Chapter Nineteen Locked and Loaded
Chapter nineteen
Locked and Loaded
The rest of the shift dragged like wet cement.
Freddie finished the paperwork from the raid fallout. His statement on the Carter arrest was reviewed and counter signed by DI Carrick, then filed and locked down in the system.
Then came the calls. A public order issue outside the Co-op, a suspected break in at a garage that turned out to be some poor sod looking for his cat, and an overdose behind the bus station.
He assisted the paramedics, had a chat with Trent who always, somehow, ended up talking about Reece, but Freddie moved on quickly, told him it was definitely over this time, then logged the report, and waited with a kid who couldn’t have been a day over sixteen until her mum arrived, screaming and crying in equal measure.
It was a night that clawed at his patience and picked his soul apart one small, gutting moment at a time .
Becca was covering a Domestic Violence call in Northworth where they’d needed a female officer to attend, and she didn’t make it back until changeover. They’d nodded to each other outside the locker room. Nothing said. Nothing needed.
He might have lost her trust. Maybe her friendship.
He hoped he hadn’t but fully understood why she might back away.
And by the time he signed out just after seven, Freddie was beyond wrecked.
His muscles ached, and he peeled off his stab vest and uniform in mechanical layers, folding them into his locker, tucking away a version of himself he didn’t want to take home.
Then he grabbed a flat white from the café by the station, didn’t drink it, just held it between his hands as the sky shifted from black to slate grey, bleeding pale light across Worthbridge’s tired rooftops.
No one told him what had happened with Nathan.
So when he pulled into the narrow bay outside his maisonette, he wasn’t expecting to see him there, sat on the concrete steps, knees to chest, eyes closed.
Freddie locked his car, walked up with cautious steps, but Nathan didn’t stir. He stayed folded into the brick as if he’d grown from it. So Freddie crouched and patted his shoulder. “Hey.”
Nathan snapped up, eyes wide. “ Sir …shit.”
“How are you asleep on my doorstep? It’s the most uncomfortable place on earth.”
“Slept in worse places.” He rubbed his face as if he wasn’t sure if he was dreaming. “We’re trained to sleep anywhere.”
“Then on your feet, soldier.” Freddie handed Nathan the coffee. “Still warm. Ish.”
Nathan took it while Freddie stood to open the door.
“When did they let you go? ”
Nathan hopped up, stretched, and cracked his neck from side to side. “Late last night.”
“Please tell me you ain’t been there all night.”
“I can tell you that if you want.”
Freddie opened his door. “Have you been home?”
“Yeah. When they finally let me go, went straight home to Alf. He was in bed. Not asleep, I might add. Think he’s been spooked.”
“Bet he has.”
“So I slept on his floor. Or, well, didn’t sleep. Had a chat with him this morning on the way to school. Nothing major, cause I’m still unsure what I’m gonna do. Said I needed the day to think, and we’ll talk properly later.”
“What do CID want you to do?”
“They want to grill Alfie for intel. Maybe flip him. But I can’t have him do that. I can get him to talk, but act as bait…?” Nathan shook his head, scratching a hand through his hair. “That’s big man shit. Despite appearances, Alf’s still a little boy.”
Freddie started up the stairs, Nathan following a few steps behind, the banister creaking under his palm.
At the landing, Freddie stopped. Ahead were four doors.
One leading to the open plan living and kitchen where they’d been that morning.
One to the bathroom. One to the box room which was mostly a storage unit.
Then the one at the end, door cracked slightly open, was his bedroom.
Freddie turned at the top of the stairs, facing Nathan below. He still had his hands braced on the rail, as if unsure whether to take that final step.
“I’m knackered,” Freddie said. “Like, properly fucking dog-tired.”
Nathan nodded, gripping the banister. He didn’t move. Didn’t cross into Freddie’s space. “Yeah. No, I get it. I just…needed to dodge my old man for a bit. ”
Freddie arched a brow.
Nathan gave a tired snort. “I know. Been shot at in three languages. Still can’t handle one look from Ron.”
Freddie gave a faint smile, but it didn’t last. He bowed his head, then when he looked up, he met Nathan’s eyes and through an inhale, said, “I’m going to bed.”
Nathan shifted. “Yeah, course. I’ll get out of your hair—”
“And I want you to come with me.”
That stopped him.
“I’m all for talking.” Freddie drew in a breath. “And we will talk. But not now. Right now, I just want you.” He stepped down one tread, closing the space between them. “In my bed. Your hands on me. Your mouth on me. I want you inside me. I want something that makes sense, even if it’s just once.”
Nathan’s mouth parted, and the look in his eyes was unreadable. Something between want and disbelief.
So Freddie gave him the final push.
“And if that ain’t clear enough for you, Jarhead,” he whispered, stepping in until their foreheads almost touched, “I want you to fuck me. Right now. Because God knows when we’ll get another shot at this…whatever this is. And I’ve waited fifteen fucking years to find out if you’re worth it.”
For a beat, Nathan didn’t move.
Then he kissed him. Firm. Certain. And slid a hand to Freddie’s jaw, gliding his thumb across his lips. “I can do that.”
He kissed him again, languid and heartfelt. Not rushed like before. It didn’t need to be, and Freddie’s breath caught as Nathan slipped his hands on his hips, guiding him backward, one step, then another, until he shouldered open the bedroom door, mouth never leaving his .
Freddie let himself be led. He craved it.
The surrender. The release. He needed to shed the weight of control, the uniform, and the voice of command that followed him home.
And he did when Nathan undressed him, layer by layer, until Freddie stood bare beneath his touch.
Fingers tugged at buttons. Fabric gave. Freddie’s shirt slipped from his shoulders and hit the floor, Nathan’s touch replacing it.
“Stay still.” Nathan dragged hot, firm palms down the curve of his spine.
Freddie did as he demanded, because he wanted to. Needed to. Needed to have Nathan show him what he’d learned. Do as he pleased.
Which was fine when Nathan dropped to his knees, dragging Freddie’s jeans down with a single sweep, hands not leaving his skin for a second. He looked up as he pressed his mouth to the inside of Freddie’s thigh, a kiss that made heat coil low in his belly.
“Beautiful,” Nathan said, as if it was fact and Freddie couldn’t argue even if he tried.
Then Nathan stood, shedding his clothes, stripping down with the quiet confidence of someone who didn’t need to perform control.
He embodied it. And when he stepped in close again, fully naked, cock hard and heavy between them, heat rolling off his skin in waves, Freddie shivered.
Less from the cold and more from the sheer gravity of him.
Nathan looked at him as if he already owned the moment and him.
Freddie knew he always had.
Nathan guided him back towards the bed, one steady hand on Freddie’s chest, coaxing rather than commanding, and when the backs of Freddie’s knees hit the edge, he sat without thinking.
A gentle push and he was flat on his back, and Nathan splayed his palm over his sternum.
Not rough, but resolute. He was there, and Freddie wasn’t going anywhere.
Then, sweeping his gaze over him in a slow caress, Nathan exhaled a hearty, “God, you’re stunning.”
Freddie smiled. “Then top me, soldier. That’s an order.”
“Sir, yes, sir.” Nathan climbed over him, settling between his legs then kissed down Freddie’s body as though he had all the time in the world and every inch of Freddie’s skin was worth worshipping.
He swept his lips over Freddie’s collarbone and sternum, circling his tongue around his nipple before he continued lower, dragging his teeth gently across Freddie’s ribs, hipbone, the soft skin beneath.
He lifted one of Freddie’s legs and kissed along the inside of his thigh. Long, unhurried kisses that made Freddie grip the sheets. Then he did the same to the other leg, giving it equal devotion, as if the idea of leaving anything untouched was unthinkable.
Then Nathan moved in deeper.
He licked along Freddie’s taint, teasing the sensitive skin with the flat of his tongue, then up to his balls, sucking one gently into his mouth before moving to the other.
Freddie groaned, melting into the pillow, already half lost, then Nathan traced the length of his erection with his tongue, as if memorising every vein, every twitch and pulse, with nothing but his mouth.
Nathan was merciless, teasing Freddie with his tongue until he trembled, licking from base to tip, then back down again.
He pressed a kiss to the head, then took Freddie into his mouth, holding eye contact as he went.
Freddie jerked his hips, a groan tearing from his throat, but Nathan’s hands were on his thighs, holding him down so he could gulp him deeper into his throat .
“Fuck, Nate… shit— God .” Freddie couldn’t look away, couldn’t blink, couldn’t even breathe properly.
Nathan had never done this back when they were young and fumbling through those stolen, confusing moments.
Freddie had dreamt of it— Oh , how he’d dreamt of it.
Back then, and during every one of the years they’d spent apart.
But this…this was nothing like how he’d imagined. It was better . Devastatingly, ruinously better.