21. Knox #2
“I’ll pour us a couple of glasses and meet you out back,” I tell her.
She nods and walks out the back glass door.
I watch as she picks her chair, opening one of the bottles Winnie gave me.
She and Rhett gave everyone a bottle from the vineyard they visited last month in California to choose wine for their wedding. I may as well try some with Indie.
After pouring the red liquid into two stemless glasses, I take a quick peek into Hazel’s room and find her already fast asleep.
Smiling, I make my way out back. I haven’t been on a date since I was in college, and this may not be an actual date, but it is time spent with a woman I’m interested in.
I hand Indie her drink, then I grab some wood to start a fire in the pit between us.
“It’s nice out tonight,” Indie says, drawing my attention from the fire to her legs thrown over the side of her chair.
“It is. The weather will only get better from here on out. You’ll like summer.”
“Why do you say that?”
“You like being outside, and you seem to like the lake. Summer’s the best season for it. You’ll have more daylight.” I light the fire, then I sit in my chair to the side of hers, stretching my legs out in front of me. Only a small end table separates us.
“In that case, I’m really looking forward to it. I’ve been wanting to get out on the paddleboard more.” She sighs, tipping her head back against the wooden slats. “There are so many things I want to do here, and I feel like there’s never enough time.”
“There'll be time. If you’re planning on sticking around, that is.” I’m trying not to make it sound like my happiness may depend on her answer.
She smiles, that sweet fucking smile that makes my chest feel funny again. “I plan on sticking around,” she confirms.
“Good.” She laughs at my response.
“Is it good? You’re not dying to get me out of your hair anymore?” she teases, throwing those words from over a month ago back at me. Had I ever thought that I wanted to be rid of her?
“You’re growing on me,” I tell her.
“Enough with the flattery, Knox. I can’t take much more of it.
” She’s grinning at me. Her nose slightly scrunched as she settles further into her chair.
Her sweatshirt tonight has a velociraptor on it and the words “clever girl” underneath.
Her shirts have become something I look forward to, and I’m not sure if she realizes it, but I don’t compliment women often—not because they aren’t deserving, but because I don’t know how to without sounding cheesy or like I’ve never said words before.
Growing up, it became obvious that I wasn’t as outgoing as either of my brothers.
Rhett is the definition of lovable. Kind-hearted to a fault, he’s always well-intentioned and never quick to anger.
Then there’s Alder, from the day he was born, he’s demanded attention without even trying.
He’s funny and charming and being around him is as easy as breathing.
I’m lucky to have them in my life—I’ve also compared myself to them more often than I should.
“I’ll dial it back a bit,” I tell her. She tosses her head back in laughter.
More of this. More of her. That’s what I want, but I don’t know how to tell her that.
I’m forty-one years old, forty-two in a matter of weeks, and I don’t know how to tell a woman I want to spend time with her.
Asking my brothers for advice is an option, but I would never hear the end of it.
I could maybe ask Florence, but asking my baby sister feels embarrassing.
Also, calling her my baby sister when she’s the same age as Indiana reminds me that Indie is so young. She has so much of her life ahead of her, and I’m not interested in going out every night or traveling the world. Being saddled to me wouldn’t be doing her any favors.
“That would be appreciated. So how long have you lived here at the lake?”
“A couple of years now.” I clear my throat, unsure if bringing up some of my past is necessary, if it’s something she cares to know.
I decide I want her to know me and know my daughter.
“Hazel and I lived with her mother for a few months after she was born while I had this house renovated. After she passed away, we moved here.” I watch her face change, the blush from her wine draining from her face. Her eyes shine with sadness.
“I’m so sorry, Knox.”
“It was a long time ago. Emily and I may not have been together, but she was Hazel’s mother and a wonderful woman.”
“She would have to be to help create Hazel.” Her care for Hazel is obvious .
“It’s funny, sometimes Hazel will do or say something that reminds me so much of Emily.”
“She must have been beautiful.”
“She was. Hazel has her eyes and her smile.”
“How did she die? Oh, my god. I-I’m so sorry.
You do not have to tell me that.” I look back at her.
Her expression is a mix of embarrassment and apology.
I don’t talk about Hazel’s mother with anyone.
Some of that stems from having to explain how Hazel came to be, but also it brings up painful memories of watching a woman I cared deeply for wither away.
I’d like Indie to understand though. If I want her to know me, that starts with opening up.
I clear my throat. “She had cancer. They found it when she was in her second trimester of pregnancy, and Emily refused treatment until after Haze was born.”
“Oh god,” Indie gasps.
Nodding, I take a sip of my wine before speaking again.
“By the time they found it, she was already stage four, and because she waited on treatment, they told us it was a miracle she lived as long as she did. Emily was resilient, though, so I wasn’t surprised.
” I smile thinking about her. How strong she was, even after being told treatment wasn’t an option.
Indie swipes at her cheeks. Is she crying?
“Sorry, I don’t mean to get this emotional.
That’s just one of the most equally beautiful and heartbreaking things I’ve ever heard.
She sounds like a great mom.” It’s this part of her that intrigues me the most. Indie is stunning and funny, but her heart, the way she openly shows it to people. It’s admirable.
“She was an amazing mother.” From the first conversation I had with Emily about Hazel, it was obvious she was already in love with her.
Her phone call to me wasn’t only to tell me that she was pregnant with my child, but when I look back on it now, with a lot less bitterness, I realize it was making sure Hazel would be cared for if she wasn’t around to do it herself.
It hurts me to know that Hazey won’t know Emily’s love for her firsthand.
I’ve kept photos in a book for her as she gets older and starts having questions.
I want her to know that she has been loved from the moment her mother found out about her existence.
“Knox?” Indie’s amused tone tells me she’s either asked me a question or I’ve been staring into the fire while she’s been trying to have a conversation with me.
“Sorry, did you ask me something?”
“No, I just said I should probably get going. I have to be up early in the morning to help Winnie at the bakery. Thanks for the wine and dinner—again. It was really nice.”
“Of course, let me walk you. I just need to check on Hazel,” I tell her, standing.
“You don’t have to do that. It’s only half a mile.”
Two thousand five hundred feet, but who’s counting?
“It’s dark, I’ll be right back.” I take her glass from her and walk back into the house to set them in the sink.
Tiptoeing down the hall, I peek into Hazel’s room and see that she’s sleeping peacefully, gripping her stuffy close.
Her little body is spread-eagled with her tiny foot hanging off the edge.
I tuck it back into the blankets and kiss her cheek before heading back out to see Indie home.
“All good?” she asks as I step out the back door.
“Out like a light.” I smile at her.
“She was pretty tired when I was reading to her, lots of yawning.”
“She’s always gone to bed easily—barring a few of her newborn months,” I amend. “I’ve never seen a kid wake up as happy as she does. Not that I have much experience, none of my siblings have kids yet, although Alder and Ivy will have one soon.”
“You know, your brothers have fantastic taste in women,” she tells me.
“They do,” I agree, laughing. “Winnie’s been like a sister to me since I met her, and Ivy may be rough around the edges, but I think that’s something Alder needs.”
“Mmm, it’s nice that you’re all so close.” I hear the sadness that creeps into her tone when family is brought up. I want to ask her about hers, but I don’t want to push too far too quickly.
“It is. It’s also a little annoying to have your family so wrapped up in your personal business.
I wouldn’t trade it though.” We’re nearing the small, white house now.
Our evening is coming to an end, and I’m more surprised than anyone to realize that I don’t want it to.
It’ll be past my bedtime soon, but I want to stay up late, talking all night with Indie.
“Thanks again for tonight and letting me hang out with you and Hazel. It’s nice to have friends when you’re still new to town.
” I’m not sure how to respond. Friends isn’t what I want to be, but if I tell her that now, will I scare her off?
I decide to make a move, as subtly as I’m able.
I run my fingers through the ends of her short hair before tucking it back behind her ear.
“You’re welcome anytime, Indie. Goodnight.”
She leans into my hand slightly before I drop it.
“Goodnight, Knox,” she says softly, backing away and jogging up her stairs.
I start back toward the big house but stop after a few steps to look back at her.
She’s looking at me, so I flash her a smile.
I could be wrong, but I think Indie wants more than friendship too.