Chapter 35
CHAPTER 35
Sophie was getting dressed up for the second weekend in a row. This time it was for Thomas and Bella’s joint birthday party at their place in Somerset and that was the dress code: UP.
She looked at herself in the full-length backless halter-neck dress, wondering whether she had the courage to wear something so bare, but it did seem alright. Plus, she had a long embroidered Chinese silk coat to keep out the October chill, that she could hide under until she felt more confident.
It also helped that Bella had laid on hair and makeup artists for all the people who were staying at the house, so she was feeling more glamorous than she had for a very long time.
The only thing now was to summon up the courage to go over to the marquee for the party. On her own.
Bella had put her in the guesthouse in the garden, saying it would be nice for her to have her own sitting room – although Sophie was fairly sure it was because all their important guests were staying in the main house. She didn’t mind, the excuse was just classic Bella overexplain and the cabin, decorated in Nantucket beach house style, was like a luxury holiday rental, so she couldn’t really complain.
It just made her feel so alone.
After one more look at herself in the dress, Sophie shrugged on the coat and headed out of the bedroom, wondering if anyone else was going to be staying in the other one. It seemed strange to leave it empty when it was such a big party and she dearly hoped someone else would be billeted there, to make her feel a little less solo.
Then she stood in the hallway, wondering whether she had the strength to go to this party at all. Perhaps she should just take the stupid dress off and sneak away. But it was a four-hour drive back to Hastings in the dark and if she just got into bed, Bella would send someone to find her. She had no choice. She had to tough it out.
Oh, why had she accepted this invitation?
Just as Sophie found the courage to approach the cabin’s front door to leave, there was a loud knock and Thomas’s head came round it.
‘Are you ready, dear Sophie?’ he said, beaming. He loved giving parties. ‘I’ve come to escort you over to the ball, madame.’
Sophie felt bad for even thinking of bailing on the party.
‘That is so kind of you, Tommo,’ she said and as he pushed the door open, she saw he was wearing an entirely silver suit. He looked like a turkey ready for the oven.
‘Wow,’ she said. ‘That’s... very silvery.’
Thomas looked momentarily uncertain. ‘Do you think it’s too much?’
‘No,’ said Sophie, slapping him on the back, in his style. ‘It’s your party and you’ve every right to shout it to the world.’
‘Wait till you see the marquees,’ he said, looking more himself. ‘We got Nicky Haslam to design the party.’
The setup was indeed impressive even by Thomas and Bella’s standards. It was actually marquees, plural. One for drinks, one for dinner, one for dancing, a Moroccan-style dark bar with low-slung seating, one just for gelatos and one full of games; all of them lavishly furnished and canopied with fabric.
Sophie was chatting to some people she’d met at previous Thomas and Bella events and was happy that none of them had mentioned her ‘terrible loss’ yet. Though she was still not quite able to relax for knowing it would inevitably have to come up.
The elephant in the room was just starting to turn into a woolly mammoth, with one of the women beginning to tilt her head to one side in a way that was like a flashing beacon for Sophie now – Sympathy! Incoming! – when she felt an arm go round her waist and someone kissed her cheek.
It was Sebastian.
‘Guess who?’ he said.
‘Yay,’ said Sophie. ‘I’ve been wondering where you were.’
‘I got held up at the office. A big story broke and I had to do a new drawing for tomorrow’s paper, but I’m here now. How is it?’
‘Better now you’ve waltzed in. Are we sitting together at dinner?’
‘Yes,’ said Sebastian. ‘I haven’t looked at the seating plan, but we are sitting together.’
Sophie smiled at him, immediately sure she was going to have a good time.
‘Is Freya getting changed?’
‘Freya’s in Washington.’
‘Still? It’s been months now.’
‘Yep. Like I told you, she loves it there. Right, let’s tour this joint. Suss out the best spots for party action.’
By the time they’d finished dinner, Sophie had taken off the Chinese coat and was really enjoying herself. She’d had a lot of genuine-sounding compliments, from men and women. She felt good. It was a fun gang at their table and they’d made a team pact to get the dancing started the minute dinner was over.
No one had mentioned Matt.
‘Okay,’ said Sebastian, standing up and addressing the table. ‘Come on, people, let’s go and shake our things.’
All twelve of them hit the disco tent, launching into it and soon the whole marquee was crammed with people letting go to the music.
Sophie was loving it. Their little team from the table were all dancing together, no pairing up, just a lovely, loose, shared freak out and she felt the sense of release that only dancing can bring. She’d always had a good time with Sebastian and Freya at parties – the four of them had been one of those social combos that just really worked – and this still felt reassuringly normal. As though Matt and Freya had just gone off together to get drinks.
‘It’s such a shame Freya isn’t here,’ she said to Sebastian as they headed to the Moroccan bar for a breather. ‘She’s the best fun at parties.’
‘Yes,’ he said, flopping down next to her on one of the low kilim-covered sofas. ‘We were a good party gang, the four of us.’ He smiled sadly at her.
‘It will still work,’ she said. ‘Not the same as the fearless foursome, but we three know each other so well, I think it will just become the new normal for it to be the Tearaway Trio.’
Sebastian nodded but didn’t answer, suddenly seeming more interested in looking round the space. ‘I’ll get us some drinks,’ he said.
Sophie watched him go. He’d been such a great support over the past months, she didn’t know how she would have got through it without him – and somehow when she was with him, the truth about Matt didn’t weigh so heavily on her. She didn’t quite know why. Maybe it was because if it did ever slip out with Sebastian, she thought he would be able to take it on and understand it from every angle, in a way no one else would.
Perhaps he was the person she should tell, she pondered, not for the first time.
It was certainly something to consider, but as he came back with the drinks, she put the idea out of her mind. She was just going to enjoy this party.
A couple of hours later, Sophie was too exhausted and exhilarated to think about anything. She’d been dancing non-stop ever since a live band had started. Sebastian was a great dancer and when he took her hand and started whirling her into turns, she surrendered to it. They were grinning at each other as he pushed her out and reeled her in, dropping her into dips.
So when the music slowed and she found herself dancing close to Sebastian, her head against his shoulder and his arms wrapped tightly round her, it all seemed perfectly natural. And when she looked up at him and saw he was gazing down at her, that seemed natural too and without realising it until after it had happened, she pressed her body closer to his.
Then Sophie came to her senses and pulled away. Sebastian seemed to snap back to reality at the same time. The wild dancing and a lot of Champagne had addled their brains.
‘Let’s take a breather,’ he said. ‘I’ll get us some water.’
‘I’ll grab my coat from the table,’ said Sophie, ‘and we can go out for some air.’
Knowing the garden well, they came out of the marquee and went down to a bench that looked out over an ornamental lake. With lights strung along the trees from the house to the marquees, there was just enough illumination to see, but they weren’t floodlit.
‘That was so fun,’ said Sophie. ‘I really needed a dance.’
‘So did I,’ said Sebastian. ‘It’s such a great way to forget everything.’ He looked out over the lake, unusually subdued.
Sophie was beginning to worry he was upset with her for what had just happened on the dance floor, when he turned to her.
‘Soph,’ he said, looking serious. ‘There’s something I’ve got to tell you...’
She immediately wondered if he was going to tell her about Matt’s betrayal. Did he already know?
‘What?’ she said, quietly.
‘It’s about Freya.’
Thank God , thought Sophie, then immediately hoped it wasn’t anything bad. She loved Freya.
‘She’s not coming back from Washington,’ said Sebastian. ‘She’s got a gig on the Washington Post and she’s going to write a US-based column for the Clarion as well.’
‘So are you going to move there?’ said Sophie, her heart sinking.
He shook his head. ‘No,’ he said, softly. ‘She’s left me. She’s been having an affair with someone out there for some time, it turns out. That’s why she wangled the placement, so she could shack up with him and she’s decided to stay. We’re getting a divorce.’
‘Oh, Seb,’ said Sophie, genuinely shocked. There’d never been a divorce in the Crommelin clan before. A death and now a divorce. It was hard to take in. ‘Do your boys know?’
‘Not yet. I’ve told her she has to come back and tell them herself. I’m not doing it for her.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘You know what,’ said Sebastian. ‘I’m actually not. I’m hurt and humiliated – everyone on the paper knows...’ He shook his head with a mortified look that reminded her to be hugely grateful that at least nobody else seemed to know about Matt and Gillette.
She squeezed his hand and made a sympathetic face. He squeezed back and looked at her, very sadly.
‘It will be horrible for the boys at first,’ he said, ‘but they’re both grown up now with their own lives going on and they’ll get used to it and I will one hundred per cent make sure the divorce is amicable, so they won’t have to choose between us.’
He paused, looking out over the lake, his face stony. ‘In a funny way, I’m not really surprised. While I still love Freya, there is a little chip of ice in her heart and I’ve always known it. We had a great marriage, we were a good family unit, but now the boys are grown up, that toughness in her has come to the fore again and I’m quite glad to be freed from it.’
Sophie looked at him steadily, taking it all in.
‘Plus it means I can do this.’ He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips.
For a moment, she was too surprised to react. Then he moved along the bench and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her again, properly. Slowly and deeply.
Sophie felt as though she was melting into bliss and as his kiss became more urgent, she felt something like a jet engine fire up inside her. Then, just as she felt herself start to lift off the bench so she could sit astride him, an alarm went off in her head.
What the hell were they doing?
She immediately pulled away, realising she was panting. With lust. She looked away, taking some deep breaths to try to slow her heartbeat.
‘I shouldn’t have done that,’ said Sebastian, quietly, touching her shoulder gently.
‘Probably not,’ said Sophie, ‘but I’m glad you did. I wanted it, Seb. I was entirely complicit.’
‘We were dirty dancing a bit, weren’t we?’
Sophie nodded and then she couldn’t help it – she grinned at him.
‘I’m sorry, Sophie,’ he said. ‘But I have to confess: I’ve wanted to do that for thirty years.’
She shook her head at him, still smiling. ‘Is this another Crommelin competition thing? Fancying your brother’s wife?’
‘It’s not on the official list, as far as I know, but we have always flirted a bit, haven’t we?’
‘Yes. But it was fine, because it was all contained by the safety net of our marriages and family connections. And Matt and Freya did it too, didn’t they?’
Sebastian nodded. ‘It was all part of the magic between us all.’ He breathed out loudly, stretching his arms over his head and putting his head back. ‘I suppose the high emotion of losing Matt and now Freya ditching me, combined with the drink and dancing and how you look in that dress... I just forgot the parameters for a moment there.’
‘It really is okay,’ said Sophie, putting her hand on his thigh, not too high up, but high enough. ‘I enjoyed it, I’m not going to deny that. It was a release we probably both needed.’
Sebastian looked at her, his head on one side. ‘Where are you staying?’
‘In the luxury five-star shed thing.’
‘So am I,’ said Sebastian, putting his hand over hers on his leg and holding it firmly. ‘Let’s head back there and not kiss anymore, but just enjoy being shipwrecked together. Deal?’
Sophie nodded. ‘Double deal.’