Chapter 14
REZNOR
Her words are soft but resolute when she says them, but the defeated look in her eyes betrays the conviction and defiance of her posture.
“I dis…” I disagree, I want to add but know she’ll push back harder the other way to prove her point.
What is it, Desi, that makes you push me away when clearly you want me to stay?
At first I thought it had to do with the prowler—that she was closing herself off from men to protect herself and the vulnerability he’d made her feel—but it’s so much more than that.
“Maybe you haven’t found anything good enough that you’re willing to work to make it last,” I finally say.
Her eyes soften briefly—the door opening to reveal her thoughts—but as she realizes she was about to let me in, she turns her back to me and looks out the window.
She stares at the silhouette of the hills beyond.
They’re dark against the setting sun’s bright colors lighting up the sky.
Pretty, but the woman standing with her hands on her hips and her head held high is much more attractive to me.
Attractive when I wasn’t coming to Sunnyville to complicate my life, but damn it to hell, I like her kind of complication.
“Maybe I don’t look at things that way,” she explains. “Maybe I know I’m not the marrying kind and so why lead someone into thinking I am when in the end, they’re just going to be pissed?”
“Why would they be pissed?” I ask but her back remains to me.
“Because it doesn’t matter if you tell someone there will not be anything else, they still hope for more.”
More. That damn word defines so much and not enough, and fuck if I’m not suddenly curious what more could be with a woman like Desi.
A woman like Desi?
How about, just Desi.
“Okay.” I say the word, draw it out, and try to buy myself some time to figure out what the fuck is going on in my head. The same what the fuck that has me thinking about Desi more than I should when I know it goes well beyond being attracted to the hard to get vibe she gives off.
“I’m selfish with my time. I’m stubborn in my ways—hardheaded—and will fight you on it just to say I can. I love having fun. I love having great sex. But I also love my alone time and space too.”
Music to my fucking ears.
I chuckle. Not because I’m making fun of her—which is what she must think given the expression on her face when she whirls around at the sound of it—but rather because I get it. I get her.
“You sound like me.”
She stares at me, trying to figure out if she should believe me or not and for a split second, I think she does. But then I see the doubt creep in as her expression changes. “How? What do you mean?”
“I mean I have a job that requires me to be selfish. Every call could be my last. That doesn’t exactly make me the stable, marrying kind either.
I have to be able to breach a house and not worry that I could be leaving kids behind.
That causes hesitation. That’s a split second that could cost my team or me our lives…
” I take a step toward her, hear her breath hitch when I reach out and tuck a loose piece of hair behind her ear.
She shakes her head to avoid my touch. She’s flustered.
Cheeks are flushed. Pulse is racing in that spot beneath the angle of her jaw.
I want her right now.
“This can’t happen,” she murmurs, her chin lifting a smidge so her eyes can meet mine.
“I didn’t ask for it to.”
My fingers itch to touch her.
“But you were going to,” she says.
My lips want to taste her.
“Reading my mind now, are you?”
My dick—it’s already ten steps ahead of this conversation.
She takes a step back and I bite back my sigh of frustration. “This can’t happen,” she repeats. “The sex was too good. You’re too...too everything, and it’s a bad move.”
Too everything? And that’s a bad thing...why?
“Why?” If I’m going to be rejected, I might as well make her work for it since we both know she wants me as much as I want her right now.
“Because we’ll ruin it. I’ll get anxious and push you away. You’re heading back to your real life at some point, so why should we do this?”
“Do what? Have sex you said was too good?”
“Yes. The first time.”
“That’s a good sign. Typically sex is never good the first time.
It’s usually miscommunication and worrying about whether the other person was satisfied.
It’s about learning the curves and the buttons and just what to do.
You always want a second chance to show her you’re much better than that.
..so if you think it was too good the first time, hell, Desi, just hold tight, sweetheart, because that means the second time is going to be mind-blowing.
” My smile is slow and deliberate when she looks my way.
“One time with you is definitely not enough for me.”
How you gonna handle that one, huh?
“Then it seems someone is going to have to figure out how to satisfy themselves somewhere else.” She lifts a brow and folds her arms over her chest.
Looks as if someone just got their feet beneath them.
“You’re the first woman who’s told me I should sleep with someone else instead of them.” I laugh and take a step toward her as she takes one back.
“That just goes to show I’m not like everyone else. I have my quirks. My flaws. My no-go zones.” She puts a hand against my chest and pushes me back. “And you are a no-go zone.”
“That’s not what you said the other night.”
We wage a visual war as the sexual tension thickens in the air between us.
“That was then, Reznor. This is now.”
“What, without lust clouding your judgment?”
“Exactly.”
“You’ll want me back,” I murmur as I move closer, and thank fuck for her obstinance because she doesn’t move, which means her chest brushes ever so slightly against mine. But I see her body flinch—much like mine does.
“Nice try,” she says quietly as she swallows the desire she’s denying.
“Mmm.” I lean in so my lips are so close to hers that we’re breathing the same air.
Her perfume fills my nose, and the shudder of her breath tells me I’m right.
She wants me, she’s just scared. “Late at night, when you’re sliding your fingers between your thighs.
..you’re not going to be satisfied with it.
You’re going to wish your fingers were me.
You’re going to want it to be me.” I move my lips and murmur against her ear. “You’ll come back.”
I take a step back. She stands there frozen in place, nipples hard and pressing against her tank top, lips lax, and eyes heavy with desire. “Like hell I will,” she says, but the conviction is lacking.
She knows it.
I know it.
“We’ll see.”
And with my dick screaming in protest, I nod and walk out the back door. Fuck. This girl. I’ve never had to fight this hard for someone, but somehow, I know this fight is worth something. God, I want her...She’ll be back.
Let’s hope I’m right.