Chapter 21
CHAPTER 21
Juliet and Cassady were on their way to visit Granny. Cassady was carrying a bunch of paper flowers she’d made for her. Juliet had the real thing. And chocolates and shortbread from Fortnum & Mason and nice soap. She liked to spoil her mum.
‘Ganny, Ganny, Ganny, Ganny,’ Cassady was singing while swinging on her mother’s hand.
Juliet smiled down at her head of black curls and felt her heart turn over with pure love, as it often did when she looked at her daughter. It always made her particularly emotional when she took Cassady to visit her grandmother, the three generations of them being together. The deep mutual love. The bond of their womanhood.
And for Juliet, at least, the satisfaction of knowing that she was protecting her little girl from experiences her mother had been unable to save her, or herself, from. Juliet didn’t know how much her mother understood how that had influenced her decisions in adulthood. It was parked with all the other things they didn’t talk about, but silently acknowledged between themselves.
Juliet called in at the warden’s office so he could let her through the security door to go up to her mother’s apartment. It was a unit of sheltered accommodation for older people who could still live independently but needed someone on site to keep an eye on them. Her mother had her own kitchen and did her own shopping, but cleaning was provided and she could ask for help if she needed it to change a light bulb or whatever. There was always a warden there, who monitored each resident as they left the building and came back.
The moment Donato opened the security door, Cassady ran ahead, knowing exactly where to go. She got to the flat’s front door first and knocked on it, chanting: ‘Ganny! Cassady! Ganny! Cassady!’ until it opened. Then she threw herself at the woman who opened it, hugging her legs.
‘Hello, my little darling,’ said Pauline, reaching down to ruffle her hair and then looking up at Juliet. ‘And hello, my big darling.’
‘Hello, Mummy,’ said Juliet, hugging her mum and kissing her cheek. ‘I brought these for you –’ she held out the large bunch of flowers ‘– but Cassady has something much better, don’t you? Give them to Ganny.’
Cassady held out her bunch of flowers, all carefully coloured in with felt tips. She particularly loved drawing and painting at nursery, which probably wasn’t surprising, thought Juliet with a pang.
She left Pauline admiring Cassady’s work and went to put her flowers in water, but when she went through the door to the sitting room, she stopped. It was so messy. The cleaners came in once a week and Pauline normally kept the place up reasonably in between but there were newspapers strewn all around – her mother had worked for the BBC and was still keenly interested in current affairs – along with dirty cups and plates with food still on them. Juliet started piling the crockery up to take into the kitchen.
‘Oh, you don’t have to do that,’ said Pauline, coming in, Cassady holding tightly to her hand. ‘I can do it later, when you’ve gone.’
‘No, it’s fine, Mum,’ said Juliet, keeping her voice level. ‘I thought I’d make us some tea to go with the nice shortbread I’ve brought, so I might as well wash these up while I wait for the kettle to boil. It’s no bother.’
As she turned to go into the small kitchen, she saw her mother sweep all the newspapers that were on the sofa onto the floor so she and Cassady could sit down, seeming not to see them now littering the floor. But she had a pile of books ready to read to her granddaughter, who was excitedly looking through them to find her favourite, so that showed she had known they were coming. The mess was just a bit odd.
Juliet made the tea and took it through with the tin of biscuits, which her mother showed great delight about in her usual charming way, and then Juliet sat back to watch as her mother read one book after another to Cassady, who listened with rapt attention. It was lovely to observe them together, so happy in each other’s company.
When all the books were read, Pauline handed Cassady a carrier bag which she said had a present in it. The little girl tipped it out to find a new drawing pad and a packet of crayons.
‘Thank you, Ganny,’ she said, hugging her. ‘I’m going to draw you the best picture ever, right now. What do you want it to be of?’
‘Two zebras and a hippopotamus having a party.’
Cassady jumped off the sofa onto the floor and set to, lying on her tummy, the edge of her tongue sticking out of her mouth.
‘So how are you?’ Juliet asked her mother.
‘I am very well, thank you, Juliet,’ said Pauline, smiling serenely. It was what she always said and had always said, with that same smile, even when things had been anything but well. Even when she’d been in prison, she’d smiled like that. She’d done it right through the murder trial that put her in there.
Her ability to keep up that front was one of the reasons Juliet’s father had got away with his abuse for so long. No one outside the family had any idea of what he did to Pauline.
Juliet physically shook her head to stop that line of thought. It was never helpful and particularly not when she was actually with her mother. That was all over. Thanks to a human rights law project specialising in women’s cases, her mother’s charge had been reduced to manslaughter and she’d been released on compassionate grounds.
But the damage of several years in prison and twenty-five plus before that living with a vicious abuser – mental and sexual abuse, he was much too clever ever to put a physical mark on her – was visibly there, even beneath that automatic smile. Pauline’s face was far more lined than normal for her seventy-four years, with deep grooves between her eyebrows and next to her mouth, and her eyes were quite sunken. In rare moments when she relaxed her permanent smile, her whole face seemed to sink.
‘And how are you, my love?’ Pauline asked Juliet, always much more comfortable talking about the other person.
‘Well, the baby is coming along, as you can see...’ She stood up and pulled the dress she was wearing tight across her stomach.
‘Oh, that’s good,’ said Pauline. ‘Building Cassady’s little brother or sister—’
‘Sister!’ said Cassady. ‘I don’t want a horrible brother.’
‘Whoever it is, you are going to love them,’ said Pauline.
‘Fingers crossed,’ said Juliet in a low voice. She was a bit concerned about how jealous Cassady was going to be, but she’d just have to deal with that when it happened.
‘I’m a big sister,’ said Cassady, standing up and running over to her mother and covering the bump in kisses.
‘You certainly are,’ said Pauline. ‘And I’m a double granny. Aren’t we lucky? When is it due?’
‘Mid-September officially, but if it’s anything like Miss Pickle here,’ she said, hugging Cassady to her and blowing a raspberry on her cheek, ‘it will take its time.’
‘And is this lovely little person Cassady’s complete brother or sister?’ said Pauline with an expressively raised eyebrow.
Juliet nodded. Clever of her mother to ask that question subtly. Some people were very thoughtless, even in front of the little girl.
‘Well, isn’t that lovely?’ said Pauline.
‘We’ve got other news, as well,’ said Juliet. ‘We’re moving house.’
‘I’m going to proper school,’ said Cassady, sitting back down on the floor and getting back to her drawing. ‘I’m a big girl. I need more friends.’
Juliet laughed. That pretty much summed it up. For both of them.
‘Where are you moving to? Far from your current place?’ asked Pauline.
‘Queen’s Park,’ said Juliet. ‘You know, a bit further out, beyond Maida Vale. I’ve bought a house with a big garden for the kids and I know lots of very nice people up there with children the same age as Cass, so it will be much better for her.’
She knew those people thanks to Rachel Rathbone and it was making a huge difference to her life, as well as Cassady’s. The house she was buying was on a street between where Rachel and Dottie lived.
‘Are there good schools there?’ asked Pauline.
‘Yes,’ said Juliet. ‘And Cassady already knows children at the one she’s going to. She’s starting at the nursery on Thursday.’
‘My friend Cricket goes to my new school,’ said Cassady. ‘She’s my best friend and Mimi. We don’t like Quiller—’
‘You must like everybody, Cassady,’ said Pauline.
‘Whatever,’ said Cassady, and Juliet had to hide her chuckle.
‘I’ve finished,’ continued the little girl, jumping up and thrusting her drawing at her grandmother.
Juliet went and looked over her mother’s shoulder to see it. There were two four-legged creatures with bold pink and turquoise stripes and a bright yellow round one, all sitting round something that looked like a birthday cake.
‘I changed the colours,’ said Cassady. ‘I think black and white and grey is boring for animals. It’s the hippo’s birthday party. She’s called Peter.’
‘Oh, this is a marvellous drawing,’ said Pauline, pulling her granddaughter towards her and kissing the top of her head. ‘You are clever. I’m going to put it in a frame, so I can look at it every day. Particularly Peter. She is my favourite.’
Juliet looked at the picture and tears prickled her eyes. How Matt would have loved to see it.