Chapter 9
22 nd June 1815
Another day of dreary rain fell outside the window, making it impossible to go riding or enjoy any part of what should be a lovely summer day. After standing for a good ten minutes watching the droplets fall upon the glass as well as the park outside, Georgiana sighed in a way that made her entire body almost drag. Would that they could have more than three days of sunshine in succession! Or even have the rain fall overnight! The weather this year could easily make one despondent.
At the door opening, she glanced over her shoulder as the butler entered with the post and what appeared to be the newspaper. The duke had a personal messenger come from Albemarle House every day with the post and the paper as well as the post from Bathwick House. With the steady shower, the rider was late, but that obviously could not be avoided.
Jane perused the letters and cards and took what pertained to her before handing her husband and Charles their correspondence. Charles picked up The Morning Post and sat up straight as a rod.
“ Good God, Napoleon has been defeated .”
“What?” replied Henry, who had paused sorting his own letters, his eyes wide. Charles using his voice was rare, so when he had done so before the group, his brother had taken immediate notice, as had Georgiana. After all, he had only used it once before in front of her, and he had been unaware at the time.
Henry required no more than Charles holding the paper towards him to take it and gasp. “It says ‘ Great and Glorious News. Annihilation of Bonaparte’s Whole Army and his own narrow personal escape .’ [5] If only they had captured him! But they did take his staff and personal carriage as well as two hundred and ten pieces of cannon.”
“I imagine they will catch him soon, will they not?” asked Jane.
His brother lifted one shoulder. “Without his army, we can but hope.”
Charles glanced at Georgiana as she began biting her thumbnail. Richard had gone to fight in February and had said little of why or how long he would be. Was he well? Had he been in that final battle to defeat Napoleon?
With a firm tug, Charles grasped the paper from Henry, who frowned at him. “What are you doing, man?”
At Charles’s jerk of his head in Georgiana’s direction, Henry took one glance at her and paled. “Forgive me. I had not thought of Colonel Fitzwilliam. He left for Europe a few weeks after we recovered Jane, did he not?”
She nodded and leaned against the window frame. Her legs threatened to give way. Richard had to be well—he had to be.
His face drawn, Charles lowered the paper to his lap. “Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam is listed under the wounded.”
With a gasp, her body sagged against the wall, and she blinked madly while she took in great gulps of air in an attempt to remain upright. “Pray, excuse me.” She hastened from the drawing room and through the front door before she allowed her sobs to overtake her. Her hands gripped the stone railing in front of her as she stood on the edge of the portico gasping with each breath. She had never needed to worry over Richard in the past. He was not always near the battle but with some general or another—at least that was how he made it sound. All this time, had he been making the danger to himself seem non-existent? Had he lied so she would not worry? It would be like him to do so. Why could he not have been honest with her? She was not some small child who required protection from the truth!
At the light touch of a palm to her back, she turned and buried her face in Charles’s chest. Without looking, she had known it was him. Jane would have said her name and not relied on touch to announce her presence. Jane’s hand was also not as large as Charles’s.
He rubbed up and down her back while holding her close, his free hand cradling the back of her head while she cried into his coats. She wrapped her arms around his chest, taking the comfort he was willing to provide without reserve.
She had been a simpleton. Her shock was her own fault. She should have known, should she not?
She breathed in the cedar notes of his cologne. If she could, she would have nestled herself further into him. From the moment Charles had taken her into his embrace, a part of her had calmed, even though she still feared for her cousin. Would Richard survive? Would he be the man he was before, or would he be forever changed?
Charles brushed a kiss to her temple as she tried to rein in her tears. She lifted her chin so their gazes met. His fingers trailed down her cheek.
“ Better ?” he asked with his voice.
Their gazes held, his hazel eyes not wavering from hers. She wanted more. Her insides took flight as she lifted to her tiptoes and pressed a kiss on his mouth. He made to withdraw at first, but she threaded her fingers through his hair and tugged at his bottom lip with her own.
With a groan, he accepted her offering and let her take him where she would. She was so adrift. How she yearned for some connexion to this man—for a time at least. Blood rushed through her ears and her body came to life as they clung to each other. Something pressed into her lower stomach, and he groaned. Her skin erupted into a prickling gooseflesh at the sound. His use of his voice was so rare around her, and the utterance was surely involuntary, which made her crave more—their bare flesh mingling while he touched those hidden parts that heated when they behaved as they were. She was shameless.
His attempt at tempering her ardour was noticeable and most unwelcome. Despite his best efforts, she attempted to resist, but instead, he persevered, softening his lips as they teased hers with gentle caresses. When he kissed the corner of her mouth and pulled back, she bit her lip. Would he make a hasty retreat, or would he pretend they had shared nothing?
His chest rose and fell quickly with his rapid breathing, and as he stepped back, a protrusion that was not evident before was now outlined by his tight breeches. His eyes followed hers before he turned his back to her.
“Are you well?”
He cleared his throat but lifted a hand. “Yes,” he signed.
She leaned back against the railing. Would that she could calm her body after what they just shared, but her breasts were heavy and ached, and the frisson he created in her had not yet dissipated. Was it possible for your body to hum?
He adjusted his shoulders when he turned to face her once again. “Forgive me. I would never take advantage—”
She waved him off. “No, I wanted—nay needed to feel close to someone, and you are the one person here I would turn to for such a request.”
“Not Jane?”
“Jane and I have been friends—we are practically sisters, of course, but I feel as though I can speak more freely with you than with her. I could tell you secrets I would not tell her—I have told you confidences I have not told her. I would never think to kiss her as I did you.”
He chuckled. “I suppose you would not. I cannot express how much I value the faith you have in me. You must know that I desire nothing more than your happiness.”
“I feel the same of you.” He stole a small part of her heart every time he revealed more of his. “I should pen a letter to Fitzwilliam. Whenever Richard returns to England, I would imagine my brother will journey to London to collect him. I should see if he wishes for me.”
His nostrils flared ever so slightly. “Of course, I am certain you could be of aid to your cousin in his time of need.”
“Pray, excuse me.”
Her chest pained her when she walked away, but what else could she do? He was not ready to acknowledge any deeper feelings he may hold for her, and she would not force him to acknowledge what was swiftly becoming a deep attachment to him. As much as she now longed for him to confess he cared for her, he was not ready or willing to divulge more than he had. Even if his spirits seemed much improved, he still had bouts of melancholy and, no doubt, still thought himself unworthy of her—a ludicrous assumption if you asked her!
Henry handed him a glass of Port as they relaxed into the sofa in the library. “Have you decided to court Miss Darcy?”
Charles’s attention jolted from his glass to his brother. Where had that question come from? “ I beg your pardon? ”
His brother placed his wine on the table and rotated it almost absent-mindedly. “Your demeanour towards her has altered. When she first arrived, you avoided her more often than not. You even seemed at odds with her after she learnt of Jane’s and Mrs. Darcy’s matchmaking scheme.”
After wincing, Charles took a sip of the tawny vintage and swallowed. “ I revealed their plan in a way that was hurtful. I should have never behaved in such a harsh manner. The fault of that was wholly mine. I let my temper run away with me. ” He still had not quite forgiven himself for injuring her so.
His brother’s eyebrows lifted as his head tilted. “Both of you seem to seek each other out more and more. Your eyes have always sought each other, but now, more is behind those looks. Do the two of you have an understanding?”
“ We have no understanding. We are friends, nothing more .”
“Jane followed Miss Darcy to the portico. She said she found Miss Darcy in your embrace.”
He straightened, his insides squeezing mercilessly, and glared at his brother. Why had Jane followed, and what precisely had she happened upon? Hopefully, it was the embrace and nothing more. “ Georgiana was overwrought when she learned of her cousin being wounded at Waterloo. What would you have had me do? Shove her away and tell her to go find Jane? I have now witnessed her demeanour before those not in our family circle. We were approached by a friend of her aunt Lady Fitzwilliam’s in town outside of the jeweller’s shop. She attempted to show herself at ease, yet she was anything but.
“ Having witnessed that encounter, I can tell you she shows her true feelings and herself unreservedly to very few. Even with you and Jane, she holds back. I do not know why, but of late, she has seen no reason to conceal her deepest feelings from me, and I shall not turn her away if she requires comfort. As I said before, we are friends. I shall not abandon her. ”
Henry’s brow gave an almost imperceptible jump, and he lifted his hands between them, palms out. “No need to raise your voice, but pray, do understand I am responsible for her while she is under my roof. While her brother is not here, I must act in his stead.”
He had raised his voice? Of course, he had not intended to do so. He had signed as well and had not even realised he was speaking aloud. His hand clenched into a fist then released. Over the past few months, Georgiana had become more than he had thought possible, but while she initiated this morning’s kiss, she had been vulnerable, which was why he had tried to withdraw before it started. The problem at hand was that she was perfect for him—would have been perfect if he could offer for her. She deserved so much more from life than he could provide, did she not? He had not wanted to be in her company before, and this was why. Now, he was irrevocably attached to a lady who should want another. She should have the opportunity at all this world had to offer.
At a hand to his wrist, he lifted his gaze from where it had fallen. He had been staring at his drink while lost in thought.
“Charles, I know you believe yourself to be less, but must I beat you over the head to make you understand that you would be enough for someone? If Miss Darcy is so reserved with most and is her true self with you, do you not think that demonstrates her depth of feeling—her attachment to you? You must open your eyes before you miss what is before you. You do not have to be lonely for the rest of your life. You must know not one person on this earth is happy every second of every day. We all have moments of utter joy and moments of despair, but it is who we choose to join us on the journey that can make the most trying of times worth enduring.”
With a shudder, Charles took the last large draw of his Port, set his glass on the table beside him, and rose. “ I know you mean well, but you must leave Miss Darcy and me to sort out our own lives. If you will excuse me, I am tired and wish to retire. ”
He rubbed his forehead as he climbed the stairs. More than anything his heart and his mind were more and more at war over Georgiana. His heart longed for her in his embrace and at times, under him in his bed where he could worship her all night long. But fear whispered that she would not be happy for a lifetime with someone of his limitations, and no matter how hard he tried, he could not banish fear’s voice from the back of his mind.