For reasons that had nothing to do with the job, and everything to do with him .
“You want a coffee?” Freddie’s voice broke the heavy silence, catching Nathan square in the back.
He spun away from the photo wall. Freddie had thrown on a pair of loose grey jogging bottoms, hanging low on his hips, chest still bare, flushed and scratched from the earlier madness.
“Uh…” Nathan scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “Am I keeping you up?”
Freddie huffed a laugh as he wandered towards the small kitchen at the back of the flat, switching the kettle on.
“First night shift’s always a bastard. Takes a while to train your body to sleep in the daylight.
Brain’s too wired. Feels wrong, you know?
But I guess you know better than me about that. ”
Nathan let out a breath, meandering closer, perching on the back of the corner sofa separating the kitchen area from the lounge, careful not to get too close. “Yeah, I know something about that.” He scratched his head.
Freddie leant back against the counter, folding his arms. “Why’d you leave?”
Straight to it, then.
“Cause of Alfie.”
Freddie paused. “I meant the army.”
“I know you did.”
Freddie let out a quiet laugh, dragging his teeth over his bottom lip as he glanced away. “Where’s Katie?”
Nathan braced. He was used to being asked tough questions, but this wasn’t the same.
“Where she’s always been. Romford. Shit hole estate. Probably face down in her own vomit.”
Freddie widened his eyes.
“She fell apart.” Nathan decided to keep it friendly.
“It’d been coming for a while. Slow slope, years in the making.
But after my last tour, about a year ago, it got worse.
I wasn’t deployed anymore. On base rotation in the UK.
They’d posted me to Colchester after the injury.
Light duties. Mostly training support, bit of outreach.
Nothing frontline.” He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck.
“By that point, I’d made Staff Sergeant.
Led my own section, handled discipline, training schedules, welfare checks.
I was used to keeping other lads on track, keeping the wheels turning.
So I stayed with Katie. Not as a couple.
We were never really together in that way. ”
Freddie arched an eyebrow, disbelief written all over him.
“Alright. In the interest of being transparent…yeah, at the beginning, I slept with her. Occasionally. When I was back. But it wasn’t a relationship.
For neither of us. And certainly didn’t after I saw what was happening with her.
But I thought, being around more, not disappearing off to warzones every few months…
maybe I could steady things. Be a proper presence for Alfie rather than the lads in my platoon. ”
He shook his head.
“Didn’t help. She was already deep in it. Drink, gear, whatever else she could get her hands on. I stopped trying to keep track. And Alfie… he got the fallout. Missing school. Hanging around older lads. Sliding into the same shit she was too out of it to even notice.”
Freddie looked away, eyes down with something close to sympathy.
“I put in for early termination. Told the Army I couldn’t do both. Couldn’t be half in and half out when my kid needed me full-time. That was about six months back. You don’t just hand in a notice. There’s a whole process. They try to keep you in, talk you round. But in the end, they approved it.”
“How long did it take? ”
“Three months, give or take. Stayed mostly in barracks at Colchester until it was final. Commuted from Chelmsford some weeks, especially once I started sorting custody. They gave me the space to handle it.”
“And you got full custody?”
Nathan nodded. “Yeah. On the grounds of neglect. Katie didn’t fight it.
Don’t think she could’ve even made it to court if she’d tried.
She’s got visitation rights, supervised.
And I’ll take him when she’s ready. He still needs his mum…
and I hope one day she sees that too.” He inhaled, chest rising. “For now, we’re back with my old man.”
“Didn’t you get a payout or anything?” Freddie asked. “Enough to get your own place and not stay with… him .”
“Wasn’t in long enough for that. I got a resettlement grant, yeah.
It’ll help with a deposit once I find somewhere.
They gave me physio and a bit of comp for the leg, but it’s not money you can live off.
I get a deferred pension at sixty, but that’s a long time to wait when you’ve got a teenager and bills stacking up.
” He sighed. “Thought I was doing the right thing. Fresh start. Get Alfie out of that life. Away from the dealers, the chaos. Bring him home. Figured that’d be enough.
” A bitter edge crept into his voice. “But turns out, trouble’s not hard to find.
Doesn’t matter where you are. Just changes postcodes. ”
Freddie nodded. “They’ve been creeping in more and more. Using towns like Worthbridge to push product quiet. Think a sleepy seaside force won’t have the tools to stop them.”
“Reckon you proved ’em wrong last night.”
“Yeah.” There was no pride in Freddie’s voice.
Nathan tilted his head. “You in trouble?”
“So far, no.” The kettle clicked off, and Freddie turned his back to make the coffee. “But I’m expecting it tonight. Once my DI’s gone through the logs and footage. Once he sees what I left out. What I chose to leave out.”
Nathan’s stomach twisted as he watched Freddie reach for the mugs. It was subtle, but he noticed the tension pulling across Freddie’s shoulders. The way his spine locked in, bracing as if already preparing for the fallout. To take the hit for something Nathan had caused.
It gutted him.