25. Aiden
The sound of my daughter giggling is what finally gets me out of bed, that, and the prospect of learning more about Anna. It’s almost noon by the time I wake up, and my stomach rumbles in protest.
I silently watch from the bottom of the stairs as Penny explains the nuances of a new game she must have learned yesterday. “That’s not how you do it, Mr. Paul. You move your thumb side to side on the beat, then say, ‘One. Two. Three. Four. I declare a thumb war!’ That’s when you start the thumb wrestling and not a moment before! Otherwise, it’s cheating!”
“What happens if I surrender?” Paul asks.
“Then I win! But why would you want to surrender? I only won one game when you won three.” Penny asks.
“That last win really hurt my pride. I could counter and try again, or I could concede to hold onto what little dignity I have left. Do you know of any situations in history where a country that had the upper hand eventually surrendered?” Paul queries, turning the game into a lesson.
Penny’s eyes look up and to the left as she searches her mind for the answer. When she has it, she shouts, “Japan! They were winning after their attack on Pearl Harbor in the Second World War, but then we dropped the atomic bombs, and they surrendered.”
I wave to them both and kiss Penny’s head on the way to the kitchen, where I find Jerry and Jessie leaning against the counter. Both of them are talking in hushed tones but stop when I enter and give me the stink eye.
I ignore them and rummage through the fridge, searching for something decent to eat. I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around to find Jessie staring up at me. “Can I help you with something, Jessie?”
“You most certainly can. You can help me by not hurting my best friend.”
I raise my hands in a placating gesture, the cold from the open refrigerator seeping through my thin T-shirt. “I have no intentions of hurting Anna. On the contrary, I want to make her happy if she’ll let me.”
Jerry folds his arms across his chest and crosses his ankles as he leans casually against the countertop. “That’s good to know because right now, Anna is waiting for you by the skeet range with a picnic and ready to divulge secrets about her life that she hasn’t even told us.”
Jessie nudges me, “You must be very special to her if she’s willing to return to a dark place in order to shed a little light for you.”
My eyes dart between Jessie and Jerry, “How come she hasn’t shared her story with either of you? You all seem pretty tight.”
Jerry grunts. “We’re tighter than my grandma’s girdle, but we never bothered to ask her.”
“Why not? Anna’s your friend, isn’t she?”
“She’s more than just a friend, Aiden. Anna is family,” Jessie declares. “Her past doesn’t matter to us, so there’s no point in making her relive it. Her past doesn’t define her just as yours doesn’t define you, or mine doesn’t define me. The question that really matters is, why do you need to know so badly?”
I meet Jessie’s gaze and refuse to blink, “It matters to me because I want to know all of her, including the good and the bad. I want to understand what makes Anna tick. I want her to know I’ll stand by her side no matter what happens. I want to eventually replace that fake ring on her finger with something real. Not today or tomorrow, but in the future at some point. Anna’s worth fighting for, but I have to know what I’m up against.”
Jessie smiles, approving of my answer. “Then what are you waiting for? Go get your girl!”
I head for the back door, and just before I open it, Jerry says, “You might want to change into something other than your pajamas.”
I glance down at what I’m wearing and decide that I should take his advice. I run upstairs and change into jeans and a T-shirt. On my way out the door, Penny looks up from her studies and asks, “Where are you going, Dad?”
I lean down and kiss the top of her head again, quoting one of my favorite lines from Good Will Hunting, “I gotta go see about a girl.”
I watch Anna’s hair blow in the slight breeze that’s coming off the water, and the closer I get to her, the harder and faster my heart beats. Roger, who is standing guard a good distance away, waves to acknowledge my arrival. His mouth moves, but I can’t make out what he says. Anna doesn’t turn around, but I see her back stiffen even from this distance.
When I finally reach Anna, I sit down in the open space beside her, stretching out my legs and using my hands to prop me up as I lean back. It’s the same position she’s in; only her eyes are closed as she soaks in the rays from the sun. I patiently wait for her to speak rather than push her to answer the many questions I have swirling around in my head.
She keeps her eyes closed when she addresses me. “I’ve switched my earpiece to one-way communication. I’ll be able to hear Roger if danger rears its ugly head, but he can’t hear me. Our conversation will be private, and I hope you’ll keep what’s said between you and me.”
“You can trust me, Savannah.”
She lays down on the grass to get more comfortable, so I do the same. If this is what she needs to feel safe and comfortable, then I’ll go along. I close my eyes and listen to her beautiful voice.
“I grew up poor. The house we lived in had four walls, a leaky roof, and mold in the corners. I was lucky if there was food on the table. If it weren’t for the free breakfasts and lunches at school, I would have likely starved. I often went without dinner because Gretchen thought two meals a day was plenty. Imagine what my summers were like when there wasn’t any school.
“When I turned twelve, men started commenting on how beautiful I was to my mother. That’s when she had the bright idea to enroll me in every pageant imaginable with a monetary prize. The first pageant I won had a $1,000 cash prize, and I was so excited. I thought my dream of eating in a restaurant would finally come true, only to be given a can of soup that I had to heat up. A can of soup, Aiden, after winning a thousand bucks. Do you know what she had for dinner?”
“No,” I answer, not sure if the question was supposed to be rhetorical.
“Gretchen had a steak with mashed potatoes and the brightest green broccoli I had ever seen. She ordered it from a restaurant and had it delivered. The worst part about it was that she made me eat my soup while I watched her devour her meal. The scent of the garlic butter permeated the air and made my mouth water. Her reasoning behind her actions was that I had to watch my figure if I planned on winning again. Gretchen spent the rest of the money on more clothes—including some for her—and pageant fees.
“I started consistently winning when I turned 16, raking in all kinds of cash prizes and scholarships. I got invited to a number of garden parties, but because I was a minor, Gretchen had to attend. She wouldn’t allow me to eat in case I spilled something on my clothes. The only good thing about those parties was that I had to learn to shoot skeet. My mom wanted me to be good enough to impress the elite but never outshine them. That’s the moment I fell in love with weapons.”
I turn my head to look at the woman I’ve fallen in love with, and my heart breaks when I see a small tear trickle from her closed eyes. “Did Gretchen ever physically hurt you, Anna?”
She doesn’t answer right away, and I begin to think the worst, but then she says, “Other than a rare slap across the face, no, she didn’t touch me. She did something far worse.”
I lay there silently, waiting for her to continue.
“Aren’t you going to ask me what she did, Aiden?”
“No. If you’re not ready to share, then I’ll accept that. If you are, I’m ready to listen.” I reach for her hand, and she pulls away. A few seconds later, she changes her mind and reaches for mine, gripping it tightly when she continues her story.
“When I won the title of Miss Georgia, I was practically skin and bones. I wore a one-piece swimsuit just so the judges couldn’t see my ribs. By the time the Miss USA and Miss America competitions rolled around, my hair had started falling out due to malnutrition. Gretchen was so angry with me when Bethany Davis had to take my spot. I wanted the Miss America scholarship, but Gretchen wanted the cash prize from Miss USA. Neither of us got what we wanted.”
I’m afraid to ask my next question, but as I said to Jessie, I’ll take the good with the bad. “Did Senator Bruce Maxwell play any part in your decision to step down?”
Anna laughs, but there’s no mirth in it. She sits up, wrapping her arms around her legs and resting her cheek on her knees. “No. The picture you saw was taken out of context. It was at a Gala in downtown Atlanta, and I had just come off the dance floor with the Senator. His wife was three feet away, standing with their oldest son. They didn’t make it into the picture, and I’m sure it was purposeful to create tabloid fodder. I don’t know why the couple divorced, but I can assure you that it had nothing to do with me or that picture. The reason I stepped down was because I was in the hospital.
“I was used to functioning on very little food, but my body finally gave out. I wasn’t physically able to attend the competition. The doctors ran all sorts of tests and diagnosed me with Anorexia Nervosa. Anorexia is an eating disorder in which people make a conscious choice not to eat for various reasons. I didn’t have a choice, Aiden. Call it whatever you want, but I was literally starving to death. I had just turned 18, and the only money I had was the change I had saved from finding coins on the ground. Do you know what I bought with it?”
“Food?” I ask like an imbecile.
“No, I bought the one and only tangible item I had ever wanted. Your jersey.”
When she admits that to me, my eyes well with tears. Having no idea what to say to her, I remain silent and let her continue.
Anna looks out over the water and stares blankly, “After the doctors ran their tests, they discovered something else. I had to have Gretchen forcibly removed from the room since I was no longer a minor, and she had no right to be privy to my medical diagnosis.”
I move to sit behind Anna, straddling my legs around her. I reach my hands around her body to hold hers and provide comfort, resting my chin on her shoulder. Now, we’re both looking out over the water, and I hope it will give her the courage to keep sharing.
“My mother’s greed took away any chance of me becoming a mother myself. One of the side effects of Anorexia Nervosa is infertility. In most cases, it can be cured over time if a person eats healthy foods and provides their body with the proper nutrition. In my case, I had been malnourished for so long that the doctors said it’s unlikely I’ll ever recover.
“All I ever wanted from Gretchen was her unconditional love, but I never got it. Heck, I can’t remember ever receiving a hug. I held so tightly onto the hope that she would one day love me that I allowed her to control me for four more years while I was in college. I regained my health and strength because the meal plan was provided as part of the tuition. The only reason why my mother agreed to my participation in pageants that had scholarships instead of a cash prize was so that I was in a position to meet doctors or athletes and marry above my station. For her, it would have been wealth by association.”
I growl low, “And that’s why when we first met, you said you don’t date athletes.”
She nods. “Money never meant anything to me other than to put food on the table. I promised myself that I would marry someone broke and penniless for love rather than be someone’s trophy wife. Those men that the article talked about? Those were all sponsors of the pageants. I took photos with their wives, too. I never once dated a married man, wrecked a home, or tried to hitch my ride to a ‘gravy train.’”
“I believe you, Anna. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that,” I tell her.
“I’m not.”
Confused, I ask, “What?”
She tells me about her talk with God the other night and the words my mother said to her about how the trials she endured weren’t a punishment, but preparation.
“If I could be where I’m at without all the hardship, I would have much preferred that. However, I’m happy with my life now, and everything that has happened has led me here. It’s taken me 32 years to forgive my mother, Aiden, and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Jumping in front of a bullet is a heck of a lot easier if you ask me. If I had any hope of being forgiven, then I had to be willing to forgive Gretchen, if only so I could let go and move on.”
“I bet she would like to hear that from you, Anna. Gretchen has changed so much, and not just on Sundays. However, I think a part of her is begging for a chance to apologize to you and make amends for what she has done. Would you be open to that? I’ll be with you the entire time if that’s what you need.”
Anna leans her head back into my chest and once again closes her eyes. I think she’s fallen asleep, but then she says, “Make it so, Number One.”