NO REST FOR THE BROKENHEARTED
PATRICK
M ost people looked forward to the holidays and a little time off from their day-to-day routine, but not me. I thrived in my schedule. Needed it. Work was the only thing that helped my mind stay occupied. As long as I was busy building, sketching, or planning, I wasn’t obsessively missing Addi or wondering what she was doing at that exact moment.
Days were my reprieve. Nights were the hardest. Whenever my mind was too calm, the thoughts crept in… quickly followed by a sharp pain. I couldn’t do anything to distract myself then.
It had almost been four years, and nothing seemed to lessen. Not the missing her. Not the wanting her. Not the belief that we were supposed to be together.
I reached for my baseball hat and pulled it off, wiping at my brow. It was cold as shit outside, but I’d worked up a sweat anyway. My dog, Jasper, whined at my feet, as if sensing my sorrow somehow.
“Hey, boy.”
I squatted so I could reach his head and give him a pat. He leaned into my hand as I scratched behind his ears.
I swore this dog had saved me. He’d come into my life out of nowhere, and I’d had no idea at the time how much I needed his companionship. He was my new best friend. One I was pretty damn sure wouldn’t relocate and pretend I never existed.
Jasper and I were the new dynamic duo. I took him everywhere I went, which my brothers loved to make fun of. But it made Clara happy. And as long as my niece approved, everyone else could screw off.
My cell phone pinged out a text notification, and I reached for it, wondering which one of my brothers was texting me. They were basically the only people I talked to outside of work, and since it was my personal phone that was going off, I knew it was one of them. Or my dad.
Get down to Mountain Jewels.
Matthew.
Why the hell are you at the jewelry store?
Matthew was a player. I couldn’t even think of a single situation that would have him at the jewelry store, buying something for someone. Unless it was for our niece. Then, I’d need to step up my Christmas gift game this year. I couldn’t stand the thought of Clara liking Matthew more than she liked me. I was her favorite uncle, and I planned on keeping it that way. I’d built her a room at my house and everything.
Thomas, idiot. He’s ring shopping. Needs us. Just get down here. I know you’re not doing anything else.
Some of us actually work, jackass.
Matthew handled all of the resort’s social media, and the guy took unbelievable photographs. But we all knew he was miserable about it. He used to play professional hockey until he got hurt. He could have stayed in the league, but once he’d realized he’d never quite be the same, he didn’t want to keep taking money from the team when it could go to getting other players. So, he retired early, and I thought he’d hated himself a little bit ever since.
None of us really knew because he refused to talk about it. Even though the little shit got off on dissecting our personal lives. He was super opinionated whenever it came to me and Thomas, but try to get him to dive deep about himself, and he’d grab a beer and clam right up.
Don’t get me started. Bring your dog and get over here.
On my way.
“Guess we’re going to look at rings, Jasper,” I said to my dog as I packed a few things up and unplugged the equipment I’d been using.
His tail started wagging, and he came to stand right at my side, the way he always did.
Main Street was all done up for the holidays, with red bows and garland around each post and pole, just like I’d done at my own home. Addi always loved this time of year. Nothing had made her happier than going around Sugar Mountain and looking at all the decorations. And nothing had made me happier than going with her and watching her face light up as she took it all in like it was the first time instead of the twentieth.
Addison had loved our family resort the most. Not that I could blame her. The hotel always had the best decor. Although this year had been tainted a little since Clara had followed said decor right out the back door and into the snow, where she’d gotten lost.
But we were putting that behind us. At least, we were all trying.
Christmas was supposed to be a happy time. So, why did it seem to hurt so damn much?
I drove until I found a parking spot in front of Mountain Jewels, which was also a pawn shop, and wondered who was watching out for me in order to make that miracle happen. So, when I spotted Matthew standing in the spot, blocking anyone else from parking there, I realized it had been him.
I cranked down the window and waved. “Get out of the way,” I shouted.
“I almost fought with four people to save you this spot. At least be thankful, dick fuck,” he said, like I was one of his old teammates instead of his brother.
“I will run you over and not think twice,” I said as I pulled in a little too quickly. I laughed as he had to hustle in order to avoid getting tapped by my bumper.
He slammed his hands on the hood of my old truck. “You almost hit me.” He looked shocked.
“I told you to move,” I said as I got out and whistled for Jasper to follow.
“When are you going to get rid of this thing? How the hell does it even still run?” He shook his head as he verbally bashed my car.
This truck was filled with memories of Addi, the way my head and heart were. I wasn’t ready to give it up.
“Not all of us need hundred-thousand-dollar trucks.”
The door of the jewelry store opened, and the bell clanged loudly against it.
“Will you two idiots get in here, please?” Thomas demanded.
I’d never seen him look so stressed out. His dark hair was tussled, even though it should have been way too short to even do that in the first place. The strands stuck up in all different places, and I had to bite back a laugh. My older brother was always so composed that it was kind of funny, seeing him this way.
Matthew and I rushed over to where Thomas stood, holding the door open for us.
“Marcel, can I bring Jasper in?” I asked.
The old man grumbled something, but it wasn’t a no, so we all went inside, my dog included. Jasper lay down and curled into a ball not far from the front door.
“Why do you look like you’re about to throw up?” I asked Thomas, who really did look unwell.
“I don’t want to screw this up,” he admitted.
I clapped him on the back. “You couldn’t possibly. Brooklyn will love anything you choose,” I reassured him, but even I knew that wasn’t quite true.
Women tended to have very specific ideas about the kind of engagement ring they wanted, and Brooklyn would not be an exception to that. Watching him look at diamonds and shake his head had me laughing. But I was so damn happy for him.
Even though they hadn’t been together all that long, we’d known from the start that she was it for him. My niece adored her, and Brooklyn never treated Clara like she wasn’t her own flesh and blood.
I didn’t think any of us would have settled for less when it came to our girl. Clara’s mom, Jenna, had died right after giving birth to her, so Clara had never known what it was like to have a mom until Brooklyn swept into her life, treating her with love and respect.
“The chick just got divorced, and here you are, trying to lock her down already,” Matthew piped up, only saying that kind of shit in order to get Thomas all fired up.
No one got him worked up quite the way Matthew did. He had a knack for it, and he knew it.
“She’s mine anyway,” Thomas growled, and Matthew shot a knowing smirk in my direction.
“Leave him alone,” I said.
Matthew rolled his eyes. “Neither one of you is any fun. Can’t even blame it on the fact that you aren’t getting laid anymore,” he said.
Marcel cleared his throat to remind us that we weren’t alone.
“I mean, at least I assume one of you is.” Matthew shot me a look. “You’re probably never getting laid again.”
“By choice, brother,” I reminded him because that was exactly what it was.
“How are we even related?” He shook his head like he couldn’t believe that I didn’t want to sleep with every girl I encountered like he did.
I knew that it wasn’t typical guy behavior, but the idea of sleeping around never appealed to me. Addison had been my first. I always thought she’d be my last. Which, yes, meant that she’d been my only, but I was perfectly okay with that, and I wasn’t currently in the mood to debate it.
Walking toward the other end of the room, I scanned the glass cases, checking out the rings before finding myself in a section filled with colored center stones instead of diamonds. I flashed back to when I had been in this very store a handful of years back, picking out my own ring for Addi. I wondered if Marcel even remembered, and I prayed to God he wouldn’t bring it up if he did. No one knew there was an engagement ring hiding in a drawer in my bedroom. And I didn’t want them finding out anytime soon.
“Thomas.” I glanced behind me and gave him a nod when his eyes met mine. “Come look at these.”
He sauntered over, and a small smile appeared. “I like that red one.” He pointed at what I assumed was a ruby, surrounded by a halo of diamonds. It was stunning. “It looks just like her hair.” Thomas practically swooned.
It was weird, seeing my brother all gaga over a woman. He’d been a single dad for so long, and I’d all but given up hope that he’d find someone to love until Brooklyn came along.
“She already had a diamond ring before. When she was married to that other guy. I want to get her something different. Something that doesn’t remind her of him. But what if she hates it?” Thomas was talking a mile a minute.
The store owner interrupted, “Thomas, if she doesn’t like this ring, you can bring it back, and we’ll exchange it for something she does like. Okay?”
Marcel might have been older than our dad and grumbly at times, but he was a good man.
This store had been in his family for generations, the same way that the resort had been in ours. Shopping online made most small businesses in America suffer. The ability to undercut the market was brutal, and people were always searching for a better deal. But here in Sugar Mountain, we were willing to pay a little bit more up front if it meant that our people stayed in business and our town was owned by locals. Plus, there was nothing quite like getting to see actual products in person, trying them on and taking them home right away.
Marcel pulled the ring from the display case and placed it on a velvet type stand. Thomas picked it up and held it between his two fingers before pointing it toward Matthew. “Do you think she’ll like it?” he asked seriously.
I prayed Matthew wouldn’t be a smart-ass for once.
“It’s gorgeous, brother,” he said, his tone genuine and soft.
“We should have brought Clara to help choose,” I said.
Thomas shook his head. “I thought about that, but decided against it. Who knows what she would have picked, and then how would any of us have gone against her?” He was one hundred percent correct. “But I am going to show her first and let her help me plan it.”
“Speaking of, when are you planning to propose?” I slapped my thigh and watched as Jasper hopped up and came to stand by my side.
“Christmas at Dad’s,” Thomas answered.
“In front of all of us?” Matthew asked excitedly.
Thomas was a pretty private guy. I would have never imagined that he’d choose to propose to Brooklyn in front of an audience, even it was family.
“I was thinking that, yeah.” Thomas sounded unsure. “Should I do it at home with just the three of us instead?”
“No! I want to watch.” Matthew laughed. “Do you want me to make a sign like the chicks did for me in the NHL?”
“No, I don’t want you to make a damn sign,” Thomas snapped. He looked at me and asked, “What is wrong with him?”
“He’s your brother,” I offered with a nonchalant shrug.
Thomas shook his head like he wasn’t quite sure. Half the time, I wasn’t either. If we didn’t look so much alike, I might have actually questioned it. But there was no denying that us O’Grady boys had come from the exact same stock. We were practically identical, with the exception of our heights and ages.
“Why do you want us all there?” I wondered as curiosity got the best of me.
“You guys were there when we finally figured our shit out. Matthew was part of the reason us getting together didn’t take even longer.” He shot Matthew a look. “Don’t get a big head about it.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Matthew squeaked out with a grin.
“You’re my family. I wouldn’t have survived losing Mom or Jenna without you. You’re my best friends. Of course I want you there,” he said, and I felt myself getting a little choked up. “And that dog too. He saved Clara’s life.”
Jasper wagged his tail, as if he knew Thomas was talking about him.
“Are you getting that ring, or are we looking around some more?” I asked.
“Yeah. I think this is the one.” He grinned.
Marcel went to work on ringing up his purchase and boxing it up, the same way he’d done with the one I bought.
“She’s going to flip,” Matthew said as he gripped Thomas’s shoulder. “In a good way.”
“She’d better, or I’m blaming you,” he said back, and I bit out a laugh.
“We getting a drink or what?” Matthew clapped his hands together loudly before pointing across the street toward the Sugar Saloon.
Of course he’d want to go there. Not only because he lived to have a beer in his hand, but also because he had some sort of crush on Bella, the bartender.
“This calls for a celebration!” he added.
“We all know you just want to see Bella,” Thomas tossed from over his shoulder.
“You need us to be your wingman with her or what?” I pushed.
“I don’t need wingmen,” Matthew fired back.
I couldn’t stop messing with him. I was having too much fun.
“I don’t think Bella likes you very much,” I lied.
I had no idea what Bella did or didn’t think about my brother, but it was entertaining to pretend like I did.
“She loves me,” Matthew argued. “That girl’s had a crush on me since she was fourteen.”
It was probably true.
“Maybe we should go and see if her taste has improved over the years.” My comment was directed toward Thomas, who shook his head.
“Sorry. I gotta get home to my girls,” he said before adding, “We can celebrate after I pop the question.”
“Don’t lose that ring.” I gave him a nod as he took the bag and clenched it tightly in his fist.
“I’m not going to lose it. I’m not Matthew,” he said.
Matthew pouted. “Why are you two picking on me all of a sudden?” he whined. “I don’t like it.”
“We know,” Thomas and I both said at the same time before we started laughing.
The three of us said our goodbyes to Marcel and headed toward the door. We walked onto the aged wood planks that lined the street, each one creaking underneath our weight.
“Are we really all just going home?” Matthew asked.
I was starting to think that my little brother didn’t like being alone, which would answer the question as to why he was always at the saloon each night. The two of us couldn’t have been more opposite in that regard. Even though my internal thoughts were killer at times, I preferred being by myself. It was a hell of a lot easier than faking it in some social environment. At least in the comfort of my own home, with just me and Jasper, I didn’t have to pretend everything was okay and plaster on a smile for the sake of other people’s feelings.
“You guys can come over for dinner if you want,” Thomas suggested.
As much as I would love to see my niece, I was ready for some alone time.
Being in the jewelry store had flooded me with memories I hadn’t been prepared for. I was surprised I hadn’t spilled my secret purchase to my brothers. Thomas would have understood. Matthew would have teased me relentlessly. Which was why it was easier to keep my mouth shut.
“I’ll come.” Matthew perked up.
“I’m gonna head home. Give the girls my love.” I started walking toward my truck before either one of them could stop me. I was actually shocked when they let me go without a fight.
Later that night, after drowning my sorrows in a six-pack, I walked over to my nightstand and pulled open the drawer. All the way in the back sat a black velvet box. My fingertips brushed against the softness, and I yanked it free. Popping it open, I stared at the two-carat princess cut diamond. It was simple but timeless. Elegant. And still perfect. If I had to choose a ring all over again, I’d still choose this exact one.
I crawled into bed, and Jasper hopped up, taking the free space. Clutching my phone in my hand, I did what I rarely allowed myself to do and put Addison’s name in the search bar of my social media apps.
I felt myself exhale in relief when I noticed her feed was filled with nothing except pictures of food that I assumed she’d made recently. It actually looked awful. Everything was in the smallest portions I’d ever seen, with sauces in weird lines and designs. It was fancy. And so unlike the Addi I’d always known.
My girl liked to make elevated comfort food—that was what she always called it. This didn’t seem like her style at all. But maybe I didn’t know her anymore. Maybe she’d changed? It was possible.
I scrolled like a psycho toward the bottom of her feed. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected to see, but my heart raced when I realized all the pictures of us together were still there. At least she hadn’t deleted them.
I wasn’t sure what it meant, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t send a sliver of hope through my body.
Pressing on the Messages app, I read through the last texts we’d sent to one another. I started to type one out, but then I stopped myself and tossed my phone to the end of my bed, out of my grasp.
I’d keep my feelings to myself, the way I’d been doing for the last three years. I refused to be the reason she gave up on her dreams. Even though I used to be one of them.