Thirteen
Back in the hotel, enveloped by the dark stillness of his room, Kaj tossed and turned in bed, frustration mounting as he tried to tune out the noise in his head.
Normally, the post-concert fatigue would grip him so completely that he would drift to sleep the second his body sank into the mattress. He’d wake up later in the night, but that initial surrender to exhaustion was always peaceful serenity. Not tonight.
The battle of contradictions he had been fighting before stepping on stage paled in comparison to what he felt now.
Noah was right; Kaj was being stubborn. Every cell in his being, from the fibers of his skin to his aching dick and the last one of his vital organs, was screaming at him to quench this insatiable thirst. What was the worst that could happen if he did?
The band losing another vocalist if they ended up entangled in a fistfight? Been there, done that.
The tour being cancelled? Highly improbable.
An emotional breakdown? He was living in a perpetual crisis these days.
Fuck it.
Kaj got up, dressed in the first thing he saw lying around, and crossed the hallway separating his room from Noah’s. He knocked on the door, nervously glancing at his sides. The last thing he needed was any of their bandmates, the managers, or the guys in the crew seeing him. Since he’d been so vocal about his disapproval of having Noah being part of this, there wasn’t a plausible explanation for him to be standing here at this hour other than getting a little action.
When nobody answered, he knocked harder. Nothing.
He tried one more time, gritting his teeth, “Come on, you fucking dipshit.”
A sleepy Noah appeared behind the half-opened door, squinting, looking like he didn’t even know where he was. “What… What’s going on, dude? It’s two—”
Without letting him finish, Kaj burst through the threshold and grasped his neck with both hands. He kicked the door closed, pressing his thumbs beneath Noah’s jaw as their mouths collided.
Noah wrapped his arms around Kaj’s waist and pulled their bodies flush together, parting his lips. He tasted like mint toothpaste, freedom, and something that was entirely and uniquely his own. Kaj couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, but he’d always been addicted to it.
Time paused as the world shrank to the two of them. Licking, biting, and sucking, they unleashed the ravenous wolves they kept hidden in the dark. A fire ignited as their tongues entwined, fierce and indomitable. Kaj was burning with brutal, carnal desire, and Noah… Fuck . He was the oxygen that fueled the blaze.
Reluctantly pulling apart, they rested their foreheads together, panting as they struggled to catch their breath.
Noah’s hands traveled down Kaj’s body, and his thumbs hooked into the front of the waistband of his sweats and boxer briefs. The lamp beside the bed was the only thing illuminating the room, but it was all Kaj needed to see the glint of mischief in his gaze.
“Took you long enough,” he drawled.
“You’ll regret this.” Kaj thumbed Noah’s bottom lip. “You have no idea what I’m gonna do to you.”
Noah hadn’t been subtle about it, so Kaj was very well aware of what he wanted. And tonight, he was getting it all. The unfiltered, unhinged animal that Kaj was at his core. Because he was done making excuses and avoiding. He was done running. He was done lying to himself.
Kaj reached for the hem of his T-shirt and swiftly yanked it over his head. With a hand firmly gripping Noah’s nape and the other on the small of his back, he captured his mouth in a bruising kiss. Something like fear blended with anger buzzed in Kaj’s mind, but the overpowering urge to possess and break this man drowned everything else out.
The few clothes they had left flew in every direction as they stumbled across the room. They were nothing but lips, hands, and raging zeal. Noah’s fingers roamed over Kaj’s body, tracing the muscles of his back as if he were trying to map all the ridges and valleys of him. It had been so damn long… Warmth spread through his veins, making him feel drunk-dazed as Noah’s intoxicating scent invaded his mind. He wanted more of the flicks of his tongue. Of the desperation thrumming under his skin. Of his cock, hard and twitching against his own.
As they reached the bed, Kaj pushed Noah down and climbed on top to straddle his lap. He’d seen this man in every state and position years ago, but looking at him now, squirming under him, was a fucking fantasy come true.
Kaj swallowed hard, taking in the sight. A black lettering tattoo extended between his hip bones. A demon skull in the middle of his abdomen. Mirroring pieces on his pecs. Noah was a vision, pure artistry and mystery, but the different shades of grey, black, and little splashes of red transformed him into a walking masterpiece.
Without wasting another second, Kaj leaned down, relishing in the scrape of Noah’s short stubble against his lips as he trailed open-mouthed kisses along his jaw. He moved down his neck and chest, circling his tongue around one of his nipples before sucking on it.
“Fuck…” Noah raked his fingers through Kaj’s hair.
Taking advantage of his position, Kaj rolled his hips over Noah’s, dragging a raspy moan from their throats. But instead of setting a frantic pace, like the beast inside him was aching for, he moved obscenely slow.
Kaj raised his head and plunged directly into the depths of those onyx eyes. It was so dark in there, so scary and endless, and still all he could feel was the pull of Noah’s gravity tethering him.
Noah slid his hands up Kaj’s thighs, blunt nails clawing at his flesh as they continued undulating in perfect sync. The sensation of skin on skin weaved through the groans and curses falling from their parted lips. Warm. Soft. Hard. He didn’t remember a time when rubbing his dick against another felt so fucking good. Maybe it had always been this enjoyable and abstinence was just playing with his perception, but Noah’s foreskin retracted all the way, and the precum glistening on their engorged heads as they rubbed together was one of the most erotic things Kaj had seen in years.
Screwing a person from the opposite sex was never dull, but for Kaj, getting involved with someone endowed with dick was on a different level. The shared awareness of knowing more or less exactly what the other was feeling depending on how he touched them was a magical phenomenon, a mirage, an out-of-body experience where he witnessed the pleasure he knew firsthand on their body. It was fucking religion.
“Larsen,” Noah husked as Kaj spit on his palm and wrapped it around their cocks. “The other day you said you’re not seeing anyone…” He groaned, pressing his head into the pillow when the drummer twisted his wrist at the end of an upstroke. “When did you last get tested?”
Kaj’s first instinct was to snap at Noah. Not because of the question itself, but because he was opening his mouth for something other than groaning or screaming his name. However, it was more than a fair—and necessary—thing to discuss.
“Six months ago,” Kaj said as he continued jerking their dicks. “And before you say anything stupid”—he flashed him a warning glare—“I haven’t had sex with anyone since.” That part was painful to admit. Kind of disappointing, too. He was supposed to stay celibate for at least a year, but he didn’t have the strength or desire to back out now. “You?”
“Clean as a whistle.” Noah glided his hands farther up Kaj’s thighs, fingers digging into his hips. “Fuck… I wanna suck you so bad.” He writhed. “Slow down, though. If you keep going on like that, I’m gonna come.”
“Embarrassingly fast, are we?” Kaj panted without stopping the frantic motion of his fist, as if the impending release wasn’t drawing up his balls.
“Been a while for me, too, you fucking asshole.”
“Liar.” Kaj clenched his teeth, trying to stay in the moment and not let his anger touch the surface.
Noah bit his bottom lip, moving his hips ever so slightly while looking at Kaj’s hand wrapped around them. “What are you talking about?”
“Bjorn’s birthday party.”
Noah snorted, flashing Kaj a devilish grin before fixating on their cocks again. “Nothing happened. We just got tired and…” A moan escaped him between gritted teeth. “We had to catch the same train to get home.”
Kaj’s heart somersaulted, too excited at the admission.
Without letting go of their cocks, he moved the hand he was using for leverage to Noah’s neck. But before he could retort or even process what was happening, Noah locked his arm, tangled around him like a snake, and suddenly they were rolling.
“Told you I could easily beat you.” Noah smirked as he settled between Kaj’s legs, pressing his pelvis down.
“What the fuck?”
“Jiu-Jitsu.”
Kaj narrowed his eyes at him, wanting to punch away that smug grin, but it was as if invisible threads had sewn his body to the mattress. He was completely at Noah’s mercy.
“Now behave… and let me suck you.”
The dominance Noah wielded as he kissed Kaj again was savage and foreign. Even if it’d always been there, intricately threaded into the layers that made him who he was, Kaj had never experienced it on his flesh.
Noah gripped Kaj’s face, fingers tightening on his jaw as they deepened the kiss, racing down a road to perdition, but neither seemed to care. Like magnets of opposite poles, they kept being drawn back to each other, no matter how hard they tried to fight it.
Noah abandoned Kaj’s mouth, his breath trailing over his neck’s most sensitive spot, right under his ear. On his descent, Noah stopped to suck and nibble at Kaj’s collarbone, his pierced nipples, his sternum, and every trace of ink on his torso. He brushed the ridges of his abs with those beautiful, plump lips, nuzzling the hair below his navel.
Goosebumps rose on Kaj’s skin when Noah languidly stroked his dick.
Oh, fuck .
Kaj fisted the sheets, battling the urge to reach for Noah as he took his time kissing his hip bones and the crease where thigh meets groin. It was maddening, feeling like payback for being so rude and abrasive during the past few months. If Kaj wasn’t as much of a masochist as he was a sadist, he’d be suffering.
“When did you get cut?” Noah husked, his lips a second away from Kaj’s dick. It was so damn close he could feel the warmth of his breath on it.
Kaj closed his eyes and clenched his jaw before looking down at Noah. He was so lightheaded he couldn’t think straight. “A while back. Five years. Frenulum tear.”
He’d gotten a little carried away one time and fucked himself up in the process. The worst wasn’t the injury itself, but what came afterward. Just thinking about the post-op made his skin crawl.
“Ouch.”
“Pretty much, yeah.” Kaj moaned when Noah squeezed the head of his cock. How this conversation wasn’t making him go flaccid was beyond him. “Why?”
Part of his snarky tone had to do with how desperate he was to get his mind blown—Noah had always been incredible at sucking dick. The other part was related to a vulnerable side of him he didn’t enjoy showing.
Kaj had never worried about his looks. Objectively, he knew he was hot—Dad’s good genetics were undeniable. The years of swimming and lifting weights added an extra edge along with the tattoos and piercings. But , although it was imperceptible, the scar circumcision surgery had left made him too self-conscious. At least he didn’t have a loss of sensitivity.
“Just curious,” Noah said as he continued playing with him.
“Are you gonna suck me or what?”
Noah pinned Kaj with a daring look as he licked a long stripe up his length, swirling his tongue around the head.
“Shit!” Kaj’s back arched.
Noah flattened his tongue against the sensitive underside, then traced the prominent vein from base to tip several times. He toyed with Kaj, sucking his balls and tugging at them with his lips, stroking his cock, teasing his slit, alternating long, languid licks along his shaft with kisses, varying tempo and pressure. When he finally took him into his mouth, Kaj nearly came undone.
With his lips stretched around Kaj’s girth and his nails scraping his abs, Noah bobbed his head, hollowing his cheeks to create a suction effect that blinded him.
“Fuck… You’ve always had such a filthy mouth,” Kaj rasped, running his fingers through Noah’s hair as he gripped his jaw with the other hand. He didn’t intend to guide him, just feel him.
Gawking up at Kaj, Noah pressed an open-mouthed kiss to his shaft and hummed in response, the vibrations putting Kaj’s entire existence upside down.
There was a sharp intake of air as Noah’s eyes fluttered closed and rib cage expanded. Then he glided Kaj in again. Up and down, he sank him deeper. And deeper. At some point, his dick was hitting the back of Noah’s throat, but there was no gag reflex, no shivering or even flinching, just wet heat and muscles constricting around him. Sweet fucking torture.
“Holy—fuck!” Kaj growled, clenching his fist on Noah’s hair, making him moan when he pulled unwillingly.
His breath hitched, turning ragged as Noah continued deep-throating him. Dire need and violent heartbeats thrashed inside him as the air around them became incandescent. Kaj felt his climax building, coiling tighter with each bob of Noah’s head. He was teetering, but he didn’t want this to end yet.
With herculean effort, Kaj contained his orgasm one more time and dragged Noah off his cock, pulling him by the hair. “Wait,” he panted with a wrecked voice.
“What is it?” Noah asked, wiping the excess saliva off his mouth with the back of his hand.
“I wanna fuck your face.” As Noah gave him a look that said that’s what we were doing just now , Kaj motioned to the edge of the bed and elaborated, “Lie on your back with your head hanging.”
Without protest, Noah shifted his position, doing what he was told, and Kaj stood up, legs shaking from the rush of dopamine inundating his system.
For a split second, as Noah got comfortable, their gazes locked. Here, naked, with those dark eyes filled with unholy promises, so much ink decorating his impressive body, and that beautiful dick standing proud, Noah looked sexier than ever.
And he’s all mine .
Kaj gave himself a few lazy strokes before touching the tip of his cock to Noah’s lips. “Open wide.”
As Noah complied, sticking his tongue out, Kaj dragged the head of his dick along it to coat it with saliva, then gently pushed his hips forward. Noah’s mouth welcoming him from this perspective was so pornographic Kaj could already feel himself bordering on insanity.
Strangely enough, though, he was nervous. This was quite a vulnerable position for Noah since having his head hanging down would not only be disorienting while significantly reducing his control, but his throat would also be completely exposed. Exposed, relaxed, and slick for Kaj to fuck his face as brutally as he pleased. And that could be dangerous if he got carried away, which happened a lot around this man. Noah was either too confident that he wouldn’t go too far or his sense of self-preservation was broken.
Kaj reached for Noah’s hands and placed them on his hamstrings. “Let me know if it gets too much.”
Since he couldn’t speak, Noah answered with a caress, sending shivers along Kaj’s spine.
Dizzy from sensory overload as he watched how his dick gradually disappeared, Kaj held the back of Noah’s head with a palm while perching himself with the other on the mattress. His legs trembled from the slightly crouched position and the enthusiasm setting every cell in his body on fire.
Kaj paused and sucked in a breath, collecting himself so he wouldn’t slam all the way in. Seriously, choking someone to the point of making them throw up when they were supposed to be pleasuring him wasn’t fun. Also, wait . How deep are the vocal folds? That was Noah’s instrument. Kaj couldn’t risk harming it.
As if Noah read his hesitation, his hands sneaked to Kaj’s ass, and he shoved him down his throat.
“Mother-shit-fuck!” Kaj grunted. His whole body tensed and so did Noah’s as he struggled around the intrusion. There was not one fucking inch out.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck . Electrified from head to toe, Kaj stood there, panting, cursing, quivering, and clawing at the back of Noah’s head as he stared at him in awe. His neck was strained, all the muscles, veins, and Adam’s apple bulging, working to accommodate Kaj’s throbbing dick.
Has the world stopped rotating?
As he returned to his senses, Kaj tentatively slid back and forth a few times, then pulled out to allow air into Noah’s lungs. He stroked himself with the viscous saliva, watching as the vocalist reached for his own cock and squeezed its tip.
Jesus, I’m going to lose my fucking mind.
“Stop overthinking,” Noah rasped without looking up at him. His voice sounded unimpressed—bored even—but at the same time it was drenched in raw desire. “Use me like you hate me. Make me choke on your cum.”
Black eased in at the edges of Kaj’s vision, ripping the cloak of morality that kept the beast in him dormant. Guiding his cock back into Noah’s waiting mouth, Kaj slid in.
After a few thrusts to ensure he was slick and relaxed enough, and when he stopped gagging, Kaj held his head with both hands and did what Noah had asked. He mercilessly fucked his face.
His dick disappeared to the root over and over as his balls pressed against Noah’s nose. The already tight walls of whatever part of his larynx Kaj was in constricted, but the vocalist didn’t tap out. If anything, his grip on Kaj’s legs tightened, urging him on.
Kaj grunted as Noah slobbered, choking on his own cries.
“That’s it. Take. It. All.”
Sweat beaded on Kaj’s brow as he continued ravaging Noah’s throat. The rhythm was deliberate and controlled, but his movements were hard , punishing even. Despite the roughness of this act, though, Noah moaned each time Kaj bottomed out.
“You’re such a dirty cockslut.” The drummer grabbed Noah’s neglected erection and started stroking it. “Are you gonna come for me?”
Goosebumps splattered all over Noah’s body, and his chest, neck, and face reddened as he clawed into the drummer’s legs.
At that wordless response, Kaj dipped his head lower and swirled his tongue around the swollen crown of Noah’s dick, the salty tang of precum killing the little self-control Kaj had left.
After licking a long stripe up, deliberately making him feel both the softness of his tongue and the hardness of the piercing in it, Kaj took Noah into his mouth, bobbing his head in time with his thrusts. Spit dribbled from both their mouths. Wet, lewd sounds reverberated in the room. Kaj hollowed his cheeks and systematically moved his hand on Noah’s dick. His flavor, his smell, his muffled moans rattled Kaj’s ego like nothing else.
As their hips started bucking, Kaj’s rhythm turned sloppy. “I’m coming,” he warned when he came up for air, hoping Noah was still conscious enough to hear him.
Waves of pure, devastating bliss whacked Kaj’s entire existence as his cock spasmed with a mind-bending release. His sight blurred, his mind blanked, the room spun, and beneath him, Noah shuddered, coughing when Kaj pulled out, freeing his airways. A mess of cum gushed all over his face while the drummer continued jerking him, until Noah was shooting rope after rope of thick semen, groaning through what seemed like a particularly strong orgasm.
Kaj collapsed on the floor and dragged himself to the side, sagging against the bed frame. The contractions of his groin hadn’t stopped yet, making his entire body tingle with a familiar ache. One he missed more than he was willing to admit out loud.
“Holy fuck…” He heard Noah say between sharp gasps.
As the haze lifted, Kaj turned his face to look at him. With a hand resting over his heart, Noah heaved, then rubbed the jizz off his eyes, dragging his finger over his cheek, scooping more on the way to his mouth.
A guttural sound rumbled in the cavity of Kaj’s chest at the sight.
“That was…” Noah started, half-opening one eye as he looked at the drummer, a lazy grin spreading across his face.
“Yeah,” Kaj agreed, unable to form a coherent sentence. “Let me get something to clean you up,” he rasped as he pulled himself to his feet, muscles protesting.
Kaj walked into the en-suite and took a leak, realizing just now that his hand was covered in Noah’s cum. Once he flushed the toilet, without giving it a second thought, he licked the back of his hand, closing his eyes and sighing. Every so often, even if he wasn’t a fan of swallowing when he sucked dick, he still did it—give as much as you take and all that crap. He was an emotionally detached asshole, but he’d never been selfish while doing the deed. However, Noah’s taste made him feral.
Kaj washed his hands and face, then soaked a towel and exited the bathroom.
“Here,” he said, tossing the washcloth to Noah, who was lying in the middle of the mattress with his arms stretched out. “Clean your face.”
“Thanks.” Noah scrubbed it over his face, but when he was about to wipe it over his stomach, Kaj climbed onto the bed and slapped his hand away.
“I said your face . This is mine.” He straddled him and leaned down, lapping up the mess on Noah’s abdomen.
Noah hummed, running his fingers through Kaj’s hair. “I know things between us are—”
“Don’t.” Kaj cut him off, flashing him a stern look. “Not now.”
Noah huffed. “Okay.”
Although Kaj didn’t want to address the implications of what they’d done, he knew this changed the rules of the game for them. They would have to talk eventually and set their limits and expectations, but he wanted to live in his delusional world—where he didn’t have to analyze his thoughts or emotions—for a little longer.
Rolling off Noah when he was done lapping the last drop of his cum, Kaj lay on his back beside him, an arm tucked under his head. “We can’t tell anyone about this.”
He didn’t want to think about the shit Niels would give him for jeopardizing the stability of the band or his own recovery. Or that them having sex could make Xander and Aksel feel uncomfortable in any way. But this was just a temporary bliss, so why share what they did behind closed doors with everyone?
“I figured as much,” Noah said, tossing the towel somewhere on the floor. “I think I should know if this was just a one-time thing or not, though.”
Gnawing at the inside of his cheek, Kaj exhaled hard through his nose. Why lie when he was counting the minutes until the next round?
“Give me ten and we’ll go for the second one.”