28. Knox
“ C areful, Hazey!” I call to my little threenager. She’s trying to climb a rock by the lake’s edge, but her little feet keep slipping off it.
“Want to hold my hand while you do that?” Indie asks her. She nods, reaching up to take the offered hand.
We picked Hazel up from my parents’ this morning after getting breakfast in town.
We were on the receiving end of a few prying looks, but it’s calmed down a bit since the festival a couple of weeks ago.
My parents are trying their best to rein in their excitement, but the way my mom hugged Indie after Hazel ran to her arms gave her away.
When we got back, Indie wanted to do something fun with her. So now we’re hiking around the lake, gathering wildflowers to make bouquets for the kitchen table.
“I like this one!”
“Oh, I love that one. It’s just the pop of color we need. We don’t have that many red ones.” Indie holds out the flower basket for Haze to put her flower in. “What do you think, should we get some more yellow or purple next? ”
Hazel’s expression is one of concentration before announcing, “Purple!”
“Excellent choice, Hazey.”
Sally hangs back with me while they walk along the trail in front of me, Indie letting Hazel climb up small rocks and jump off them, not bothering to keep her on task.
Where I like to have a plan, or a schedule, she tends to be more flexible.
Sometimes she drives me crazy, like finding all my pots and pans in different places because she thought reorganizing them would be helpful.
It’s not for someone like me. But if her moving my kitchen utensils means she’s in my home, then I’ll take that over the alternative any day.
My phone buzzes in my pocket.
Dad.
“Hello,” I answer.
“Hey, son. Do you have a minute?”
“Sure. What’s going on?”
“Well, the fence in the west pasture is down again, and I don’t usually like to bother you because you have Hazel, but Rhett is at the school today, and Alder’s on a call?—”
“You can always call me, Dad. What do you need?”
“The cows got loose, and I need someone to help me round them up.”
“Okay, just let me get Hazel’s bag, and I’ll head that way.”
“Thanks, son. I’ll see you in a little bit.”
I tap my screen, raising my head to see Indie looking at me.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just need to go help my dad with some cows. I’ll have to cut our afternoon short.”
“Oh. Okay, that’s alright. We can make the bouquets another day,” she tells me smiling .
“I want Indie!” Hazel shouts.
“It’s okay, Hazey. I’ll be here when you get back, and I bet you’ll have fun with Grammy.
” Her immediate response is to help Hazel feel better.
She’s so good with her. My worries about her not wanting to be with someone who has a kid already have slowly begun to dissipate over the time I’ve known her.
The doubt of her outgrowing me, wanting more, hangs over me.
Remembering my own life at twenty-seven, Indiana’s maturity is already leaps and bounds what mine was, but still, I’m having a hard time shaking my uncertainty.
As we walk back to the house, Hazel’s walking ahead of us.
I snag Indie’s hand in mine, needing the connection to her.
She leans into me in response, pressing herself into my side.
I’m not sure if it’s because our relationship is still new, but no matter how much she touches me, kisses me, looks at me, it’s never enough. I can’t get close enough to her.
“You know, and there’s absolutely no pressure here, but if Hazel wanted to, I could keep her here, and we could finish our afternoon,” she hedges quietly, making sure not to let Hazel overhear.
The thought of her hanging out with Hazel while I’m gone doesn’t strike fear in my heart like it might’ve even a few months ago.
It’s just that I’ve never left her with anyone who isn’t family, and it’s not a concept I’m familiar with.
“I wouldn’t want to put you out. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone,” I tell her, still unsure if I can relinquish this little bit of control I have.
Hazel is the most precious thing in my life.
Everything that involves her is a direct line to my heart.
It’s only ever been us, and she’s only ever been my responsibility—solely.
“You know it’s not like that for me. I love spending time with Hazel, but I also understand if you’re not there yet, Knox.
I can be patient. I’ve got time—a lot more than you, old man.
” She bumps her hip against me, and it’s in this moment I know I want all my days to be like this.
Her beside me, teasing me and wanting to spend time with my daughter.
Care for us like I’m dying to care for her.
“Hey, Hazey. Do you want to stay here with Indie today until I get back?”
“Yes! Yes, yes!” she chants, twirling in a circle as we make it to the edge of the yard before yelling, “Fairy garden!” and running to check on her little moss houses.
A hand at my chest stops me. Looking down into Indie’s warm, brown eyes, I note her smile.
Her lips are stretched ear to ear as she reaches up to remove my ball cap, putting it back on my head backward.
With one hand, she crooks her finger, motioning me to come closer before sealing her mouth to mine in a kiss.
It’s brief but still travels down to my toes, promising me more later.
“Thank you, Knox.”
I smile against her mouth. “Shouldn’t I be thanking you? You’re the one babysitting.” She shakes her head at me.
“That’s not what I’m doing, and I don’t want you to think of it like that.”
“Then I won’t.”
“That easy, huh?”
“Yeah, Indie Baby. You want it, you got it.”
“Oh really? Well, in that case, should I make a list or…?” I swat her on the ass, and she giggles as she runs toward Hazel with me chasing after her. When she gets there, she picks Hazel up, spinning her around once before facing me again.
“Alright you two, I’m heading to Grammy and Grandpa’s. I’ll see you in a little bit. Hazel, make sure Indie doesn’t do anything too silly, will you?” I place a kiss to Hazel’s cheeks and then a quick one to Indie’s mouth.
“We both got kisses!” Hazel announces.
“Is that okay with you, dragonfly?” I ask, worried she may not like sharing my attention when she’s never had to before.
“Yes!” she says, then grabs Indie’s face, pulling her in for a kiss as well. Indie’s smile is brilliant, shining a light on the reservations I may still be harboring. She wants this now, but will she change her mind?
“We’ll be fine, Daddy. Won’t we, Hazey?”
“Yes!” her little voice rings out, giggling.
With the vision of them both chasing butterflies in the yard, I make my way to my parents, already in a hurry to get back to my girls.
Heading back down the familiar driveway, my lights shine on the road in front of me.
It took longer to get the cows back behind the broken fence, and even longer to mend that.
I sent a text to Indie, and she only replied with a picture of her and Hazel both holding up their thumbs.
That was almost two hours ago, and when I texted twenty minutes ago to say I was headed home, I didn’t get a message back.
I’m sure there’s a good reason, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous about it.
Taking my key out of the ignition and hopping out, I look in the bed of my truck at the chair I brought home.
I was going to set it out when I got here, but the urge to get inside and check on Indie and Hazel is too strong.
Practically running up the stairs, I unlock the front door and slowly open it.
It’s dim, a few lamps and the glow of the TV are the only light.
I hang my keys up on the hook and slip my boots off.
I take a step, wondering if maybe she’s putting Hazel to bed, when a small, high-pitched whine has my eyes cutting to the floor in front of the couch.
Sally? What is she doing in the house? My eyes adjust slightly, and I freeze.
The sight before me alleviates the tension that’s built in my shoulders.
It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
Indie is lying on her back, one hand hanging off the edge of the couch by Sally, her face is relaxed in sleep, but the ghost of a smile pulls at the corner of her lips.
Her other arm is resting on Hazel’s back, hand gently placed to the side of her tiny head in a comforting way, holding her close in her sleep like she can’t help it.
I step closer, then catch a whiff of myself. Shit. I smell awful.
I’m as quiet as I can be walking to the bathroom; the bouquets they made catch my attention as I strip off my dirty clothes, tossing them in the laundry before attempting to take the quickest shower I’ve ever taken in my life.
Once I’m under the warm spray, my mind wanders.
My thoughts drifting to the fact that if I had taken Hazel with me, I’d still be getting her settled in bed instead of showering off this offending smell.
It’s really fucking nice to have Indie here.
I’ve never had someone to depend on who wasn’t my family.
And while I’m grateful I have them, that Hazel has them, having something—someone—just for me, is a pleasure I’m just realizing I’ve been missing.
I haven’t thought about anything but Hazel in so long, I’d forgotten what it feels like to want something for myself.
Stepping out of the shower, I grab my towel off the bar and dry my body, wrapping it around my waist. I step into the hall and find Indie backing out of Hazel’s room, closing the door behind her. I lean against the doorframe to watch her try to move as quietly as she can.
“Hey,” I whisper.
Her head whips to me before she smiles, pressing a hand to her throat like she may have been stifling a yelp. “Hey,” she whispers back.
“Did I wake you up?” I ask.
She shakes her head at me, looking sleepy and beautiful and like I want her to be mine. “I needed to let Sally out. Sorry I didn’t answer your last text. We fell asleep watching The Little Mermaid .”
“That’s okay. Did you guys have a fun evening?” Her sleepy smile gets bigger at my question.
“We had a blast. After making our bouquets, we painted some dancing dinosaurs. I made mac and cheese for dinner because that was her request and because I don’t know how to make much else.
I tried to make enchiladas once, and…” While she speaks her arms float around with her voice in the hall.
I could watch her tell a story all day, which is about how long her stories tend to take.
“How did that go?” I ask.
“It’s a long story.” She sighs.
“Tell me anyway.”
She blushes, ducking her head slightly. “I should probably get home. It’s late.” No. I don’t want her to leave.
“Stay.”
“The night? With Hazel here? Are you sure?”
“Come to bed with me, Indie Baby. I want you with me tonight.” I want you with me always .
She nods, and I hold out my hand for her.
With her hand in mine, I lead her down the hall and through my bedroom door.
As we lay in the bed, gentle kisses, legs entwined with one another’s, hands gliding over exposed skin, I hear Indie’s breathing slow—feel her heartbeat sync with my own.
Whatever this is, and I think I have a pretty good idea, I need to make sure we’re on the same page.
Indie may be young, and I have no doubt she could find someone her own age, but I’ll make her happy as long as she’ll let me.
I just need her to want me back.